Professor’s Wing
12:31 a.m.
I can hear the roaring thunder and the rain heavily pouring down, but not outside my window. It’s not of Storm’s brewing, but my own.
I can see Jean ahead of me, her long red hair flowing freely in the dead of night; she’s facing away from me, her face raised into the dark heavens, her eyes closed.
I’ve waited so long to see her.
“I’ve been waiting for you, Rogue,” she says to me, smiling. I stammer for words, not knowing what to say, because what do you tell the woman you thought you loved, even through someone else? What do you tell the woman you thought was lost?
“J-Jean,” I hear myself ask. I can feel the soft tears streaming down my face and for a moment I too turn to look up at the sky. I can see the rain falling around me but never quite touching me, I know Jean is doing that.
“Oh Rogue,” she turns to me, her eyes bright and full of fire, the ever-present shield of the Phoenix. “Isn’t it beautiful,” she asks me. “The night stars here are so much more beautiful,” she says and then turns back to the sky. “And the peace,” she breathes, slowly closing her eyes. “There’s no peace here.”
“Ah…Ah don’t know what to say,” I tell her. Quickly she turns to look at me again, her smile fading. She walks over to where I’m standing; she’s so close I quickly jump back afraid I’ll hurt her. To that she shakes her head, one hand reaching for me.
“There’s nothing you need to say to me. I already know,” she caresses my face, her expression so sad that for a moment I can’t help but frown because it mars her beauty. “You can’t hurt me,” she says. “Nothing can hurt me anymore,” she says.
“Wh…where… are we,” I ask her. She looks around, her eyes flickering to the dark corner of the forest. I follow her tormenting gaze, the same one she wore when she walked off the jet. I can see the lake, the stables, and the main gate.
“We’re in the mansion,” I realize as I turn to look back at her.
“This is home,” she states. “Isn’t it?”
“Y…yes. Ah guess so,” I tell her as I turn to look back at the shadows. There’s are more people here, but they aren’t hiding. It’s more like they’re confined to the shadows, their own personal hells.
“Who are they,” I ask her.
“Them,” she asks. “They’re the people you’ve touched,” she says. It takes me while to figure it out but when I do it still doesn’t make sense. “Cody, Logan, Erik, Carol,” she counts them with her fingers.
“Why are ya here then,” I ask her. “Ah never touched ya,” I take a step back, away from her. She isn’t Jean, I tell myself. She’s Phoenix.
“I’m here to help you, Rogue. I know you blame yourself,” she says matter-of-factly. “This,” she looks down at herself, “Was a long time coming,” a rough, male voice echoes her words. “This is your fault,” she suddenly says.
“What?”
“You should have saved me,” she says as she takes both my arms, shaking me with a frightening force as I shake my head, refusing to believe what I’m. All around us the rain continues to fall, this time it falls down on us too, the earth shaking uncontrollably under our feet.
“No,” I breathe. “Ya can’t blame meh fer that,” I clench my teeth to keep from crying out in pain. It’s a pain far more consuming than the guilt and the fear of losing myself among all the voices, because suddenly I realize this is the inside of my head, this is home.
“You killed Carol,” she rages on. “Killed us,” she shrieks as the rain dies down and the stars above us being to crash down all around, burning Ororo’s garden. I can’t help but look and helplessly watch the fire spread, consuming everything in its path. The mansion suddenly lies in ruins, nothing but smithereens and small fires that remind me of my safe haven, among the ruins are the lifeless bodies of the people I deemed my family.
“No,” I shriek. “No, no, no.”
“Yes,” Jean viscously hisses, a slow smiles spreading on withered, pale lips. “Logan never loved you,” she continues. “He never will. The sooner you realize that, the sooner we can destroy this,” she looks are us. “This is the way Xavier’s childish dream should end.”
Before my eyes her blazing flame disappears and in her place stands a blonde. A woman I am well acquainted with. Those trapped in the shadows are the people I’ve touched, people I’ve killed; they’re the voices trapped in my head.
“You killed me,” Carol Danvers screeches beside me as she drags me around the ashes and ruins that were once the mansion and its inhabitants. As I pass them by, I see the Professor lying face down on the mud his body completely burnt. Ororo lies a few feet away from him, horror stricken and brunt as well. Bobby lies under my feet, his body completely covered in ice but shattered in sickly red chunks. As I look ahead I can see Scott’s lifeless form lying over a small, untouchable child, Adam, their eyes wide open in disbelief and horror like Storm’s, frozen forever in ice as he died trying to protect him. More children lie in bloodbaths, fire still consuming some as the thick scent of death rises into the night air suffocating me until I could no longer bear to breathe.
“Wh…what is this?”
“This,” she motions with a careless wave of her hand, “Is your beloved family. There, up a head,” she points to the wrought iron gates that lay broken and wide open, “Lay humans and mutants alike.” I pull away from her searching frantically among the dead for the one man truly immortal, the only one that could have survived the path of destruction.
“Who,” I hear my voice break. “Who…did this,” I ask. Carol takes a long moment, raising her face into the night air as the rain cleanses down tears I cannot see, her hands placed neatly behind her back as a smile envelops her blood-red lips.
“You did,” she says just as I kneel down besides Logan’s lifeless body.
1:47 a.m.
“Marie,” someone tries to shakes me awake.
“No, no, no,” I cry, eyes tightly shut.
“Marie, look at me kid. Look at me,” Logan pleads. “It was only a nightmare, darling. It’s alright,” he rocks me in his arms. The moment I recognize his voice, I jump off the bed and away from him.
Slowly I look down at myself searching for the endless pools of blood that surely covered my clothes just moments ago but there is no trace. I notice then that all I’m wearing is a sweaty black cami and underwear, my long white streaked brown hair hangs lose.
“Hey, hey,” Logan rises from the bed, his hands in the air. “Don’t cry,” he gently pleads. “Look at me darling, it’s alright. It was only a nightmare.”
Attentively I reach up to feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. “Ah…Ah didn’t mean to,” I tell him. “It was an accident, Ah swear.”
Rogue the voices all call at the same time in my head causing me to flinch and back up against the wall, grasping my head with both hands as I cry out in pain.
“Get…get out!”
You did this, a female’s voice whispers. You killed them! You killed them all!
“Get. Out.”
Join us, Rogue. Join us.
“No!,”
“Marie,” Logan is quickly at my side, the comforter wrapped protectively around me so he can safely touch me. He’s shaking me again. “Shh, kid. It’s alright,” he rocks me.
“Make her stop,” I moan. “Make her stop.”
“Who darling,” he grinds his teeth as we both sink down to the floor, my hands still clamping down my ears trying to shut the voices out. They’re so loud I can barely hear Logan speaking.
“Carol,” I scream. The last thing I remembering seeing are the darkening shadows of the people I’ve touched.
3:00 a.m.
There’s a heated conversation going on. Someone’s trying to calm them down, I think its Hank. Logan and Scott must be going at it again; I wonder what it is this time. Scott probably got the last of the coffee again; Logan isn’t really a morning person, he tends to get his panties in a twist over coffee. Wait—
I feel something. There’s a constant pressure in my hand, like something small is constantly squeezing. Slowly, I open my eyes and stare at the bright lights until all I can see are black spots clouding my vision. I try to sit up but I’m too dizzy I can’t seem to focus.
“Marie!” A little voice squeaks beside me. I turn towards the voice but it takes me a long time until my eyes can focus on him.
“Damn,” I hear myself say. “Where the hell am Ah now?”
“Rogue,” Hanks approaches me. “How are you feeling, dear? You’ve been out for two hours,” he informs me.
“Ah…Ah’m fine. What the hell am Ah doin’ here,” I tell them. I look around the medical bay and notice Scott, his arms tightly crosses over his chest, Logan quickly making his way over to me, Hank standing beside me checking the monitors, the Professor standing between Logan and Scott, and Adam sitting on the bed beside me.
“You had a lapse,” the Hank quickly explains as Logan helps me sit up. I look down at his gloved hands and frown; it’s never bothered me before. He looks at me funny, like he’s waiting for me to say something but instead I hop off the medical slab determined to leave. There’s no way I’m telling them what the hell is going on.
“What happened, Rogue,” the Professor asks gently. I stop and turn to look at him. I turn to look at Adam, smiling gently at the young boy.
“Shouldn’t ya be sleepin’,” I ask him as I raise my brows. Quickly he nods his head and turns to look at Logan, casting him a weary glance. In turn Logan nods his head and looks at the door. “Ah see ya at breakfast, kid,” I tell him before he disappears behind the steel doors. Once he’s left I turn back to Logan and the Professor.
“What the hell was that, wakin’ up the kid,” I cross my arms in front of me.
“He heard you, Rogue,” the Professor explains.
“Was Ah that loud,” I ask.
“No,” Scott answers as he removes his sweater and hands it to me. I look down at myself and notice that I’m only wearing the black cami and underwear. I take the sweater and quickly slip it over my head, murmuring obscenities.
“Jesus, Logan. Ya coulda dressed meh,” I turn to him. He looks at me with an incredulous look, like I’ve said something too embarrassing; I roll my eyes and smile at Scott as Logan growls at him. “Thanks.”
“He’s established a connection with you, Rogue. Hank and I have been thinking that it maybe because of the similarities in your mutations,” the Professor explains. “But that’s not why you’re here, are you?”
“What did he tell ya,” I ask.
“That’s the problem,” Logan growled. “The kid said nothing.”
“Are yer upset ‘cause he didn’t rat meh out? Not everyone is scared of ya, Logan.”
“Rogue, what did you hear,” Hank asks with curiosity. “What did you dream?”
I cast them all the same glance, one of embarrassment and fear, one of pain and guilt. How the hell was I supposed to tell them I’d dreamed up their precious Jean? How was I supposed to tell them that the voices were trying to drive me insane? That I’d killed a woman while I was away?
“The voices are gettin’ louder, they won’t let meh eat or sleep. Sometimes Ah can barely concentrate on little things. Other times I don’t hear’em fer days, sometime even months.” I tell them as I plan of leaving the Jean and Carol part out.
“And what do those voices tell you,” the Professor asks. “What do they ask you to do?”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
So I've been having trouble uploading this chapter...so bare with me my lovely readers! -Wasp