Outside the Professor’s Office
7:58 a.m.
Rogue was leaning back against the wall, her hands stuffed into her pockets as she bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep herself in check.
“Two more freakin’ minutes,” she mumbled to herself as she stared at the clock across from her. Patience had never been one of her virtues, especially not after she absorbed Logan. Erik on the other hand, had the patience of a saint, and all she could do was hope that one day she’d be half as patient as he was.
“Come on,” she whined. “Come on,” she continued to mumble as if by urging the clock time could move faster. If only, she sighed. She looked around the empty hall, impatiently tapping her foot against the marble floor, still biting the inside of her cheek. If she didn’t do this now, she wasn’t doing it later or tomorrow; she just wasn’t doing it. Ever.
“Rogue,” Scott’s voice rang out towards her.
“Oh, hey Mr. Sum—“Scott, remember,” he arched a brow as he smiled at her.
“Right, Scott,” she corrected herself, smiling at him. “How‘re ya,” she asked.
“I’m fine,” he smiled. “How about you, I heard you had an accident,” he arched a brow again.
“Yeah,” she looked down at herself. “Nothing too bad,” she looked back to him. “Ah should be better soon, just a couple fractured ribs, that’s all,” she assured him.
“Did Hank take a look,” he took a step closer to her, concern more than evident in the way he reached for her.
“Ah’m fine, really,” she assured him. “Ah’m sure Ah’ll be joinin’ ya guys on missions very soon,” she smiled.
“About that,” Scott tilted his head to the side. “You’ll have to talk to Professor about that. I lead one team, Logan leads the other,” he grinned.
“Oh,” she replied. “Oh alright,” she tried to smile. There was in way in hell Logan was letting her join his, so Scott was her only option and she had no intention of burning that bridge just yet.
“Waiting on the Professor,” he asked her.
“Yeah, Ah needa talk to him ‘about mah duties here. Ah’m onto used to just sitting around. Ah gotta keep busy. Idle hands are the devil’s play things,” she joked. Scott burst out laughing, rounding the corner were Logan and the Professor, intently discussing something telepathically by the looks Logan was giving the Professor.
“If only looks could kill,” she shook her head. Scott continued to laugh, probably thinking the comment was directed at him.
“I’ll see later, Rouge. Feel better,” he walked away chuckling.
“What the hell was that,” demanded a confused Logan as he came to stand in front of her, hands on his hips as he glared at the Professor.
“A joke,” she retorted. “Now scatter. Ah gotta talk to the Professor without ya listenin’ through walls an’ doors an’ stuff,” she frowned.
“He has a class, Rouge,” the Professor chuckled lightly as he sat behind his desk. Logan growled quietly and headed for the door, mumbling, “Damn you Chuck.”
“No manners,” Rogue shook her head. “Sorry ‘bout that Professor. Logan likes to listen to private conversations. It’s a bad habit of his,” she tried to whisper but failed miserably as she began to laugh.
“Ah can hear ya, kid,” he growled just as he closed the door. The Professor chuckled again.
“Take a seat, Rogue. How can I help you this morning? Are you feeling better,” he asked her genuinely interested. “Hank tells me the results should be ready later today
“Yes,” she sat down in one of the chairs positioned in front his desk, holding her side as she leaned back onto the chair, grunting. “Ah’m much better, thank you. Ah wanted to talk to ya, ‘bout everything. Full access pass; no secrets,” she looked at him. “Ah just gotta get it all out there, ya know. Ah need to start fresh if Ah’m gonna help Adam… and that means no holdin’ back,” she warned him.
“Alright,” he urged her. “I’m all ears, Rogue.” With a slowly released sigh, she rose from the chair and paced to the back of the room, mumbling over her shoulder that she couldn’t sit still for too long.
“But ya needa understand Ah’m not the same teenager that first came here…Ah haven’t been Logan’s Marie in a real long time,” she said in her thick southern drawl.
“Ah need yer help,” she whispered to him, her eyes tightly closed. “Ah did something…something bad…so bad…” she shook her head. “If the team ever found out…” she trailed off. “If Logan found out,” she held her breath. “He wouldn’t want meh. None of them would.”
“What did you do, Rogue,” the Professor asked. “What’s that so bad not even Logan would forgive you for?”
“Ah killed someone,” she opened her eyes and turned to the Professor. A speck of blue quickly moving across her eyes, that for a moment the Professor almost misses it. He leans against his desk, folding his hands over the desk as he looks at her. “Ah killed a woman. Ah killed Carol Danvers,” she confessed.
“Tell me when did this happen,” he asked her, frowning. Rogue turned around again, giving him her back. “A couple of months ago, while Ah was away. Ah over heard Mystique called meh, saying a friend had told her that a woman was looking for meh. She kept saying that Ah should be careful…and then Ah heard someone saying that Carol was gonna kill meh…” she trailed off, waving into the air a gloved hand as if the event hadn’t carried much significance.
“The thought that maybe Mystique was setting meh up never crossed mah mind…” she leaned against the wall, gazing out the window, her arms now crossed under her breasts. “Ah thought Ah was taking the battle to the woman,” she whispered.
“And then what happened,” the Professor leaned back against his chair, listening intently to the troubled woman’s story, all the while thinking to himself how was he going to tell her.
“Ah then Ah tracked her to San Francisco…” she shook her head, her shoulders tensing. “She thought Ah was lookin’ fer her... She kept saying something ‘bout killing me ‘fore Ah killed her,” she spun back to the Professor, the speck of blue returning to her eyes for a longer moment, before disappearing again.
“When Ah tried to use mah power-absorbing abilities on her, something happened,” she panicked for a moment. “Ah absorbed too much of her…”
“Rogue,” the Professor gently called her. She titled her head to the side, her white streaks framing either side of her face. “And then what happened? Where is this Carol Danvers,” he asked her; trying to figure out if she knew the rest.
“Ah threw her body off the Golden Gate Bridge,” she simply replied, her eyes searching his expression for anything that could give away his thoughts. Anything that would sever as a sign that she was still welcomed here, that she could find redemption even after all she’d done.
“Rogue,” the Professor gently called her name, trying to get her to stop.
“Do you know what Ah left,” she straightened herself out and turned back to gazing out the window.
“No,” he shook his head. “I believe I don’t. Why did you leave, Rogue?”
“For a lot of reasons,” she sighed, crossing her arms under her breast again. “Ah haven’t forgotten about…Ah could’ve Jean,” she turned back to him, tears welling her eyes. “Ah shouldn’t have tried to fly the jet,” she shook her head, pacing in front of the window one hand holding her side. “She wouldn’t have needed to save us,” she shook her head furiously. “Ah should’ve absorbed her,” she turned her eyes to the Professor, her expression cold and hard as the tears continued to silently flow from her eyes.
“It was an accident, child,” the Professor rose from his seat. His voice was gentle, trying to get her to calm down. “The dam was breaking; you had to move the jet. If you hadn’t you wouldn’t have saved any of the others. You know that.”
“No,” she cried. “Ya don’t understand. Ah shouldn’t have taken the cure, Ah could’ve saved her…” she continued to cry. “Logan is never going to forgive me…never,” she shook her head, still pacing back and forth the space between the chairs and the door. “How am Ah supposed to look at him,” she turned her eyes to the Professor. “How can Ah look at ya an’ Scott? Ah should’ve saved her fer him,” she wept.
“Rogue, there was nothing you could do,” the Professor tried to calm her again. He was trying to access her mind but he’d continuously been blocked for the last few moments, and that was only something he’d encountered with Logan because of the Adamantium. Rogue, it seemed, was a true exception.
“Ya don’t know what its like,” she took a step towards him, her hands painfully gripping the chairs; the strain quite visible through her gloves. “The guilt…” she trailed off again. “It’s killing me…don’t you see it,” she asked him.
“That’s why Ah left. Ah couldn’t face Logan, Ah didn’t want to see him mourning her death,” she wiped her tears away with the back of her gloves. “Ah refused.”
“What about Bobby,” he asked. “What about your friends here?”
“Bobby was sleeping with Kitty much before Ah took the cure; Ah wasn’t going to put up with that,” she told him. “And Jubilee,” she told him. “She wouldn’t…she couldn’t understand.”
“Rogue, why didn’t you ever come to me for help,” the Professor asked. “Ah would’ve done whatever I could. You know that. I’ve helped Storm, Logan, Jea—“But Ah wasn’t Jean,” she growled at him. “If ya wanted to help meh, ya could’ve done it from the start. Things didn’t have to end the way they did. You could’ve prevented this from the start,” she spun around again, walking back to the window.
“You and your God-damned-complex,” she all but whispered no trace of her southern drawl in her voice. “You have no idea what it’s like trying to adjust to all the voices in your head…you don’t need to because you just shut them out. And what the hell can I do about it,” she turned to him, her eyes narrowed.
“I have to live with it. With this poisonous skin…,” she looked down at herself disgusted. “With Logan loving Jean, with Carol using Jean to drive me insane, with Erik trying to persuade me to give in,” she chuckled humorlessly. “And you know what,” she took a step back to him. “I just might do that…after all… it’s not like you ever really tried to help me. You just thought it’d be convenient to keep me on your side.”
“Rogue, you know that’s not true,” he protested. “You’re just saying that because you’re upset, you’ve lost hope—
“Hope,” she arched a brow. “In what exactly? You? Logan?” She waited for a moment before adding, “Logan can hardly stick around for a few months, you really trust him stick around and look after us,” she arched a brow again, referring to herself and Marie this time.
“No,” she shook her head. “Ah’ll take my chances alone,” she turned to the door. “Ya were right ‘bout Adam. Ah in no condition to look after him. Not while the Carol in mah head is trying to kill meh or drive meh insane,” she stared at the door for a moment before stepping out of the Professor’s office.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
The BIG talk with the Professor! eep! She goes on to tell him everything that's been plaguing her much before she left.
Chapter End Notes:
The Professor's answers were too vague...what is he hiding? What's gonna happen when Rogue finally figures it out?