“Tell me why you did it

“Marie… I…I made a promise to you and I don‘t break promises. You know I care for you a lot so stop acting like you have no idea.”

I shake my head knowing he has no idea what I really know. And of course I know. I’ve known since that moment when he saved me up in that ridiculously stupid machine of Magneto’s. Stupid bucket head thought he could just get away with my murder. That it would be justified just because it would save all of mutant kind. But, that would never happen. And when I absorbed that old fools memory I saw and felt those lingering doubts in his mind on whether this act would affect the world like he though it would. I silently cursed the Magneto mental copy in my brain for this. If he had such thoughts why would he do this? Why would he sacrifice a young girl’s life for a future world he could never fully see? His answer in his feeble voice in the back of my head shocked me and made me a believer in what everything Charles had ever said about him.

‘What else could I do to save the ones I loved?’

In that moment I could not hate him. Sure he tried to kill me, tried to give my life up for people I didn’t even want to know but it was this statement that had convince me through all that hate and self-righteous bullshit that the guy was actually a pretty decent one. Mutant domination and all around ignorance aside that is. And after I had been saved and Logan had fallen into a coma I came to terms with my new occupant in my mind. In that week Erik had shown me kindness that I would possibly never see from his real self. And he showed me what Logan’s sacrifice meant. If it had not been for Erik I would have been clueless to this dramatic change in Logan. Sure Erik never had really met the guy but he is pretty close to him in my head and can read everything Logan is trying to hide from me in my own mind. And, don’t ask me how he can do that because I myself have yet to discover that answer. Of all the things Logan could have hidden from me, like those god forsake nightmares, he hides the one thing that would make me love him even more. Make me want to lay my life on the line for him just because I could. He loved me. Not the parent child love. The man to women love. And damn did it feel good.

Truth is I had already known he had loved me. That Logan the big bad Wolverine did feel for me because lets face it if he hadn’t had the tiniest of emotion for my spineless hide than he would not have chased mine and Magneto’s ass up to that torch and touched me. He wouldn’t have beat Mystique to a pulp and left her with a nice scar on her pretty stomach of hers. And he wouldn’t have duked it out with Sabertooth.

Actually scratch that last one. I think Logan still would have kicked his ass in any other situation. He would have wanted to get revenge over his crappy truck blowing up. Like the world couldn’t do without that thing.

Anyways back to the point. Erik had shown me the true colors of the mighty Wolverine. He did love me. But, not in that sisterly love fashion I would have thought. Or the pity party one either. When he saw me on that train and promised to take care of me he and I saw each other in a different light. It scared the crap out of him. That he could love and get attached so fast to someone had him cowering in his flannel shirt that he always liked to wear. He feared everything to do with me. But I just accepted it. I had it wrapped in my head that this was something worth dying for.

So when the time came and Logan finally woke up he tried to convince himself that I was just a kid and he was too old for me. And I will agree, half-heartedly of course, that I was a little too young. Yeah okay I wasn’t legal yet… Okay sue me I could give less of a shit. Don’t give me that ‘he’s older than you crap' because if you add my age along with Logan and Erik’s I’m pretty fucking old.

So Logan did the one thing that sort of broke that little heart of mine. He tried to say his heart belonged to another. Oh yes I was there but he never sensed I was by the infirmary still harboring his mutant powers when his hazel eyes met those of the mighty telekinetic Jean and she told him in so little words that I had fallen for him (and I must say I hate that bitch for being the one to tell him grr…). He looked her straight in the eye and if not for my enhanced smell-o-meter I would have never been able to pick up the lie even Jean the telekinetic slash telepath couldn’t detect.

“Well you can tell her… my heart… belongs to someone else.”

Bullshit. And from that moment I knew it was going to be hard to get him to me. Sure the age thing was an issue but I could wait. And I did. When he was running again to find his past a few days after the ordeal I didn’t put up a fuss. I only told him one thing. , that I didn’t want him to go. And when those dog tags fell from big rough hands into my delicate ones I knew then and there that I had him. Even though he wasn’t ready to face it yet I knew one day he would have me and I would have him. Call me possessive I don’t give a flying fuck. We both knew we were it for each other. It was just some stubborn moral principle in our way. Well not moral at all cause I never understood it at all. Never did and never will.

He felt that he wasn’t good enough for me. And then there was that age thing. Yeah…

Whatever I won’t even go into that again because all it will bring up is a can of worms and I hate those nasty things.

So yeah, he left to find a past that he shouldn’t even care about cause I knew it was the here and now that only mattered. The past was the past for a reason. I mean I hated my old life, with a passion. But I made myself forget you know hakuna matata, yada yada yada and all that jazz. But, I knew he needed this not only to find some missing pieces but to get away from me. Yeah it hurt to admit that to myself and actually accept it but it was the truth. He needed the space and I needed to show him that I was ready for him. So I dated others and continued on with my life through his absence.

The Cajun was one. He was just a fling to test and practice out my control on my powers because lets face it if I had to lose that sort of control with someone it would be him. The prospect of giving him a much needed quick kick in the ass if my control ever slipped was too hard to pass up. Not that I ever wanted him hurt I swear. Remy was charming and way creative so that when we ever did anything fun he found away around my life sucking skin. God sometimes I miss him. Hey don't judge a girl has got to eat!

Then there was ice boy. Bobby was one who I could pass time with. He was sweet and good and all around the perfect guy. But, he was too perfect. He never knew how to walk on the wild side and that left me scared shitless that I would hurt him because he was always scared to touch me. I could smell it on him all the time. Yes I did keep Logan’s special abilities because for some unknown reason they wouldn’t leave me like most of the other mutants I had absorbed. He and Erik were basically the only ones left up there with me. I liked that because I always had the company. And man were some of the vivid pictures of sexual escapades strongly arousing enough to quench the untouchable girl’s horny thirst for passion after Cajun had run its course.

Anyways… I kept with Bobby for as long as I could and when I gained control of my powers we finally had some fun but still he was scared. But, the thing to bring an end to our relationship was Logan’s arrival to the Mansion after departing almost a year and a half ago. I heard the bike roaring onto the grounds before even Chuck could sense him. I jumped up from the couch I occupied with Bobby and flew down the stairs to welcome him and I saw Bobby‘s eyes full of betrayal. Was it bad that I didn’t care enough to even apologize? No, because when those big oak doors swung open I saw him in all his roughness and that part of me that felt guilty for leading Bobby along evaporated. Logan was back. I embraced him in a hug sucking in the scent of him and savoring the feel of his chest against mine. This was where I wanted to be. I withdrew from his arms reluctantly and asked him how his trip was and he smiled down at me with enough warmth to melt me to the floor.

Then, the party had to end. Jean sauntered down in all her glory sensual and classy all in one. Bitch. I don’t care what anybody says about her intentions to keep the peace with him cause in that moment I smelled the impossible to miss slight arousal rolling off of her. I growled under my breathe and saw Logan look from me to her an amused look on his face. He smiled up at her and gave her a ‘Hi Jeannie’. I spoke my farewells and promised to talk to him later. As I walked way it took all my power not to gut the red head bow to stern. Not that she had anyone of those but you catch my drift. But my worries soon left when I saw Scott make his way to his fiancé Jeannie. I grinned.

I made my way to Bobby and knew I had to break it off with him. It wasn’t fair to have led him along this long but I knew he would find better. He had a little thing for Kitty and I didn’t mind at all. She was his type and she held a torch for him too. So I made it to his room and laid it all out for him. He yelled and cried saying that it wasn’t fair what I did to him. I tried desperately to consol him but after a few hours he finally cracked and blew the cover I though I had hidden so well. Damn him.

“You love him.”

I knew right then and there he found me out. He said it out right. No hint of uncertainty or question layering his statement. The only thing that probably could have tipped him off were the tags that I hid under anything I wore. I don’t know how but he knew they were there and if he saw them even once he must have had an idea what he was up against. The only thing I could say to him was a one word question of my own. I had already known what the answer would be before it left his lips.

“How?”

He smiled at me mockingly and cockiness seeped through his features. That was one thing I would never have missed about him.

“You wear his tags. You look up at even the slightest mention of his name. You smoke his cigars that are still in his room. You buy his favorite beer and drink it when you think no one is looking. And when you look far off and think about something the slightest name crosses your lips that you don’t even know you’re saying, Logan.”

My mouth dropped in surprise. I would have never thought I could have been so easy to read. Then again having multiple people in your head to keep you from reality would have made you forget the reality going on around you.

“Then why did ya wait this long to just drop me and move on to something better?”

All he did was look at me with sadness in his eyes revealing the fragile and vulnerable man that he could be.

“You’re worth all the risk Rogue. I thought I could make you forget. But I was wrong. I can’t beat a man who lives and resides in your mind and soul. He won you before I even laid eyes on you.”

And with that last statement he walked away from me. I was left with a sort of guilt for what I had done. I was cruel, evil and manipulative. But I couldn’t help but blame Bobby too. If he had known all of that why didn’t he just leave? There was no reason for someone to care for me like that. I still couldn’t get over that Logan had felt I was worth saving. I had accepted it don’t get me wrong but I never understood why he had seen me as something worth while.

And I never understood why he loved me only that he did.

So as I made my way to his room I needed some answers. Maybe I wouldn’t tell him about my unrelinquished love for him but maybe just ask a question of my own. Cause the way I had seen it I wasn’t worth saving on that torch. Sure if I had fallen to death then so would have those normal people I envied. So they had to stop and save me in order to stop the death of all those other people. But of course I was being selfish because why would I ever think no one would save me just to save me? Erik and Logan always tried to reassure me and tried to tell me why I was worth saving. Yet they could never give a solid answer because even Logan had not figured out why he had so badly wanted me to live. Yes he loved me but I was desperate and selfish enough to want to know why.

I scouted him out at the kitchen; it was one o' clock in the morning. I would ask him what I needed and leave it be and I would not rush him because I wasn’t sure if he was ready for all that would go down someday. I walked through the kitchen door and heard his soft noise of acknowledgement and almost instantly hit with memories of him. Everywhere around me I smelt him and shit did I just want to jump him right then and there. A beer was in his hand cigar lit and in his mouth. He smirked up at me and quirked an eyebrow. My face flushed because I knew he could smell me, smell my arousal at being so close to him.

“Hey kid whatcha want?”

I stared at him not knowing how to go about this. I felt like some kid who needed recognition. Like a girl who needed to be complimented to feel better about herself. But that wasn’t the case and I knew it. I wanted to know what I was worth to him to know if what Erik and Logan in my head had told me for so long was real. And I would not scare him off. God damn it girl do not be scary!

“Logan ah had a question for ya. Ah know you just settled in a few hours ago and ya rather enjoy some peace and quiet…”

“Kid you ain’t bugging me and you never do so park it and shoot.”

I sat down in a chair across from him and let my fear edge away falling to the recesses of my mind. It was now or never but I was slowly debating on the later being included into that scenario. I watched him put out his cigar and I finally found my voice.

“Ah need to know why ya save me up on that torch. Why did you risk ya life for me?”

I knew it was a loaded question that would have him shocked and full of questions himself. And the problem was I never had time to talk to him after the ordeal. So everything that happened and why it had happened had remained a hushed subject when he left. His jaw dropped slightly after the words had left my lips and I saw the cogs slowly turning in his head.

“Now why the hell would you want to know that? I would have thought you would already know the answer to that question.”

I shake my head. “Logan ah don’t ah seriously don’t understand why ya would risk ya life to do something for someone ya just met. We knew each other a week at most. And most of that time ya were trying to get Chuck to help find out your past for ya. And ahm sorry ah have to ask but ya left so soon after everything so ah never got to talk to ya about it”

He just stares at me and I’m left momentarily paralyzed. Doubt and passion slowly fills his eyes and I can see him trying to fight its power but he is slowly losing to it. I need him to say it. To say anything so the truth about what this is will make sense. And I won’t feel like some little school girl nursing a petty crush.
________________________________________________________________________

“Tell me why you did it.”

“Marie… I… I made a promise to you and I don‘t break promises. You know I care for you a lot so stop acting like you have no idea.”

I smile up at him and I see the sides of his mouth quirk up. My heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest. My Logan and Erik mental copies are cheering in my head in congratulations. They all know that I have succeeded in reeling him into the truth. He is taking one step closer into accepting me as a woman. To accepting that he cares for me deeply and that is a rare thing for a Wolverine to do. But I know as the next words fill my mind I won’t be able to stop them.

“You love me.”

Simple. No question. No doubt. Just pure truth. He looks up at me scared and for a second I’m scared at what I have done. Stupid Stupid stupid me! I said I wouldn’t scare him off and I’m doing a mighty good job at preventing that. Fuck.

“Yes.”

Simple to the point and so true. My eyes grow wide and he looks like he has just found the answer to a long thought out riddle. I can’t help it, I fall off the chair and run up to him holding him in what could only be relief. My eyes look into his looking for approval and my lips make contact with his. Heat fills me and the kiss is so tender and loving that I would not have known the Wolverine could muster such a thing. He pulls away too fast and looks at me with sadness.

“I can’t do it yet Marie. I’m not ready and neither are you. You’re too young darling. Just a little longer. Please? Isn’t it enough to just to know that we love each other?”

I shoot him a short glare not very menacing and I know why he wants to wait. I’m only seventeen. In just a month I’ll be a consenting adult. But I am still technically jail bait. God damn those laws preventing me from sexy time. I sigh knowing that those morals have reared their ugly head again. I really shouldn’t be mad about it because it just proves what a great guy I have won. But not getting to feel him like this. To touch him and kiss him like I want makes me ache. I mean for god sakes I finally learned how to control my powers so I could have this with him. The feeling of safety, acceptance, and love. So I say the one thing I know I can live with until he is ready, until I am ready.

“Yes sugar, for now it is.”