The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Story Notes:
I dedicate this piece of drabble to Ara. You can thank Dr. Sue for the rest.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Dr.Sue Must Die
"Logan! LoGAN!!!"
"I'm here, Marie! Damn it, hows about a little respect for advanced hearing?! I was just in the bathroom."
"Sit down, sugah. We need ta talk."
"I didn't have anything to do with the glue on Scooter's chair at dinner. Give me a little credit, darlin'."
"No, its not that. An' jus' for tha record ah don't believe that for a minute. But that's not what ah want ta talk about. Ah was watching Dr. Sue jus' now."
"Who the fuck is Dr. Sue? Dr. Phil's god damn sister?"
"No, Dr. Sue is from 'Talk Sex with Dr. Sue.' An' ah ain't sure, but ah don't think they're related."
"Talk sex, huh? Why ain't we watchin' this together?"
"Stop that. No touchin'. Anyway, what ah was sayin' is that after watchin' her we have ta change a few things about our copulating."
"What the fuck is a copulating?"
*sigh* "It means sex, Logan."
"Then why the hell didn't you just say sex?"
"Because ah-- nevermind, that's not important!"
"Sex isn't important?" *eyebrow*
"Would ya just shut the hell up for a few seconds? Like ah said, we have ta change a few things."
"Fine, I'll play. How do we have to change our copul?"
...."I---" *sigh* "Okay, first off, no more chocolate during sex."
"Excuse me?!"
"Or anything else sugary. Like syrup."
"Since when is food bad in bed?!"
"She said it was okay for like general foreplay an’ stuff, but no more lickin’ it off mah crotch, sorry big fella."
"Why hell not? What the hell is it any of her busy where I eat my syrup from?!!"
"She said it can cause yeast infections, Logan!! An' ahm not gettin' a yeast infection just so ya can get freaky with food."
"Fine. Fine. No chocolate covered pussy."
"Or anything else with sugah."
"Fine! Or anything else with sugar! Fuck."
"That's not all."
"How long of a show is this?"
"An hour, now, about the bathroom..."
"Uh huh."
"No more bathtub sex."
"What?! You fuckin' love bathtub sex, Marie!! You can't tell me you don't."
"Yes, ah LIKED bathtub sex. Past tense. We're not havin’ it anymore."
"What the fuck could possibly be wrong with bathtub sex?"
"What's wrong with it is ya dick pounds water rather *forcefully* into mah vagina. She said its too abrasive to tha lining."
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I'm pretty fucking old, kid, and, I'm sorry but, have had a lot of sex. In the tub. And various other containers of water. I ain't never heard anyone complain before."
"Well she's older than you are. And a doctor."
"There's no damn way she's older than I am!!"
"Trust me, she is. Now, don't get all upset. She said shower sex was fine. Just nothin’ under the water."
"Un-fucking-believable. What the hell is this bitch’s address?”
“There’s more.”
“The hell there is, Marie.”
“There is. Ya can just forget anal sex all together.”
“What the hell?!!!!!”
“Yep. Nothin’ good can come from it.”
“PLENTY good has come from it!”
“Sorry, sugah, too many chances for somethin’ ta go wrong. Ya don’t want somethin’ to happen ta me, do ya?”
“No, and I’ve never fucking put you in danger during sex before!”
“No? We’ve done practically EVERYTHIN’ Dr. Sue said wasn’t a good thing ta do.”
“I don’t know whose been coplatteing that old hag, but she doesn’t know what she’s talking about!!”
“Its copulating, Logan.”
“I don’t give a fuck what the hell the word is, Marie! I just don’t want that hag to have a say in my sex life!”
“She’s a professional!”
“*I’M* a professional.”
“Ahm sorry this upsets ya so much, sugah, but its mah body and ah agree with her.”
“Godmotherfuckingdamnit”
“Oh. An’ that little thing ya do with mah ear---”
“What the flying fuck is wrong with that?!!??!!”
“Nothing. An jus’ wanted ta tell ya ah really like it.”