Logan battles some demons within.
Categories: X1 Characters:
1. Chapter 1 by litlen
2. Chapter 2 by litlen
3. Chapter 3 by litlen
chapter 1 of 3? [probably]
12 hours. Sufficient time to be far enough away from the mansion for the shackles to begin to loosen and the rope around his neck to ease enough for him to breathe. No longer confined and restricted he had fought his way out and found his release. The powerful and sleek machine under him guiding him home with speed to the place where no-one could hold him.
He was finally free of the cell and its bars made of invisible ties that kept him to a place and the person it held within.
It was dark and dismal even in daylight hours, but it had beer, it had women and it had a cage.
Still fighting off the remains of shadowy demons within he knew he’d need all three.
He downed his drinks, fought anyone brave or stupid enough to get in the cage with him and as the evening wore on he turned his attention to the third on his list. It didn’t take him long, women in places like this knew the score, introductions were pointless, words were not required, deals were dealt with eyes alone.
Their blanket was cold, the air outside wrapping around them held no warmth. His heart had left behind any tenderness it may have had somewhere along the way, hers too and whether she’d left it or whether it had been taken he wasn’t inclined to ask, didn’t matter, nothing did. Both cold, inside and out. It was rough, raw and unfeeling on both sides, no softness, no gentle touches, no affection. Just action and counteraction, not even the pretence or illusion of any emotion but that was the way both wanted it. It served a purpose, of sorts. It finished as quickly and with as much passion as it started both staying silent as clothes were hastily rearranged. More silence followed, just a nod and an empty smile and their goodbyes were complete.
He was done for tonight, his objective fulfilled – three out three, but tomorrow the cycle would have to start again. The demons in his mind and heart still there, stubborn fuckers seemingly unwilling to roll over and die. Eradication he had planned not as successful as he thought it would be. Thoughts and feelings he thought he could kill by choice were still floating inside, still very much alive and kicking and fighting for life.
They were suffocating him.
He stood by his bike and watched the weakness of the sun as she began loosing her battle one more time. Stayed and stood in silent vigil as the shades of orange and red that were dancing faintly in the distance slowly but surely faded to blue, grey and black as night finally took its hold from day.
Just before he turned to leave he whispered to the loneliness creeping in with the night that it was fine, he was home, he’d be ok.
Days dragged into weeks. Different roads leading to different towns, one after the other, scenery in-between bleeding together, staining it to look all the same. He never stayed too long in one place, just burned up as much energy as he could then moved on, just as he’d always done. Drink, fight, fuck, rinse and repeat, his tried and tested methods to be empty inside.
It was different this time; he couldn’t calm the storm inside.
He’d tried drowning in rivers of whiskey and burying himself in the fake warmth of countless easily forgotten women, even pain wasn’t working and he’d tried copious amounts of both taking it and inflicting it with neither giving him the desired effect.
His options were diminishing rapidly.
He’d not gone to the bar tonight, it was pointless. Three out of three, night after night in town after town and still she would come to float in the shadows. Every time he shut his eyes he lost his control and she fought her way forward to invade his dreams.
He was tired, and not just from lack of sleep.
He was sitting by the window just watching the sounds and sights of the night from the window of the latest in a long line of dingy, cold motel rooms but he wasn’t alone. She was there. He tried to replay images in his mind of nameless woman in forgotten places, but his mind was a traitor, weak and unprepared for the strength that was needed to block her and all the demons she was haunting him with. She kept fighting her way to the forefront with an ease that made him angry. He was still awake yet she was there, no longer waiting for him to fall with exhaustion.
He was weak.
He sprinted away from the walls that were closing in on him, slamming the door in annoyance on his way out. The sound of the wood as it smashed home and shook in its frame a pointless effect but giving him some satisfaction nonetheless.
Exhausted and frustrated he watched through different eyes as the snow began to fall. Found himself remembering how she looked that fateful day. Remembered her smile and how she threw her light with pinpoint accuracy into his darkness right from the very beginning.
Tiny slip of a girl, it should have been no contest. She was always winning it just took him a while to notice but when he finally had, he’d run, got as far away as he could yet it seemed even with distance she held enough power to bring him to his knees.
She was strong.
She was the only one who ever looked and saw it all, never having fear and only ever giving trust. Saw his deepest, darkest secrets and saw nothing to hold against him. Saw humanity, honour and compassion long since filed away.
She saw deep under the mask, knew the truth behind the lie and kept him wrapped in her heart.
He’d been chained and bound and tried to break free but he’d been his own jailer and he’d given her the key.
He was still chained.
No matter what he did or where he went, she still held the key.
He continued to watch the snow fall on to the winters abused and worn out landscape and cover it with its makeshift bandage. The earth beneath his feet would soon be wrapped in a clean and fresh white blanket, the seasons own finale, and a worthy ending before the curtain would fall and then rise to begin again.
He woke up alone and for the first time ever he didn’t like it. His curtain had fallen with no worthy ending. He’d yanked it down, running; the only finale he could see and instead of feeling any new beginning all he felt was alone.
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Weeks rolled into months and the suffocation he’d felt when he’d run was only getting worse, he couldn’t breathe. He was drowning; the weight of the demons holding him under.
He was sick of searching for answers and coming up empty time after time. He was tired of fighting a constant internal battle, getting a break from it for only a few minutes at a time, knowing now that these moments were only the calm before the storm and that the demons would rise with a renewed strength, gaining ground with each break they gave him. It was exhausting and he was beginning to understand it was a battle he was incapable of winning.
He watched the lightning flash across the sky, lighting up the room and casting shadows all around him. As the thunder cracked loudly, shattering the peace brought in by the night he felt the vibrations of its wrath trail through his whole body. He listened to its torturous sound roaring on and on in painful rumbling screams, natures anger letting loose its fury. He knew that sound too well, more so since he’d left. Too many nights he would wake to the thunder from within, his soul screaming, agony and distress filling him beyond bursting point so he’d wake shaking and drowning in fear, praying for an escape.
Tonight had been no exception, dreams full of pain and sorrow only this time it was her soul instead of his. His usual nightmares confused by the demons into giving her the staring role; somewhere during the night all the lines of his dreams had crossed and blurred. He wasn’t the one shackled, bound and trapped; this time it was her.
He had felt every ounce of pain as she had screamed and could see it clearly etched all over her face, yet he had turned and walked away smelling her tears and hearing the sound of her heart breaking as she cried out his name over and over again. Each time she had called for him he had ignored her and bit by bit he saw the light around him gradually fade.
He’d woken up begging for forgiveness and with the sound of her name echoing around the room.
Once again he was alone in the dark.
He watched as the storm outside continued to scream its fury and felt the one inside stirring and gathering strength.
With tears slowly tracing their way down his face he felt the demons rise once more. They were fighting for the truth and this time he was listening.
As the rain pelted down drenching man and machine, he shook hands with the demons and admitted defeat; he loved her.
Without realizing he had moved, home was not alone. Home was with her.
He had only just found out.
She already knew.
He watched captivated by the sight of her running towards him, she was oblivious to the rain, not caring that she was already soaked to the bone or that her bare feet were icy cold on the wet ground beneath her.
Strong arms caught and held her tightly as she threw herself around him, and he couldn’t help but smile as the darkness receded and the storm settled and cleared.
The end x
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'Whether we want to or not or whether we should or not, we feel what we feel. We can try and hide it or run from it and we can lie to others and to ourselves, but the truth will always be there fighting for acceptance.'
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