Blood Logan had shed for her had kept her warm and safe for hours, but she could feel the hunger and nausea returning when sun was still high on the sky. She knew Logan had been right. There was nothing anybody could do. She would die soon. End result of their hunt for the coming night would seal her fate. Earlier she had felt surprisingly confident, sure that they would succeed, but when the cold feeling at her stomach started to creep in to her veins, spreading and weaving an icy net around her heart, she felt her confidence falter. What if they couldn’t find the vampire? Or even worse, what if they found it, fought it, and lost?
“Logan?”
*Yes?* Sleepy murmur from the corner he had curled to sleep.
“I’m scared. What if we loose?” She asked. Logan sat up.
*We won’t. That’s not an option.*
“How can you be so sure?” She asked, scooting closer, craving the warmth of his body more than fearing the possible rejection. Instead of pushing her away Logan opened his arms and urged her to lean on him. She curled against him, burying her face against the soft fur covering the crook of his neck.
*I won’t let it happen.*
She snuggled even closer against him, his warmth seeping through her skin. She could hear his heart, beating slow, steady. She could feel his pulse ticking under her cheek. He was stroking her back, careful not to scratch her with talons that protruded from his fingers.
*If we loose, I might as well give up and let Wolverine take over. There’s no way I could put you to rest.* To rest. It sounded so beautiful. Something good and safe, until she realized what he was talking about.
*I tried. Tried to make myself believe that I could do it. Tried to decide how I would do it. I can’t, Marie. I just can’t.*
”You… You have been thinking best ways to kill me?” She whispered. Suddenly she felt very cold. She started to stand up, but Logan held her in his arms. It was futile to struggle; even as a man he had had very little difficulties handling her. With Wolverine’s borrowed bulk and strength she would have gotten away easier from the paws of a bear than his actually tender embrace.
*I thought about it. Back at Claude’s place it was easier, when we were sparring. I could make myself believe that it was just a way to develop new strategies I could teach you. But now… I know I can’t do it. I couldn’t do it even if I had to. I’m sorry.*
“You’re sorry?” She couldn’t believe her ears. He was sorry that he couldn’t kill her?
*I have failed almost every promise I have made for you and to myself. I wasn’t with you when it happened. I wasn’t there to take care of you. And now I can’t even make it better.*
“Killing me would make it better? Are you insane!” She shouted, renewing her struggles, again in vain. Logan’s grip from around her held.
*I won’t hurt you. I won’t kill you. And I couldn’t kill the creature you’re going to turn if we fail. Jesus, Marie… Stop struggling and listen!* She stilled, scared of the sight of his fangs that he had momentarily revealed.
*After you turn, it won’t be you again. You will be there, locked inside. You will see, feel and hear everything, but you have no control over your body anymore. Vampire in you will fight. It’ll kill and maim. It’ll feed. It’ll mate with anything. It’ll live forever, and you will be trapped inside of it forever. And I won’t be able to kill it, because I know that you’re still somewhere inside of it. I won’t be able to set you free!*
Logan’s lisp got thicker with every frantic word he spat out, until his speech was slurred nearly beyond recognition, but she could distinguish every mangled and growled syllable crystal clear. He had planned everything from the beginning. Gone through every possibility. Even thinking through best ways to end her life in case of something went wrong.
“How… What kind of a man does that? Plans how to kill his wife?” She uttered mortified.
*A hunter. A careful hunter. Especially when his wife is a hunter, too.*
“What about you? The wolf…”
*I made plans for both of us. Good plans. But I’m too much of a coward to pull them through. That’s why loosing tonight won’t be an option to either of us.*
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Short one. More later this weekend.