Rogue hugged St. John back, but with less enthusiasm than Carol might have. He noticed this and pulled away, frowning at her.
"Carol? Are you okay? Where were you, anyway?" he asked in a rush.
Rogue took a deep breath, glanced at Logan, whose face was clouded with confusion and the beginnings of anger, and said to St. John, "Johnny, I'm not Carol. I'm Rogue."
She expected his reaction, but it still hurt her when he took a few steps back. His eyes were full of hurt and accusations.
Rogue didn't let St. John have a chance to ask any more questions, though. She still had some to answer. "Carol was going to join up with Magneto. He promised her protection from Logan, maybe even from me. I managed to regain control of my body during the last few days we were with Magneto. Carol's not dead, Johnny, not really. She sort of--integrated herself into me. And she taught me how she controlled my mutation. That's what she did. Everyone thought that I didn't exist anymore, I know, because Carol was able to touch, but she just found the controls to my power before I did. Probably because she was an outsider. Anyway, Logan and Jubes showed up, and we defeated Magneto, Mystique and, I hope, Sabertooth." Rogue managed to get all of this out in two breaths, with barely a pause between them. She clenched her hands into tight fists, waiting for St. John's reply.
"Where's Jubes now?" St. John asked warily. He ran his hand through his hair, a nervous habit that she--Carol, anyway--had always thought was so adorable.
"She's in the Medlab. Jean's having to perform surgery on her because she suffered a pretty bad head injury. Jean spouted a lot of technical stuff that I didn't quite understand, but I did get the blood clots in the brain part of it," Rogue said quietly. She stepped forward and put her hand on St. John's arm. "Jubes'll need us all to be strong for her right now, Johnny. You know her friends are all she's got. Don't be angry with me for taking back what was mine, not if it'll damage so many of the friendships around this old house," she pleaded sincerely, her eyes full of tears.
St. John turned his back to her. "I'll try, Rogue. But...I can't promise anything. I loved Carol. I don't know what I'll do without her. I...I have to think about this." He walked quickly down the hall, not looking back once.
Rogue watched him go, wanting to die because she'd broken his heart, yet hers was just fine. "He was one of Carol's closest friends. One of mine, too, before the accident. I don't want to lose him, Logan," she said, turning to face the man who'd brought her back. What she saw in his face nearly made her gasp. There was raw rage there, with pain and sadness mixed in.
"You've got a life here, Rogue. You loved him, or some part of you did, and you always will. I guess my job's done," Logan said. He walked away from her, in the direction opposite the one St. John had taken.
Rogue knew where he was headed, and suddenly it was too much. The tears she'd been holding back spilled. She stretched out her hand towards Logan's retreating back and croaked out the words, "Please, don't leave me like all of my other friends. Please, Logan!"
Logan couldn't take the complete desolation in Rogue's voice. She may not have been his Marie, but she was a woman who knew him better than any other, and she needed him. He turned back and walked over to where she'd slumped down onto the floor, her forehead pressed against her knees.
"Rogue..." he began, then he stopped, unable to find the words. He simply sat down beside her and put his arms around her, offering all of the comfort and love that he could give.
Later, Rogue was never sure how long they sat like that, sharing in the grief and the pain. After a few minutes of sobbing she began to feel numb on the inside, as if all of her emotions had been drained out and she was left with nothing.
They must have stayed like that for hours, though, because her next concious realization was that Jean was standing in front of them, her face grim. Rogue struggled to her feet, Logan supporting her as he, too, stood.
"I managed to remove the hematoma and drain the excess fluid in her brain. She's in the ICU at the moment. I...I'm not sure if she'll make it, Rogue. If you'd like, you can go down and see her. Don't go in, mind you. Only through the glass," Jean cautioned, then she disappeared down the hall, muttering about coffee.
Rogue looked at the door to the elevator, suddenly not wanting to go down and face what was waiting for her. Logan's strong arm around her waist pulled her towards it anyway.
"C'mon, darlin'. You need to see her, even if you don't think you want to," he said, leading her into the elevator.
It amazed Rogue that he could still read her like that, know what her emotions were and try to soothe her. Maybe there was hope yet.
They walked down the hall to the ICU together, their footsteps echoing in the empty hallway. With each step, Rogue felt the guilt dragging her down, making her less willing to see the friend who'd always been there for her, no matter who she was.
Finally, they reached the ICU observation window. It took Rogue a moment to look up from the steele frame to see the patient lying in the austere room.
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