Author's Chapter Notes:
/this is telepathic communication/
------------Chapter 4 ---------------------

I shouldn’t have been surprised. It’s not like it doesn’t happen every time, because it does. I was standing in front of Professor Xavier’s office, my hand raised to knock, and before I can make contact…..

/Come in, Rouge./

Like I said, I shouldn’t have been surprised. It was only then that I realized, if the Professor knew I was coming to see him, did he know *why* I was coming to see him? And if he knew *why* I was coming to see him, would it be a fair evaluation of how I’ve put this stuff together? He could have been eavesdropping on my thoughts for the last week. He might just as well already know everything that I do, and what good would that do for my quest for an unbiased, uninformed opinion?

“I assure you, Rogue,” the Professor began in his usual calm, collected tone, “just because I know someone is about to knock on my door, does not mean I know every minute bit of information running through their head. Now, what I can I do for you today?”

I guess I must have been projecting pretty loudly…..

“Yes, you were,” his tone was business serious, but the smile on his face told me that he was just funning with me.

“Ok, let’s get this conversation up on the same plane, huh?” I ask, my own face trying unsuccessfully to conceal a smirk, “can we keep it within the usual auditory range of the average mutant, please?”

The Professor chuckled good naturedly, “Of course, my dear! I take it you have something you’d like me to, what? Proof read for you?”

I approach his desk, taking a seat in one of the lavish leather chairs set to face him, “Not so much a proof, Professor,” and I smirk again, “but I’d just like your opinion if it makes any sense to you, the way it’s put together.”

“I’d be happy to take a look at what ever you have, Rogue,” he reached toward me over the desk, and I hand him the folder, “What sort of ‘sense’ are you looking for it to make?” He begins scanning over the papers in the folder, not yet reading each little word.

“I just want to know if it’s self explanatory enough for someone who’s totally oblivious to the material.”

The Professor was quiet for a moment, his face not betraying the slightest bit of what was going on in his head. His review of the papers in the folder slowed and he appeared to be taking a bit more time in his review. The longer he remained quiet, the more nervous I became.

Finally, he closed the folder. Lacing his fingers together and resting his hands on top of the packet of information, he begins to speak, but hasn’t raised his eyes to look at me yet, “You referred to this paperwork as ‘material’, Rogue. Before glancing at it, I assumed you were at some sort of impasse over something having to do with your classes.” He now raises his eyes, his face a still life of serenity and composure. It doesn’t make me feel much better.

“How exactly did you come into possession of this information?”

I’m a little taken aback at the slight change of subject, but I guess it’s a fair question. All this information on Logan’s past, but no mention of how I got to it. “Logan found something on his last trip out, I just took up where it left off.” I wasn’t sure why I was being so vague, after all the details he just got through reviewing.

The Professor still has his hands resting on the folder, fingers laced, it didn’t escape my notice that he hasn’t handed the packet back to me. He began to tap his thumbs together, thinking.

“Did Logan ask you to do this for him?”

Again, I’m surprised at the subject change, but I also know that the Professor doesn’t ask idle questions. He’s going somewhere with all this, and there’s no changing the route he’s laid out for this little trip.

“No, not in so many words,” I begin, “He didn’t seem to think what he found really had any connection to him.” By now I was wringing my hands, worrying my fingers into knots, wanting desperately to know why I was getting the third degree over all this.

The Professor turned in his chair to face away from me, looking out the large expanse of windows behind his desk. I wasn’t sure if his turning away from me was a good sign or not. Sometimes it was another tactic to give him time to think, sometimes it was a sure sign he was unhappy with something that happened.

“I’m not unhappy, Rogue, and before you think it, yes, you’re projecting again,” his voice held a slight twinge of mirth, but not anywhere near the level from before. “I’ll come right out with what I’m thinking; yes, you’ve found the place where Logan’s life began.”

I’m dumbstruck. There’s no other way to describe it. I was hoping and praying that all this work wasn’t for nothing, and it seemed like it all was confirmed when I first laid eyes on the picture of Logan in the yearbook. But to have it said so plainly, no hesitation, no hint of doubt, just flat out ‘Yes’, it’s a different kind of shock. The tone in the Professor’s voice didn’t escape me, though.

“You don’t sound particularly surprised or pleased about what I’ve found,” I begin, replaying the last few minutes of conversation in my mind, “You sound very, very sure about what I’ve found…” My words trail off as a fog seems to lift in my head, suddenly a very crisp, clear picture comes into focus, and I find myself jumping out of the chair, my voice sounding unusually loud in the quiet office. “YOU KNOW!! You know about Logan’s past!! You’ve gotten past whatever’s blocking his memory and YOU KNOW!!”

The Professor turned in his chair to once again face me. He found me standing with my hands spread on his desk, leaning slightly over it. I probably looked like some classic film noir city prosecutor, addressing the criminal, in mid-accusation. I don’t know if it’s that thought projecting too loudly, or what, but Xavier smiles at me.

“You’re a very resourceful and intelligent woman, Rogue. Please, sit down, child,” he gestures at the chair with one hand. I don’t know how to interpret the two divergent descriptions he’s just used within three little seconds. I manage to keep from rolling my eyes at him, but I can’t help but think which the heck am I? A woman or a child?? The Professor’s smile brightens almost imperceptibly. Dammit! There I go again! I’ve gotta get my shields reinforced.

“Rogue, please, there is no need to strengthen your mental shields. There has never been any reason before this and this is certainly not a reason to do so now. Yes, you are correct. The blocks that are keeping Logan from knowing about his past only keep him from getting to the memories. They are strong blocks, please don’t misunderstand. I’m sure Jean would not be able to get past them without a very intense session, which would require Logan’s permission and cooperation. It is only his extreme, deep seated desire to find his past that allowed me access.” The confused look on my face was abundantly clear, I’m sure, as the Professor paused like he was giving me an opening to ask a question.

“If he wants to find it so badly, why is his mind keeping him from the memories?”

The Professor nodded, “Yes, you are a very intelligent woman, Rogue. But alas, I cannot answer that question. There is something keeping Logan from seeing all that is within his mind. Whether for his safety, his sanity, or what reason I cannot say. The intricate inner workings of the mind are still something that is not completely understood. Even by me.” Again, he paused, whether for me or himself I don’t know.

“To answer your initial question, about whether this information makes sense; I assure you it does. Even if I had not already seen into Logan’s mind, this is a very well thought out, well organized presentation of the information you have found. But I wish to caution you, there is something keeping Logan’s mind from seeing the memories he has. As I said, I don’t know what it is and I cannot tell you why. It may very well be in the grand plan of the universe that these blocks begin to fall due to your intervention using the ring Logan found. But it also may be that you are not part of the plan that ultimately reveals his past to him,” he raised his hand to stop me as I opened my mouth to speak, “I cannot tell you what to do here, Rogue. I may be the world’s most powerful psychic, but I cannot read the mind of the fates, of the universe, of whatever god or gods that may be the ultimate administrator of what goes on, on this planet. I can only tell you to think hard and follow your heart. It is my belief that no matter who or what may be,” it was so funny to see the Professor make air quotes, “ ‘in charge’ of destiny it or they cannot fault good intentions fueled by the heart.”

With that, he handed me back the folder, gave me a fatherly smile, and I left his office. I had a lot to think about, A LOT to think about.
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