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Author's Chapter Notes:
DISCLAIMER: All X-Men characters, concepts, etc. are copyright Stan Lee, Marvel Entertainment, and 20th Century Fox. This work is not-for-profit fanfiction, and no infringement is intended.

This has absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever. In fact, I should be ashamed of myself. I'm not, but I should be. :-)

Feedback is always welcomed.
Living next to Rogue and Logan was tough.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.Bangbangbangbangbang.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Jubilee snarled, flinging a pillow at the wall. "Don't those two ever stop?"

Kitty peeked her head out from underneath her covers. "At least you don't have to share a wall with them. I think I might be permanently deaf."

"I didn't even think about that. Come over here, it's safe over here."

Kitty padded over, extra pillows for muffling sound in tow.

***

An hour later, the banging had only increased in frequency.

Jubilee couldn't take it for one more minute. She climbed over Kitty, who had miraculously managed to fall asleep, and stomped out of room. She didn't even bother to knock, she just flung open the door and got an eyeful of Logan's naked ass.

"Jubes!!!" Rogue squealed.

Logan just snarled at the delay in his latest orgasm.

"People. Are trying. To. SLEEP!! We get it, okay, we totally get the whole healing factor let's fuck all night thing, but the rest of us without healing factors need to sleep. Which we can't do because all we hear is 'Oh, God, yes, Logan, please, right there, sugar, right there' all goddamn night long."

Rogue blushed scarlet. "Oh, Jubes, I didn't...I mean...we're that loud?"

"Yes, you are," Piotr shouted from down the hall.

"Logan, you're a sex god. We all know it, we all bow down to your almighty cock, now can you put it away so we can get some sleep?" Jubes pleaded.

"Oh God!" Rogue was mortified. She was even more mortified when hail slammed into her window at the sound of her exclamation.

It seemed that Ororo was also awake.

"Jubes, we'll stop right now, I promise!"

"No we won't!" Logan stared at his girlfriend, aghast.

"Sugar, hush, we're keepin' everyone else up."

"I don't give a good goddamn who else is up, as long as I am!!"

Thunder rumbled ominously in the distance.

[Logan, Rogue, why don't you go downstairs and use one of the diagnostic beds? They have stirrups and everything.]

Rogue covered her face, ready to implode from her embarrassment, but Logan looked intrigued at Jean's suggestion.

[Are there any, whaddya call 'em, those tong things--]

[--LOGAN! I never needed to know that about your sex life.]

The Professor's mental voice cut through their petty squabbles. {I realize that you are all adults, but you will always be my children. This means that I never want to know anything, ever, about your sex lives. I don't even want to know that you are having sex lives. Is this clear? Don't force me to start discussing *my* sex life.}

Everyone winced.

Scott, clad in Bugs Bunny pajamas, staggered into the hallway. "Hey, skunk bear."

Logan had given up on his latest orgasm by this point and had pulled on a pair of boxers. He stood, arms crossed against his chest. His extremely muscular and yummy looking chest, Jubilee noted to herself.

"One-Eye?" he growled.

After he reached the doorway, Scott pitched something at Logan. "There. Those are the keys to my new Expedition. Go defile it or something, will you?"?

Logan lit up like it was Christmas morning and there was a lifetime supply of beer, cigars and blowjobs under the tree. He clutched the keys to his chest and started for the door.

"Hey!" Rogue exclaimed indignantly. "What about me?"

"Oh. Heh."

She glared at him while wrapping herself up in the sheet, toga style. "C'mon, you big jackass. Let's go, before we piss anyone else off."

"Baby, are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you? It's not like you ever forgot me somewhere because you were so involved in following a brand new motorcycle. Oh wait, you did. Oh, and remember the time you promised to pick me up at the airport? Remember what you did instead?"

Rogue's bitching got further and further away, until there was silence.

Jubilee was so happy she hugged Scott. He patted her on the back, then lurched back to bed.

*Finally* there was peace and quiet in the x-mansion. Jubilee sighed in relief as she crawled back into bed. Then she heard it. Moaning. She didn't understand it, because it was in French, but some things were universal.

From throughout the mansion, one word was yelled by everyone simultaneously.

"REMY!!!!!"


THE END!
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