"Rogue?"
"Yeah, Jubilee?"
"Come downstairs, to the left wing's rec room. Oh, chica?"
"Uh huh?"
"Bring St. John down with you."
"Okay. What's goin' on?"
"You just hafta see this."
The junior X-Man known simply as Rogue shrugged to her empty room and depressed the intercom button. After a moment's concentration, she levitated and went about finding Johnny. This was typical Jubilee, nothing to think too heavily on. Probably just some late-night foosball tournament or something.
She floated down the hall and down the stairs, barely registering the dark wood paneling and tapestries that littered the walls. The boy's dorm was fairly close, and Johnny, Bobby, and Remy's room was the first door on the left.
Johnny answered, looking bleary-eyed. "Huh?" He grunted. "It's, like, three in the morning."
"I dunno. Jubilee just wants us down in the rec room. Uh, the one in the left wing. Ya know, since it IS three in the morning, aren't Bobby and Remy in there?"
"Huh uh. Bobby, Jubilee, and Kitty were watchin' something on TV when I went to bed. He still hasn't come back. And Remy, well, duh."
Remy's amorous pursuits were nearly legendary at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. His advances had been aimed at Rogue lately, so she was glad for his absence. The Cajun missed no opportunity to make a pass at her.
"Well, come on, sugar, if you're not too sleepy. I wanna see what's got her awake at this hour."
"Probably Jolt Cola or something." St. John Allerdyce staggered back into the room and reappeared clutching a fuzzy blanket. At Rogue's raised eyebrow, he blushed. "I've had it since I was nine," he said defensively.
"I didn't say anythin'."
"You gave me the blaming stare."
"I did not."
"Did so."
"Hush up, sugar, we're not six."
"After you," he yawned, opening the recreation room door.
Sitting on the couch, mesmerized by the action on the television, sat Jubilee, Kitty, and Bobby. The sound was turned low, barely audible, so it took a moment to become fully aware of what they were watching.
"The SPICE CHANNEL!?" blurted Rogue, in shock. "How'd ya get past the V-chip? And-and what the hell're ya doin' watchin' that!?"
"I dunno. Kitty messed with the wiring. Chica, Chico, have a seat and a look."
"It's just a porno." Rogue yawned. "Ya got me up for this?"
"Rogue, it's never JUST a porno for teenagers. You know, so we dudes know how to treat you chicks. It's like an instruction manual." Bobby explained rationally.
"Okay...Kitty, you'd never be caught dead watchin' one of these. What would your rabbi say?"
"This is an exception. Look closer at the screen. I mean, really, look."
"So what?" shrugged Johnny. "They're screwing. It's a porno, it's what they--HOLY SHIT!"
"Shut up!" hissed the trio on the couch in unison.
"That's--that's us!" the pyrokinetic sputtered.
"Now you get it, brainiac." Jubilee gulped down a few Skittles. "The chick they got to play me is doing a good job."
"And you know this how?" giggled Kitty.
"I just do. Whoa, yowza, check out our Roguey!"
"Uh...that's so not me..."
"Sure it is, chica. White stripe, bodysuit, busty...it's you."
"They're ALL busty!" protested the southerner. She considered the screen for a moment. "Do ya think a bodysuit could really be used like that?"
"Totally. Have the Wolve-meister don a condom, cut an itty-bitty hole, and voila."
"Let's not go there," snapped Rogue, blushing furiously. Logan had come home six months before, after seeing the X-Team on the news. Which was funny, since they'd been on the news numerous times. He'd taken to training the untouchable girl, and the junior X-Men swore the sexual tension was enough to gag a donkey.
"It's possible," assured Kitty.
"Could we not talk about my sex life? Or lack thereof?"
"Seriously, there are sex shops with bodysuits like that. Covers you neck to toe, sheer material...like I said, voila." Jubilee said, not taking her eyes off the screen.
"We're gonna get busted," pointed out Johnny casually. His eyes widened. "Holy God! Is it even POSSIBLE to put that-"
"Yes," said Jubilee. "But it's better the other way around."
The gathering turned to stare.
"What!?"
"I don't wanna know," muttered Rogue.
"Ditto," Kitty agreed.
"I can't believe they're making us use our powers in a porn flick. On the other hand, the special effects are pretty good," observed Bobby.
"Whoa! Rogue, you little hussy!"
"I would never do that to Scott!"
"Suuuuure."
"You should talk! Look at you, you've gone through Hank, Gambit, an' 'Ro!" Rogue gasped.
"You have to admit though, the actors totally look like us."
"True, Johnny."
"About time Rogue gets to Logan!"
"Oh my God," moaned Rogue. "Please tell me I'm not seein' this."
"I know I am!"
"Close your eyes! That's just embarrassin'!"
"Not a chance in hell!"
The camera turned, focusing on a new couple.
"Look at you, Kitty!"
"To say nothin' of 'Ro an' Jean!"
"I have to know...What sick freaks made this? Seriously, who sat down and said, 'We're going to make a porno in which the entire X-Men, including the younger team, screw like bunnies'? I have got to send my thanks!"
"Shut up, Bobby."
"Hey, Roguey, wanna go out next weekend?"
"Go ta hell, Johnny."
Snickers filtered through the room.
"I'm so buying the video of this-"
The door slammed open and light flooded the room. "What the hell's goin' on in here?" Logan's rumpled, yet irate form filled the doorway.
"Nothing!" squealed Kitty, fumbling for the remote and flicking the channel.
"Get ta bed, all of ya."
'Yessirs', and echoes thereof, accompanied the disbanding of the group.
"Rogue, lemme see ya for a minute."
The brown-and-white locked girl stepped aside, waiting till her friends had filed out. "Uh huh?"
"What the hell were ya doin' in here at nearly four in the mornin'?"
"Hey! It wasn't just me. Jubilee woke me up to see--uh, somethin'."
"Huh."
"Yeah...if it's all the same to you, I'm goin' back ta bed."
"One more question, kid."
"Shoot," she said over her shoulder.
"Think a bodysuit could be used like that?"
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Author's Chapter Notes:
I have no excuse for this, I know. It's just a little humor, sort of a slice-of-life-at-a-superhero-mansion type thing. NO, it's not part of the Past & Present timeline.