She couldn’t understand what had happened. It had been little awkward and clumsy. She hadn’t even expected more. But it had started to feel better. Then suddenly she was face to face with a complete stranger. Angry and scared man. As soon as she had let go of Logan, he had gotten up and walked out from the bedroom. She wasn’t sure if she should follow him. If he wanted he to follow him.
What the fuck had possessed him to think he would be a fit company to anybody? What had made him think he could handle being close to somebody? That he could be gentle and caring? That he could have something so clean and good and beautiful in his life? That he could have a life?
“You’re nothing more than a bunch of fucking animals. After we are through with you, you will still be a bunch of filthy animals, but you will be useful to us. Useful to our cause.”
He still remembered that day. His first day in the training. He had been ten years old. Much younger than others in his unit. Trainer had made them beat the shit out of each other. Guards had been watching and cheering. After it was over, he had been the last one standing. Trainer had walked to him, huge hulking figure towering over him.
“Fucking runt! Get down!” Hard blow to his cheek had sent him sprawled on the ground. It had continued for weeks. Finally they had understood. They were nothing more than animals. After he had escaped it had taken years to believe he could be something more. Maybe even human, if he tried hard enough.
And now he had gotten rock-solid proof of his real nature. Real human wouldn’t have had the same kind of urges that he had. Real human wouldn’t have gotten more excited after smelling blood. Real human wouldn’t have wanted to taste it. Real human wouldn’t have wanted to bite. Real human wouldn’t have wanted to claim her so harshly as he had wanted.
She eased out of the bed as soon as she heard it. Small gasp from the living room. Logan was sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, hands curled around his knees, face hidden behind his forearms.
“Logan?”
“Wolverine.”
“What?”
“Wolverine. That’s my real name. Wolverine.”
“What happened?” Marie asked, kneeling next to him. She tried to get closer; to wrap her arms around him, but Logan shrugged her off.
“You don’t want to do that.” His voice came out strangled.
“Why? I like touching you,” Marie tried to assure him, sliding her palm over his back.
“Why?” Logan had lifted his head, and was staring at her, eyes narrowing and his nostrils flaring. Gauging her reactions.
“I like you. I think… I think that you like me too. And I want to see if we could have something more…” Logan’s derisive snort interrupted her.
“Something more? Love? Maybe a nice little family? Few kiddies running around? Nice and cozy?” He spat every word out like it was poison. And poison it was to Marie. She couldn’t understand his behavior.
“Why are you being so mean? I thought you liked it, too.”
“Yeah. I liked it…” Logan grunted, releasing his knees.
“Then what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Go back to bed. I’ll sleep out here.”
“No. I want to know what’s wrong. Did I do something to upset you or…”
“No. You didn’t. Go back to bed, okay?” Logan said. He was starting to crack, she could tell.
“Logan…” She reached with her hand, placing it on his knee. Logan bolted on his feet.
“I freaked out! Okay? I don’t do this! I don’t walk around touching and kissing and hugging people! I don’t know how to deal with it! Okay?”
“Do you think it’s somehow easier to me? I’m a fucking ugly freak! But you made me feel better. Like those scars didn’t really matter.”
“They don’t matter,” Logan whispered with a raspy voice.
“But this does. This is what I am. An animal…” He continued.
“And I have no business with the likes of you.”
She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what to say. Then one question rose to her mind, making her lips tremble.
“Are you throwing me out?”
“I should. You’d do better without me. I’m no fit company.”
“Fine. I’ll go and pack my stuff… It’s still mine, right? The clothes and…” She stammered, lump in her throat making it hard to speak.
“Go to sleep. There’s a settlement near by. About day’s journey. I’ll take you there tomorrow. Those clothes are yours. I’ll give you enough money to get by until you find a job.”
She walked numbly to the bedroom. Sleep? After what had happened? She lay on the bed crawling under the blanket. It really had been too good to be true.
“Stupid. Stupid.” Nobody cares about mutants. Not even other mutants.
“Better learn it little late than never…” She closed her eyes. Willed sleep to come. For a while she lay there, rigid, not breathing. Then tears came. Silent sobs made her curl deeper under the covers.
He was in the kitchen, getting dressed up. He had really fucked this up. But what else you could expect from somebody as fucked up as him? His left hand rose, fingers rubbing his cheek just under his eye. Partially expecting to feel cold metal. ID tag. They had welded it to his skull, leaving a small portion of it above his skin. Name and series of numbers. It had been a bitch to cut out, but he had finally made it. Other units had gotten tattoos, but his mutation had eaten the ink faster than they could apply it. Scent of her tears pulled him out from his memories.
“Shit.” Now he had made Marie cry. Couldn’t he get anything right?
Mattress shifted and bedclothes rustled.
“Leave me alone.”
“Marie…” Hand landed on her shoulder and turned her on her back. She kept her eyes closed.
“Try to understand. Things I did… They messed me up. It took years to figure out how to live like a normal person. When we… When we started kissing, it was good. You have no idea how good it felt. But then… This all happened so quickly. Too quick. Nobody’s cared for me before. I haven’t cared for anybody before. I’m scared at what will happen.”
“So you choose to run and hide rather than find it out?” Marie asked, opening her eyes.
“Like I said, this is new to me too. I have been alone from since I was twelve. Scared of people. Trapped in this poisonous body. Now I finally found somebody who I wasn’t afraid, and you’re kicking me out?”
“We really are pathetic if we let this end,” Marie said. Logan swallowed.
“You think we should try again?” He asked.
“Don’t you?” Marie asked. He had to think his answer for a while. It had to come out right. Finally he settled to the simplest possible solution.
“Yeah. I think it would be a good idea. But…” He held up his hands when she sat up and scooted closer him.
“I’ll sleep in the living room. I’m not ready for… I’m not ready for more.”
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