The journey home was done in silence, after the cars had been crushed (she'd returned to dispose of her own) they'd taken public transport back.
The mile or so walk to the mansion gave them both time to come to terms with what they'd both done. Logan had just trusted her with the truth, the reality of being with the X-Men. The nasty dirty things that went on behind the scenes, the things only ever eluded about in half whispered conversations in dim corridors when everyone else was asleep.
She watched him move, the change was gradual, he seemed to stiffen up as they got closer, less fluid, more...her mind recoiled from the word at first but it was the one that fitted the best; Human. He'd noticed her looks, her way of calculating and watching; she was always the first to spot anything wrong in him. Moving his cigar into his hand he spoke to the world which at the moment happened to include her. "I make people nervous if I stay myself, when I first came here Xavier kept me below for weeks. I wasn't in control of myself." He took a long draw on the cigar and his eyes flickered toward hers seeing her doubts building in her mind. "Sometimes I'm still not in control of myself." It was in the way he moved his shoulders that made her breath hitch, she knew *exactly* what he was saying. The younger members always seemed to like to tease Logan about his private life, the way he seemed to live like a monk at the mansion. All those fit bodies parading around, sometimes without a stitch on made even the most pious man get ideas. But as yet Logan had never brought anyone home, he went out but he never brought someone back.
An incident came to mind, it was when they'd had an attack from Magneto, they'd been caught unawares and Logan had had some of his bones pulled around making his body work overtime to repair the damage. For the first time in years Logan had had to have bed rest and it had driven everyone crazy. He'd sent everyone away from him even her, only Hank had been to see to him. At her last visit he'd seemed odd, strange to her as if he was needing something from her, something he couldn't or shouldn't ask her for. She'd been about to touch his skin with a gloved hand when Hank had pulled her away fast. The snarl from Logan had startled her, shocked her even, the words from his mouth only half heard came back to her as they walked along. "Get your filthy fuckin' paws off what's mine!" She'd never asked him about it, he'd joked about the women he'd spent time with but it was something they'd never explored together.
Sure she'd bitched and moaned about the boys that had grabbed her attention for a while but he'd been the mainstay of her friendships. Wherever he was, she was it was how it seemed to be and now looking at it as an adult the cold realisation of just exactly what she'd let herself in for came clear. The woods were turning to the right while the house went to the left, she needed more time to talk before they went inside. She stopped dead, taking a deep breath she just said what was on her mind. "Since when did ah become your property?"
She had to hand it to him, he switched from the shell he was to the vital man she'd seen torturing that suit earlier in a blink. He was up against her just as fast, his hands wrapped around her keeping her under his control. An almost sneer on his face marring the beauty of him, "Since I saved your life, since I poured myself into you." He pulled her hips to his groin and let her feel him hard and insistant against her own body. "It's not the only thing I'd like to put in you," the tone was sleazy almost but her blood responded anyway, it was Logan.
Logan who'd always been there, who'd seen her naked more times than she really wanted to remember (he kept others at a distance while she showered after missions), the man who'd been in her none existant sex life since she first found out what her hands were for. She thought it had been all her, she was only twenty, still a teenager in many respects but him, he was so old he could give Xavier a run for his money. "Darlin' you were *given* to me; an I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Especially one as good as you." His eyes changed then, a distance entered them and he released her as if she were scalding him. Turning his back on her he walked toward the forest, the cigar was on the road the glow from it a point of light on the dark of the surface. She didn't follow him this time, she knew the consequences of her doing so would be something they'd both regret.
Turning her feet homeward she followed the road back home knowing that he was watching her, when the gates opened to receive her she caught the sight of him stood naked. Just inside the forest edge, his skin dark blending into the woodland around him. The sight of him something important, he was telling her something here, something she needed to understand before she could accept her place at his side when he went out alone. She'd made her pledge and Logan would expect her to keep it, words were important to him.
He only ever said what he meant, every word considered before he gave it free reign, one of his favourite sayings to the kids he trained was 'You can't 'unsay' something; so mean what you say, even in threats.' That had made a few go pale when they realised that when he'd threatened to gut them he'd meant it. His classes afterward had been more attentive since then and in silence too.
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Everyone was waiting for her when she got in, Scott was tapping his foot, Jean was nearly lost in the rage she was feeling about her recklessness, Ororo was just disappointed, Jubilee was sulking as were other members of the younger team but it was the calm look Xavier had on his face that unnerved her the most. That he could be so calm, so together after what he'd sent Logan to do, so she'd listened as Scott had admonished her, Ororo had told her that she could have been killed and her friends told her that she shouldn't have dumped them. She took it all while she just looked calmly at Xavier, her body language unrepentant, just calmly waiting.
Afterward only Scott remained as Xavier finally spoke to her, his cultured tones now causing her nerves to spike when before she'd found them calming. "Did you find him?" She nodded in reply, her voice couldn't be trusted right now. Xavier just steepled his hands, leaning toward her as he did so, "Did you find out what you wanted to know?" This was the question she'd been dreading and again she just nodded, Xavier pulled back and the look in his eyes changed from calm to alert. He raised a hand and Scott froze in time, giving all his attention to her Xavier spoke again. "So you know what he did?" Licking her dry lips she opened her mouth to answer.
"Yeah. Ah saw him kill someone," the soft parental look was building in his face and she knew he was going to try and take it all away from her. "Ah drained him, the buyer, ah know what he knew, times, dates, names, prices....everything."
Xavier suddenly sat up his body showing some of it's old strength as he pierced her through with his gaze and she felt his mind probing through her own. "Ya could ask you know, ah was goin to give ya everything anyway. Ah'm goin with him next time, he needs me there."
The shark smile that crossed Xaviers face was something she'd never seen before and she'd rather face Magneto alone than sit in front of this. "Rogue, there are things we *have* to do, people we have to remove, things will only ever change if these voices of dissent are quelled before they become the norm." He gestured to the mansion around them, "My own family regarded me with suspicion, they weren't exactly loving and welcoming to my powers or me when they manifested. I resolved that when I could I'd build a place others like me could find a home, a peaceful home. And unfortunately that takes effort, something Logan is very good at, he was used by the Canadian military for years doing what he is doing for us here. But the difference is he has a home here, he's welcome to be who is here, what he is too."
The lie was small but it was hidden in the retoric she'd been fed ever since she'd landed here. Logan himself had told her that Xavier had kept him locked up until he could 'control' himself. Until he had him 'tamed', a wolf made into a guard dog, only allowed to be a wolf when it suited Xavier. People underestimated her constantly, just because she had a southern accent didn't mean she was a hick. She saw it as it was, the Logan in her head was telling her she was right but it was dangerous to say it out loud here and now. He could rip her mind to pieces and it wouldn't matter to him, she'd be passed off as being taken over by the personalities in her head. Everyone would believe him because he was the saviour wasn't he? It was Magneto who was the devil, but at least the devil was more honest about his methods, whereas Xavier did things behind closed doors and secret missions.
She nodded to him as she listened to him explaining that if she decided to join Logan on his expeditions then it might be worthwhile to stay outside the mansion's grounds. It would make others more calm and they wouldn't have to explain their constant movements with those around them. He'd arrange something later but for now she should just keep her own council and make sure of her choices. Just before he waved Scott back into time he smiled and welcomed her to the team.
When she finally left the office Logan was in the foyer, she took in the look he had in his eyes and she just nodded to him. She'd catch up with him later and tell him what had happened, but now she'd just had the reality of the world given to her and it made her stomach uneasy. She needed rest and the sooner this information was out of her head the better. Heading for her room she hoped that things would get clearer somehow but what she'd just seen didn't give her much hope.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is for Gamma, hope you like it and who knows maybe it'll inspire more fic in me.