Hour Two
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She was still driving; the words he'd given her laid heavy like a sick blanket over her skin, their meanings worming into the flesh of her brain. Truth was never so brutal than this, this nerve shredding experience she was undertaking.
Logan was suffering as much as she was, the nerves that were making him twitch and heave as he constantly shifted in his seat. Usually as still as the mountains they'd left he was nothing but now. She could see the tension filling every piece of him, spilling out from his finger ends and filling the space between them with unexpressed violence. He wanted to make Xavier suffer for creating her, for making her what she was, though it *had* been her choices that had brought her here.
"Logan," she kept silent until he turned his shaggy head toward her own. When she had his attention she began again, "Ah made mah choice sugar. It's not what ah thought it would be but ah don't regret it. Ah have you, thats what matters to me." Logan seemed to awaken a little from his depression as she reached out to him. Her ungloved hand closing the distance between them until her skin ghosted over his own. Finally being held upto his lips to the heat that instantly soaked through her skin to her blood.
He didn't let her go as he spoke to her, his eyes drilling into her face as he gave his thoughts free reign. "You know I wondered how Mystique and the furball got past security, how they got past Xavier's so called 'all seeing eye'. It occured to me later that he'd wanted them to come, wanted them to take you, to challenge me for you." Marie held her breath as she tried to negotiate traffic using one hand on the steering wheel.
"What do you mean?" He let her hand go allowing her to drive safely as he shuffled over toward her.
"Xavier's place, that school of his, it never gets hit, never gets harmed by anyone. Whenever there's a bunch of idiots that think they're comin to get a bit of fun we know about it nearly an hour ahead. So how come he never saw the furball with his open sewer of a mind?" The silence didn't stop him, Logan forged on, his words like nails in her chest. "Kind of made sense to go digging, I chased after the low ranking members, found out a few things that I wished I hadn't. One of them being the day you were being grabbed, Xavier knew they were coming but he didn't warn us. He definately didn't want you doing anything different, he omitted the warning so we had to run for you. *I* had to run for you, fight for you, take on that mangy cat for *ownership*." The shudder that ran through her made her skin crawl at the thought of what she'd been set up for. If they'd been too late, if they'd failed, if she'd been knocked out instead of fighting.
Bile rushed into her mouth, pulling out of traffic and getting honked at for her rush she killed the engine and dove to the door. Barely making it as her breakfast made a reappearance, everything came up, her insides cramping as she realised exactly what her role had been. She'd been bait, a prize to be fought over, a *thing* that kept Wolverine in Xaivers employ. Her own feelings hadn't even factored into the decision he'd made for her, it had been on his suggestion that she take a walk around the grounds.
Logan was by her side, rubbing the small of her back his presence enough of a comfort for her to cry. When her stomach calmed he pulled her upright slowly, making her look at him. His gaze was driven, hard, uncompromising but it was his words that made her believe him. "I loved you, you were *never* a 'thing' to me, you were the only one I needed, wanted near me. You let me believe there was more to me than what I was, you let me believe it, even if it isn't real."
It was like a clock chiming the hour, the words he used made sense to her, he'd never believed he was human, never believed he was capable of the things he'd done with her. Walking, smiling, laughing at inane jokes and stupid stuff on tv, enjoying life with someone who thought him capable of love and of being loved. It made what Xavier had done to him even worse, to know he was an human struggling to be humane; to keep Wolverine at bay so people were safe. Then to let him kill without impunity only when he said so, like a trained dog, to be good all other times, to be rewarded with her. Her smiles, her touches, her brightness, the one thing he thought he could never do.
Using his arm to steady herself she let him pull her inward, keeping her face lifted so she could see him. He was tense all over, every muscle in him still expecting her to reject him. To deny the animal he was, to force him away from her even now after everything.
"Logan, when ah was with you back there it was because ah wanted to be. You were mah friend, mah only friend." The words were wrong, she saw his head dip and the tension mount as he tried to get out of her grip. "NO!" She held on and pulled him back to her, "You listen to me dammit! Ah *wanted* to come with ya, ah wanted you to show me the truth of what ya did when you left on those missions and ya did. You left nothing out, even how much it hurt you to do it. All for me, ya did it all so ya could have respite, a person who ya could be human *with*. Something you should have been given from the start not dangled over your head like a reward to a starving dog."
Looking through her own memories there was something odd about them, when Logan was home she was with him, that had been a given, it was the way they were but apart from her no one actually reached out to him. No one, not even the team members he fought with, even Jean only patched him up when he was too injured to move but it was the clinical detachment she kept with him even when Logan joked with gallows humour.
He'd been isolated on purpose just like she had, Xavier had kept him wrong footed, never letting him put down roots. His only link was her and she'd been under Xaviers power while he'd been out on 'missions'. He'd been able to smile with her, able to express himself when no one else was near, when they were in the rec room or in pulic he'd always been closed mouthed. Only in the gardens or in her room had he been 'Logan'; even after the mission she'd been on with him he'd kept her safe. He'd let her go as far as she'd wanted to, knowing what she was hiding underneath,that she wanted him as much as he did her.
"Marie..." His eyes were downcast, his entire frame hunched over hers, needing to feel her with him, to hear her with him. Words weren't enough, she needed to show him, her hands went to his buckle. Undoing it swiftly and reaching for his already growing penis, her skin humming low she pushed her face into his. Taking his bottom lip into her mouth before whispering to him, "Ah want this, all of this, every last drop of bitter truth it has in it. Cos ah'm the only thing you have that's *real* and same goes for me. Everything upto me leavin with you was a lie, same goes for you." Her grip tightened on his hard shaft as she moved closer her lips barely above his own. "Ya human Logan, ya always were, just like ah was always an animal inside. It just took seein' another one for me to recognise it."
She felt his need, the want in his body to just take her, to give her what she wanted and take what he needed from her here on the side of the road. Her vomit still wet in the grass next to her feet, a human wouldn't fuck her by the side of the road, that was an animal response. But she'd moved on him, showing him what she wanted from him, pushing thought away he just took what was being offered. The traffic passing by not seeing Marie on her knees or him with her legs wrapped around his waist against the truck. *They* needed the confirmation, they needed to sort out the damage words had done them, self worth needed to be repaired in each other. Where at least they both mattered to the other, not a thing, not a weapon, not a guard dog or tame wolf always waiting for his freedom to act how he pleased.
When they pulled away the sun was over half way, food was in order and Logan was driving. That meant trucker food and at the moment it was what they both needed.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Marie gets her answers but what is it taking to get them?