The ache behind her eyes had Rogue groaning as she rolled over to stare out the glass doors. Hugging her pillow tighter, she blinked as a fresh assault of tears began to press for release behind her eyes as she tried to ignore what she’d done the night before.
Licking at her dry lips she swore as she realized she could still taste his kiss; still feel the warm pressure of his lips against hers. Throwing the covers aside, she hurried into her bathroom and turned the shower on as hot as she could stand before stepping under it determined to rid herself of the memories, of the imprint of Mr. M’s touch.
Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a large towel around her body and padded into her bedroom to grab her fluffy bathrobe. Tying it in a knot, she flopped down onto the bed and stared out the window for a few seconds, losing herself in the memories of a gentle kiss, a caress that wasn’t medical or professional.
Shaking her head, her eyes burning she reached for her phone and flipped it open. Punching in the familiar numbers she stared out the glass doors at the shimmering gold of the waves.
“Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters,” the feminine voice was only vaguely familiar.
“Can I please speak to Jubilee?”
“Uh sure just hang on a second,” the familiar strains of classical music drifted over the line as Rogue waited.
Wiping at the tears that raced unchecked down her face, Rogue struggled to keep the tears out of her voice. She didn’t need nor want Jubes to be calling in the cavalry over something as silly as her own fickle self.
“Jubilee here,” the familiar crack of gum, laughter, and curiosity echoed across the expanse of water and into the stateroom.
“Hey, Jubes,” Rogue hiccupped tearfully, “How’s it going?”
“Better than your life right about now from the sounds of it,” Jubilee retorted. “What happened? Logan do something stupid?”
“No, he called me and we had a nice chat. He said he’d call again soon,” Rogue sobbed softly, “But I did something really, really bad and I need to talk to him. Can you find his number in the book?”
Silence from the other end seemed to swell until Jubilee’s soft voice came back, “Sure Rogue but are you sure. What happened? Did someone hurt you?”
“No,” Rogue replied tearfully. “I kissed him!” she wailed before sobbing uncontrollably.
“Kissed who?” Jubilee asked, “That good looking guy you told me about?”
“Yeah, see we were dancing and drinking and one thing led to another and he kissed me and I kissed him back and now I can’t stop crying!”
“Did you do anything else? Did you shag with him or something?”
“No, it’s bad enough that I…” Rogue sobbed, “I k…k...k…kissed him.”
“Rogue, you didn’t do anything bad. He’s a guy, and you’re a girl. You can kiss him, ya know.”
“But I love Logan!” Rogue all but screamed. “I need him; I want to talk to him. Please just get his number.”
“It’s gonna take me bustin’ into the Prof’s office. You wanna hold or can I call you back?”
“I’ll call you back in say half an hour,” Rogue replied tearfully.
“Sure. Hey, you know you’re not an evil monster, kissing him doesn’t make you bad.”
“Yes it does,” Rogue whispered softly, “Because I don’t love him.”
“Hey you don’t have to explain..”
“I mean there are certain things about him that I like but there’s some part, some hint that I’m not comfortable with.”
“Rogue, you don’t have to explain yourself to me girlfriend. Just tell me something okay? Is it that you kissed him or is it that you liked it that’s bothering you? If he’d have pushed a little harder, would you have slept with him?”
With a shuddery breath Rogue raked a hand through her hair and blinked as she stared down at the blanket under her, “I don’t know. I like him, like the way he makes me feel sometimes, I just don’t think I could handle being…”
“Being what?”
Rogue sighed, this was confusing and she didn’t really want to air her fears to the biggest gossip outside of ‘Ro. God she wished she could go back and undo everything, go back to the mansion and crawl into Logan’s bed and not get up until he came home.
“Being what, Rogue?” Jubes pressed, “A sexually desirable woman?”
“No!” Rogue gasped uneasily, “Logan makes me feel that way, Jubes. I just…”
“I know,” Jubes stated amid the soft shuffling noises, “Okay let’s see what we can find.”
Listening to the rustle of paper Rogue sighed, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. She loved Logan with every fiber in her body but the likelihood of him seeing her as a woman was slim. The fact that he wasn’t scared of her touch was another bonus point in her mind because he knew beyond a doubt what could happen.
Logan made her heart pound, her breathing erratic, and gave her the feeling of being alive, purely sexual, more than just a woman. He… in a word he made her feel whole, complete, accepted, and it was that devotion and caring that made him so dear to her.
And while Mr. M didn’t seem bothered by her skin he didn’t really know, he’d never witnessed what happened when she touched someone with her skin in full effect. Would he run in the other direction if he knew that she’d been on more than one mission? That she’d nearly killed someone – not once but twice? Could she reveal that part of herself to him without fear?
Flopping back amongst her pillows, Rogue stared at the ceiling. While Mr. M made her feel like a woman, he’d never really pressed it. He’d never pushed her for more than she was willing to give, willing to risk. That thought brought a wave of doubts, would he want more than just a quick fling? He’d already revealed that he had someone so his motives were suspect as well.
More importantly, what were her motives? Could she handle a quick fling with such a man even when her body, her mind, and heart told her that Logan would come around sometime? Could she surrender her sense of self-respect and dignity for a taste of being some rich playboy’s woman?
“Got it,” Jubes declared, triumph in her voice, “You have a pen and paper?”
“Yeah, just a second,” Rogue stated, rolling off the bed and hurrying over to the desk to grab the pen and pad of writing paper, “Give it to me.”
“Seven eight oh, five five five, two thousand,” Jubilee quoted quickly, softly.
“Thanks, Jubes, I owe you one for this,” Rogue smiled through her tears.
“Just let me know what’s happening, okay Rogue? If you need us, we’ll be there to get you.”
“Thanks, I appreciate that,” Rogue declared hanging up quickly and sighing as she stared at the number in front of her. Quickly punching in the numbers before she lost her nerve Rogue waited for it to be answered.
Swearing steadily under his breath, he puffed away on the cigar as he stared out the window at the blue sky. He’d messed things up alright, more so than if he’d been patient, if he’d taken the time to make things okay. The soft sounds of her tears had drifted to him throughout the night and he’d felt her pain.
Glancing with disdain at the ringing of the phone he growled and picked it up only to stare at the familiar number. Flipping it open he pushed a button and held it to his ear, “Hey.”
“Hi, Logan,” Rogue’s soft accent was enhanced by the sound of the tears in her voice.
“Hey kid, how’s it going?”
“I don’t know,” Rogue replied sadness in her tone. “I need to talk, you got a few minutes?”
“For you? Got all the time in the world, kid, what’s on your mind?” Logan asked softly.
“I did something I’m not proud of, and now I’m scared.”
“What happened? Somebody fuck with you? Cause if they did…”
“No. No, nothing like that, Logan,” Rogue sighed softly, sadly. “Last night there was this party on board the ship and I had a little too much to drink and I kissed this guy back when he kissed me.”
Logan hid his groan of pain at the tears and the shame in her voice, “Why did he kiss you?”
“I think he likes me,” Rogue admitted softly, “And I like him, I’m just not sure..”
“Kid, you know I’m gonna support your decisions…”
“I don’t think this is one of ‘em,” Rogue admitted quickly, the soft whisper of fabric telling him she was pacing like crazy. “I admit I liked kissing him, but deep down a part of me thinks I shouldn’t have done it to begin with. I mean, I’m not in love with him…”
“But you are attracted to him, right? You like him; he makes you feel special…”
“Not like you do, Logan! I don’t know. I don’t want to be someone’s ‘fling’ I want…” Rogue sobbed. “I want to be The One; I want to be so special, so necessary in someone’s life that they’d risk death for me!”
Logan groaned softly and rubbed at his forehead, “You are special, Marie, you are necessary to me.”
“But not…” Rogue paused, “Tell me what to do, Logan, tell me how to do this.”
With a sad shake of his head, he rose to pad to the doors leading out onto his patio, “You gotta follow your heart, Marie. Listen to it and it will tell you what you need to know.”
A sniffle came across the line and he knew she was feeling more than a little pained, more than a little confused. “But what if what my heart tells me isn’t what I want to hear?”
“Your heart won’t lead you astray, darlin’,” he admitted softly extending and retracting his claws, “It’ll help you find a way.” It had helped him, told him how to be a man, how to become what Rogue needed in life: a steady presence, and while his heart hadn’t really let anyone else in, it sure didn’t hold back when it came to his Marie.
“Thanks, Logan, I’d better let you go. I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” he admitted softly before the line went dead, “But we’ll be together soon. Really soon if I have my way.”
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