It’s kind of scary how easy it is. Just keep on going without a goal. Without any purpose. At first I thought I was this way because Xavier blocked my memory, but it has been a month already, and we’re well out of his range. There’s nothing wrong with my memory anymore. I even remember the fucking cloud formations that were up in the sky that day on the roof. Yet I can’t feel a thing towards Marie. We haven’t been together after she finally confronted me. Well, we are still traveling together and sleep nights under the same roof, but that’s more out of necessity than anything else. I know for a fact that Xavier is not after us. He got what he wanted. Hell, we could probably go back to the mansion, and everything would settle back to the way it was before. Almost. There wouldn’t be nightly chats with Marie. She wouldn’t be coming to me to show her new slippers. She wouldn’t be coming to me for anything at all, I’m sure Xavier would take care of that. He would neuter her, too. And eventually pair us up with more suitable partners.
Hell. Maybe it would be better that way. At least she wouldn’t be crying herself to sleep every night. I’m not there to see it, I spend my nights in the cage, but almost every morning I come home, I can smell it. Yeah. It would be easier for her. But I don’t think it would be right. She has the right for her feelings. Good or bad, at least she feels something. And I’m not going to let Xavier win this little game of his. I rather fucking kill her myself than let Xavier put out that fire that’s inside of her. I owe her that much.
She asked me something last night. Do I believe things will get better? I told her the truth. She didn’t like it much. Told me that she wished she had never let me out from DR. Can’t really blame her. There are moments when I seriously reconsider turning back. It would take few weeks. Few weeks more on the road, and we would be back at the mansion. Marie seems to sense when my thoughts take up that trail. She becomes awfully fidgety and starts asking when do we stop, what are we going to eat. Weather I’m going to fight tonight or stay in the room with her. Distractions. And they work. Every time she manages to bring forth something… Almost as if I felt something. She manages to make me smile.
I really try. I try to remember what it was like to feel. To love her. I try to find that feeling again, because she deserves to be loved. She doesn’t speak to me much, but I know she still loves me. She loves me every day a little less, but that only makes me try harder. Because some day she won’t love me anymore, and that is the day Xavier has won.
So I keep watching her. The way the sunlight makes her hair shine. How small breeze ruffles long strands of it. She keeps complaining they get in to her eyes and mouth, but refuses to braid it. I offered to do it for her. She said she wanted to be completely free. No braid, just all that shining sable flowing in the wind, mingling with those white strands she got from Magneto. They frame her face, and bring out her dark eyes. Deep brown. Filled with sadness. I remember what they looked like just a month ago, twinkling from joy and happiness. They’re as beautiful, or even more beautiful now than they were then. Pale skin, now touchable for me only. Fact that I should be overjoyed of. Soft lips, dark red against her skin. They tasted like strawberries, cherries and vanilla. Last time I kissed her I could taste only salt from her tears. Even that was welcome. As long as she keeps crying, I know there’s still hope left.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000