I could have handled it better. I just got so angry when they refused to acknowledge my part in this and tried to blame Logan. Like something bad had happened. Things went fast downhill after my outburst. Suddenly everybody had something to say over the matter. Everybody was screaming and shouting. Then Ororo turned around and said it. Told Logan that he was a disgusting creature. A pedophile, and that he shouldn’t be allowed near the children, and that Professor should make sure that he couldn’t get his filthy paws on me never again. Logan snapped. I don’t know was it the part when Ororo blamed him of pedophilia, or the part when she told that they should take me away from him, but he simply snapped. I heard a low growl, his hands disappeared from my shoulders and I could hear claws coming out.
Now he’s downstairs, restrained to the Danger Room, and they won’t let me see him. This is wrong. So fucking wrong in so fucking many ways. He was only trying to defend himself, claws’ coming out was an instinctual reaction, but I’m sure he wouldn’t really have used them. As soon as they turned on him, Scott lunging to his feet to tackle him and Jean and Ororo taking hold of his hands he pulled the claws back in so that they wouldn’t get hurt. I don’t know what Professor did, but he had this faraway look in his eyes, like always when he’s using his telepathy, and suddenly Logan stopped struggling and fell limp. They dragged him to the elevator, and that’s the last I have seen him in two days. They have the elevator under lockdown mode, and I don’t know the code to it.
They have been having discussions about ‘the incident’. They haven’t called me to single one of their little get-togethers, but I have been eavesdropping. Tells quite a bit of their confusion, when neither Jean nor Professor has caught me.
They have a problem. Well, apart from the fact that they really have no good excuse to keep Logan and me separated… Logan has done nothing illegal. Yet what we did goes against their morals, and they acted hastily, without really thinking consequences. They can’t keep Logan locked up forever. Letting him out would mean they approve his actions. I’m not even going to think what he will do when they let him out. It won’t be pretty, that I know for sure.
I have noticed something interesting while listening them talking. Professor and Ororo are strongly disapproving my relationship with Logan, but Jean and Scott have taken a softer approach to the matter. They do not approve, but it sounds like they’re not condemning Logan. What happened, it happened. I even heard Scott proposing they should let us both go. It was not like I was hurt or anything. For that Ororo retorted sharply, that Scott was hardly in the position of judging what kind of mental scars Logan could have inflicted upon me. Mental scars? Was the woman nuts? Jean tried to remind them on several occasions about the good things that had happened. She had noticed a long time ago, that there was definitely something between Logan and me. And that I was able to touch him. That Logan could very well be the only person in this world I would be able to touch, ever. Professor and Ororo run those claims over with a verbal bulldozer. Professor even spat out that he wasn’t going to start coddling a pervert who raped children.
Believe me, it was pure hell just listen, and not to barge in and demand the right to defend us. It got even harder when the shrink Xavier had called finally arrived. Elderly lady with a snotty attitude dressed to a grey suit, long, grey hair twisted to a tight bun on top of her head. She was supposed to talk with me. To find out about my mental state. Like I was the insane one. Needless to say, I refused to see her.
“It’s for your own good.”
“You will feel better after you have talked it through with somebody who understands.”
“We are just trying to help you.”
Fuck them.
During these two days I have stayed in my room apart from my little scouting trips behind Xavier’s door, and quick dashes to kitchen to sneak out something to eat. I haven’t slept. I tried, but as soon as I closed my eyes I could see Logan, being dragged away from me, limp and lifeless. It’s getting hard to stay awake. I just want him back. I don’t care if it’s somehow wrong what we are doing. And how the fuck it even could be wrong when it felt only good and right?
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