I saw Logan at the breakfast. He looked a little tired, but none the worse to wear. He actually smiled at me, a genuine Logan smile. Not the smirk he carries around like a shield. Made me feel a little better. I had been quite nervous, thinking about our upcoming discussion. I mean, what there was to discuss? Apart from the fact that I was too curious pervert and should keep my nose out of Logan’s business. Well, he apologized for scaring me. And even that was weird. It should have been me apologizing from him, not the other way around. As I see it, he didn’t do a thing. My own curiosity and childish behavior brought this upon me.
I was looking for him at the dinner. I was going to ask him if we could talk after my last class. Wasn’t feeling like leaving that conversation later. No thanks. I would very much like to have at least one full night of sleep at this week, thank you. He wasn’t there. I asked from Scott if he had seen Logan. He said he saw him last time at nine in the morning when he had gone and taken over his class, because Professor had wanted to talk with him about something. That didn’t sound good. Talking with Professor usually meant trouble. When it was Logan talking with him, it usually meant only one thing. Professor had found something about his past, and Logan would leave this place for as long as it took him to check it. There had been quite a few of these trips already. Some of them had taken only few days. But there had been longer ones. And I don’t think I can take it if he disappears for few weeks before we have a chance to talk and clear this mess between us.
So, as soon as Ororo excused us from our last class, I sprinted to my room to drop off my books and change my clothes. This called for drastic measures. It was time to make things clear between us.
And here I am now, sitting on my bed. Dressed to my bra and panties. I don’t have a clue what I want from him.
Do I love Logan? Duh. That one is quite obvious. How can I not love him? He’s the first and only one who has touched me after my mutation kicked in without fear. He’s the one who has stood by my side constantly, through every big and small ordeal. Starting from the Statue Of Liberty, ending to last night. He’s one of my teachers, but first and foremost he’s my friend.
How do I love him? Now, that’s the tricky part. The part that makes it hard to decide how to dress and act around him. Yeah, I should just be myself. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could solve things like that? But that’s the very thing that led me to this mess in the beginning. I was being the nosy, insecure brat, trying to act as an adult.
Am I willing, or ready to love him as he seemed to hope I would? As a woman instead of a friend? I certainly felt something both times I witnessed him masturbating, but was it love? Or lust? Or just plain fear and curiosity?
I’d have to say the first time was certainly pure curiosity. I had been eavesdropping before, but from behind closed door. And that was for purely selfish purposes, to gather material for my own fantasies. To make them more real. I could add auditory track to my dream lover when I closed my eyes. All I had to do was to recall the small incoherent murmurs and gasps coming from Logan’s room.
The second time? I could hardly blame curiosity on that one. I could have left when I saw Logan approaching the Sabretooth. I could have left, closed the door behind me, and none of this would have happened. Yet I chose to stay, watch and pleasure myself. Was it the blood and violence? Or was it Logan that made me stay and enjoy? Was it the sight of him squirming in that hazy ground between pleasure and pain, or was it the look in his eyes and his hoarse voice that made me lie down and spread my legs?
There really is only one way to solve this, and I should quit stalling and go find him.
First stop. Logan’s room. Door is locked, but that doesn’t matter. He’s not in there. I don’t even have to knock. There’s this empty feeling… Sometimes I just know if he’s not home. I don’t know why, or how, but it’s like there’s something missing. And there’s definitely one Logan missing from that room. Maybe I should go and ask Professor to find him for me.
“What can I do for you today, Rogue?” Professor looks kind of pre-occupied, but he’s smiling and urging me to sit. I take the chair in front of his desk.
“I was looking for Logan. I heard you spoke with him earlier today. Did he say if he was leaving?”
“Leaving? No, I don’t think… He’s up on the roof.” Professor tells me after a brief pause.
“Rogue? Wait. Sit with me for a while. I would like to discuss with you about something,” he says when I stand up. Grr. He’s a telepath, for Christ’s sake! He should be able to sense that I’m not in the mood to talk with anybody but Logan at the moment.
“Please?” But what can I do?
“I have noticed that you and Logan have become quite close with each other.”
“Hmm? We’re friends. Something wrong with that?” Because judging from the tone of Professor’s voice there’s something seriously wrong.
“Friends? Of course. Of course… Nothing wrong with that…” Professor mumbles, staring at me.
“Why does that sound like there’s a ‘but’ coming?” I ask. Professor clears his throat.
“Because there is. I apologize my crudeness, but it has come to my knowledge that situation has developed to something else than a friendship. I know what has happened. And I can sense your discomfort over the matter. I must say that I’m not at ease with Logan’s actions, and I want you to know that we will be there for you. We will look after you.”
“Uh… Okay?” And what the crap is he talking about? I don’t have the slightest of clue.
“I know that Logan has tried to seduce you. You’re still young, Rogue. I do not wish you to get hurt because of his selfish actions.”
“Thank you… I guess. Can I go now?” Because now I really need to talk with Logan.
“Go ahead. And remember. We’ll be here for you.”
Professor was right. I’m standing at the doorstep. I can sense Logan on the other side of that door. Well, that’s bullshit. I can smell his cigar. He’s out there somewhere. I open the door and step on to the roof carefully. Thank God I put on sneakers instead of those slippers. Have to watch my steps anyway. I don’t want to end up as a red patch on the driveway. Just few steps and I will be on more secure ground and… You got to be fucking kidding me!
He lies on the roof, under the sun. There’s a cigar. It’s smoking on an ashtray few meters away from him. He looks like he’s having a good time. And now comes the fucking kidding me –part.
His shirt is open. His jeans are somewhere around his ankles, and I have a perfect view over his muscled body. Lazy grind of his hips, thin sheen of perspiration making his tanned skin glisten in the sun. Head tilted backwards, eyes closed. My name falling from parted lips. Invitation? Does he even know that I’m here?
I take a step closer. He opens his eyes.
“Don’t stop…” Please, don’t. Because I have to know.
“Come here,” he gasps. I walk to him and kneel next to him on the roof. Scent of his arousal surrounds me. He doesn’t stop. Instead he takes my gloved hand, eyes locked to mine. There’s a question in that gaze. He doesn’t know either what to do. What to make of us. I let him guide my gloved hand to his abdomen. Even through my glove his skin feels scorching hot. He’s burning up.
“Slippers on, or off?”
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