Logan was staying put until winter was over, Professor Xavier had talked him into staying on for a while, employing him to fix up the stuff that needed doing in the grounds as well as general maintenance.
Personally Marie thought he be better teaching something like self defence but she knew inside that Logan wouldn't pull punches kids or no.
So she settled for seeing him around the school and grounds. When she did get to see him it was always with others, not that she minded. She was finally making friends here, people who understood what it was like to live with a mutation that coudl kill someone.
But even with everyone else around her she still felt alone in one part of her soul and it was only eased when she spent some time around Logan. That was where she was heading now, she'd volunteered to carry his lunch out to him. He was working on the stable block, the stalls needed repair after one of the horses had taken a fright. One whole side needed replanking and she'd plumped to go out into the frost laden cold to give Logan his lunch.
The stable area was usually open but the door was semi-shut when she got there, she heard voices talking and paying them no mind she went further inside.
"Logan you can't ignore it," Marie stopped dead before she turned the corner, recognising Jeans voice by the cultured tone it held.
"I'll do what I damn well please and not you or The Professor is gonna tell me otherwise or I'm gone." The tone of Logan's voice was leaden, she knew that sound from the memories in her head. There was no point arguing with that tone you had more chance trying to crack granite with a feather.
"Logan don't be so stupid, she's a *child*. She doesn't understand what she wants yet," as Marie listened she heard the heels that Jean always wore go across the cobbles of the yard. The voice lowered and Marie had to strain to hear what was said next, "You do have other choices Logan." The blatant offer was there in the air, she knew Mr Summers was her fiancee and that they were planning a spring wedding. Anger suddenly welled up through her, she would use Logan, put all the blame on him and she knew it as well as she knew she was carrying a hot plate. Seeing the rake nearby she deliberately kicked it, making the noise of it rattle through the stable. Standing near the rake she made it look like she'd just walked in, looking up as she saw someone come round the corner in her peripheral vision. Smiling when she saw Logan's face a little flustered but seemingly happy to see her. She had to hand it to him he didn't look back to where she knew Jean was, he just walked over to her.
"You okay kid?" The word made her wince still, 'kid' she was 'the kid' to him out here but in her head he never called her 'kid', only Marie. Pulling a smile to her face she met his gaze.
"Sure, just tripped over the rake. Ah brought your lunch out, got to make sure you eat Logan, even you need to fuel up more than once a day." She smiled as he took the hot plate from her and lifted the cover on it, "Sorry no jerky, only roast beef." The personal joke made some light come back into his face, seeing his gaze take her in she waited for him to speak.
"You eating inside?" He motioned to the main house but she just shook her head and offered up the flask she had in her pocket.
"Nah got take out, soup. Thought ya might want some company." That made a real smile cover his face and he moved them nearer the doors so she wouldn't hear or see Jean leaving.
They spent the next hour just eating in silence and watching the world go by, it was only when she was getting ready to go back did Logan talk to her. Stilling her hands on the plate he made her sit back down next to him. Seeing him take everything in about her, even her scent, "Marie are you happy here?"
It was an odd question to put to her but she thought before she answered it.
"It's okay ah guess, studying never was mah favourite thing to do Logan," her eyes met his and saw the uncertainty resting in them. "But it beats hitching alone." She saw the understanding resting in his gaze as he understood just exactly what she'd said. Watching as he stood up wiping his hands on his jeans suddenly uncomfortable with her being so close to him. He didn't dismiss her but he did pace a bit before turning to her again.
"You know I'm leaving soon," she nodded and was about to answer him when he put up a hand to stop her. The emotions she could read as they passed through his face were confusing her never mind him. Guilt, need, anger , frustration, settling finally on defeat as he crouched down on his heels so she could look directly in his eyes.
"I promised to take care of you Marie but I can't do that if you stay here." There was more coming and she kept silent, she could feel the 'but' in the air, "But you need to be here around people your own age, around people who can give you opportunities you need, ones you missed out on." She knew what he was saying, the ones she'd miss out on if she went with him in the spring. She watched the hurt cross his eyes as he hoped she understood what he was trying to tell her. He needed her safe but she couldn't be safe with him so he was leaving her here. Thing was Magneto had reached her here through Mystique, had proved that she wasn't safe here either. He reached out and touched her, the weight of his hand on her covered arm comforting. He was the only one who reached out to her, who even bothered to try, everyone else kept a respectful distance between themselves and her. Ever since the incident where she'd touched Logan in his room, the incident itself had pointed out how dangerous she was to everyone.
Smiling to him she answered him, "Ah understand Logan but ah'm not safe here either. If he gets out he'll know where to find me, it'll be easy for him. Besides your the only one who even touches me here Logan, everyone else just flinches away, even Jean does it. Ah don't blame em though Logan, ah mean at least we know you'll recover from touchin' me. Every one else well they just look after themselves...." She couldfeel the tears beginning and she didn't want to be here when they started, she didn't want Logan to think it was his fault she was crying. "Ah've got to get back, ah've got history this afternoon with Storm."
She was quick to pick up the plate and her flask, keeping her head down she didn't look back as she left the stables but the wind was against her sending Logan the scent of her salt.
He watched her all the way back to the kitchen, he'd scented her tears, the hot salt of them, the pain in her body as she'd hurried away from him. Jean was right, she needed people her own age, not some damaged old fighter with questionable morals. That he hadn't managed to keep Magneto away from her was something he regretted with everything he had in him. But if she stayed here there were more people to look after her weren't there?
He decided to watch their reactions to her for a while, Christmas was coming up and everyone should be a little more relaxed and giving if what he'd been led to beleive was true about this lot.
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The next few days he watched her from the sidelines, never revealing himself to be there for her senses to pick up. Once or twice she nearly caught him but he'd managed to hide again quickly and what he saw didn't help him in his decision.
People *did* avoid her, they left half a body width between themselves and her, even her friends did. She was always on the sidelines of any group, always looking for the way in but not being given it. When the conversation about mistletoe had come up he'd almost walked out of his hiding place but he'd kept still listening to the conversation that had played out around him.
"Dude you're so *not* going to get Dr Grey under the mistletoe. If anyone's going to be chasing her it'll be tall dark and growly." Logan had noticed the kid in yellow before, remembering Marie telling her her name was Jubilee or something like that. The kid that was protesting the loudest was the kid with the lighter, he annoyed Logan, something in him reminded him of himself. He squared upto the Ice kid who was looking at Marie with barely disguised lust, "Hey Bobby you going to get Roguey babe there under the lust bush?" Bobby coloured as he looked over at the kid still flicking his lighter, "Get bent John!" He didn't look at anyone else he just kept his gaze on Marie, she smiled sure at the small joke but the pain that was in her eyes spoke volumes yet not one of them saw it.
That was only part of the problem, the other happened just a few nights before Christmas itself. He'd been out at the tavern in the town, coming home quietly and trying to walk down his corridor quietly to his room when he caught the sounds. Someone was hurting, as he followed the sound he found himself in Marie's corridor.
Going over to the door he knocked quietly but got no answer, the sounds were rising, mumbles becoming shouts. Breaking the lock he stormed into the room to see her room mate just waking up and Marie in the throws of a nightmare. Her scent was sky high with terror, not fear, not plain upset but life and death terror, as if the next movement would seperate her from the life she was desperately hanging onto. Her room mate was just sat watching the display as if it was normal, even going so far as to just lay back down now someone else was here to deal with her.
Reaching out to her covered shoulder he tried to wake her without scaring her, "Marie, Marie wake up it's a nightmare, come on honey wake up." She woke with a huge gasp, as if she was broaching water, seeing him sat next to her her eyes went wide and she bolted for the bathroom. Her retching was loud in the room and her bed mate just pulled her pillow over her head making Logan's anger spike.
Pulling it off her head he noticed it was the yellow kid, Jubilee, her eyes blinked up at the man who was keeping her from her sleep. "Hey I need that!"
"How often does she do this?" The confused face peered up at him from her bed.
"What disturb my sleep?" Logan nodded, "Every night dude." The way she said it made Logan's nerves bunch, she did this every night, why hadn't anyone told him? Why hadn't she told him?
He went into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it from the inside with her still retching into the bowl. It took a couple of minutes for the retching to pass but when it had he pulled her up by her arm and sat her on the now covered toilet. "How long and are they mine?" His tone told her exactly that he wanted the truth and he wasn't leaving until he got it. She raised her tear stained face and what he saw made his heart lurch. He'd seen the same look too often in the mirror not to recognise it, he had it when he had the dream about the tank. The one where they cut into his body, where the water turned pinkish brown, where he could taste the blood on his tongue as he tried to breathe water.
He just held her to him, kneeling in front of her as he asked her the question he didn't want the answer to. "The tank?" She just nodded into his shoulder and his grip tightened on her, she couldn't sleep here not with the fear of the dream still in her mind. No wonder he'd seen her walking around like a zombie some days, she didn't tell anyone about them she just tried to cope with them as far as he knew.
A knock came at the bathroom door and he untangled himself from her embrace and watched as she wrapped herself up in her own arms. Unlocking the door he saw Jean stood there with a needle in hand, she didn't question why he was in there with her she just made to give her the injection. Logan's blood pressure rocketed as he saw her bringing the needle down to her covered arm.
"NO!" He grabbed it and smashed it into the bath, Marie was still head down sat rock still. Jean looked at him as if he was a mad man.
"Logan she needs it to get a decent nights sleep. She's been stressed lately and the dreams are worse when she's stressed." The simple explanation made his blood boil, gritting his teeth together he just looked at Jean, his gaze boring through her.
"When were you going to tell me about this? When were you going to share this little piece of information with me Jean, that your having to drug her every night so she doesn't disturb anyone?!"
Jean crossed her arms and looked through him, "There are more people than just her Logan, we have to do what's right for everyone." It was then that his mind was made up, that everything she'd said to him had been a lie. A convienient one for him sure but it was a lie, Marie wasn't special to them, she was just another child, another problem to be solved, to be honed, shaped in the way they saw fit. Jubilee was up now and he didn't want Marie to feel even worse than she did already. Picking her up he carried her back to his room, ignoring the calls from Jean her words sliding off him like water off a duck. "You're not helping her Logan, you'll just end up hurting her." He'd snorted at the last comment, sure like he'd do a worse job than they were already. Marie buried herself into his shirts, still shaking from the nightmare that had ripped her mind apart.
Putting her into his bed he sat in the chair next to the window and watched the night slowly turn into dawn. She'd slept, cat napped really her face checking he was still there every couple of hours. Finally at seven she'd dropped off into a deep sleep and he went to have a talk with Xavier.
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Her stomach woke her when it hadn't been fed for a few hours; it took her a while to come round and when she did the room she was in definately wasn't hers. It was Logan's room and she was in his bed, she saw his jackets laid on the chair by the window and relaxed. Shifting herself back on the bed her hand slipped under the pillows; her fingers brushed against something under there. Pulling it out so she could see it properly she never expected to see a pair of her gloves under there. They were stained and her memory reminded her exactly which gloves they were, these were a pair of her night gloves. The ones she wore in bed just in case she had to get up at night, they were all white cotton but these had been lifted from the washpile.
Suddenly the thoughts that the Logan in her head was giving her made her stomach quiver, the patterns of the stains weren't water and they weren't her. They were all Logan and the stretched seam on the left glove told her everything she'd needed to know. Stuffing them back under the pillows she tried to come to terms with the physical proof of what her mind had been telling her all along. But getting the Logan out here to admit it was another matter entirely.
A warmth settled in her as she realised that part of him wanted her that way, she was legal here in New York, seventeen but Logan didn't see her that way. Not the outside one anyway, the inner one had seen her from the inside and he knew how much she differed from the rest of the kids around her.
Maybe that was the way, she'd use the Logan she had in her head to tell her how to show him she was different. She wasn't the same as the rest of them, she was older, damaged by life just like he was but now he knew she suffered from his nightmares, from his memories too. He'd be more likely to run from her than want to be near her if she knew the outside Logan. Sighing she went into the bathroom to have a shower and start her day, not knowing that outside Logan was coming round to what the inner one had known all along...the only person who could care for her was him.
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Xavier was talking him into knots and he knew it, they'd been discussing the 'Rogue problem' for nearly two hours now and he was nowhere near getting what he wanted to hear from Xavier.
He wanted to hear that she'd be protected, cared for as well as he could care for her, that she'd be included in things, that she'd be able to sleep without being drugged up,that she'd be *safe* here.
Oh Xavier had told him she'd be able to finish her education, get her GED, maybe even go onto college if she wanted to. He'd snorted at that, as if she'd be able to go with her skin. He knew she'd stay behind, work at the mansion too afraid to do anything because they'd breed it into her that she couldn't do something because of the risk to others. The things that had attracted him to her would be killed, destroyed if he left her here and he knew it. But he couldn't take her with him, if he did Xavier could call the police on him, have him in a cell before the night was out. He knew what police thought of mutants, especially mutants who took an interest in young women. No he couldn't risk that but he didn't want to leave her here, then something occured to him, he didn't actually know how old she was. She could already be legal, already be ready to go with him if he asked her.
Keeping his mind blank he just nodded and schooled his face as Xavier finished telling him if he wanted to go he was welcome to go but Rogue had a duty to herself to finish her education. He got out of there as fast as he could without it seeming like he'd given up on her.
Taking the stairs as fast as he could he went straight to his room, he'd ask her and then he'd take it from there.
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She wasn't there when he got there but he did hear a commotion in the next corridor, running down there he saw Marie fighting with her room mate Jubilee. They were fighting over a bag, Jubilee had one end and Marie had the other. Jubilee was talking through gritted teeth and Marie was just growling. "Your not going to run again damn it! He'll only drag your ass back here when he finds you!" Logan just picked her up bodily and threw her into the room, sending Jubilee flying onto her rear.
Piercing her with a stare that would have made Medusa proud he growled at her, "Yellow,out NOW!" Jubilee just bolted and Logan shut the door behind her, slamming the door shut. "An just where do you think your goin?"
Marie looked at him, his eyes were blazing, she felt her heart rate increasing as she read his excitement. "Ah'm goin' ah can't stay here anymore Logan, ah don't fit, people are afraid of me Logan, they twitch when ah move, they shift away every time ah go near them. They don't want me here Logan, the only one that even wants to touch me is you and you're leavin so ah'm going first!"
she hadn't been angry at first but when she'd started to talk the bitterness swam up from her heart, she was tired of being the one who always had to cover up, tired of being the pariah, the third wheel.
Her tears started as well, burning her face as they trailed down her skin, wiping them away with her gloved hand she held the evidence up for him to see. "This is the only touch ah'll ever know Logan, mah own! Everyone thinks it's danerous to even be near me, to be in the same damn room! Ah even wear gloves when ah sleep ah'm that poisonous!" At the mention of her night gloves Logan's pupils widened and Marie saw her chance to get him to admit what he'd done. She moved toward him, getting close enough to smell his breath as it left his mouth.
"Ah know what you've got under your pillow Logan all ah want is to hear you tell me why you did it. Was it curiosity becasue the you in mah head has shown me exactly what you'd like to do to me more than once. Thing is Logan the you out here won't even admit to thinking it never mind doin' it." Her gaze became cold as she saw the realisation hit him, that she wasn't a young girl anymore, Liberty Island had changed her more than he ever could by touching her in the ways he'd wanted to.
Snagging the scarf wrapped around her neck he pulled it taught over her lips just before he kissed her. His large hand kneading into her back pulling her frame into his, feeling her leg slide between his, stroking him. When he released her the darkness in her eyes was her own, he hadn't put it there but he'd added to it. "Ah never was pure Logan, seven months on the road saw to that. It wasn't easy before ah met up with ya, but it has been ever since."
His eyes caught the duffle, it was packed full, everything she owned was inside it. Nodding to it he spoke "Hide it, we'll go later." Smiling she felt her hands slide down his back, coming to rest on his waist. Her face hidden in the shirts he wore, his embrace settling the pain she'd been feeling, he understood now, she wasn't the child nearly everyone had convinced him she was. He'd never asked her so he hadn't known the truth but now he did and they'd be going together.
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It was three in the morning when they finally snuck out of the garage, Logan pushing the small truck out of the garage down the drive to the gates that opened automatically. They'd packed well, taking only what they both thought they'd earned from the place. Silently sneaking away Logan fired up the engine was well over the border when the sunlight turned the sky blue.
They were on the road to Toronto when Marie got the summons in her head making her screw her face up. Logan noticed immediately pulling over so he could hear what was being said to her. "He thinks you took me without me agreeing Logan, ah'm just putting him straight on that one, well lets just say 'we're' putting him straight on that one." Logan watched for the next half hour as the internal conversation went on, finally she smiled, turning the brightness toward him.
"We're clear sugar, even got him to agree to leave us alone for a while. We got things to do but first you're takin us shoppin'. He gave me the account number for a bank account we can use, as long as we keep him updated about what we meet up with we're free and clear."
Logan gave her a look as if to say 'I don't believe or trust him' and she gave him a smirk back. "Neither do I sugar but at the moment it's the best offer we got, besides I'd rather be here with you than back there listening to Jean moaning."
The image of Jean complaining to Xavier made them both chuckle all the way to Toronto, they had a breathing space one that they both needed. Maybe they'd be back but until then they'd do as they pleased and Logan was glad he'd packed the gloves from under his pillows.
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