SCOTT:
Okay call me anything you want to but I know when I'm right! It started back about four years ago in a run down bar in some frozen point north of the ends of the earth called Canada!
This innocent kid met up with a homicidal, egotistical, over sexed maniac and a friendship was formed. At least that's what I think it started as but it sure as shit ain't that now. Funny really if you think of it, some runaway steals a ride from a cage brawler and winds up being the only person on the face of the planet that can get him to ease up on his temper, or even keep his word.
So he saved her life not once but twice - I would've done that too, I could have done that at the Statue of Liberty. I think. So he gave her the tags - doesn't mean anything - right? Wrong - and yes that is sarcasm boys, girls, and mutants alike!
For months she walked around in a daze, dating Bobby, doing the things girls her age do, then suddenly he came back and there goes the serenity around here. He no more than walks in the mansion and she's plastered to him, and he's got this silly grin on his face. Funny thing is he's not scared of the fact that her naked face was pressed against his jaw, not even worried about her touching him - not like the rest of us.
Nope, he just walks in like he owns the place, hugs Rogue, flirts with MY fiance and damn near gets himself killed trying to save the Professor. Then Jean dies - God that thought hurts even now - and suddenly Rogue is off limits. Any male with enough testosterone to grow fuzz suddenly is at risk of getting impaled and its not funny!
Rogue merely smiles and moved through each day easily. She needs anything, where does she turn? Yep, Logan, mister badass himself. She wants to go into town, he takes her. Wants to learn to drive, Logan teaches her. Wants to learn to fight - Logan starts training her. Now don't get me wrong here, her knowing how to defend herself is a good thing, but she don't need to know how to win a bar room brawl!
And his training techniques leave a lot to be desired, more than once I've seen how gingerly she's moving from the gym to her room - and how often Logan touches her briefly to ease the pain allowing her to heal. Its enough to make a maggot puke.
Just last night I overheard a conversation that made me see red - more than usual anyway! I was walking along, doing my usual late night bed check when I heard Logan's soft growl. Now this growl wasn't like his normal - get the fuck away from me growls, there was more tolerance in it than I've ever heard.
Knowing I was right next to his room I paused in the shadows, partially because I wanted to know what was going on - and partially because the familiar feminine voice murmuring softly in agreement made my jaw clench so hard it ached.
So I listened in, call me a nosey son of a bitch if you want but I had her best interests at heart as I pressed closer to the partially opened door.
"You got it kid?"
"Yes Logan," Rogue's voice held complete faith, innocent trust but I didn't feel the need to step in until I heard Logan's voice again.
"Don't believe a word of what they tell ya kid, ain't one of `em that knows what its like to have to fight to survive. Hell One-eye don't even know what its like to sell your soul for your next meal."
"But Logan, you know I'm not allowed to go anywhere without an escort. The threat from the Brotherhood is too real for the Professor.."
"Fuck kid, I know that. Just saying you need anything you come to me first. I gotcha."
"Anything?"
"Anything."
"What about sex? I mean Bobby's kinda hinted.." Rogue said and I clenched my fists as I shifted toward the open doorway.
"Kid he don't know nothing bout nothing. Probably never been with a woman - which means he's gonna be focused on himself. Even more`n usual anyhow."
"But he says he loves me."
"He loves a challenge. I'd lay good money there's a bet going `round. See if he can nail ya or not."
"You think so?"
"He's got a dick don't he? Ain't a man alive within this dump that ain't looking at ya and wondering. Even Scooter's been checkin' ya out."
"But he's still in love with Jean," Rogue started then the sound of a quickly inhaled breath had me pausing, "Not that I'm saying you aren't.."
"Okay darlin', there's a helluva lotta difference between love and lust. See what I felt for Jean was lust. Wanted to nail her, you know a quick fuck before moving on but that don't mean nothin'. Scratching an itch you might say."
"But you came back to scratch that itch," there was quiet acceptance in her voice.
"Naw, got it scratched once I was on the road. First bar I was in to be exact, found a sexy red-head willing to play doctor."
"Oh God," Rogue sounded awfully embarrassed and I moved toward the door only to halt at her next statement. "So what am I? Another itch or.."
"Nope, you're more like a craving. Something you can sample but the desire for it never really fades - an addiction."
"So is that good or bad?"
"Depends on what you consider good or bad?"
"Will it keep me in your bed longer than a couple o' nights?" Rogue was serious and I wondered what she wanted the answer to be.
Logan laughed but answered her anyways, his tone serious, an honesty in his words that scared the shit out of me. "Kid, you hold the title to my bed. Have since that first night," the creaking of the bedsprings echoed out into the hall and I felt my heart stop.
"Good, I'd hate to be wasting my time trying to seduce you."
"You want something say so, how fast we take this is up to you."
Rogue's sultry laugh sent a shiver up my spine stirring my blood in a way that I'm ashamed to admit. Yeah, yeah I know. Logan was right, I had been checking Rogue out - I mean she's as hot as they come and I'm lonely, I miss Jean, miss our nights of wild sex- don't mean I'm gonna act on it, after all I am not Logan!
So anyway I continued on down the hall, anger screaming at me as I closed myself into my room. I don't know who I was madder at - him or myself. All I would admit was that I was gonna kick his ass first thing in the morning. Even if I did wind up with extra ventilation.
BOBBY:
Okay I admit I, I am terrified of Wolverine. Especially since I saw how he reacted at the mansion that night we were attacked. Can we say ruthless killer? He is the meanest motherfucker I have ever had the displeasure of meeting and I wouldn't want to willingly anger him.
The fact that a single look from him turns my girlfriend into a quivering heap of hormones is merely one more reason I hate him. A smile, a quirk of the old eyebrow and she's all but panting after him and its sickening. I mean Rogue is mine - my girlfriend and yes I want to bag her but that's what happens when you love someone.
The uh 'talk' we had yesterday proved my point. I was sitting in the study, minding my own business - okay I was fantasizing about Rogue, sue me - when he walks in. Walks hell, he strode in and everyone else in the room ran!
I simply sat in my corner and pretended I hadn't seen him - biggest mistake of my life! He walks up to me, the toes of his boot-fuckers on my feet holding me down and growls at me when I don't put the magazine I'm holding down. If I'm honest I was simply too terrified to do that! Next thing I know, said reading material is soaring through the air and Logan is in my face.
I mean literally here folks, he was so close I could smell the faint tang of his cigars, could feel his breath on my face, could have even counted his eyelashes if I'd have had a mind to. I sat there stunned for a few seconds before I made a nearly fatal error.
"You want to move Logan?" I ground out, hoping he wouldn't pick up on my fear.
Next thing I know, he's got me pinned in my chair with a pair of claws on either side of my throat in a move I'm certain he's only too familiar with. Let me tell you adamantium is not conductive to swallowing or breathing for that matter. So I sat that with my heart pounding, and waited.
"You been eying Rogue," Logan growled, fury in his eyes.
"Uh yeah. She is my girlfriend after all!"
Logan's snort sent a chill through me but I tried not to let him see my fear, "I don't think so bub. Nothin's gonna hurt Rogue, least of all some hormonal snot like you. Rogue is mine, she's gonna stay mine. Got it?"
"I.. you know I could just freeze your ass?" I start.
"Yeah?" The look in his eyes is cold enough to freeze me, "Then you'd have to deal with me after I thaw out bub. You don't want to be doing that - do you?" With that little bit of wisdom he rose to his full height, sheathing his claws and stalked out of the room.
Needless to say I sat there for quite some time trying to get my heart back into my chest. Then I slunk off to my room to think, to hide, to wonder at my mixed fortune. I could be dead, but I'm not. I could be horribly maimed, crippled, all the things he could have done race across my mind's eye and I shudder.
Sitting there on my bed, I wonder what Rogue would have to say, somehow I doubt she would protest too much! A part of me didn't think she would have too much to complain about, and that hurt - more than I was prepared to acknowledge. You see I realized something sitting there - Rogue had never, ever been mine!
ROGUE:
I knew long before Alkali Lake what was going to happen. I think a part of me knew that day he gave me a ride. My theory was solidified a little more when his eyes met mine as he gave me the tags. But I knew for sure and certain that we would be together when his eyes met mine in the car as we sped along. Regardless of what happened I was his!
Oh I'm not so foolish as to believe that there isn't going to be moments of agony. You can't love a wild spirit and not expect to feel some pain, its just the way life is. The only thing is I know it'll be balanced because as much as he will hurt me, I will hurt him, but we'll be together forever. No half assed trips around the world for either of us.
Even if he runs, which I'm sure he will from time to time when things get too intense he'll come back for me. I know it, he knows it, it's only a matter of time before everyone else knows it too.
I see Scott everyday and I can't help but feel sorry for the guy. He lost the one person he loves more than anything when Jean died, and now he's going through the motions but he's not really alive. He walks the halls at night, a dark scowl on his face, eavesdropping on private conversations like he has the right.
Yes, I know about his little episode outside Logan's door the other night. Logan knows it to and its been hell trying to keep him from killing the Fearless Leader! See Scott didn't hear everything, didn't hear Logan waking up from a nightmare, didn't hear him begging me not to leave him. Instead all he heard was Logan or rather Wolverine taking control of the situation of me and my life.
Not that I mind, see Rogue was the one that answered back. Not Marie, not the quiet girl from Meridian, but the dangerous woman that's found a life in my psyche. See Rogue's stronger than Marie - she can handle the things that the small town girl in me just couldn't. She handled the deaths, the murders I've committed, the weeks on the street eating out of dumpsters, avoiding being raped, avoiding everything that the darkness beckoned with. Rogue let Marie keep a piece of her sanity, and now Wolverine's within me to. His presence both in my head and in my life helps me to keep my personalities in line, help me be balanced.
Why would I throw away the chance for happiness? Why would I give away the only thing in this world that I would willingly kill to keep? See I love Logan and the Wolverine within him. I love the protective way he holds me, the way he smiles into my eyes, the way he growls at the boys around here - up to and including Bobby. Bobby, the one person in this mansion I owe some sort of explanation, some sort of apology. Because as much as he would like things to be different they will never be different. See I can be with Bobby, flirt with him, tease him but deep down my body and soul belong to one person and it ain't Bobby.
Sitting here in this overstuffed leather chair, a book pressed into my lap I stare out the window, my mind purposely dragging up memories of Logan's, memories of my time on the road and I sigh. We're a good match, a good team - Logan's instincts and his abilities help me to develop my own but in a way its like I know what he's willing to do. And yes there is a difference between being willing and being capable of killing.
You could say you're willing to kill someone but when the time comes and you're faced with killing suddenly you've got to make a choice. Can you kill? If you hesitate you might be dead, but sometimes you just can't lift a hand and do it. I know, I speak from experience here people. I was willing to kill, but not capable until that prick tried to hurt me.
Then it was suddenly different. Next thing I know, I'm standing with my heart racing, my breath exploding in gasps as I watch him lay twitching on the ground. The brief moment of contact that I made with him was only enough to knock him out, but it wasn't enough for Rogue - nope she picks up a pipe and bashed his head in and then we ran. Two hours later I was digging through the bags of clothes behind a mission to get a shirt that wasn't torn to shit.
After that I didn't take chances, didn't risk anything. Some guy approached me I was on alert, reading him like there was no tomorrow because for me it wasn't so much about what would happen to me, it was about living without him in my head. And believe me I've seen some real shit out there.
When I walked into that bar in Laughlin City and saw him my heart stopped. Suddenly I wasn't feeling so alone, so isolate. When his eyes met mine at that bar a piece of me settled into place and suddenly I knew, he was mine! When I stole that ride I wasn't sure of the outcome but that's okay. Even when he threw me out, I just stood there watching the truck because I knew he'd stop. And he did.
Lucky for me!
Even after three touches - nobody knows about the third one and I don't think its fair to go into details. Lets just say that nightmares do not make for clear thinking - and its hell not being able to scream cause your body decides its going to go ballistic! It was pretty intense the wash this last time but I managed to deal with it and I'm glad for it.
A slight sound diverts my attention from the greenery outside and I turn my head and smile slightly. He's there watching me, waiting from the doorway. One shoulder propped against the door jamb, a dark scowl on his face as he scans the room for potential dangers. Even my friends are suspect, and I've seen him nearly pop the claws when Jubilee gets too wired and too close for both our comforts. With a soft sigh I wait, he's coming toward me and I can feel the heat in his gaze even as I sit there. Someday we'll take that next step, make a way for us to be together that way until then? Well until then we'll just have the heated looks, the caresses that make us both burn, and the memories we share.
LOGAN:
I'm a sick bastard. I know it, I admit it. Nobody ever said I was a nice guy, just not built that way. But there's something `bout Rogue that makes me hot and cold. See a look from her can turn my blood to ice or to fire - depending on the circumstances. Sometimes it does both, and I'm swirling in a mire of desire and fear all at the same time.
Yeah I said fear. I ain't scared of my girl, fuck that shit. Nope, I'm scared of how much she makes me FEEL - and I do feel a lot around her. For what I can remember of my life there was little but dark emotions, anger, rage, lust, a thirst for blood. Then suddenly I'm staring into a pair of eyes across a bar in some cage fighting pit and my stomach drops out from my body.
So what do I do - be stupid and throw her outta my trailer but I quickly came to my senses and took her in. I took her in, let her get under my defenses and suddenly it wasn't so bad. I wasn't so alone, so isolated. Through her I got a good idea of what my life had been like before - the empty alone feeling that stayed with me day in day out; and I did not like it!
Which isn't to say that I'm gonna change who I am for her, cause I won't, I can't. Gotta have some defenses against this world. Oddly enough, she don't want me to change. Don't want me to be different, to her I'm still Logan - protector, friend, lover to be - and she's happy with that. I know, cause I'm happy about it to.
When I left those tags I knew I'd be coming back for her, coming back for what was mine and I did. Then the shit hit the fan and suddenly I'm lost! When Jean died everyone thought I mourned her death like some stupid fool in love with her - uh wrong folks. See what I felt for Jean was lust - a desire to nail her and nail her good, ya know show her what happens on the wild side of sex, but that's where it ended. I knew beyond a doubt that I would never touch her - not as long as Rogue was alive and I'm doing everything in my power to make sure she's alive long after I'm gone!
What nobody knows, not even Rogue is that I touch her all the time. When we're laying in bed and she's sleeping soundly, I trail my finger down her face, cup her jaw and ignore the burn even as I feel my life's force flowing into her. I've gotten to the point where I can tolerate the drain for about five minutes - somehow I don't think I'll ever be able to not touch her.
Some part of me tells me that someday very soon I'll reach out and touch her without that drain, without having to worry about being put into a coma if I hold on too long. And when that happens I'm gonna be over joyed! There is nothing like touching my girl with my skin.
But there is more to us than touch, there's life, laughter, tears, even anger. Anger an emotion that ripples through us like fast flowing water. In the danger room, or the gym when we're training we let it control us, let it help us in our fights. And while both of us know its not life or death with the other, we don't pull punches. We really do fight, and we fight nasty. Only thing is, I let her take more liberties with her punches than I would ever let another person.
Just the other day for example we were in the training room of the gym and stretching out before our daily session and I smiled at her. A smirk really but one that we'd taken to exchanging those moments prior to a fight.
"So you gonna let me win this time?" I asked her.
"Let you win?" Rogue pondered that for a split second before chuckling and cracking her knuckles, "You gonna let me win?"
"Fuck baby, when have I ever let you win?" I shot back and ducked the punch she threw at me. With a wink at her I shifted, my body tensing into full battle mode and next thing we know we're going at it like we're fighting for our lives. Course there's a few grabs that have nothing to do with fighting that I throw in - not gonna win a fight by grabbing someone's boobs, or ass. She retaliates by biting my neck, she's hell on wheels that girl.
With her pinned beneath me I just grinned at her, daring her to toss me and she does! Course when I get tossed I take her with me and we're pummeling the shit outta each other. But hey that's life, end of the day we're gonna be there for each other. See I made a promise that I would protect her, would make sure she could fight against anyone and win. There ain't no way I'm gonna loose my girl just cause she don't know how to fight.
And while we both know that my healing factor is a great thing, it won't prevent her from dying if I'm not there to save her. So when we train, we train like we were at war. Helps to ease the pain, ease the ache that we feel. See both of us have seen the darkness, lived in it and survived and the anger is only the evidence of that passage.
Panting, staring at each other, I become aware of an audience and I glance up coldly to see who else but Scooter standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, a dark look on what you can see of his face. With a low growl that's quieted by Rogue's touch on my shoulder I rise and grab a towel to toss at her.
"Hit the showers," I growl low and she smiles serenely at me and pats my cheek before walking past me for the showers. I catch the edge of her glare at Scott and I wonder about that even as I growl to draw his attention away from watching my girl walk away. Better fucking keep his eyes to himself or he's gonna find himself without 'em.
With a raised eyebrow I saunter past Scooter and head for the showers myself, tonight we'll probably just hang out but that's okay. As long as I know where she is, what's she's doing I can breath - ain't no way in hell I'm gonna go through the shit Scott does cause Marie isn't there to hold.
I know he overhead part of a conversation between Marie and I, know he misconstrued what was said but I don't give a shit. Things are simple, Marie or Rogue whatever ya call her belongs to me! Me, Logan slash Wolverine and I do not - stress the not here folks- share. What is mine stays mine and I will never give up Marie. Not as long as there's a breath in my body. She's the only one in this world that I trust, that I love and I will not surrender that without a fight. Not for anything or anyone - and I think the Professor knows that.
See what nobody knows is what the Professor's thinkin' and I don't really care as long as he don't say nothing `bout me and Marie. But personally I think he approves, because unlike everyone else I ain't scared of her, and as wacked as it sounds offer her some stability, some honest emotion.
I offer Marie something nobody else will ever offer her, unconditional faith. She's the keeper of my faith, the reason I'm here and I offer that gift back to her. I would rather she be happy, healthy and whole and if killing someone to ensure that is what I got to do - then you can be damn sure I'm gonna do it.
Someone once told me that everyone has their own skeletons in their closets, and maybe that's true but you see I look at it differently. What's between Marie and I well that's different. We both have our share of sins, of lies but at the same time in our own little way we're both angels to each other.
Laugh all ya want to bub, fact is sins, lies, and angels are the only thing in this world that is for sure and I got it all rolled into one package.
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