I can’t sleep. Scott’s snoring quite satisfied on a seat next to mine. I can’t feel wolverine. It’s gone again. Even the fucking lycan seems to have fallen to a sleep. I’m the only one awake. First time in weeks completely alone. Just me. I know I should enjoy this moment, but I can’t. I miss her. I miss Marie. I left her this morning, and I know I will see her again tomorrow evening, but that isn’t comforting knowledge. That’s torture. I have gotten so used to fall asleep next to her that I can’t sleep without the sound of her heart. I tried to take precautions. I took her scarf with me when we left. Scent of vanilla and peppermint on it made me only horny. I stuffed it back to my pocket quickly before it woke up lycan. I don’t like this feeling. I don’t like being alone. In that we are more alike than she comprehends.
I wasn’t looking for the love of a lifetime when I made that deal with her. She was a warm body. Something comfortable to cuddle with. Like favorite pair of pajamas, or something. I had just spent week in the middle of snow and dark forest, scaring for my life, that assholes guarding the compound I was observing would notice me. I think I was entitled to a little comfort.
I just hope I didn’t fuck up everything. I wasn’t exactly sane when we last spoke. She didn’t seem to mind even if I acted little possessive, but, Christ! “I won’t let you go?” What kind of a person lets something like that out from his mouth? Or fucks somebody for dominance? Well, Scott didn’t seem to mind, but I can only hope it stays that way.
*Logan?*
*Shut up, Chuck. You’ll wake up the kids.*
*Funny. Very funny. I wanted to inform you about Marie.*
*What about her? Has something happened?*
*I’m sure it’s nothing, but she hasn’t been her usual self. Jean told me she nearly panicked when she suggested medical exam to see if her pregnancy was going, as it should.*
*Tell Jean to keep her hands away from Marie. I would know if there was something wrong.*
*Is that healthy attitude?*
*I don’t know what she picked up when she was in my head, but judging from her reaction to Jean’s idea it was something ugly. I’ll talk with her when we get back. Can we stop now? Before my passengers wake up? I kind of like being alone in my head.*
*…*
*Oh… Logan?*
*Yes, Chuck?*
*I may have found a way to bond lycan with the Wolverine. It might help with your…*
*Mental problems. Yes, Chuck. I wasn’t aware you were part of that merry club, too. Bond wolverine and lycan? Are you insane?*
*?*
*It’s not the Wolverine. It’s wolverine. It’s me. My subconscious. It’s everything that makes me.*
*I understand your concern, but I have done procedure similar to this before. It’s surprisingly simple. Trust me.*
*Well, it’s Scott who ends up shish kebab if you botch this up…*
*…*
*…*
*You still there, Xavier?*
*I have hard time locating wolverine…*
*Duh! What the fuck did you expect? I’m crapping my pants here! You really thought I would be that easy to track down when I’m scared?*
*Logan, please. Try to act like an adult. This is serious.*
*I am serious. I’m afraid what will happen if this doesn’t go as you expect. What will happen to her?*
*She will be taken care of. And the baby. You have my word for it.*
It’s funny how much I trust that old geezer. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t let anybody poke my brain. There’s big enough mess already. But I let Xavier do it. I still don’t know how exactly he did it, but he managed to fuse lycan in to me. Instead of being separate entity trapped inside of me it’s now permanent part of my psyche. Only time will tell was it a wise decision. At least I can’t hear it anymore. No more voices popping up in inappropriate moments. No more uncontrollable bursts of anger. Just a nagging feeling that something isn’t quite right yet…
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