"This is stupid. I've made it almost twenty years without one - why do I have to get one now?"
"Because, the Professor says you need one."
"Well, why couldn't he just make it up for me like all the other shit he had done?"
"Logan, please don't complain that you have to go out and get one form of legitimate identification for yourself."
"Don't make any sense to me, that's all."
"Well, the license that his contact had made for you didn't come through. There was some computer glitch, you know that. Besides, you could do something by the law for once in your life, ya know?"
"The law ain't never done nothin' for me, I dunno why I hafta do for them."
"You're so incorrigible."
"You love me for it."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Hey, now."
"Shh...we're next."
"Hello. What can I help you with today?"
"Hi there - he needs to get his driver's license made."
"Okay, why don't you fill out your MV-44's right over there and we'll take care of you as soon as you're done. Oh, did you bring a MV-619?"
"What the fuck is that?"
"Logan."
"I'm sorry. Slipped into department lingo there for a moment - it's a form stating that you've had a vision test that you're required to take for your learner's permit. If you haven't had one, or don't have proof of it, we can administer one right before you take the test."
"Okay, thanks. Logan, let's sit down now, okay?"
"What the hell was she talking about - permits and vision tests? I been drivin' for the better part of my remembered life, why do I need a permit?"
"Here, gimme that and I'll fill it out. Because, just because you've been driving, doesn't mean that you've done it legally. Honestly, I don't know how you've avoided being put in jail with the way you fly down the road."
"Aww, quit yer gripin' - you love it when I drive crazy."
"Yeah, about as much as I love a root canal. And I see that you've admitted you drive crazily - that's nice."
"Hey -"
"Tsk, tsk - got caught on that one, did ya?"
"Yeah...well."
***
"Okay, I guess we have to get back in line now or something."
"Jesus wait through all that again?"
***
"Hey - did you guys finish up with that?"
"Uh huh."
"Okay, if you would, just step back here and we'll get you set up for your vision test."
"Through these doors?"
"Uh huh, I'll meet you on the other side."
"Okay, now, you just have to sit down in this chair and let your chin rest on the pad. A lady will be in here to conduct the test in a moment. After that, I'll get you set up with your permit test."
"Fine."
"So, you think you'll pass the vision test Mr. Eagle Eye?"
"Hmph."
"Are you gonna make a silly face on your permit picture?"
"No. I'll just give 'em my normal look."
"...."
"Hey...come on."
"I'm just joking with you, Logan."
"I thought you liked my normal look."
"I do. I think it's gruff and manly and sexy as hell."
"Keep talkin' and I'll throw you on the floor right now and -"
"Ahem."
"Oh, hi there."
"Yes, well - would you please place your head on the chin rest and we'll administer the test."
***
"Fuckin' bitch."
"Logan, stop!"
"She didn't even tell me she was gonna shoot that air in my eye. Scared the hell outta me."
"Well, it's over now. You just have to take your written test."
"Written test?"
"Yeah - for your permit?"
"You mean that isn't the one where I drive around and shit and show 'em what a good driver I am?"
"No, you have to take a written one, then wait like six months until you take that one. You don't get your license for half a year."
"Aww, Christ, Marie!"
"Logan, I gave you that book to study. Didn't you even read it?"
"No, I thought you were shittin' me. I really have to take a test?"
"Yeah. That's what we're about to do."
"Okay, I see you got your vision test finished. If you'd just follow me, I'll take you down to where we administer our driving tests."
"Amy! Amy! I need your help - my thing...the pointer thing - it's broken."
"Excuse me - that's my boss. What's wrong with your mouse?"
"I dunno. I can't get it to roll anymore. The arrow on the screen hops around all the time when I move it."
"It's probably dirty."
"Wha...?"
"The rollers inside of it - twist the holder on the bottom and take the ball out. You should see some build up around the side walls. Just scrape it off with your fingernail."
"Okay. Okay, I'll do that. I was trying to get the radio to turn on, but every time I clicked the thingie at the bottom, nothing happened. I couldn't hear anything."
"Are your speakers turned on?"
"......"
"Maybe you should try that first."
"You're right! Okay. Thanks."
"Sorry about that."
"He seems like a dip shit."
"Logan!"
"It's true."
"It is, really. He can be so trying sometimes."
"I can imagine. I wonder how he's made it this far in the world."
"Believe me, I think the same thing myself. But anyways, back to your test. Just go down the hall and to the right at the end, then down the staircase and to your left. You can't miss it."
"Okay, thank you. You've really been a lot of help."
***
"All right - there's no sense in giving you a crash course right now when you have to go in there. The next test starts in three minutes. Just remember - probably what you think is the right answer, especially when it comes to dealing with how close to drive to someone and the speed limit, is not the right one. Go with the opposite."
"Okay."
***
"So, how'dya think you did?"
"Well, I passed. I got fourteen out of the twenty right. That's good, huh?"
"Uh...yeah, Logan. That's great."
"'Course, I had to do a little convincing on the one about the motorcycle."
"Convincing?"
"Yeah, it ain't important. The one who graded it...well, it didn't take much to show him that he fucked up."
"Oh my God."
"It's fine. I just gotta take this back upstairs, right?"
"Yeah."
"So, are you gonna ride in the front seat with me then? Be my licensed passenger?"
"You know it. You'd better not have anybody else in the front seat."
"Heh. You know I wouldn't."
"Okay, so let's find our little helper. There she is."
"Looks like she's busy."
"Okay, so when you drop that off, I need you to fill this form out and then take it to the mail room."
"Actually, I'm kind of swamped here today."
"Amy, this is a deadline. I have to meet it, you don't understand."
"Isn't that supposed to be your job?"
"Yeah, but I have a luncheon I have to attend this afternoon and I won't have time. You're the secretary, aren't you?"
"Not really."
"Well, no matter. Type it up and run over there - it's just a little leg work."
"Yeah, right. Whatever."
"Hey there."
"Sorry about that. I had to talk with one of my co-workers."
"Everybody here got a stick up their ass or something?"
"I'm not even gonna say anything, Logan. It won't do any good."
"It's fine. I'm glad someone else has finally noticed."
"Enh. They prob'ly don't because their heads're too far up their asses to see anything else."
"Maybe so, but I still have to answer to them."
"You should just tell 'em to go jerk off. Might do 'em some good."
"Okay, now I'm gonna say something. You can't be talking like this to complete strangers."
"I can, and I will."
"It's fine, really. I've heard much worse and thought of doing even more worse myself."
"You want me to gut 'em for ya, darlin'?"
"Logan!"
"Oh my - you are an assertive one, aren't you?"
"When it calls for it."
"Well, what we need to be calling for now is a picture for his permit. So, if we can do that before a major catastrophe begins..."
"Right. Just come over here and sit down in that chair."
"Like this?"
"Uh huh. Umm...if you want to...I don't know, pat your hair down or...? It's kinda sticking up on the sides."
"Nah, it's fine like this."
"All right, and there we go. One permit hot off the press."
"Jesus - do they always look that bad?"
"Naw, sugar, I think you just broke the lens is all."
"Funny, Marie."
"Okay, so now I just drive around and come back in six months?"
"Uh huh. You'll need to call ahead and schedule an appointment for the road test, though. Make sure you put it in a head of time because it fills up kind of fast."
"Okay. Thanks a lot, you've been a great help, Amy."
"No problem. It was my pleasure."
"Thanks. And remember what I said about the guttin', darlin'."
"Logan, come on, let's get outta here before you get yourself arrested again."
"Amy!"
"Yes, sir?"
"I lost my ball - I can't find it anywhere!"
"Oh God."
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Okay, today is a special day - it's Amy's birthday!!! I wrote this little fic for her, so even if it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to you guys, hopefully it will to her. Hope ya have a happy !@%^)* birthday, gal! Oh, and I looked up some of the information on the DMV website, so if I misused it - it's because I can't read.