Marie

It wasn’t so much that it was a clusterfuck, it was just that the clusterfuck was so... utterly fucked that it was almost beyond comprehension. The scent of sadness hung over the mansion like some weird kind of perfume. I’d waited until I knew that Ororo was busy. It wasn’t hard, and I can’t say that I’m very proud of myself, but I purposefully waited until she was helping one of the younger girls with a nightmare before stealing out of my room.

I tended to tiptoe around ‘Ro after they got back. We all did, really. Bobby, the Nightcrawler and Kitty had thrown themselves into the day to day aspects of running the school with everything that they had so that they wouldn’t have think about it. Hank had been in and out of the mansion, discussing something grave with ‘Ro before heading back out. Hell, even Jubilee had found something to do to keep her mind off of everything that had happened on that goddamn island.

I heard it again, the sound causing every hair on my body to raise up. I froze, swallowing hard. A howl, mournful and full of pain. Guilt was like another layer of skin, pressing down on me so hard that I almost couldn’t stand it.

At the risk of sounding as though I am acting in my own self-interest, I really must advise you against this, mein kind. You do not know ---

Shut up. And I’m not your child. I frowned, imagining Erik with a plastic ball gag tightening around his chiseled cheeks. It freaked me the fuck out the first time I ‘saw’ him in my head. Instead of the geriatric helmet-toting bastard who had strapped me into that damn machine without even a flicker of remorse, a tall, lean man at least forty years Magneto’s junior sat lotus-style in my mind. He rolled his eyes, miming that I should go ahead.

I had refused to let the bindings on Logan’s room lapse. If ever there was a place that I didn’t need to be distracted with thoughts of him, this was it. When he’s in my mind, it’s like a never-ending commentary. He’s gruff and sarcastic and yeah, obviously I’m rather fond of him. But when I’m about to do something so epically stupid that even Erik fucking Lensherr feels that he needs to interject, it would be better if Logan didn’t know about it. He’s pretty protective. Okay, so that’s a bit of an understatement.

I snuck out of my room, feeling like a thief as I avoided the squeaky floorboards near the first stair. This mansion had been my home for over five years, ever since I woke up after Scott and Jean saved my ass in Canada and I knew its secrets very well. After the howl, the house had gone eerily silent. I shivered and continued down the next flight of stairs, going back through the kitchen to the service elevator. My feet were bare on the cold floor as I walked slowly down to the sub-levels. I had traded my nightgowns for pajama pants and an old shirt of Logan’s that I’d stolen a few years ago and never gave back. It hung down almost to my knees, but I could still pretend that it smelled like him. It was a cold comfort.

Listen here, you crazy little bitch. You don’t know what the fuck is going on. You don’t owe anybody anything. What exactly is the plan, here? You can’t even defend yourself! Carol’s voice was as pissed off as I had ever heard it.

I know.

The joke had been on me. I had felt pretty damn low after attempting to sneak out to go get the cure. My head was kind of fucked up. My heart was like this tattered, bedraggled thing left forgotten on the rug. Between wanting so desperately to be normal and being both terrified and grateful that Logan had found me before I melted into the night, my adamant desire to take the cure had wavered somewhat. It wasn’t that I was doing this for ‘some boy,’ as Logan had accused me of. Really. I mean, that was part of it of course, but no. Not the only reason. It was just that then, listening to him tell me that he wasn’t my father, and hearing the worry in his voice made me wonder just what the hell I was doing.

I’d wondered what the hell I was doing as I waited in line. I’d wondered even while they were injecting me with the needle, the voices in my head clamoring for me to get up go run don’t do this Damnit Marie, NO! Then had been a creeping, crawling pain as the cure killed my mutation. I had shut my eyes, trying to keep the tears back. The human had directed me, staggering, to a cot and told me that it would probably be a few hours before I was ready to leave. It had been ten minutes before my skin quit burning. I had vomited, unable to stand the sensation of knives sliding into my skin, of acid eating off my flesh. It took me an hour before a very tentative Kid? You.. okay? had sent my eyes popping open in shock. I had actually looked around, thinking that Logan was standing next to my cot.

It turns out that the cure had taken away my mutation, including all the mutations that I had absorbed, but had left my ‘visitors.’

Ain’t that a kick in the head? Yeah. I thought so too.

So yeah. Carol was right. This was probably not one of my brighter ideas. But... I couldn’t help myself.

After slinking back to Westchester and into my room, I’d sat there, staring off into space as I’d realized that I wasn’t completely sure that I had a place here anymore. I’d fallen asleep and woken late, just as exhausted as when I had lay down.

I heard the same whispers as everyone else. He’d gone insane. He’d been incinerated by the Phoenix’s power over and over and over so that when his healing ability had kicked in, it had done so at risk to his sanity. He’d been unconscious after they had found him, still clutching Jean’s bloody body to his chest. When he’d woken, he’d hurt ‘Ro, and it had taken the strength of several of the X-men to hold him down. Hank, with his arm dangling from where he had crashed awkwardly through two concrete walls after Logan had thrown him off in his rage had, in desperation, injected Logan with the cure. That’s when things had really gotten fucked up.

I’d heard Bobby whispering to Kitty as I stood rigidly in the hall, half-hiding behind a vase as he told her what had happened. From there, we didn’t know much. Hank had been heard muttering about security under his breath. ‘Ro had reprogrammed the panic room, needing someplace secure to keep the Wolverine before he killed someone.

Well, someone else.

So here I was. Standing in front of an unassuming door across from what had been the panic room of the mansion. The door hinges squeaked as I pushed open the solid-looking door. It was a small room. Three monitors showed several different angles. The images were the surreal-looking green of a nightvision camera. There were cameras situated behind several layers of bullet-proof (and presumably Wolverine-proof) glass, high into the ceiling, so point of the views were from up above. One was right over the white mattress on the floor. There was a tattered looking blanket on the floor next to it. The panic room had been built with a toilet facility, and thankfully that room had no cameras. Just a skewered looking door that was half off of its hinges, showing a cockeyed glimpse of a stainless steel toilet. The last camera must have been built into the floor. It showed a worm’s eye view of the front of the room.

Logan was curled in the darkest, furthest corner. I couldn’t see him clearly on the monitors. I could, however see the small bits off glass that showed he’d destroyed the fluorescent lights in order to leave himself in darkness.

A low growling filled the room, bleeding over the speakers situated under the desk. The sound made the hair on my arms rise and I swallowed hard, something clicking deep in my throat. was uncomfortably aware that my breathing had sped up. A light sweat broke out on my body, and I stood there for a moment, trying to summon up the courage to continue.

They were so afraid of the Wolverine that they had imprisoned him in this cage. I understand their fear. On some level, I agreed with a need to take precautions. But I’d shared Logan’s dreams for the better part of five years. I knew how often he still dreamed of what had been done to him. Of when he had been locked up in a room that looked quite a bit like this one. I couldn’t leave him like this.

I took a deep breath and located the locking mechanism. I knew that I wouldn’t have much time at all. If I was going to do this, I knew it had to be quick.

Please, Rogue. This is suicide. I beg of you....

I was concentrating so hard that I wasn’t sure whose voice it was that pleaded with me. For a second I actually thought it was the Professor, before I remembered and was almost crushed by the weight of knowing he was gone. We’d gone from heartbreak to heartbreak in the space of a few months. I understood that. But that didn’t give them the right to lock Logan up like this. Not after they had begged him, reminded him that he was the only one who had a chance of surviving the Dark Phoenix long enough to have a chance of ending her psychotic reign of terror.

I forced myself to take the first step. The second was easier and the third brought me to the door. I’d been trained as one of the X-Men, so I knew my reflexes were up to the task, but still when the beep of the lock disengaging sounded, I don’t think I’ve ever moved faster in my life. I was inside and the door was locking itself behind me before I could quite catch my breath.

The growl turned even more feral, and from the darkness I saw a blur of movement. There was a startled Oh, shit! from the peanut gallery in my head then I only had time to scream the first syllable of his name before the feel of cold adamantium was pressed against my throat, silencing me instantly. I felt one tip slide neatly into my flesh and choked off the rest of his name, gasping. I pressed myself up against the back of the door, trying to keep as far away from the killer in front of me as I could.

There was another growl, low and full of warning before the blade retreated back into his hand with the familiar snikt that I still occasionally heard in my dreams. It was the second time he had stabbed me, only this time I couldn’t see his face to see if he recognized me. I couldn’t use my mutation to heal the small cut in the very center of my throat. Logan was giving off so much heat that I felt my sleep shirt sticking damply to my torso from just his proximity.

The growling stopped abruptly, and I blinked in the darkness, hoping that my eyes would adjust before my heart beat itself out of my chest. I felt more than saw him move closer to me and heard him sniffing. His nose rubbed against where my neck met my shoulder and I jumped. He sniffed again, and again, moving from my collar bone and brushing against the softness of my breast before burying his nose in my armpit and inhaling deeply. Yeah, okay that was fucking weird, but when he sniffed down my side, clearly moving towards my crotch I jerked away from him, practically phasing into the door so hard that I could feel the gouges he’d made in his anger digging into my back.

He made a distressed whine and to my shock, his hands came up to cradle my face. I had half a second to relax into his heated touch before I felt his tongue lapping at the wound on my throat, the whining taking on a slightly more frantic cadence.

“Logan? Shu-- Sugah?” Very, very slowly I brought up my arm to brush my hand against his sweaty tangle of hair. My voice sounded like I hadn’t used it in ages.

My whole body froze again at the feel of the very tip his wet tongue against me, tracing the small wound. I don’t know what I would have said, because at that minute I heard the sound of feedback. Logan flinched, turning away from me and growling deep in his throat. I knew my eyes had to have been bugging out, but when my boyfriend's furious voice echoed over the slightly damaged speaker, I felt more like a dog who had done its business on the rug than a grown woman and member of the team.

“Rogue, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Bobby’s snarl would have done Logan proud. I felt his grip tighten on my arm, and he was bounding across the room, back to his darker corner, dragging me along behind him like a string on a kite. Logan pressed me into the corner and moved so that he was in front of me, crouching down low.

He was naked. I don’t know why that of all things would startle me so much but it did. That was a lot of wet, overheated male pressed against the thin cotton of my sleepwear.

“Rogue!” ‘Ro’s voice sounded just as shocked. Logan... no. It was definitely the Wolverine’s growl that warned them off. My blood ran cold, and I was seriously fucking glad that there were at least five feet of solid metal between us and the people outside.

“I.. uh...” I felt the small of his back pressing against my hip as he protected me from the perceived threat with his body. “I’m fine. Just... hush up for a second, will ya?”

I heard the two of them arguing over the loudspeaker. Bobby was angry that ‘Ro wanted to send him away. Logan’s claws slid out and I could hear him in his ire sliding the tips of them against the floor, leaving little sparks in his wake as the two argued. At this point I seriously had doubts that Logan wasn’t about to lift his leg and piss on me.

“Could y’all just shut up? ‘Ro, I’m sorry that I snuck in here, but I couldn’t just leave him in the dark like this. Just... trust me, okay? I know I can do this.” I heard the huff of her frustrated breath quite clearly. “And Bobby, Sugah, please. I’m fine. I don’t need rescuin’. Just.. go back to bed.”

“Rogue, you can’t be serious! Look, just get by the door and I can unlock...”

Logan went deadly still, his whole body tensing. I grabbed without thinking about it, hanging on for dear life, almost losing my balance as I grabbed Logan’s hip and shoulder to try to keep him in place. I could feel his heartbeat racing under my cheek as I pressed it into his back.

“Damnit, Bobby! For fuck’s sake, quit saying my name! ‘Ro... please!” I knew my voice was cracked with desperation, but I had to stop this from escalating somehow. My hands slid against the sweatslick smoothness of Logan’s muscles as I clutched at him, but was too scared to notice the sensation. Normally, I would be petrified to touch someone’s skin. Now I was petrified not to.

“Okay. I’ll check in tomorrow. We will discuss this when you are done.”

“‘’Preciate that,” I muttered, watching Logan as he popped and sheathed his claws, over and over, still growling deeply at the ceiling. There was the sound of feedback again while ‘Ro shut it down. For a second I was furious that they’d put him in here like an animal at a zoo. Logan must have smelled my anger, because I could feel him turning slightly, easing down from his protective crouch.

There was a clank and a very small-watted lightbulb hummed on, causing me to blink. Logan’s muscles tensed as he began to leap, the sound of his claws scraping against the floor. I remembered the glass from the fluorescents and hugged him to me, hard. “No, Logan. Please... I’d like a little light. Not all of us have your damn super sight.” I patted at his shoulder, easing my somewhat desperate grip once he relaxed the smallest amount. Logan turned and sniffed at me again, pressing me into the corner with the bulk (and boy do I mean bulk!) of his body. I lost my grip on his back and landed on my butt with my back to the wall. I know I squeaked a little at the feel of his nose pressed deep into my neck again, but when he just stayed there, breathing in my scent, I felt like I had won something. Tentatively, I brought my hand up to his hair again, stroking my fingers through it along his scalp, waiting for my heartbeat to return to something along the lines of normal.

It had been a gamble. Logan always told me that I had good instincts, and that I should trust them more. It had been that more than anything else that had me believing that I’d be okay with this feral version of Logan. When it came right down to it, I trusted Logan. I trusted that he would never hurt me.

Still, this was foolhardy in the extreme. He is not in control of himself, Rogue. You could have been seriously injured.

My eyes popped open. Logan had pulled away from my neck and was lightly touching the small mark on my neck. It had stopped bleeding, but was still tender enough that I flinched. “Professor?” I whispered, shocked. There was no mistaking those smooth, cultured tones.

Charles?

Erik?

Jeee--sus.

Look, guys, can we have the Mousketeer roll call at another time? Professor, what on... earth are you doin’ in my head? Logan was rumbling in his chest again, only this time the sound was content, almost like a purr. I squeaked again when he lurched forward, balancing himself on the balls of his feet and swung me up into his arms. He rubbed his face against the top of my head, his muttonchops softer than I thought they would be. I felt a little like a bride on her wedding day as Logan put me gently on the mattress, curling up with me so that he was still between me and the door.

The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

I groaned, rolling my eyes. I had the impression of Erik standing stock-still, frozen into place as he stared at the other man walking closer.

I have always wished to say that. Forgive me old friend, Rogue.

It had always been a little weird to describe what goes on in my mind to other people. Some of the people I had touched had faded over time. David and a trucker who had gotten a little too friendly with me when I hitched a ride with him were only faint whispers. Some of them I kept buried under lock and key- such as the case with Logan. But other times, other personalities pretty much had free reign. The Professor had always told me that I had the power to rid my mind of those that I didn’t want. He never expressly mentioned Erik’s name, but he had to have known that I was hosting him in my head. Carol was really the only presence that hurt. She was always so angry. The Professor had helped me control her personality. Her anger and the sickness in her mind had to be purged. It had taken months and months of intense work that had often left me with a pounding headache, but now she appeared only as a voice. I never ‘saw’ her in my mind as I did Logan and Erik.

Charles.

Erik barely breathed out the word, restraining himself by the barest of margins. The calm pose he’d adopted melted away. I could feel that he wanted to both step forward and shrink back. My Logan, the real Logan, looked as though he was ready to curl up for the night. We were tangled together like lovers, with me stroking his hair and him gradually calming down. I highly doubted that he would ever relax enough to go to sleep, but for now the fact that he wasn’t displaying the murderous rage he’d previously been sporting was enough to calm me down. I actually felt a little sleepy, now that I knew he was alive and (relatively) okay.

Your adrenaline has spent itself. Your Wolverine can smell that you mean him no harm and appears comforted by your presence. You are very good for him, Rogue.

It was the Professor. Younger, walking, dressed in jeans of all things, but there was no mistaking his presence in my mind.

He must have felt my shock, because I saw him wince. I’m afraid that I have not been completely forthright with you my dear. It is true. My former body was destroyed by Jean’s Phoenix. I am, in that sense dead. But... as you can see..... He spread out his hands, a very small smirk on his face. I was struck by the bright, smiling blue eyes and the dark shock of wavy brown hair that bounced a little as he walked forward.

And whoa, yum. He was kind of hot.

Neither Erik nor either of the two Logans liked my last little thought. Erik sent a sharp jab in a small, private corner of my mind, like a shock. I heard the Logan inside my head mutter under his breath, but fortunately it was indistinct enough that I couldn’t quite hear what he said. The Logan in front of me tensed again, every muscle of his becoming rigid as he sniffed at me again. I blushed when I realized that he could smell the spark of desire in the wayward thought.

Well that was just fucking humiliating.

I lost track of the conversation in my head as the two of them purposefully tuned me out. Which was fine. I suddenly had a lot to deal with. Logan went from drowsy and content to tense and unhappy in the space of heartbeats. His face, which had been nuzzling against my throat and neck, suddenly trailed down over my cotton-covered breasts. I froze, utterly shocked. No one had ever touched them before. Certainly never a man, and certainly never a naked man. I hadn’t let Bobby get close enough for that. For awhile it had been fun to tease him with the low-cut tops, knowing that he would never want to touch me. I mean, who would? Then we had started dating, and it had just seemed cruel to put all that on display when I would hurt him if he accidentally touched my skin.

Now that the cure had rendered me harmless, my skin seemed to light up at the way Logan slid his face against me. I could feel the muscles of his cheek, and the wiry hair on his face as he breathed against me. I felt my nipples harden and pushed a little at his shoulders, appalled at myself.

Logan responded by pressing his open mouth against the side of my breast and breathing. I could feel the sharp press of his teeth against me through the thin shirt and couldn’t control the burst of heat low in my belly. It was Logan’s turn to freeze above me, and I stared at him in the very dim light of the room, looking for something that was my Logan in there. The hazel eyes were the same, his hair still came up to the little points that I found both hilarious and adorable. I could see his nostrils flare and strangely, knowing he could smell my want made it sharper.

“Logan?” My shaking hand came up to touch his lips. For a second I thought I saw my Logan (Well, no not my Logan. He was never mine in this way.) flicker behind the dark gaze. Then he shifted his hips and I could feel the press of his penis against my hip as he hardened in response to my own obvious want. His hand slid down to cup me and I bucked up, gasping. My hand slid down to his, pressing his fingers deeper against me, then Logan was moving and I had trouble keeping track of what was going on.

I knew he ripped off my sleep pants. Logan rolled me, pressing against my back so every part of me touched every part of him. I felt his mouth against the back of my shoulder and stifled a gasp when he bit down lightly, pulling my hips back to his. It was hard not to be a little afraid of the feel of him behind me, hard and insistent as he slid against the globes of my butt, but his fingers still cupped me and his other hand was up under my shirt, cupping my breast. The palm of his hand felt amazing when he rubbed it against my nipple, his touch sending my hips bucking so that I pressed against his hand. I felt his tongue sliding against the back of my neck, tasting my skin and I moaned, overwhelmed at the feeling. Every place he touched seemed to burn. I was suddenly greedy for the feel of his skin next to mine and it was easy enough to brush aside the small niggle of worry that this Logan wasn’t really mine. He’d been brought to this state by his love for someone else, and this really wasn’t very fair to... oh. “Oh... “

His finger slid against my slit, dipping inside of me. I groaned again bucking against the finger as he slid it out slightly, only to plunge it back in. I was so wet that I could feel the way my own slickness dripped down my leg as Logan twisted against me again, rumbling deep in his chest. The hand on my breast tightened, his fingers pulling lightly at my pebbled nipple. “Logan... I... oh sugah, I...” His finger twisted slightly so that his knuckle pressed against my clit, and suddenly I was the one turning, pressing my butt against Logan. The head of him nudged against me from behind and I lost my train of thought, shivering and gasping for breath that had suddenly seemed too hard to drag in. I could smell us, and even that was incredibly erotic. I could almost taste the bite of his sweat in small, confined space mixing with my own musky scents. He pushed forward with his hips, moving me so that I was sprawled on my knees, pressing against the mattress and the wall with my hands for balance. I could feel my own sex pull at him as the head of his penis slid slowly inside my hot, wet channel and I moaned something that was my pleasure and his name and a plea all at once.

I felt him stop when he felt the barrier of my innocence. I thought I heard a confused, “Marie?” breathed against the side of my neck, sending my own body writhing against his. I must have imagined it, because with a low, deep growl that was pure animal, I felt a sharp pull against my nipple and clit and he shoved into me fully, pulling me back on him.

It hurt. Not a sharp pain hurt, but the feeling of a muscle stretched a little too far. I couldn't help the wince.

I froze again, my eyes wide in the almost dark room. Suddenly the reality of what I was doing slammed into me and I gasped, horrified at myself. Was I.. taking advantage of him? Sure I’d felt.. things for him. Things I’d tried to bury deep inside of me. I knew that he didn’t think of me this way, but everything was just going too fast and it just felt so good and .. I didn’t want to stop. My hair was a sweaty tangle as it hung over my head. Logan whined again, brushing his lips softly against my neck. I felt Logan move his hands, sliding them over my breasts, my stomach and sides, soothing me, petting like you would a tense cat. After a few heartbeats, I tentatively tried squeezing my inner muscles and was rewarded with a groan as he slid back out, only to press in again. The heat that pulled at me spiked, and I knew that I was digging my nails into his forearm as he pulled my hips back, thrusting into me. My whole body was trembling. I could feel his muscles, tensed under his skin, the drag of his body hair, the slide of his sweat against me and reveled in it. I knew that I craved touch, but I hadn’t ever let myself think about his touch. Not at this level. Well, not consciously.

He stretched me open, moving so that I was less on my knees and more straddling his thighs as he thrust up into me. The angle made me scream his name and I felt myself tensing, so close to the edge of.. something that I tasted blood when I bit my lip. He wasn't the only one gone animalistic in this moment. I wanted what his body promised. Logan growled again at the scent of my blood and I felt his teeth on the back of my neck, pressing against the top vertebra. He bit hard and I came, sobbing his name, shuddering so hard that I would have slithered out of his arms if he hadn’t been holding me so tightly. I felt the hot spurt of his own release inside me before I was overwhelmed again, slipping into unconsciousness with something very like gratitude.

When I woke, it was with a wince. I work out a lot. I exercise regularly and train even more regularly. But muscles I didn’t even know I had were protesting their hard use. I heard a soft snore besides me and came completely awake with a start, eyes wide in the darkness. Logan’s arm was wrapped around me, and It took some doing to extract myself without waking him up. It was that more than anything else that told me he was ‘back.’ No way on earth would I have been able to get out of that bed with the more feral version of Logan I had been with last night. Now, he was just an exhausted man sleeping the sleep of the dead. Still, I moved cautiously, wincing again when I stood up. I’d already tested Fate once and wasn’t sure the stuck-up bitch would be so kind to me next time.

Holy fucking ow. I chanced a look back at the sleeping man behind me and felt my face flood with color. Logan was frowning slightly in his sleep, curled so that he was on his side. I could see him, all of him, and the blush went nuclear when I saw the faint traces of blood and semen on his... wow. I had that inside of me?

I turned so quickly that I stumbled, not surprised that the door was very slightly cracked open. I felt ashamed at the idea that one of the others had seen me like this, but forced my chin up. They had locked him up like an animal. I had brought him out of it. The rest wasn’t any of their goddamn business.

‘Ro stood there with a robe and a carefully blank face. “Are you... alright?”

“Fine.” I didn’t bother to force a smile. “I’m fine, ‘Ro.” The actuality of what I had just done was starting to bleed into my consciousness and panic was beginning to blossom. I wanted to be far, far away from here when it did. I’d never done a walk of shame before. Figuring in the fact that the guy I’d just slept with was completely in love with someone else, who not so incidentally had just died at his hand, and that pretty much promised a freak-out of epic proportions.

Really my dear, running away will not solve all of your problems. Erik sounded cautious. It was strange to hear the great Magneto with that note in his voice. It was almost like I was standing under a huge, neon sign that flashed ‘Distraught Female. Handle with Extreme Caution.’

Shut up. It will solve this one.

Erik, my friend ...I hardly think that you are the one to be cautioning anyone against running away. I saw a brief flash of the bright Cuban sun, felt the grit of sand as I looked up into Erik’s horrified blue eyes. I had to shake my head. The Professor’s memory was much sharper than any of the mutants whose personalities I had absorbed had been. Instead of watching it, it was like I was in it.

I heard Erik’s hiss at the same time I rolled my eyes. “Shut. UP.” I muttered, not so under my breath. My bare feet were cold as I walked to the elevator, my body exhausted and sore as I made my way to my room. I wanted a shower. I wanted to get the hell out of here before Logan woke up and realized what I had done. Oh Jesus. He would be furious . Logan wasn’t good with duplicity, and I had. Oh. God. He was in love with Jean and I....

On second thought, the shower could wait.