I'll close my eyes,
Then I won't see
The love you don't feel
When you're holding me.
Rogue stared at the number then back at the boy sitting across the room. This job was supposed to be nice and easy. Find a mutant runaway, return him home, and collect the cash. Easy peasy.
Finding the boy was simple enough, getting him 'home' was turning out to be the hard part. The client had lied about almost everything, except the boy's name. No surprise there. Alex turned out to be a telepath who didn't want to go back to the client's house. Nor did he want to go home to his real parents in White Plains.
"Yeah," Logan answered on the first ring.
"Hey," she breathed a sigh of relief.
"I'm at your place." His voice was low and sexy, hinting at something else.
Reflexively she smiled; her apartment had become their usual meet up place. "Maybe later, right now I need a favor."
"Shoot."
"A young, telepathic friend of mine needs a lift to Xavier's." Rogue was taking a chance that the X-Men would take in a kid she called a friend. They had no reason to trust or help her.
"Where are you?"
Rogue gave him the address of a café a couple of blocks away that should be mostly empty this time of day. "And Logan?"
"Yeah."
"Not you. He's already iffy about this plan. I don't need your-growly-self scaring him off." She heard Logan's snort of laughter.
"Got it, Darlin'."
An hour later as Alex finished off his second order of fries, two women entered the café. Rogue identified the older, redhead as Jean Grey; however the younger woman with her Rogue couldn't put a name to. She was momentarily perturbed with herself for not keeping up-to-date with the identities of the younger X-Men. Even though she went to great lengths to make sure none of her jobs involved dealings with the X-Men, she shouldn't be so lax in that department.
Rogue pasted on one of her best business smiles and hoped Alex wouldn't pick up on her distrust.
Jean strode over to them purposefully, acting as if she were meeting old friends for lunch. "Rogue, I'm Jean Grey and this is Kitty Pride." Alex eyed them wearily as they sat in the chairs on the other side of the table. "Logan mentioned you had a friend who needs a place to stay."
Rogue had to give Jean credit, she was calm and to the point. This was obviously not her first time picking up a scared mutant. Rogue turned her attention to Alex. "Logan is the friend I told you about, they all live upstate at the same place."
Kitty's brows knit up briefly in confusion. Jean's smile never faltered and Rogue suspected that Jean was aware of what kind of friend Logan was. She quashed the uneasiness that came up at other people knowing about her and Logan.
"What about you? You're not coming?" Alex asked Rogue. Kitty shrugged and Jean turned up her smile as if she were inviting Rogue along.
"Not today, Alex. But you have my number and you can call me if you need to." Alex squinted at Jean and then nodded to their own private conversation.
There was more talk about the school and the other mutants that lived there. Rogue was positive she was leaving this boy in caring, capable hands. She only hoped Alex took full advantage of the chance he was being offered. After watching the three of them drive off in the school's SUV, Rogue started the walk back to her apartment.
Rogue wondered about Kitty Pryde; they were about the same age and might have been friends if she'd ended up at Xavier's. Could she have turned out like Kitty, helping others instead of being like Mystique and only helping herself? She didn't want to think about how her life could have been different.
By the time she unlocked her apartment door she was in a sour mood. Logan threw her a smile over his shoulder from the stove. He didn't have a key and right then she didn't want to know how he'd gotten in. Probably sweet-talked the Super's wife.
Slamming the door, she marched passed him to the refrigerator. A quick glance told her he was cooking steaks and frying potatoes with bacon. Damn him and his need to take care of her.
Yanking a bottle of rum out of the freezer, she poured two fingers worth in a glass. Unceremoniously she downed the liquor and refilled the glass. Logan tossed her a questioning look. "Might want to slow down."
He'd received a text from Kitty to let him know everything had gone smoothly. The hand-off of the kid shouldn't be the reason for Marie's agitated state.
"Screw you," she scoffed, downing the second drink of rum. She glowered at his patient smile, but put the rum back after pouring one more measured drink.
"Maybe later," he replied, putting the steaks on plates next to the potatoes. "Right now, how about you put some food with that liquor." When they sat down to eat Logan switched his tea and her rum.
Rogue felt like sulking. He was right of course; the last thing she wanted was for him to be holding her hair back while she puked. He'd do it too, of that she was sure. Maybe even rub her back the whole time.
She could count on her hand the number of times she'd gotten tipsy, never drunk. Alcohol loosened her tongue; therefore she was careful how much she drank on the job. She would be a talkative drunk and that was never in her best interest. In private, she rarely had the two drinks she'd just downed that close together.
Her anger ebbed slightly; she wanted to be mad at the world, but Logan had fixed her favorite foods and she couldn't find the energy to be spiteful to him. He'd even cooked it perfectly, the bacon and potatoes crisp and the steak rare. It was these little things that made her think he knew her better than he let on.
They hadn't talked much about their supposed time together in his alternate timeline, but she was beginning to suspect there had been more to the relationship that simple "lovers". What if… No, there were no what if's for her, her past was what it was. Not everyone had the luxury of changing the past for the better.
There was a fire burning a hole in her gut that had nothing to do with the rum she'd consumed. "Is this a reward for making the right choice?" she asked, finally letting the bitterness at her past spill over.
Logan peered at her from under his eyebrows. "No, if you remember I was here when you called."
Rogue glared down at what was left of her food, the food he cooked for her, and turned her anger elsewhere. "Damn people anyway. Always trying to take advantage of some kid on the streets."
He said nothing, figuring this rant was fueled as much by her past as the day's events. She'd gotten up and was pacing the floor. He gathered from her continued venting that life with Mystique was tolerable as long as she was useful. Apparently, she'd outlived her usefulness when one of Mystique's schemes went horribly wrong and Sabertooth almost killed Rogue. She was only alive because Sabertooth was careless. Rogue had fled with her life, Creed's memories, and the stripe of white in her hair.
When that was out of her system she slowed down, but continued on about general unfairness. Logan had to smile at the way Marie waved her arms around; the way she gestured when she was upset reminded him of the past. The first time he'd seen her in this timeline he'd worried about her being too different from the Marie he loved. However, these episodes reassured him that the woman before him, no matter what her life experiences, was his Marie.
Rogue finally trailed off and cast a glance over at Logan. The way he was looking at her put butterflies in her stomach. What was it? Stepping closer, was it …adoration? This was new. No one had ever looked at her with anything that even came close to this.
She started to brush past him and he stopped her with a hand on her arm. "You're beautiful when you're angry."
Rogue sucked in a breath. The hard lines of his face softened and a smile played at the corner of his mouth. She thought he was going to declare his love. In a panic, she crashed her mouth on his.
If not for his quick reflexes the stool he'd been seated on would have been kindling underneath them. He returned the kiss, and let her take the lead.
Since he was giving her free rein, she pushed him further back until they hit the wall. That look was still in his eyes and she was determined to rid him of whatever notion was floating around in his head. This wasn't about love, this was sex.
Breaking the kiss, she scowled at his buckle when it refused to budge. Logan took the opportunity to nibble his way down her neck. He'd noticed she seemed intent on proving something to him and he made a mental note to talk with her later. At the moment, he didn't think he could slow her down for a straight answer.
She finally won the struggle with his belt and shoved her hand down his now open jeans. Pushing the denim down, she sank to her knees in front of him.
Rogue would show him that she was not to be cherished. Cupping his balls, she began to stroke his already hardening cock. She flicked her tongue across the head and was rewarded with a grunt. Needing no further encouragement, she took him into her mouth.
She found satisfaction in his hands balled tightly next to the straining muscles of his thighs. His eyes were squeezed shut and his jaw set like she remembered the first day they ate together.
"Marie…stop…" he panted hoarsely. She continued her ministrations despite his attempts to pull her up and away from what she was doing to him. He gave in when she sank her nails into his hip, signaling her determination to continue. He came biting his bent index finger to mute his coarse cry.
Sitting back on her haunches, she studied his face. She hoped she'd erased any trace of affection he might want to show her. She left him, breathing heavily leaning against the wall, and walked to the bathroom. A shower would help her clear her mind and decide on where to go from here.
When she was finished she took her time. He was out there waiting for her; after all she hadn't heard the apartment door. She hadn't come up with a plan to deal with what she'd done, either. Her options were limited since she hadn't bothered to bring clothes in the bathroom with her.
Hoping for the best she opened the door and was greeted by a fully clothed Logan stretched out on her bed. His head was resting in his hands and the look of adoration was still in place.
As she saw it she had two choices. First, she could completely ignore him and go about getting dressed. Second, she could go on the attack. Rogue chose the second option and crawled up on the bed next to him. After a quick survey, she straddled his hips. He gave a low growl and she put her lips to his in a forceful kiss.
He could see that this was headed down the same road as earlier; he needed to head her off and take control of the situation. He secured her in his arms and rolled over so he was on top. Pinning her with his weight, he broke the kiss and placed a soft fleeting kiss at the corner of her mouth. Then he placed the same kiss on the other side. She turned her head to try and kiss him, but he backed away.
Squirming underneath him, she made a frustrated sound. "Do you want up?" he asked, fully prepared to turn her loose if that is what she wanted.
He could see the confusion in her eyes turn to panic when he thought of saying he loved her. It was obvious he had a telltale sign Marie had decoded.
Was he rushing things or did she not reciprocate his feelings: Perhaps it was the alcohol she'd consumed?
Slow and easy, Logan would tell her how he felt without using the one word she seemed to fear. He kissed his way down her body, whispering how he longed for her closeness, and how he missed her when he was gone.
Logan had said he loved her, but she'd put it down to sex talk. Rogue had lain half on him, playing with his hair trying to make it lay flat without success. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the hard lines around his eyes soften and a smile caressed his lips. "I love you," he said sleepily.
He could have meant almost anything. I love what you do to me, I love the way you feel underneath me, or that he enjoyed sex with her. It could have been a million different things that had nothing to do with his feelings for her personally.
Yet Rogue lay awake in the early morning hours thinking it over. What exactly were Logan's intentions toward her? A little peek wouldn't hurt; he probably wouldn't even feel the tiny pull it would take. Lightly she skimmed her fingers over his bicep, letting her mutation pull at his skin. She broke contact when he shifted in his sleep, mumbling as he did so.
Lying quietly beside him, she waited for his breathing to return to a normal sleep quality and his heart rate to even out. Shit! She could hear his heart beat, could smell the perspiration that had dried on his skin from sex. Everything was clearer, sharper; painfully so.
This was only a small taste of what Logan dealt with on a regular basis and Rogue was having problems sorting it all out. One of his thoughts came to the front and she now understood his affinity for cigars and alcohol. It helped to dull his senses enough to deal with all the information. She was positive drinking and smoking in the wee hours of the morning would be a dead give away to her indiscretion.
Instead she concentrated on the rhythm of her own heart until she gained the equilibrium to sort out his thoughts and memories. The first distinct thought that separated itself from the jumble she'd absorbed was about her. Logan thought she smelled like summer, like sun-kissed skin and rain on a hot afternoon. The Marie of his old timeline smelled the same, maybe a tad more rain, but the same.
Most of his well-defined thoughts were of her and Marie of the other timeline. He viewed them as the same person; the mix of traits were slightly different, but she was his Marie and he loved her. This was the emotion she kept seeing in his eyes. It ran deep and intertwined with who he saw himself as, what he thought kept him human.
Rogue hastily left his side and started the shower hoping the hot water and steam would help her drowned out his feelings for her. If she was being truthful, which right now she had few other options, she admitted she didn't like herself or her life all that much.
She saw nothing in herself that he could love. It made no sense to her, how could he love the way her breath hitched when he was near, the way she smiled at him, rolled her eyes, and god-forbid her sass that no one liked. He'd cataloged hundreds of little details about her, of why he loved her. Everything from the way her body fit his and how she dug her fingers into his biceps; all the way down to the stripe of white in her hair and the color of her eyes. He even loved her when she was angry.
The trust he'd bestowed on her when the first met, the faith he had in her, was because he believed he understood her completely. Finally, she boxed up all of his thoughts and memories and tucked them away out of reach. She didn't want to comprehend any of those things; they should be left in the past where Marie was.
Rogue stepped out of the shower with only his heightened senses, which where quickly fading. She'd made a mental checklist of things to do this morning. First was to find a job that would take her out of town for a while. She told herself she wasn't running, but taking some time to come up with a plan. A better plan than waiting around for Logan to show up at her door.
Scratch that. First on the list was to fix a huge breakfast with lots of protein. Logan's mutation burned a lot of energy. No wonder he always brought food.
~*~
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Lyrics are from Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me".