Logan was content to let the silence stretch between them as he followed Rogue out into the hall. As far as he was concerned, most of what they’d needed to talk about had been covered during their conversation on the Blackbird, although he knew that she probably wanted to tell him about what happened with Jubilee herself. When Charles had gently explained the girl’s death short before Rogue appeared in his office, Logan had been stunned and sad. He remembered the girl whose energy seemed too great to be confined to her tiny frame. He mourned for Rogue because he was sure that she was still beating herself up about the accident even all these months later.
He was not at all surprised when she chose to take the elevator up to the third floor where the teacher’s rooms were located. She wouldn’t want his help up the stairs, and she would have needed it. His girl was proud like that, sometimes too much for her own good.
In the confines of the elevator he let himself savor the feel of her leaning against him for the few seconds it took to travel the short distance. He had missed this, the feeling of her next to him, no need for words or even glances. There was comfort there, under the heat of desire that shot through him with every small movement she made. He pulled in a deep breath and grinned slightly at the scent of her arousal as it rose around him. So he wasn’t the only one affected. Good.
As she clomped out of the elevator, one of her crutches caught on the lip of the opening. Logan’s hand shot out, catching her by the elbow before she wobbled more than once. She flashed him a shy, grateful smile and straightened up. He was tempted to simply carry her to her room, just as he had earlier to the medlab, but he knew that she would want to keep her dignity as much as possible even in this situation. So he smiled back and watched her maneuver more carefully down the hall towards his room. She paused just before the door, obviously preferring to let him enter first. He ran a hand down her arm in a brief caress and then opened the door for the first time in two years.
He had expected dust, the musty odor of a long-closed room, but instead he found a pristine oasis, his bed made with his favorite blanket as if he had just left that morning—only he never made the bed when he stayed here. Every corner of the space was filled with the scent of Rogue, sweet and thick as honey blossoms. He glanced back at her, took in the wide eyes and the bottom lip trapped between her teeth, apprehension replacing the arousal of only moments earlier. Without a word he reached out and drew her carefully into the room, mindful of her crutches. When she was less than an arm length away, he scooped her up. She let out a little shriek and buried her red face into his neck.
“So, how long have you been staying in here, Marie?” he gloated.
She raised her dark head to look him in the eye and shook her head. “It’s not like that, Logan. Ah just…Ah like to come here to get away from things sometimes. It’s been worse the last few months, too, with…with losing Jubilee. Ah’ve been decorating my room with more yellow than is good for a body,” she tried joke.
“So you retreat to my room?” He set her on bed gently and walked over to close the door, propping her forgotten crutches next to the frame.
Rogue nodded. “Mostly. Sometimes Ah’ll fall asleep here reading or just thinking, but I tried not to invade your privacy too much. Ah know it’s important to you.”
Logan sat next to her and leaned in so that their noses were almost touching. “Nothing is more important to me than you. You’re all I could think about while they held me,” he told her sincerely.
She gulped. “Ah’m sorry that we didn’t know.”
He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I don’t blame any of you, not even Wheels. They liked to brag about the precautions they’d taken, the way they kept me locked up tight so that he’d never get a whiff of my mental signature. If they’d decided to kill me in that cell instead of torturing me for not giving in, no one would ever have realized that I didn’t just abandon you all. And I didn’t exactly give you a good reason to have faith in me sticking around,” he admitted.
“Ah know you’ve got itchy feet, sugah. So do Ah, a little. Ah don’t care about any of that. Ah just want to know that you’re safe and coming back to me.” He sank into the sincerity behind her words, shining from her dark brown eyes.
“Always, Marie. Always.” He leaned in further and brushed her lips with his once, twice, deepening the kiss slowly as he savored the taste of her. Gathering her close, he reacquainted himself with the feel of her, soft lush curves and warm skin. This wasn’t the time to give in to the beast inside, though, so he pulled back after a few minutes of one of the most intense kisses he could remember experiencing.
“Wanna tell me about what happened?”
She knew what he meant immediately. Her head curled down onto his shoulder, a time-honored gesture of trust between them. He pulled them across the bed so that they were propped up on the pillows and wrapped both arms around her.
“It was an accident.” Her voice turned husky with the memories. “We were in a fight, and this wall just collapsed on us. My skin was turned on, and she was stuck next to me while they tried to pull the rubble off. By the time they reached us, Ah’d drained her. Ah was barely even conscious, and Ah didn’t even know who Ah was for a while—myself or Jubilee. Sometimes it felt like Ah was both. Sometimes…sometimes it still does. Ah hear her voice in my head, Logan, and it’s like she’s still here with me.”
He didn’t think she’d told anyone else that little tidbit. “Do you think the Professor could help you suppress her, like the others?” he asked carefully, running his fingers through her hair slowly.
She shook her head in a sharp movement. “No!”
“No?” He waited for her to continue, sure that there was more.
“Ah don’t want to lose her again, Logan! If Ah don’t have her in my head, one of my best friends will really be dead!” she said, and he felt the dampness of her tears soaking the thin fabric of his shirt.
He hesitated. “But we’ve already lost her, Marie. All of us. What’s in your head is more of an echo, right? It’s not really her. She’s dead.” The words were hard, so hard to force out.
“Ah know! Ah know, and it’s all my fault!” his love sobbed as she pressed closer as if she was trying to sink into him, away from the harshness of the outside world.
“No it’s not! Don’t think like that!” Logan scolded her. His arms tightened around her.
She raised her head to look him in the eye. “It is. It’s my fault. Ah haven’t even used my mutation on a mission since then…until today,” she told him.
He raised an eyebrow. “Do the others know?”
She glanced away guiltily. “Ah’ve been getting better at accessing mutations Ah’ve absorbed before, especially if it was more than once. It takes a lot more effort, but Ah’ve been using that instead,” she admitted.
“So they don’t know.”
“No.”
“Why? Why haven’t you told them?”
“What am Ah supposed to say, Logan? Am Ah supposed to tell them that Ah’m too afraid that Ah’ll kill one of them to use my most effective weapon? Am Ah supposed to stay out of fights until Ah get over this stupid fear? It’ll go away. It’s only been a couple months.”
Logan shook his head. “I think you know better than that. And I think you’re underestimating them all. They don’t blame you for Jubilee’s death, and they aren’t scared of the same thing happening. I can tell when people are scared, remember? None of ‘em smell scared around you,” he tried to reassure her.
Rogue just shook her head. “Ah’ll start using my own mutation when Ah’m ready. Ah’m a big girl, and Ah know what Ah’m doing,” she insisted, starting to pull away from him.
He tightened his arms so that she couldn’t escape. “Fine. It’s up to you, but I’ll be watching. I’m not going to let you wear yourself out. And I wouldn’t be surprised if the Professor and Jean already know.”
She gave in and collapsed against him. “Ah know,” she whispered. “But Ah have to do this at my own pace. And Ah can’t handle using my mutation around them right now unless Ah really have to.”
“Like today? Did you have to today?”
“Of course, silly. How else was Ah gonna save your ass?” she asked, some of her spirit shining through once more as she slapped his arm lightly before snuggling back into him, her breathing calmer than before.
“Sorry. Forgot about that,” he chuckled.
They laid there like that until both drifted off into a deep sleep, the first without dreams for either in a very long time.
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Chapter End Notes:
This is the end of this story, but I may have some plans for another sequel brewing. At least Logan's home, right?