I burst through the mansion doors and tore down the stairs, making my way across the already soaked lawn. I thought it was fitting that it was pouring buckets, even though the weatherman had said it was supposed to be sunny… totally how I felt, since seeing –
No… don’t think about it! Don’t think about Logan making out with Jean –
An unwilling Jean, darling.
Thanks, Logan, for that little reminder I scoffed.
Now darling, I told you: he’s just being a dumbass; he’s confused and scared because –
He didn’t look all that confused or scared to me sugar. Just… help me, yeah? I need some time to myself before he finds me… please?
I felt him sigh in my mind as mind-Logan lent me the knowledge on how to successfully screw up a trail… or make it a really hard one to follow. As those instincts and senses kicked in, I let my mind float back and let my body do the rest. I ran through the woods on Xavier’s land as the rain poured down. It had soaked me within seconds of being out here and I couldn’t tell what liquid on my face were raindrops or tears, but I knew I was upset, I knew I was crying, and I knew I had to escape, even if for just a little bit. So I mindlessly ran as mind-Logan directed my body what to do. Unfortunately, that left my mind open to aimlessly thinking and I kept going back to what had just happened not seven minutes ago…
*flashback*
Touch… I could touch, was touching, the Professor’s hand… and he was still conscious! He was conscious and breathing and not looking sickly at all, in fact, there was a rather large smile on his face. My disbelieving eyes met his, so full of pride and happiness for me.
“Congratulations, Rogue,” he said, “you have successfully gained control over your mutation.”
A smile broke across my face and I was out of my chair and opened the door, before turning back to look at him, “thanks, Professor!” and then I was gone in a flash.
If I had waited just a second more, I would have noticed the Professor trying to warn me about what I might be running into. But, alas, hindsight always was 20/20.
So I ran down the stairs, a beaming smile on my face. I rounded the corner to the living room, hoping to find Logan. I was just about to call his name, when my eyes fell upon them: Logan kissing Jean, rather strongly. It took a few seconds for Jean to try and push him away – she really did love Scott; we'd talk a lot when Logan would take off and she and I had come to an understanding – he must have surprised her.
“Logan,” she was finally able to say, “Logan, stop. Stop it Logan!” they broke apart. “I love Scott, Logan. I’m sorry, but I can’t, won't give you want you need. That was –” She gasped and her eyes widened, as they found me. I must have been projecting pretty loudly; I mean, my heart was completely shattered into tiny, itty-bitty, microscopic pieces that were currently fluttering off into the abyss.
Her eyes bore into mine of shared pain and sorrow – as I said, we’d talked – and she said, “Rogue, it’s not what –”
I just shook my head, eyes closed as the tears fell. I quickly sent a thought to her, showing her I didn’t blame her; then I turned and ran.
*End flashback*
So here I was, mindlessly running and hopelessly crying, for a love that was, obviously, never meant to be. I don’t know how long I rang, or how far, just that at some point, I collapsed beneath a big cedar tree. Noticing where I was, I couldn’t help but smile, thinking about how Ororo had taught me the meaning of some of the trees on the grounds; if I remembered correctly, cedar tree symbolizes healing, cleansing, and protection, a few things I could do with right about now.
So I just sat there as the rain fell, leaning against the sturdiness of the tree and hoping for its calming influence to help me heal. I have no idea how long I sat there… all I know was that it still had yet to stop raining, I was soaked, and I was numb all over – physically and psychologically.
I think I would have passed out simply from exhaustion and lack of motivation to move, if Logan hadn’t shown up at some point.
I was just sitting there, staring off into space as the rain continued to pour, when I heard quickly repeated splashing heading towards me, which slowed to a stop when he was a little ways from me.
“Marie?” he huffed.
Slowly, I turned to look at him. He was soaked to the bone, just like me. Most of his hair was stuck to his head, except for the infamous Wolverine-peaks, but then I made the mistake of looking into his eyes… then looked away. I had no desire to see the pity or worry in his eyes, even if there was an apology mixed in as well.
“Yes, Logan?”
He must have realized I wasn’t in a chatty mood. So he sighed and moved closer to me, squatting to my level.
“Uh, Marie?”
“Hm?”
“Are you, uh, up to walking? I don’t think I’m covered enough to –”
I smiled bittersweetly into the distance. “Doesn’t matter… I had come down to tell you I figured it out.”
Silence, then, “Marie… I’m… I’m proud of you… Good job, Darlin’… I’m sorry if –”
My eyes snapped shut, “Don’t. Just… don’t, Logan. Whatever your excuse, I don’t want to hear it.” And damn my emotions, but the tears began falling again… or kept falling… I don’t really know if they stopped at all.
So we stayed like that for a while, then Logan moved to pick me up, an arm behind my back and under my knees. Gently, but quickly, he carried me back to the mansion. It was a bittersweet journey, as I longed to forever be in the warmth of his arms, but knew I never would belong there. When we got to the door, Jubilee opened it, and if looks could kill, Logan would be six feet under.
“You stupid, thick-headed, Canuck! I swear, if you hurt my girl – !”
“Jubilee,” he growled, as he moved past her. “Not now.” She was hot on his heels as he made his way to and up the stairs, then down the hallway.
She humphed, but said nothing else, choosing instead to open the bedroom door and lead him in. He set me on the bed, and I almost moved back into his warmth; almost. Awkwardly, he stood up and faced Jubilee.
“You think you can, you know, help her get out of those wet clothes and into something warmer?”
She looked between us skeptically though I don’t know why; was she pondering the risks of touching me, or was her sharp brain calculating what might have occurred…
“It’s okay, Jubilee… I learned to control my mutation today.”
Her eyes widened a bit, and when she focused on Logan, they lit up with a new fury. “You dumbass, stupid, inconsiderate jerk! If you hurt her –”
“I’d never lay a finger on her like that! How dare you accuse me of that!”
“I wasn’t accusing you of raping her, you ignorant bastard! I know you’d never hurt her, not like that! Just,” She closed her eyes, and physically calmed down. When her eyes opened again, the fury was still there, but not nearly as rampant as before. Then she moved to my dresser and started pulling out clothes for me.
“I’ll help her,” she said over her shoulder, “why don’t you get your inconsiderate, selfish, ass out of here before I blast you out?”
I could tell he wanted to argue, but then he looked at me. No sooner than that, and he was out the door, it closing behind him.
Finally, Jubilee walked over and helped me out of my wet clothes. When I was in clean, warm pajamas and tucked into bed, Jubilee sat next to me, running her hands through my hair as I cried once more.
“Oh, Roguey… we’ll figure it out, I promise.”
I just sniffled and nodded and soon fell into a restless slumber.
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Story Notes:
I really wanted to call this Obstinate Jackass, but I didn't want to get in trouble for bad words :-) If anyone knows if I can name this piece that title, please let me know.
Chapter End Notes:
Is NOT finished... I still have to write AT LEAST one more chapter, most likely two... please review! i hope you enjoyed it!