7:00 a.m.
I’ll begin to let you go
When the sunlight melts the snow
Every night I drive away from you
I see the mountains I have yet to move
And you there
You don’t care
I wonder if you
Wanted me like I wanted you
It’s a lonely truth
That I can’t change you
And you sure can’t change me
It’s hard as hell tonight to sleep
To close my eyes would be admitting my defeat—
I don’t finish listening to the song. Someone’s impatiently knocking on my door, so I twist my body around from the chair where I’d been facing the grand window and remove my earphone, quickly wrapping them around my IPod before I let them in.
“Come in,” I tell them, as I quickly rise from my chair, making sure I’m decent and completely covered. One quick look down at myself eases my mind and let me focus on the visitor, my IPod firmly held in my bare hands. The door creaks and someone lets themselves in, but I don’t time anymore to retrieve my gloves from the bed.
Damn it, the Logan in my head reprimands me.
“Fan-fucking-tastic.” I mumble under my breath as I cast my bed a long glance but then something catches my attention. Whoever is outside that door is taking too long to come in, like they can’t decide whether I’m still deadly, dangerous, and poisonous and that just fucking pisses me off.
“Some things just don’t fuckin’ change,” I tell myself as much as a second thought I run towards my bed, toss my IPod and gather my gloves, quickly slipping them on as I rush to the door and pull it open. There standing behind my door is my fearless and self-appointed protector.
“Logan?”
Logan is casually leaning against the threshold, his arms crossed under his chest so tightly I can see the muscle lines beneath his red flannel shirt. He continues to watch me, assessing me. Like he’s just daring me to run again.
No fuckin’ way, bub. You chased me outta here once. You don’t have that power over meh ‘nymore, I say to myself. The Logan in my head growls at my visitor and the Erik in my head eyes the man as deeply as he does me. Oh fuck.
Logan continues to look at me; like he’s making sure I’m unharmed. He wants to know if anything’s changed but he won’t ask. Slowly I take a couple of steps back and push the door wide open, allowing him inside. I’m more than sure that he wants to talk, whatever that means.
“What brings you to darken my door,” I ask casually. Too casually he decides not to answer, instead he launches into his assessment of me.
“Lost some weight there, kid. Eating enough?” There’s concern in his voice, it surprises me. I surely wasn’t expecting that.
“Been runnin’ and trainin’,” I answer him.
“What about the dark circles under your eyes? You been training them too,” he mocks me lift a brow.
I shake my head and look away. I don’t like where this conversation is going but I can’t exactly avoid the questions. He’s gonna get them out of me one way or anything.
“Can’t sleep,” I mumble that he has to take another step to hear me. At his proximity I quickly look up and take a step back, crossing my arms over my chest, hopping he’d take the hint. I don’t want to talk.
“You still have me up there,” he presses.
“Yeah but they ain’t yer nightmares. All mine,” I tell him as steadily as I can.
“Where you been all this fucking time,” he asks as calmly as he can. The Wolverine doesn’t do calmly. It comes out with a small growl.
I’ve been travelling but I don’t know where
I’ve been missing you, but you just don’t care
And I’ve been wandering, I’ve seen Greece and Rome
Lost in the wilderness, so far from home
I’ve been to Africa, looking for my soul
And I feel like an actor looking for a role
I’ve been to Arabia, I’ve seen a million stars
Been sipping champagne on the boulevard
I’m so sick and tired
Trying to turn the tide
So I’ll say my goodbye
Laugh, laugh
I nearly died
I’ve been down to India, but it froze my bones
I’m living for the city, but I’m all alone
I’ve been traveling, but I don’t know where
I’ve been wandering, but I just don’t care
I hate to be denied
How you hurt my pride
I feel pushed aside
But laugh, laugh
I nearly died
Been travelling far and wide
Wondering who’s going to be my guide
Living in a fantasy but it’s way too far
But this kind of loneliness if way too hard
I’ve been wandering, feeling all alone
I lost my direction and I lost my home
With a deep sigh, I answer. “New York, Canada, Alaska…” I say vaguely.
“Doing?” He continues to press. Logan likes straight answers, no beating around the fucking bush type of shit, he likes to say. His exact words, not mine.
“Same things you do when you leave,” I wave off, then I turn to look at him. He flinched for a moment and I caught that.
“Cage fighting? Searching for your past? Fucking—I quickly hold up a finger cutting him off.
I know what he’s going to say, that why I cut him off. Last thing I need is him calling me a whore. I’m anything but. I know better than that but I’ve done shit I’m not exactly proud off, so instead I let it shrug it off with a simple rise and fall of my shoulders.
“Makin’ some money, tryin’ to get used to mah skin again, travelin’... Always wanted to do stuff of that sort,” I tell him lazily as I continue with unpacking my bag. I’d left my bad sitting on the bed forgotten when I started listen to music a while ago.
When she turned around to face him again she noticed Logan had moved away from the entrance and had closed the door. He was inches away from her now. He was so close that she could feel the warmth radiating off his body. Gawd his body was so close to her’s now. She bravely lifted her gaze and met his tantalizing eyes.
“You’re holding out on me, Kid,” he says accusingly, but I won’t let him make me feel guilty about being honest with him.
“Ah’m not lyin’ t’ya if that’s what you’re implyin’...” I whisper. “But I don’t have to elaborate on what Ah did or didn’t do while Ah was away,” I say bitterly. “It’s not like Ah ever asked you what you did every fuckin’ time you left.”
“Is that what this is about? Are you trying to get back at me for every time I left? Do you have any idea how long I’ve looked for you, kid? I’ve been worried all this fucking time thinking the worst and then you waltz in here like nothing ever fucking happened. What the hells’ wrong with ya?”
I laugh humorlessly and toss the shirt the in my hand after balling it up into a corner of the room. That son-of-a-bitch! What right did he have to come in here seeking answers? Just because she had a small crush on him didn’t give him the right to dictate how she lived her life. He had no right, not when he ran away whenever he got the fucking chance, legitimate reasons or not.
Whatever they were he wasn’t gonna find them here; I’d make sure of that.
“In case you haven’t noticed, bub the world does not fuckin’ revolve around you,” I pointed a gloved finger at him, accusingly. “Ah left ‘cause mah world was crumblin’ ‘round meh. Ah was hurtin’ too. Yes mah mutation is the fuckin’ ultimate curse, but Ah’m tryin’ to adjust. Ah’m sorry Ah wasn’t here at your motherfuckin’ disposal when Jean died. Ah’m sorry Ah didn’t fuckin’ absorb her power so you could save her. And Ah’m most fucking sorry for comin’ back at your inconvenience. Maybe Ah should have called first,” I walked past him, throwing the door wide open, urging him to leave.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000