13 Months Later…
Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters
3:04 a.m.
It’s late. I know.
But I could hardly come back like nothing happened. I can’t face them after what I’ve done. I selfishly deserted them when they needed me the most, when I could have proven useful to save Jean Grey.
Jean Grey.
I still can’t say her name out loud, let alone think it. When I do, something inside of me breaks, even when I just think of her. It must be the Logan in my head mourning the loss of the woman he loved. I absolutely don’t blame him, how can I? What right do I have? It’s not like I stuck around.
Oh God. Logan. His name brings that familiar jolt of pain to my heart. Is he mad? Will he talk to me? Will he forgive me? I’m scared. Not of Logan, of course not. I’m scared he won’t want me; I’m scared he’s forgotten about me.
I turn to look behind me. I can still change my mind about coming back. I can still leave, again. No one has seen me yet. Right? I can see the red Mini Cooper parked outside the gate from where I stand. I didn’t bring much, just the same military duffle bag that I took with me when I left over a year ago. That brings a sudden peace of mind that I know I don’t deserve. A feeling I shouldn’t welcome and yet I still do.
An unsympathetic gust of wind pushes the white streaks around my face forcing me to look back at the mansion. I cross my arms under my breasts and hold the same green cloak tightly against me to keep warm.
Someone shifts uneasily in their sleep; the bed springs creak with the weight as they continue to move trying to push the nightmare away. It’s not Logan; of that much I’m sure. The Logan in my head seems to agree.
Magneto surfaces in my mind, his voice tired and dull, "surely that boy, Piotr, would make a nice collection to my little army," he suggests. I shake my head, pushing him back behind my mental barriers.
“Not if Ah can help it,” I whisper.
The wind continues to whirl violently around me and I look up at the far window. Someone’s watching me. For a moment all I can see is a flicker of white, it flashes away from the window for a long time. After a brief moment a slender figure is moving silently through the main door. Suddenly it’s become darker. It’s Storm, I finally realize. Her eyes become brown again. She smiles and stops several feet away from me.
“Rogue?” Her voice rings out with familiarity and comfort, with warmth and care. I don’t let that fool me. I know she’s the head of the school now, I know that if she believes I’m a threat to the students she will not hesitate to take me out.
"Let her try," another voice inside of my head whispers.
“Is that really you, child,” she asks. A brief emotion crosses her warm features that I nearly miss it, but she continues to smile. Her hands are tucked into the coats’ pockets. She’s cold. I try to smile.
“One an’ only ‘Ro,” I answer somberly. I’m tired. I’ve been driving all day to get as fast as I can back to the mansion. Why? I still don’t know. Why after all this time? Really, I have no idea.
“I bet you’re wondering what I’m doing standing outside the school after all this time,” I lift a brow.
“Mind reader,” she asks as her smile continues to spread.
“Not a chance, I’m already insane as it is. Just checking up on you X-Geeks. I see the school still stands,” I point behind her. "You must be doing one hell of a job.” She turns to look behind her and then turns her attention back to me.
“Checking up, huh? No plans to stay? You’re room’s still available in case you want to come back. We’ve missed you so much.” She takes the remaining steps and hugs me. For a moment I’m at a loss for words. Instead of talking I cherish the moment and return the hug. She reminds me of my mother. I quickly push the thought away.
She’s hoping I can stay. It’s written all over her warm features. I try to smile. I haven’t been able to do that since I left. I’ve been so miserable all this time.
“I…” I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I know she’s watching me, closely, still not trusting. Somehow that makes me feel better, this confirms my suspicions that they know about my stay with the Brotherhood. She does right by not trusting me.
“I’m so proud of you,” I hear myself whisper as I tighten my grip on her hands for a brief moment. I smile. “I can’t…You have no idea what it means to people like me…,” I pause for another moment. This wasn’t supposed to be so difficult. She knew it was guilt that was giving her a hard time. “…to mutants with a mutation as difficult as mine…that there’s still a place on earth where no one will shun us out.”
She leans in to hug me again, tightly. There’s a tear falling down one of my cheeks but before she catches sight of it I wipe it away with the back of my gloved hand and hug her back again. God bless her. I wonder if she has an idea how much I’ve missed this place. I look up at the sky. I hope to God that Jean and the Professor could see me. I wish I could see them.
“It’s because of runaways like you that I’ve kept going. Not everyone grows up with loving or understanding parents, Dear.” She keeps talking but I’ve stopped listening. She used an endearment with me. It’s been such a long time since someone’s said something do meaningful to me. For a moment all I can do is revel in that moment. And then I ask myself why I’ve waited so long to come back. Oh yes, the guilt.
“Rogue?” She shakes me for moment, hoping to bring me back from wherever I’ve gone. I turn my attention back to her.
“Why don’t you stay…Even if it’s just for the rest of the day? I’m sure the others would like to see you.”
“Doesn’t anyone hate me? Don’t you blame me for Jean’s death,” I hear myself ask in troubled voice, one I can hardly recognize as my own. There’s no trace of that Southern drawl.
“No, no. Of course not, dear. We’ve been so worried all this time. We had no way to find you. Scott and the Professor tried it all even using Cerebro but we couldn’t place you. Logan was so desperate. We thought the worst might have happened…” she stops then turns to look back the mansion.
“Wait what,” I asked confused. “Did you say Scott and the Professor?”
“They came back to us Rogue. And Logan, he’s—“He’s still here,” I hear myself ask in a low voice, fearing he’d hear me.
“Yes, he’s become part of the team now. He’s even one of the professors.” She still hasn’t answered my question but she’s grinning. Logan must be having trouble adjusting to just one place.
“Why was Logan so desperate,” I asked distracted.
“Because of you, of course. He made a promise, didn’t he,” she lifts a brow. “…that he’d always be there for you. All this time he’s thought he let you down. He said he shouldn’t have let you go. He’s still trying to find you.”
All Marie could do was stare at Ororo. Had she heard right? Logan had looked for her? Logan cared? Oh God, why didn’t she come back sooner? She turned her eyes to the mansion.
There he was. Looking like a God as he stood behind the window, the lights on. She could hardly help but remember the words to the song she’s been hearing on her way back to the mansion.
I’m on the corner, waiting for the light to come on
That’s when I know that you’re alone
It’s cold in the desert, water never sees the ground
Special unspoken without sound
His chest is bare, wearing nothing but those damn skin-tight jeans of his. He was looking down at them smoking a cigar. Of course he would see them, he could hear them. Although he didn’t look so happy, not like I’d expected anything. So, no surprise there.
“Will you stay, then,” Ororo asked once more. Marie turned to look at Logan one more time before she answered. He’d moved away from the window.
“Alright.”
“Welcome home, dear,” Storm says lastly before she tugs on the young girl’s hand to lead her back inside, into the safety of the mansion.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
This chapter was inspired by Kings Of Leon's "Cold Desert"