Story Notes:
Howdy guys and gals! This is my first fan fiction ever. It has every intention of being dark, dramatic, and full of surprises. Chapter uploads are at least once a week.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Rated mature for language.
Prologue

I took the cure, big deal. I could live with that. I could live with touching people, without the fear of the hurting them. I could deal with the decent nights of sleep, with the quietness of my mind. No more whispering, no more screaming, raging people inside my head trying to drown me out. No more being scared of the damage that I could do. But the guilt was slowly killing me.

If I hadn’t been so selfish, so desperate…I could have saved her. Jean Grey, the woman Logan so reverently loved. I could have saved them both; there wasn’t so much left of Logan anyways after she was gone.

And then that big tidal wave, the one everyone uselessly tries to outrun, came crashing down my way, destroying everything in its path, as if the Phoenix hadn’t done much damage herself. Few days after trying to get back on track and adjusting to my new life, national news broadcast shattered everything that was left of Marie. I can still hear those words ringing in my ears after all this time. The ‘cure’ wasn’t permanent. Hell, it wasn’t even a cure just a fucking suppressant that the government was testing out on willing guinea pigs. On desperate mutants like me.

After that I learned there are no such things as dreams. That hope and faith are for scared people. That Charles Xavier was naïve to believe that we could all co-exist peacefully. And for the first time since the Statue of Liberty incident I understood Magneto.

If I hadn’t been so broken and reeling from all the pain I wouldn't have thought about leaving, but I was broken and I was angry and frustrated and upset at it all.

I wanted the world to burn, to rot. To die at my mercy, to feel as miserable as I did. Scary huh? So where did that southern bell go? I’ll tell ya where, she went straight to hell. Been rotting there for a while now, too. She went without kicking or screaming; didn’t even bother putting up a fight. Rogue? Let’s just say I went thoroughly but not before taking a couple of the others with me. Vengeful little thing, aren’t I?

So where was my fearless and self-appointed protector in all this?

Logan? He wasn’t talking. Not to me, not to anyone else. He was still mourning Jean in his own way. He’d growl, he’d grunt, and snarl but he never said a damn word. I think I lost all hope and faith after that. Didn’t believe in anything anyone ever said. If Logan’s promise wasn’t worth jack, then one else’s word meant anything.

A couple of days before I made up my mind to leave Bobby dumped me. I won’t lie to ya, it hurt like a bitch, but I’d seen it coming. He still hadn’t touched me even after I’d taken the cure, even after I was safe to touch. I wasn’t stupid though, I started following him around the mansion and I caught him making out with Kitty, his hand sliding up her thigh, up her skirt.

I wasn’t expecting that. She was my friend. I trusted her, I would have given my life for her and she betrayed me for a good fuck. Bitch didn’t even have time to phase through anything before she knew what hit her. When I was through with her she looked like a fucking rainbow that had just been introduced to a new set of colors.

Next thing I knew, I was gasping for air, I’d been drowning for a long time. Choking on my own emotions, on my frustration. I needed to find a way out, I needed to be free. No more pain, no more fear, no more Marie.

So one day I removed Logan’s dog tags from around my neck and stuffed them into a blank envelope. When I finally gathered my courage, when I successfully convinced myself that I needed to leave I shoved the envelope under his door on my way out.

Without as much as looking over my shoulder I walked out of the protection of the mansion and swore never to set foot there for as long as I lived. God knew I had no intention of ever being found.
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