When I first met her I didn't think anything of her. All she was was just a mutant we needed to save, and afterward, she was just another face among a crowd of students. She was nothing special to me, but I knew she was special to Logan, and perhaps that was why I had never felt inclined to get to know her. I didn't think Logan would appreciate it if I tried to get too close to her even if it were just in a purely professional way. I was never his favorite person, and he was never mine.
Things changed between us after Jean died.
To say it had been a rough time in my life would be a gross understatement. Without Jean I had felt as if I were lost, desperately struggling to find my way back to a semblance of the man I once was; the man Jean had loved so much. Even now, years later, there are times when the subtle ache of Jean's death flares into such an all encompassing misery that it feels as if I were being strangled… God, I miss her.
Back then it had taken all the effort I had just to function, and sometimes even that wasn't enough. I was too busy trying to live without Jean by my side to notice she had been feeling guilty over crashing the blackbird. If I had noticed I'm sure it would have made me even more upset. How could someone so young begin to understand what I had lost? How could she even think to intrude on my pain? Her guilt had meant nothing to me.
But, looking back at it now, I must not have made matters any easier with my detachedness and very short temper. Eventually, after weeks of being shut in my room, I did tell her I had never, for one moment, blamed her for what happened to Jean. In fact, I had to tell her many times before she finally stopped apologizing. I knew what Jean had done was her choice—it was no one's fault.
In a way though, she did help me deal with the grief of losing Jean even if I didn't realize it at first.
She would stay after class to ask if I needed any help with my work. She was trying to lift a bit of the burden off of my shoulders. It was a nice gesture even though I'm sure it had been meant more as a way to ease her guilt than to help ease my pain. She had a warm and sweet smile that would brighten my mood considerably when I'd be having a particularly bad day.
There had been times, late at night, when we would find one another in the kitchen, searching for a snack, having been kept up by nightmares. She was an easy person to talk to as she never pressed for information beyond what I was willing to give, and she wasn't uncomfortable with long silences. I enjoyed her company.
In time we became friends and she joined the X-Men.
She loves to train which I think is due to her not wanting to be rescued so often. To be fair, she hasn't needed to be seriously rescued since she was a teenager, but Logan has never been able to forget the events of Liberty Island. I don't think that Logan knows just how much he is suffocating the poor girl—woman.
Sometimes her fearlessness does worry me. Being her leader, I know I should ask her to rein it in, but it isn't who she is. She has worked very hard to gain control of her mutation, and I know she wants to put that control to use. She's accomplished a lot, and I am very proud of her.
I don't try to protect her when we're out fighting for the cause, I'll leave that to Logan, but I do care for her. Yes, she's my friend, but she's also grown to be family, as have a lot of the others—she's very much like the younger sister I never had… or ever wanted.
"Scott? Are you asleep in there?"
"No—it's only three in the morning—why would I be sleeping?"
"What? I didn't catch that."
"No!"
"Good, because Jubilee and I wanted to know if we could borrow the car to buy some snacks."
"We have food here."
"Huh?"
"We have food here!"
"Oh, I know, but the cabinets are horribly under stocked when it comes to chocolate."
"Can't you wait 'til morning?"
"Ha ha, very funny, now where are the keys?"
"I didn't even give you an answer."
"You always say yes."
"Then why'd you wake me up!"
"You always say to ask fir—"
"—I didn't expect to be asked at this hour!"
"Gosh, you don't have to yell. I'll just look for the keys myself—go back to sleep."
"Urgh!"
Heck, she even knows how to push my buttons, but that's okay—it works both ways.
I was the one who taught her how to ride a motorcycle after much pleading on her part. I don't think Logan was too pleased to hear about that, but he was the one who left to search for his past—again. In exchange for riding lessons, I made her my temporary teaching assistant; she absolutely hates math.
I also gave her some private fighting lessons when she was still attempting to gain control; she was a quick study, but she complained constantly about the early hours. She'd say I was making her get up at the crack of dawn just to make her miserable, but the only free time I had was before classes—at least that was what I told her.
I think it's safe to assume she is definitely a night owl. Despite her lack of morning enthusiasm, she soon felt confident enough to use her mutation as a last resort. She didn't want to have more people in her head than absolutely necessary. I wonder if it would help if she had a woman up there to help keep the guys in control—they must give her a hard time—but if anyone can handle it it's her.
She has strength that goes beyond just her physical abilities.
She's a special lady and, whether Logan wants to admit it or not, she's important to the team and me as well.
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Author's Chapter Notes:
"'We must try not to sink beneath our anguish… but battle on.'"
Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading!