Chapter the Fourth
I woke up the next morning, curled up close against Logan. I must have rolled closer for warmth. I started to panic and roll away. But when I tried to move away, he growled in his sleep and pulled me closer. Oh God, he was too close. My breath was ragged, my heart was racing. What was I going to do? I slowly calmed myself. Deep breaths. His arm is in a flannel shirt and on top of my sleeping bag. I can't hurt him. I can’t hurt him.
Eventually I drifted back to sleep.
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I woke again, this time alone. I wiggled out of my sleeping bag, shivering, and changed clothes. After brushing my hair and making sure I was covered everywhere, I opened the tent flap. Logan was nowhere in sight. I felt a tiny tug at my heart. Why did that happen? It's safer that he's away. I quickly brushed my teeth before setting off for the shore of the lake.
I stepped on the shore, looking out over its vast expanse. Even though it was freezing cold, I bent down and stripped off my shoes and socks. I wiggled my toes in the sand and let the water lap against me. I squealed and leapt back. It was so sharp, the biting cold, the gravelly sand under the soles of my feet. I sat down and watched the sun rise, my feet splashing quietly in the icy water. I shifted higher up the shore to let my feet dry as I watched the sun come over the tops of the trees behind me and blaze out onto the lake. I leaned back and rested against the ground, feeling connected to the world around me. The tranquility of nature.
I felt rocks under my head as I shifted around to get a better position. I gazed up at the sky, the darkness in the west being chased away by the brightness from the east. There is so much darkness in my mind. But the sun never rises for me.
I closed my eyes, drifting into my mind. I sat there, looking at all the walls containing so many people. I pushed against the walls, trying to make them take up less space. I wanted my mind for myself. It crowded my thoughts, having so many others taking up room. But the walls didn’t budge. I pounded my fists against them before I came back to my senses. What an idiot, taking out my anger on the very walls that kept me grasping sanity. Am I even sane? Sometimes I doubt it. Sane people are normal. Normal people can touch. Normal people.
I sighed and opened my eyes, expelling my breath into the air, watching it dissipate. I sat up, pulling on my socks and shoes before standing up and brushing off all the dirt. The sun was much higher in the sky by now. I walked back to the campsite, where Logan was sitting by the camp fire.
“Hey, kid,” Logan greeted me.
“Hey,” I wearily replied. It was still morning and I already felt worn out. “Making breakfast?” I grinned, the idea of teasing Logan momentarily pushing my weariness away.
“Just some eggs and bacon,” he stated.
He seemed rather grumpy. Better hold off on the teasing. “How did you sleep last night?”
His expression brightened, “No nightmares.”
"Me neither." We smiled at each other. He waved me closer as the bacon sizzled.
"It's almost done," he said as I sat down beside him. The warmth coming from him next to me nearly rivaled that coming from the fire. I inched closer to him. For warmth.
Logan pulled the food off the fire and served us breakfast. I smiled gratefully and dug in. It was surprisingly good.
“This is good,” I managed between bites.
"Why're you surprised?"
"I'm not surprised," I protested.
"Don't play dumb, I can smell it and you know it."
"I just can't imagine you in a kitchen. Or sitting still long enough to learn how to cook.”
"I did more than just sleep in my camper, kid. Cooking for yourself is cheaper than eating out all the time. We should do that, too."
"I guess so."
"Since I cooked, you clean," he grinned. But before I could protest, he said, "I'll be taking down the tent." At least he wasn't going to just sit there.
______________
We had seven hours to Thunder Bay, mostly driving right along the lakeshore. I found my glance wandering from the road to look at the scenery. I wanted to remember. To experience it all before...
"Kid, you want me to drive? All the swerving around is pissing me off."
I blushed, not realizing he had noticed how many times I had strayed from our lane.
"Yeah, I guess so." I pulled over onto the side of the road and we switched places.
I gazed out at the trees and the lake as we drove along. So pretty and pristine. Towering trees, probably hundreds of years old standing guard around the massive lake. The water was quiet, reflecting the sky, the trees, the clouds.
Now that we had been in the car for a while, I began to get hot.
"Do you mind if I turn the heater down? It's getting hot in here."
"Or you could just take off some layers."
"But my skin -- I don't want an accident to happen. There's already enough of you in my head, I don't need more," I attempted to grin at him.
He had a strange look in his eyes. "Marie, why don't you take off some layers?"
I hesitated. "I don't want to cause any pain."
"How about this? Just take off your scarf. An exposed neck won't hurt anything." His eyes flickered with something I couldn't name. He was probably remembering the pain of when I drained him last time.
"I... uh... ," I continued to stall. I was scared. What if I forgot myself? What if there was a car accident? What if...
“Come on, darlin’,” he coaxed.
Something in me flickered at his plea and I grew stronger. I could do this. I slowly reached up and unwound my scarf from my neck. Deep breaths. It’s okay.
“See? The world didn’t end,” he gently teased.
I attempted a chuckle but couldn’t quite pull it off. I was still too busy trying to remain calm. I felt so exposed.
“It’s okay, kid,” Logan reached out to touch my hand but I flinched away. “Damn it, Marie, I’m not scared of you.”
“Well you should be,” I spat out, “I’m dangerous. Toxic. Warning, do not touch! I’ve already sucked you in twice, I don’t want to do it again.”
“I healed,” Logan reminded me.
“I don’t care, I still caused you pain. What if I can’t pull away? It’s too dangerous.” I wrapped my scarf around my neck again.
Logan growled at my actions but I didn’t care. It’s for his own protection.
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After several hours of driving in silence, snacking on junk food, and taking pit stops, we arrived in Thunder Bay. It was a little early for cage fighting so we stopped at a bar and ate dinner.
“How’s your money doing?” Logan inquired.
“It’s pretty low,” I admitted. “I’ll have to make some tonight. Especially if we get a hotel.”
“Why don’t we get one room with two beds? It’ll save us money,” Logan suggested.
I thought about it. After last night, I knew Logan trusted me enough to not kill him in his sleep. It would save money. I could stay safe in my own bed. He could stay safe in his.
“Okay,” I somewhat reluctantly agreed. “But if we have an accident or something, it’s separate rooms right away, understand?” I felt a little silly ordering around the Wolverine but I was not going to be the cause of more pain. I was not going to hurt more people. Never again.
Logan glared at me, bristling at being told what to do, but after a moment, agreed.
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I had won a substantial amount of money from some rough-looking men who were too drunk to stop making outrageous bets against me. Now it was Logan’s turn to earn some money. Or rather, the Wolverine’s.
He was in the cage, facing a taller man. The two circled, sizing each other up. The floor of the cage was already splattered with previous contenders’ blood. All had fallen before the fury of the Wolverine. This one would be no different.
I watched them. Well, I watched the Wolverine. He seemed to be made of muscles. I knew there was adamantium on his bones but his muscles were like liquid metal, flexing and twisting beneath his glistening skin. Sure, he let them hit him so it wasn’t too obvious, but he took the blows with the perfect amount of pain in his face. He knew how to get himself hit in places that bled profusely so that the blood covered up his healing. He had split the other man’s lip so that blood covered his healing knuckles.
I admired him as the dim light danced across his muscles, creating mountains and valleys of shadows. What would it be like to touch explore that terrain? But I couldn’t let myself ponder. I would never get the chance.
I shook myself from my musings as the Wolverine delivered the final blow, knocking his opponent to the ground. The man didn’t stir. The crowd roared as Logan exited the cage, making his way over to me. I could see the Wolverine flickering in his eyes before Logan reasserted himself.
“Enjoy the show?” he asked.
“Very convincing,” I assured him with mock gravity. “I give it three stars.”
“Three?” He pretended to be offended. “And what, if you don’t mind me asking, was lacking?”
“You dispatched the last two rather quickly. You didn’t fully develop the fight as much as you could have.”
He grinned and ruffled my hair. I managed to only flinch a little. “I’m going to wash up.”
“I’ll be right here.”
As Logan, bloodied and disheveled, made his way to the bathroom, another man approached me.
“What’s a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this?”
He got no points for creativity so I didn’t deign to answer him. Hopefully another, looser woman would come by and grab his interest.
“I asked you a question, little thing.”
Damn, this one was going to be insistent. I turned to deny him when suddenly, there was someone behind him.
“There a problem here, darlin’?” Logan asked me over the man’s shoulder.
“Not at all, I was just engaging in dull conversation,” I answered him. The man wasn’t quite drunk enough to miss my meaning.
“Hey now, me and the little girly were just having a chat. No need to get your panties in a twist.”
Logan growled low in his throat. “Move along, bub.”
“You might want to listen to him. He just beat seven men to the ground,” I calmly stated.
Something must have gotten through the thick skull surrounding that feeble brain and the man backed off, grumbling, and disappeared into the crowd.
“How about that hotel?”
___________________
I drove us to a nearby hotel, letting Logan heal from internal injuries I knew he must have received during his fights. After we checked in and got to our room, I flopped down on one bed while Logan sniffed around and made it to the bathroom.
“Is it safe?” I joked.
“I’m more than a match for the bugs in the walls.”
“Did you have to tell me about them?” I moaned. “I was happier not knowing.”
He poked his head out of the bathroom and grinned at me, “If I gotta hear them, you can know about them.”
“Lo-gan,” I groaned and rolled over, checking over the room for any that may have crawled out.
He just chuckled. “You want to shower before I bloody up the place?” he called.
“Yes, please,” I answered enthusiastically. I grabbed my shower gear from my bag and headed for the bathroom. Logan had his shirt off, inspecting various cuts and bruises.
“You’re getting slow old man,” I smirked. He stuck out his tongue at me. I laughed, “Did the mighty Wolverine just stick his tongue out at me?”
“Maybe,” he mumbled, looking mildly embarrassed before he seemed to remember the Wolverine doesn’t get embarrassed. I continued to laugh at him as I shooed him out of the bathroom.
I showered quickly, not wanting Logan to sit around bloody for too long. I came out clean and fresh, dressed in sweats and a long-sleeved shirt for bed, pulling on my gloves. “Your turn.”
He passed me, mumbling something about women taking forever but I knew he was kidding. It wasn’t like I had luxuriated under the warm water or anything. Maybe just a little.
I sat on the bed, drying my hair as my nerves began to fray. I better get in bed and go to sleep so I don’t end up thinking too much. Thinking is my enemy. At night, at least.
I turned the lights out and got in bed. Logan would be able to find his bed in the dark. I needed to check on the walls before sleep. I remember thinking “barbaric” a few times during the fights so there was a possibility Erik had made a new crack somewhere. And it’s always important to check on Marie. It’s hard work keeping her safe. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply and evenly.
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I opened my eyes to the sight of my maze.
Yup, there was a crack in Erik’s wall. I went and patched it up. Luckily, I caught it early. I wandered around, checking everyone else. I found Marie making a daisy chain in the center.
“Seriously, Marie, a daisy chain?”
“It must be all the fighting, it brought out my immature side,” she defended herself.
I laughed and sat next to her. “How do you feel about the sleeping arrangements?”
“We survived last night, we should be fine tonight. I don’t know what you’re so worried about. We’re in separate beds. Last night we were on the floor with Logan.”
“I know, I know. I didn’t argue hard enough with Logan. I should have slept in the car.”
“That’s not what I meant, Rogue,” she said, taking my hand to get my attention.
I squeezed her hand, “I just want to protect you, Marie. It’s important to me that you’re safe.”
“You’re doing a wonderful job. You’ve been letting me out lots more, I love it.”
“Well, we’re just driving around with Logan, nothing to worry about. But you know the second something goes weird, you’ll have to come back here, right?”
She sighed, “I know.” She smiled shyly, “Thanks for letting me share time at the bar.”
I laughed, “Just be careful with the Southern sass. If Logan hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t have let you talk back to that man. But I want you to have fun. And sassing Logan is fun.”
She giggled, “It is.”
We sat in comfortable silence for a while. Finally, Marie nudged me. “You better get to sleep.”
I sighed and stood up, “You’re right.”
I had started my journey out of the maze when Marie called after me, “Don’t let the bed bugs bite!”
“Marie!!”
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