Beast and Storm stood behind Professor X, their breathing harsh, overcome by sadness, anger, and guilt. Beast reached for his lover’s hand, and she leaned into him, both thankful for the other’s support. They knew that the emotions didn’t belong to them, that they emanated from the strange being that hovered in the centre of the X-Men hangar, above the Blackbird, but it was difficult to experience none-the-less. Its two middle wings, the largest of the six, flapped powerfully behind it, displacing the air around them, its top two wings covering its face, the bottom two covering its body modestly.
Charles reached up, both arms outstretched and it flew down to him, its spectacular wings retreating from its twenty foot span to fold into the other four before resting impossibly on its small back.
Storm and Beast stared at its revealed form, seeing for the first time in the two years since their initial meeting that it was a woman, with long, golden hair swirling about its body, its auriferous skin shining as though molten. They were shocked when it fell into the professor’s embrace, silent sobs racking its body as it accepted comfort from him, startlingly human, and tears fell unchecked down their faces as its grief washed over them, profound in its intensity.
It pulled away with a sad smile, and imparted something telepathically to Charles before looking to Hank and Ororo. Its affection for the couple surrounded them as the creature spread open all six of its massive wings, lifting up into the air, its pinions punching forward repeatedly to attain tremendous height, until it cleared the open rafters, its radiance disappearing from the hangar as it flew away into the early morning sky.
Charles Xavier turned to look at his X-Men, his face reflecting the figure’s sorrow. “She was unable to rescue the baby. The young woman’s abusive partner killed the new mutant life before her arrival. There was nothing she could do to prevent the death, the embryo became unviable.”
Ororo nodded, now understanding the anguish of the seraphic mutant and Hank placed a comforting paw onto the shoulder of the professor. The three friends walked back into the X-Mansion, solemn.
Laura stood out like a sore thumb. The younger students tried to reach out to her, but her morose countenance discouraged them. The soon to be graduated class, however, consistently asked her join them in their activities, knowing that she would be returning with them at the end of summer to Westchester Academy, but even then it was clear there was nothing in common between the young girl and the other children. Julian and Amy stayed by her side, much to Laura’s annoyance, who preferred to be alone. She got rid of them a few times, but they remained persistent, never showing their annoyance at her rude behavior, always chipper and kind. After a while, she learned to tolerate them, becoming a shadow that trailed behind the school’s first alumni.
Kitty did manage to finally corner Anna, who uncharacteristically had slept in. After a few half hearted denials that she was fine, Anna finally relented and admitted to her best friend that yes, having the Wolverine around was distracting.
Rubbing her belly thoughtfully, Kitty asked, “Obviously there’s some unfinished business between you two. I remember Kurt seemed to think Logan was the reason you left all those years ago, and so did Remy. Gambit blasted Logan through the first floor windows when he found out you were gone.”
Anna’s heart thudded hard. Seeing the look on her face, Kitty declared, “They were right, weren’t they?”
They were sitting outside the main dining hall where garden tables and chairs were placed about the back patio, choosing to sit under the shadow cast by the main house. Anna straightened her pink tunic dress and picked at imaginary fluff along its hem, checking her matching pumps for any scuffs. Kitty rolled her eyes, watching her.
“I’m still here you know.”
Anna pressed her thumbs against her temples, closing her eyes as though pained. “Why does it matter, Kitty? I left for a myriad of reasons.”
Kitty pressed on. “It matters, Anna, because I remember Logan’s reaction when he found out you had left. It took all of us to stop him from running out and dragging you back.”
Anna’s heart thudded hard again, a sadness settling over her, feeling very tired. “It was a good thing you did. I know I hurt you Kitty, and I told you I was sorry, but leaving the X-Men was the right thing for me to do.” She waved her hand, indicating the buildings surrounding them. “Look at what came out of my decision. No matter the reasons for me leaving, in the end, they led me to this, and it was worth it. All of it.”
Kitty played with the straw of her decaffeinated ice tea. “I thought you and Remy had a great thing going.” She stole a glance at the taller woman, curious to see her reaction.
Anna couldn’t deny the pang of angst she felt thinking of the sexy red-eyed thief. Her voice was reflective, remorseful. “It wasn’t meant to be. It ended before it began, before I even left New York, Kitty. Besides, didn’t his wife came back from the dead a few years back? Sounds to me I was lucky I didn’t get too involved.”
Kitty shook her head, surprised Anna didn’t know. “Remy and Belladonna are still divorced. He’s claimed the leadership of the Guild after saving his ex-wife’s life a while back, but he’s still an X-Man. He hasn’t been living at the X-Mansion, but he’s touched base a few times, here and there over this past year.”
“Oh.” Anna stirred her drink, eyeing the mint leaf that had sunk to the bottom of the large glass, wondering why Scott failed to mention Gambit’s return to the fold. Kitty’s next question pulled her out of her thoughts.
“How are things between you and Scott?” Kitty had decided to not tell her friend about what her husband had drunkenly revealed to her on the night of her birthday, knowing the marriage proposal must have been interrupted by the arrival of Logan and Laura. Anna’s eyes darted across the table to look at the other woman, uncomfortable, her face becoming very hot.
Face gentle, Kitty remarked, “He loves you.”
“I love him, too,” Anna told her honestly.
“Yeah, I know.” The pregnant woman’s voice matched her facial expression. “But maybe, you should deal with this thing with Logan before things get more serious between you two.”
Annoyed now, Anna pushed her drink away. “There is no ‘thing’ with…him. You’re the one who’s seems to think there is, Katherine Pryde Drake.”
Kitty was non plussed by the cold tone in Anna’s voice. “You can’t even say his name.”
“Wolverine? Of course I can!”
Kitty observed her old friend through assessing eyes. Anna was hot with anger, and her eyes were positively lit. Yep, there was a thing there, alright. But Kitty’s bladder was screaming to be emptied and she knew that she wouldn’t be getting anything more out of Anna today. “I’m grateful for everything that you’ve given me, Anna, and I love you. I would never do anything to make you unhappy, but I won’t pretend that there isn’t something there, between you and Logan. For now, I gotta pee.” She smiled to lessen the abruptness in her tone and got up, making her way back into the manor.
Anna closed her eyes after Kitty left, and took a few minutes to sort through what she had said. In her desperation to leave Xavier’s all those years ago, she never gave the proper goodbye that Remy deserved, and she still felt guilty about it, recalling how he said loved her that day outside by the frozen over fountain, thinking she didn’t hear him. Images of the handsome man flooded her mind. She remembered how drawn she felt towards him, how she would feel entranced by his voice, how desirable he made her feel, how much she wished she could kiss him, touch him. She had no idea that the New Orleans native blamed Logan for her leaving. If only Remy had come into her life earlier, if only she turned to him that night, instead of Logan, maybe her life would have been different. Maybe.
Scott found her, frowning into her empty glass. Kissing her gently, he sat in the seat that Kitty had vacated earlier. “Penny for your thoughts?”
She gave him a small smile, dispelling her unfaithful thoughts, making sure to prevent the shame she felt from showing on her face. “Too generous by far for what they’re worth, Scott. How was your baseball game with the kids?”
He pulled away the towel he had around his neck and rubbed his face with it, his neck, arms and shoulders slick with perspiration. “Cut short, it’s too hot. I dropped the boys off at the beach to join Karen and Stuart’s group, I’m just too exhausted to keep up with them. I thought I would take a shower and spend the rest of the afternoon with you.” He leaned forward and took hold of her hand, kissing it gallantly.
Anna’s smile brightened. “I would absolutely love that, Scott.”
Returning her smile, he jumped up and kissed her again, this time lingeringly. “Love you.” His face was earnest, looking down at her.
“Love you too,” she replied, just as earnestly, and pulled him down for another, more passionate kiss.
He left and she continued to sit there, watching the distant willow trees by the river sway slightly from the barely there breeze.
The sunset was beginning to dip down behind the low swamplands in the distance, its fire colored light slowly overpowering the bright blue of the open sky. Humidity clung to her skin. Anna was lying on the grass, eyes closed, drawing comfort from the cool ground against her back, trying not to care that she was probably ruining her outfit from the moistness beneath her. Her ears picked up the sounds of children settling in for the night, their shouts easily drifting towards her through the still air and she sighed, forcing herself to stay where she was.
She placed her hands behind her head and looked up into the branches of the large willow tree above her. When she was a little girl, she imagined little fairies lived and danced there, way up in the shadows and amongst the silvery offshoots that draped gracefully down towards her. She would lie under this particular tree for hours, eyes darting at the slightest movement, in the hopes she could catch them, convinced that if she managed to see one - just one - a magical world would open up and she could escape into it forever and leave behind her sad, lonely existence. Looking up now, Anna could determine, with fine detail, each and every single leaf that grew out of the over fifty year old tree. There was definitely no fairy kingdom hiding up there.
She closed her eyes again, and willed her senses to deaden. She breathed in deeply, and focused on her sense of sound, instructing it to dull, telling herself to ignore the sounds around her. She held her breath, intent on dispelling the scents around her as well. She waited, and waited, but she knew it was in vain. Almost as though in punishment, every sound, every scent came roaring at her, even the feel of the crushed grass beneath her seemed to stab into her. She released the air out of her lungs very, very slowly, emptying them completely before taking in the sweet Mississippi air once more.
“Kinda hard to breathe in this weather, isn’t it?”
Anna didn’t open her eyes but she knew exactly where he was. About twenty feet away from her, slightly to the left, near the trunk of the next tree over. He had been steadily making his way towards her from the direction of the stables, smelling of glycerin and cigar and Logan. Anna determined that he was now beside her, although he had moved soundlessly. He lay down beside her.
“Hidin’?”
She kept her breathing even, her heart rate steady, reacting pleasantly to his low, rumbling voice so near her ear. “Trying.”
She heard his soft laughter and struggled to keep her lips from curling up in response. Minutes passed and she found herself tuning into the sound of his breathing, amazed that he could make something simple and necessary so distinctly him. Anna heard him shifting. He was now on his side, one arm at an angle supporting his head, the other draped across his waist as he faced her.
“You did good with this place, Marie.”
She nodded, acknowledging his compliment, eyes still closed. He smelled so good, and she inhaled deeply again, enjoying it, enjoying the calmness she felt.
“A lot of kids over there wanna trap the moon for you.” His voice was raspy, sexy, and close.
Her heart tripped a bit but she willed herself to maintain a steady beat, not wanting to lose the peace that she was feeling. No anger, no passion, just her and Logan, almost like the way it used to be. She couldn’t prevent a tinge of sadness from creeping in. “I know the feeling,” she whispered without thinking, her voice catching a bit.
Damn, damn, damn!
She stood up abruptly but Logan was right there, placing his hand on her forearm to prevent her from leaving. It was the first time they touched since he arrived, and the contact burned them both. She kept her face averted from him.
“Don’t, Logan. We can’t go back to...” Anna stopped, not knowing how to go on, so she just pushed through in a rush of words, sadness and regret in her voice. “We can’t go back to how things were before.” She took a deep breath and finally looked at him.
Logan felt his world tilt as her beautiful eyes took possession of his. She seemed smaller, free from the high heeled shoes that she always wore and looking down at her, at her familiar height, his breath caught, stunned by how much he loved her.
Anna knew that she could tap into the anger that was always simmering at the surface, it was her strongest weapon against him, and she needed it to hold back all of the other emotions she felt towards the man who was now looking at her with an unfathomable expression on his face. She wanted to lash out and hurt him, to see pain in those mesmerizing topaz eyes, too retaliate in kind to the heartache he caused her during the time when she had needed him most. But she accepted long ago that Logan hadn’t wanted her, she knew she had risked it all, laid herself bare to him, literally, and had lost. He had seen her as a lonely, sad little girl, who was possessed by a feral mutation that she couldn’t control, pitiful Rogue, who threw herself at the resident sex god of the X-Mansion because of a crush she foolishly nursed over the years. Awkward, undesirable, pathetic.
Logan watched her face, seeing her struggle with her thoughts and he wanted to demand she tell him what they were, so he could battle them, so he could repair the damage he caused. He wished they could go back in time to when she was his sweet Marie; the woman who turned to him for comfort, for guidance, for friendship so he could stop her from becoming Anna; the prim, proper, perfect headmistress with the aristocratic voice and demeanor who wore designer clothes and towering heels, who maintained perfectly manicured hands and played the matching set piece to good guys like Scott Summers.
Anna pulled her arm free from his hold. It was a small movement, but it was enough.
“I missed our friendship,” Anna admitted quietly, her eyes dim. “I missed the way things used to be, between us. But that was a long time ago. If you felt any responsibility for me leaving all those years ago, I want you to know, it’s alright.” Anna swallowed down the lump in her throat but her voice was strong as she told him, “Because, I’m over you.” She looked away from him and left, walking swiftly through the open field, back to the academy’s main grounds.
I’m over you.
Her words were like a bullet, ricocheting through his entire body with a destructive force, leaving the sharpest pain he had ever felt, in their wake. Logan watched her small frame reduce in size as she moved away from him. Further and further away.
But I’m not over you, darlin’. I’m not over you.