“Hush.” His voice was a low rumble against her ear. “I’m about to start talkin’ about my feelings and shit and it don’t happen often, so get comfortable.”
She felt herself smile despite her emotional turmoil. She allowed herself to settle against him, enjoying his warmth and closeness as she fit up against his side, her arm around his waist. His chest rose and fell in a few deep, even breaths, and as exhausted as he had looked she wondered for a moment if he had fallen asleep before he started talking again.
“I told you how I don’t really remember much before fifteen years ago, when I got the metal in me?”
She nodded, her cheek brushing against the warm leather of his jacket.
“I still don’t remember much of who I was before then, but I remember a lot of who I was after. And -- well, it wasn’t pretty.”
She tightened her arm around his waist, waiting for him to say more.
“First thing I remember, I was runnin’ naked through the woods. Snow everywhere, and blood pourin’ from my hands. The smell of death all over me, and I didn’t even know who I had killed. The feral side of me...it was pretty much all there was then. I lived like an animal for a long time. Months, maybe even close to a year, before I met some people who helped me out a little.”
She tried to imagine what it had been like for him, and couldn’t. Being without her memories had been terrifying enough, and she hadn’t even had to worry about cold and starvation...
“Even after that, when I had some control over the animal...the life I lived still wasn’t anythin’ to brag about. Driftin’ from place to place. Fightin’ people for money, even knowin’ nobody stood a chance against me, with the metal and the healin’.” He hesitated, but then continued. “Fuckin’ girls without even lookin’ at their faces.”
He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I feel like I’m dirtyin’ you up by even tellin’ you this, Marie. But I need you to know about me -- all about me.”
She pressed closer to him. “Do you really think I’m so innocent, Logan? I know you read my file. You saw the way I lived for awhile -- the things I did, and the people I hurt. This damned toxic skin may have kept me a virgin, but that doesn’t mean I’m some angel. Especially with all the people I have in my head.”
She felt the growl start in his chest. “You think any of that matters to me? I know who you are. I know you, Marie.”
She looked up at his face in surprise, as his gaze burned into hers. He took a deep breath, visibly trying to relax the tension from his muscles. “Anyway...what I’m tryin’ to say is if you knew what I was back then -- how many years I lived like that, doing nothin’ worth a damn to anybody -- you’d understand how I felt when Xavier recruited me here. I thought he was crazy -- thinkin’ I could be around kids? Be some kind of good guy superhero?”
He sighed, and then shrugged. “I tried to pretend like I didn’t care, but I did. I wanted to belong here. To be the good guy. And Jean...she was everythin’ that I didn’t deserve. Smart, and classy, and...I don’t know, just different from everythin’ I was used to.”
Marie felt her heart sink. She must have tensed up -- or maybe he smelled her sorrow -- because he squeezed her reassuringly, his low voice rumbling in her ear again.
“Easy now, no need for that.” He rubbed his face in frustration. “I’m doing a shit job of it, but I’m trying to explain. When I came here, and met Jean, I felt like...I don’t know, like chasing after her might prove something. Prove that I’m the kind of guy someone like her would even give a second glance to.”
Marie gathered her courage. “Do you love her?”
He paused for a moment, and she braced herself for his answer. “Maybe I was half in love, but not with Jean -- not really.” His voice was meditative. “More with the idea of her, if that makes any sense.” A low, rumbling laugh tickled her ear. “And then flirting with her riled Scott, and that was a helluva lot of fun too.”
He pulled back, looking into her eyes. “Here’s what I’m trying to say. Jeannie is a great woman. She’s smart, and kind, and even someone to have at your back in a fight. But I don’t feel about her the way I feel about you. When I went to go get her, all I could think about was getting back here to you.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but he interrupted, his words pressured now, his voice thick with emotion. “Now, I know you have this other life of yours, and maybe there’s no place for me in it. But if you do wanna stay with me -- or have me stay with you -- you gotta know that you’re never second best.” He brushed his gloved hand through her hair and then cupped her cheek, his eyes burning into hers, intense and honest. “Never.”
A quick kiss to her lips, inhaling her gasp of surprise. “If you don’t wanna stay here because of Jeannie, we’ll go wherever you want. But I don’t want to lose you again, okay?”
Marie felt her heart racing, joy spreading slowly through her body. “I don’t want to lose you either. And I don’t want you to leave your home. I can finish my degree somewhere else. That other life I had -- it was lonely. I couldn’t really be myself with anyone.”
“I know you, Marie. You can be yourself with me.” Another kiss from him, slick and deep, until the tingle of her skin dampened her joy.
She pushed back a little, sitting up. “And what about that?”
“Huh?” His gloved hand brushed up her neck, making her shiver, but she had to get this out.
“My skin. How long until that’s a problem? Until you get tired of being careful, and want someone...”-- her breath hitched on the word -- “...touchable.”
“I want you, Marie.” She should have heeded the warning in the growl of his voice, but she was too caught up in her own fear. She stood up, starting to pace as she struggled to get the words out.
“You don’t really know yet -- what my skin really means. Never being able to relax. Never being able to get...as close as you want to be. Being toxic all the time. How long until that wears you down? Unless...” Her eyes unconsciously strayed to the bandaid on her arm.
“Sonuvabitch.” He stood up, stalking towards her. “Hank told you about the cure? Marie, how can you even consider that?”
She stood her ground, her fists clenched at her side. “How could I not? I know it’s still experimental, but -- the chance to be normal? To be able to touch you, without fear? What wouldn’t I give for that?!”
His expression softened. He pulled her to him, nuzzling into her hair. “You don’t have to be scared, Marie. Not of hurtin’ me. And you don’t need to take that kind of risk, takin’ a drug you know nothin’ about. Your skin is part of you. You’re not toxic. You’re beautiful.”
He turned her around, facing her toward the standing mirror in the corner. “Look.”
“I’m a mess!” she protested, taking in her red-rimmed eyes and tangled hair quickly before averting her gaze.
“No,” he growled. “Look.”
His warm gloved hand gently nudged her chin up. She reluctantly lifted her head, her eyes meeting his fierce gaze in the mirror. Her breath stopped in her throat as she watched his eyes brush her reflected image from head to toe, feeling the path of his gaze as if it were a physical touch. Then his gloved hand followed where his gaze had led -- down her cheek to spread warm against her throat, barely brushing her breast and making her shudder, grazing down her side, curling in a firm grip around her hip.
She watched their reflection, spellbound, as his head dipped to nuzzle her neck, his stubbled jaw tickling at the skin while his mouth nipped and sucked. She saw the color rise in her own cheeks, her chest rising and falling with the pressure of her suddenly unsteady breaths. His massive frame was largely in shadow, dwarfing hers, making her feel suddenly fragile.
“Beautiful Marie,” he breathed into the skin of her neck, breaking off contact as soon as the tingle started. She watched, entranced, as his gloved hand strayed under the edge of her sweatshirt, exposing the pale skin of her belly. His hungry gaze met hers in the mirror again as his hand cupped her breast, weakening her knees, causing her head to fall back against his shoulder. Her eyes drifted shut as sensation started to overtake her.
“Don’t look away.” The low command caused her eyelids to flutter open again, meeting his dark gaze in the mirror again. “I want you to see what I see.” With a sudden movement he stripped the sweatshirt from her body, leaving her naked from the waist up, her pale skin gleaming against the dark leather of his uniform jacket. His eyes darkened further as he saw his tags, glinting silver in the valley between her breasts. He growled low with approval.
“So fuckin’ pretty,” he muttered, a warm gloved finger tracing the line of the chain. “So fuckin’ pretty when you’re mine.” His rough voice caused a rush of warmth to spread through her body, thick and rich and honey-sweet. She shuddered as his gloved hand continued to roam her body, dark against her ivory skin as his mouth nibbled a path down the tender skin of her neck.
“I’m not gonna hurt you, Marie. And you’re not gonna hurt me.” She saw the flush spreading from her cheeks down her neck as his thumb flicked her nipple, causing a burst of sensation.
“Logan...”
“Say it,” he coaxed. “I want to hear you say it.”
She reached an arm up, running her gloved hand through his hair, watching in the mirror as the action made her breasts rise eagerly into his waiting hand. Another low growl in response, the reverberations traveling down her neck, igniting a flame low in her belly. She saw her own reflection smile with the knowledge of what she could do to him, the deep brown eyes of the girl in the mirror suddenly hooded and mysterious.
“Say it, Marie.” His voice was hoarse, his own control fraying.
His hand drifted lower as she leaned back against him, feeling his warm hard body pressed against the full length of her back. He grunted as her soft body pressed hard against his, his breath roughening.
“You’re not going to hurt me, Logan.” Her voice sounded unfamiliar to her -- soft and husky with wanting.
“Good. Now the rest.”
His hand strayed lower as he ducked his head, his lips clinging to hers as he breathed in her gasp of pleasure. “I...” Her words dissolved into a guttural moan as his hand dipped under the waistband of her sweatpants, pressing against her slick skin.
“Tell me, Marie.”
“I...I’m not going to hurt you.”
He rewarded her with a slow, delicious circle of his thumb.
His lips met hers again, his kiss deep and soft and lingering...lingering...until finally Marie drew back in alarm.
He growled again in warning, moving in front of her and crowding her until her back was against the wall. “You don’t believe it yet. But you will. I’m gonna touch you until you believe it.” He wrenched the mirror around until it was fully facing them, and then rested his hands on the wall on either side of her body, hemming her in.
“Logan...”
He silenced her with kisses until her head spun, the flame in her belly burning higher. “Trust me, Marie. Trust yourself.” He licked down her collarbone, and then his mouth was at her breasts, laving and sucking. She felt the wall cool against her shoulderblades as she sagged against it, transfixed by the image in the mirror of his dark head at her breast, his hands restlessly moving across her body.
He suddenly unzipped his uniform jacket and pulled it off, leaving himself bare to the waist except for his gloves.
All that bare skin...her fascination warred with her fear. “Are you sure...” she started.
“Hush.” More kisses, clouding her mind, chasing away the fear until only delicious sweet desire was left. She let her gloved hands roam over his strong neck, his shoulders, the breadth of his chest. He closed his eyes, groaning under her touch. She dipped her head and licked his nipple, glorying in the growl that elicited from him.
In a swift movement he lifted her up, pinning her against the wall with his lower body, her legs naturally wrapping around his waist. She gasped at the delicious pressure in just the right spot, as he pushed hard into her, both of them groaning at the sensation.
His mouth took hers again, his kiss blazing this time, possessive, as he pushed into her again and again, her body finding the rhythm and grinding hard against him in return. Her head rested back against the wall and she caught a glimpse of them again in the mirror -- the rippling muscles of his back tensing and flexing as he pushed into her, her gloved hands gripping his strong shoulders, her own face flushed with desire, hair falling around her bare breasts as he moved strongly against her.
Raw, sweet pleasure burst through her with every movement of their bodies. This time her lips sought his, boldly kissing him as her hand cupped his jaw, feeling the stubble prickle through the silk of her gloves. She felt the tension winding higher, her breathless gasps echoing the rough noises Logan was making in the back of his throat. Suddenly his movements slowed, and then stopped.
She pushed against him, restlessly, frantically. “Logan...please...”
A sharp nip to her neck, and then his voice rumbling in her ear. “Marie...look.”
She followed his gaze down, her breath stopping in her throat at the sight of his bare hand against her skin. “Your glove. When...”
“A few minutes ago.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Aw, great reviewers deserve extra-quick updates, right? Logan gets a little dominating in this chapter, but the tables turn in the next, so stick with me. ;-)
Chapter End Notes:
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