Logan gave himself ten minutes to shower and change before he met up with the others in the war room. He stood under the hot spray, scrabbling to get his emotions under control.
He had to focus on the mission, and the mission was to get Jean back, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Rogue. How she had looked -- still as death, fighting the voices in her head -- and the utter panic that had consumed him. The moment when her deep brown eyes had opened and looked into his, and everything in his world had seemed to come right again. And then she had told him her name -- her real name. For a moment all he had felt was a fierce satisfaction that she would share that with him, and then the significance of it had hit him like a punch to the gut. She was Marie, the graduate student with a bright future ahead of her. Not his Rogue anymore.
“Not mine,” he muttered aloud, pressing his forehead against the cold tile, trying to convince himself, trying desperately to quiet the animal inside. He had scented her confusion when he had pulled away from her, but he couldn’t talk to her then -- not in front of everyone, not with his control practically in shreds. Hell, he had almost taken Chuck’s arm off when he had reached for her.
The Wolverine had claimed Rogue -- Marie -- whoever she was -- and there was no telling him differently, even if Logan knew that she had a life to go back to now. He had sent her off with the firecracker as soon as possible, half afraid that if he didn’t get her out of his reach he would have her on the back of his motorcycle on the open road -- willing or not -- and fuck the consequences to Jeannie, Chuck, and everyone else who had unaccountably treated him like family over the last year.
He let the growl of frustration escape him, snicking the claws out just to feel the bite of pain. He turned the water to cold. For fuck’s sake, he was a killer, a goddamn predator, and the stakes had never been higher. Where the hell was the cold detachment that used to be second nature to him? He needed to focus on the mission. Get Jeannie back, get Shaw dead, and then he’d deal with Marie, even if it tore his guts out to let her go.
______________
“Goddamn it, there has to be something we can do to speed this up.” Scott’s voice was shrill with strain. Logan shot him a repressive glare. The whole team was on edge, the last thing they needed was to see their leader cracking up.
Kitty and Piotr were still frantically tapping away at their laptops, but it was obviously going too slowly to benefit Jean. Tracking Shaw’s helicopter flights backwards, satellite by satellite, was not going to get them her location in time.
Logan looked to where Ororo and Hank were poring over a list of Shaw’s holdings.
“Hank? ‘Ro? Any potentials?”
Ororo ran a hand through her hair, disordering the usually sleek locks. “We’ve been at this list for weeks, and we’ve barely managed to check a tenth of the sites we’ve identified as potential locations. And these are only the properties directly owned by Shaw or his company -- who knows how many other holdings he might have under offshore accounts, shell corporations...” Her voice broke. “It’s hopeless.”
Logan felt frustration choking him. Everyone had counted on him to get Jeannie’s location, and he had let them all down. Even now their eyes were all turned to him for a solution, and he didn’t know what the fuck to tell them.
“Nothing is hopeless, my dear.” Xavier’s steady voice, immediately calming some of the tension in the room. “We must persevere. Perhaps we can combine...”
He broke off in midsentence, his eyes snapping shut, fingers clenched white against the arms of his wheelchair.
“Professor!” Ororo jumped up, moving to Xavier’s side. When Xavier opened his eyes, however, it was Logan’s concerned gaze that he met.
“It’s Rogue,” he said. “I’m afraid...”
Logan didn’t even remember leaving the room, the next thing he knew he already running, his heart hammering in his ears, his stomach clenched with fear as he bolted down the mansion hallways. Her scent guided him, clear as sunlight, as he slammed the door to her room open.
She looked so small in the big bed, her auburn and white hair tumbled around her pale face, her muscles slack with total unconsciousness. He gathered her up against him, inhaling her scent, words jammed up in his throat behind the lump of panic. He had just got her back -- she was at the mansion, she was finally safe, what the hell had happened?
He didn’t know how long he sat there, cradling her, willing her to open her eyes, to speak his name again, before he heard the whir of Xavier’s chair. His head snapped up, his voice a razor-sharp snarl. “Why? You said she had control -- that she got the voices put away. What the fuck happened?”
Xavier’s eyes were grave. “She contained the other personalities, but Shaw remained, behind the wall Emma had put in place. I warned her that he was very powerful, but she has chosen to face him anyway.”
Logan felt anger and confusion welling up, combining with his fear to erode his control. He barely recognized his own voice as he ground out the words between gritted teeth. “You’re saying she did this on purpose? Why would she do that?”
Xavier looked to the doorway, where the other X-Men were crowded, looking on hesitantly. “Henry, please stay. You may be needed. Everyone else -- please return to the war room and continue your efforts. I promise that you will be updated as soon as possible.”
He wheeled closer to Logan as Hank stepped into his room, medical bag in his hand, and closed the door behind him.
“Logan,” Xavier began, his voice gentle. “I will not violate Rogue’s privacy. All I can tell you is that this is a choice she made, willingly. To face Shaw in her mind, and to extract from him Jean’s location.”
“Jean? Why would she do this for Jean? She doesn’t even know her!”
Xavier’s eyes were compassionate. “Not for Jean. For you.”
Logan’s heart dropped. For him? What the fuck did that mean? He struggled to calm himself, sucking in a deep breath. “She can’t have thought that I would have wanted…this.” His voice was almost pleading now. “Can’t you go in and help her, like you did before?”
Xavier shook his head. “I have tried. She sent the message to me and then blocked me out. This is something she must do alone.”
Logan pressed his palm to her cold cheek, trying to warm her as helplessness and fear churned in his gut. He suddenly lifted his head in realization.
“Her skin...it’s not taking me in...”
Hank approached. “Perhaps it does not work when she is unconscious?”
Logan’s chest tightened around a hard knot of dread. “Or maybe it means that bastard Shaw is winning.”
Hank and Xavier exchanged glances. “What?” Logan growled.
Xavier’s carefully soothing tone of voice set Logan’s teeth on edge. “Logan, there is a reason Rogue contacted me to let me know what she was doing. We must be prepared for whatever the outcome of this struggle may be.”
“Why don’t you just say whatever the fuck it is you’re trying to say?”
Xavier’s voice sharpened. “If Shaw does win, Marie will be gone -- or at least helpless. We need to be prepared for Shaw’s mind...his powers...here at the mansion. And we must neutralize him before he can do any damage.”
Logan brushed the hair back from Marie’s pale face, imagining her gone, that bastard Shaw in control of her body. “Neutralize him how? If there was a way, wouldn’t we have used it on Shaw by now?”
Xavier nodded to Hank, who rummaged in his medical bag before retrieving a small metal case. He opened it up, displaying a syringe filled with a milky-white substance.
“A few days after you left, a new mutant joined the school,” Hank’s measured voice explained. “The other students call him ‘Leech’. His power is, in short, the suppression of other powers. He has allowed us to take samples of his blood, and we have been working on isolating the active component. There is no guarantee, but there is a chance that injection of this compound may have a permanently suppressing effect on mutations. Charles and I had spoken of trying to use this against Shaw, as a last resort, but we were hampered by the lack of a mechanism for delivery. He would vaporize any projectile before it hits, or any person who tried to approach with this in hand. And of course, we cannot be certain of its effects.”
Logan looked at the syringe. “You’re saying it’s...a cure.”
Hank nodded, his glasses teetering on his furry nose. “Perhaps. We just don’t know.”
“So if we gave that to her...would it stop all this? Get rid of the other personalities -- kill Shaw in her head?”
Xavier shook his head. “I fear not. Her mutation is the absorption process. Once the personalities are in her mind, they are fixed. However, her ability to absorb -- and more importantly, to use the powers of those she has absorbed -- that lies with her mutation.”
A growl started deep in Logan’s chest. “You’re not talking about saving her,” he spat, his muscles bunching with the urge to pick up Marie and run. “You’re talking about being able to kill her if she turns into Shaw.”
Xavier’s face flushed red. “Certainly not!” He took a deep breath, visibly calming himself. “I will admit that is what she asked of me, when she sent her warning. She knows better than anyone that we cannot have Shaw here, with Rogue’s powers in addition to his own, and with Jean within reach -- it would be the fruition of all his plans, and the death of all of us. But this compound may give us an alternative. If Shaw succeeds, we must inject Rogue’s body with the suppressant before he is able to stop us. And at least then she -- he -- can be restrained, until we find some way to get Rogue back.”
Xavier’s voice was sympathetic but firm. “Logan, you must realize this is what she would want. She knew the risks of this decision -- she was, in fact, prepared to die if Shaw took over. Surely administration of the suppressant would be a much more palatable alternative?”
Logan buried his face in Marie’s hair, letting her scent soothe him despite his worry, trying to think clearly. Xavier and Hank were right, the last thing Marie would want would be to have Shaw in control of her body, wreaking havoc at the mansion. If the suppressant could prevent that it would have to be done. He just hoped to hell it wouldn’t be necessary, and he still couldn’t understand why she had taken such a risk. He would have a lot of questions for her if -- when -- she came back. Just come back to me, baby.
“What do we do now?” he finally asked Xavier.
“All we can do is wait.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi all! Sorry for a slower update and possibly a slower chapter than usual. This explanation was necessary, and if you stick with me there are some rocking and smutilicious chapters ahead. :-D
Chapter End Notes:
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