“I know and that doesn’t excuse my behavior, darlin’. I’ll understand if you don’t want me as a friend.”
“Hold on. Ah know you’re sorry Logan but, that don’t mean ah’m givin’ up on ya totally just yet. We’ve been through so much tagether. It’s still gonna take tahm for meh ta heal inside an’ out.”
“Understood, I should get goin’ so you can have your space.”
“Ah never said ya had to leave raht now. Stay. You’re obviously not all bettah yet.”
Rogue couldn’t believe she was letting him stay in spite of what he’d done the night before. Here she had been ready to get rid of him for good while she couldn’t see him but, once they were face to face again, that was all-together a different matter. She had seen the confusion, hurt in his eyes last night, and especially now by the firelight. She could see that he was still beating himself up for it in his eyes. She had witnessed first-hand the devastation in his face because of what the animal had done. Just the expressions on his face when she explained what happened on that horrible night made her doubt that he really knew what he had done to her. Now that she had more of his abilities, she could smell that when he said he was sorry, that he was sincere, honest truth. And since she’d had a night to sleep on it, had time to think about their relationship while he was out cold, maybe she would give him a chance. She couldn’t punish the man for the animal’s actions even though they were sharing the same body.
For the time being, she decided it was better to let him stay and recover his strength before sending him back out on the road.
“Are ya hungry?”
“Starvin’.”
“Ah’ll make somethin’ then.”
She stood to leave and he grabbed her gloved wrist. She felt the strength in his grip and it triggered a flashback of the night of the attack. She remembered that he had grabbed her arms when he had shaken her like a rag doll. Rogue quickly pulled her wrist free of his hand as if she had been burned.
“Thanks for lettin’ me stay. I know it’s not easy lookin’ at my ugly mug.”
She shyly turned and walked away not wanting to give him a comment, leaving the area as quickly as possible before she fell apart. Once in the kitchen, she found herself slightly panting, tears welling up in her eyes, and she took a few minutes calm down. She kept telling herself that another attack wasn’t going to happen. She was going to make damn sure of that. Rogue went to the refrigerator and didn’t really find anything appetizing. She checked the cupboards and found a few cans of stew. She figured that would be best, at least it had some beef in it so Logan might like it. She found a manual can opener, a pot, and began to work at making something to eat. As she began to stir the pot she relaxed more about being frightened and being mad at him. It was going to take some time to get over what the animal had done but, why waste the energy thinking about it right then? Her mind drifted to what she’d absorbed from him. It felt like it was the closest she’d ever get from him resembling some kind of love.
Rogue knew love to him was almost a foreign thing. It was still new to the man since he’d lost his memory and the animal made him live more in lust mode than in love. Choosing to have one night stands instead of forming a relationship and developing love with someone because he was in a primal survival mode. She wondered if she’d ever hear him say those three little words that almost every couple on the planet shared. She wouldn’t push him but, if that kiss he gave her was any clue, she felt like maybe those words wouldn’t be long in finding a voice. She came back to her senses so she didn’t burn the stew.
Logan watched her leave and thought he had found a way back into Rogue’s good graces. It was going to take time to build trust with her again. He’d seen the look on her face when he grabbed her wrist and she panicked. He must have gripped her wrist a little too hard, because he smelled her fear and she practically ran into the kitchen to get away from him. He faintly smelled salt water and he worried that he had scared her. He inwardly chastised himself for doing something so stupid. Logan was concerned that he had set back any progress he had with her. He decided to keep his body to himself so that she wouldn’t feel as frightened of him. The smell of the stew began to waft into the living room where he was by the fireplace on the couch.
“That smells good, whatever you’re cookin’.”
“Come an’ get it.” She teased as she began to serve up the stew in two bowls.
Silence and then she heard a thud on the hard wood floor. Rogue took off running from the stove after turning off the fire. She went right to his side. He had collapsed to the bear rug in front of the fireplace. Mentally, she beat herself up for saying what she said and feeling even more buggered at him for taking her seriously.
“LOGAN! What were ya thinkin’, ah was just teasin’. Ah was gonna bring it to ya. Silly nut. Come on let’s getcha back up on the couch.”
“I thought my legs were stronger than they felt. Sorry. Let’s just sit down here,” Logan said from the bear rug in front of the fireplace.
“Fahn, let me go get tha food,” she turned her back to him and rolled her eyes.
Rogue stood, went back to the kitchen, put a spoon in each, and grabbed the two bowls off the counter. She handed one to Logan and he was able to hold it in his hands without dropping it, leaning against the couch. She set hers on the floor next to Logan and went back for something to drink. She had a few beers left. They weren’t Molson’s but, he would have to deal with that his own way. She brought two of the beers over and sat down on the far side of the couch in front of the fireplace, while Logan was on the bear rug, who’d waited for her to return before he began to eat. She took her first tablespoon in and wow, really good stew.
When she sat down on the couch to eat instead of sitting by him, he didn’t take it personally. He knew he had upset her again. Mentally, Logan beat himself up once more, disappointed that he hadn’t gotten it right with her yet. It seemed that lately their relationship with each other was just a routine of various ways of making each other hurt. She hurting him by not waiting for him, turning to the Ice Prick and sneaking out to get the cure without asking his opinion; telling him, that he didn’t understand her plight. He didn’t know that from her point of view, he had hurt her by chasing after Jean instead of wanting to spend time with her, hurt her by running away when things got rough or serious between them. She even felt the pain of betrayal by catching him with Firecracker and his assault in Laughlin City. And he would never know, until she told him herself.
He brought the first spoonful if the warm stew in his mouth. He savored the slow cooked, squared beef and vegetables as he chewed. He swallowed and sipped some of the rich, thick, dark caramel colored, full of flavor beef broth. Logan ate another spoonful before he tried to compliment the chef.
“This is good.”
“It ain’t too hot is it?”
“Nah, it’s just right.”
Logan polished off his bowl and set it aside. He didn’t want to be rude and ask for seconds if there weren’t any. He took his beer in hand and took a sip. God, it tasted like piss water. He needed a Molson and bad. He thought about if he had any left in the refrigerator in the camper. Logan couldn’t remember any for certain. He listened to Marie finish off her bowl of stew as he watched the fire blazing. She had done a good job of stacking the wood campfire style, just like he’d taught her in his survival class he had a couple years back. He felt a stab of pride hit him in the chest. He wondered what else she remembered from that time. Hopefully, she remembered more than that. Another stab hit him again… This time, the realization that she was almost all grown up dawned.
“Ya wanna kill the pan?” Marie asked breaking his thought path.
“What about you?”
“Ah’m not as hungry as ah thought ah was. If ya want it, it’s up fer grabs. Othahwise, it hits tha icebox.”
“Yeah, I’ll take it,” he answered her.
Logan watched her leave with both soup bowls and he absently wondered how much wood she had left. If he decided to stay a few days and rough it out with her, he needed to make sure the wood box was well stocked. He moved back up onto the couch in the opposite corner from her seat. She came back and handed him his bowl.
“Thanks.”
Then he watched her as she sat in her spot on the couch and curled her legs into her thighs before taking another sip from her beer. Logan turned his attention back to the stew and finished it before it got cold. He set the bowl on the small end table, next to the table lamp. They sat together in an awkward silence, neither one knowing what to say.
Rogue sat quietly for a good long while, staring at the fire, and losing her thoughts to the dancing flame. Her inner Wolverine told her that she needed to take a stand and to fight the real Wolverine, to make him pay, and to give her back her power, since the animal took it from her. She needed to prove that she was an alpha female. Because the animal broke the spirit of who she was, she was acting more like an omega female. She needed to fight back and put the real animal back in his place, a kind of correction… She needed to use a feral form of a spanking but, Rogue didn’t have the strength to want to. She figured that more fighting so would only bring the man and her more pain. She was also afraid that the animal would make the man give up and just walk away from her for good.
The confusion began to set in, make him stay or make him go?
Before the attack, with the cure, Rogue wanted to go to him, take charge, and mate with him like a male and female feral couple would. Now after, she was tired, tired of insanely fighting for a relationship with him that continued to be one sided. She pulled one of the couch’s pillows to her and held on to it as if it were a life preserver as she continued to watch the flames dance.
“I’m sorry for grabbin’ your wrist too hard. I didn’t mean to cause you more pain,” she faintly heard a voice that sounded like Logan say.
“Huh? What?” Rogue asked as her eyes refocused on his fire illuminated face.
Logan had watched her sit at the far end of the couch, and it felt like Hawaii trying to look at New York. Her face told the story that her thoughts were just as far away. He decided to break the uncomfortable silence and apologize for grabbing her wrist the way he did. Then she spoke and he knew that she had been far away in thought.
“I said; I’m sorry for grabbing your wrist earlier. I didn’t mean to cause you more pain.”
“Oh. Ah’m all raht.”
“Are you? How are you, really?” He could hear the concern in his own voice.
“Ah… Ah don’t wanna talk ‘bout it tonaht. It’s late and ah should git ta bed.”
“I’ll sleep here on the couch, if that’s all right with you,” Logan offered.
True, he could have slept out in his camper but, he didn’t want to take the risk of leaving the cabin just yet. She might try to lock him out if he left. Then he’d have to go back to square one and try to get back on her good side. She was vulnerable and volatile right then and could fall off the emotional fence she was straddling. Logan remembered that there were two bedrooms upstairs but he didn’t feel like sleeping on a dusty bed. Hell, he’d even sleep on the floor at her feet if it made her happy. No, he was going to sleep downstairs on the couch.
“Okay,” she said softly. “Ah’ll go get ya some supplahs.”
Logan watched her leave and wondered about what he had missed in her life. She had gone and grown up under his nose. No, that wasn’t right, because his nose wasn’t around much for her to grow up under. And when it was, he realized that he spent a lot of time flirting with Jean and pissing Scott off. No wonder he didn’t know that the Ice Prick and Rogue weren’t an item. Logan decided that he needed to have a good old fashioned chat with her like they used to do on occasion on a bench under one of the trees in the garden. He felt a pang of regret then; he missed those times. Somewhere deep down, he knew that things would never be the same between them again.
Rogue went to the linen closet and opened one of the plastic tubs where the clean linens were kept. She pulled out a couple top sheets and then grabbed one of the four pillows on her bed before going back downstairs. She placed the linens and pillow on the far end of the couch. She turned to go and his voice stopped her.
“I’ll be down here if you need me.”
“Night, Logan,” was all she could think to say.
“Night, Rogue.”
She turned and left Logan sitting on the couch. She went up to the master bedroom and locked her door. Rogue couldn’t trust that Logan wouldn’t attack her again if Wolverine got loose. Not that the simple metal lock would keep him out if he really wanted to get to her but, she could escape to the deck outside her window if she needed an escape route. She wondered if she had to run if she could circle back in time to get to her vehicle to run before the animal caught up to her. She figured he would probably know she would eventually come back for transportation. Rogue could picture him standing there by her Jeep with his arms folded and a pissed look on his face.
She turned on the light by the bed and sighed as she sat down on the right side of the bed. She took a deep breath and then exhaled before going to the dresser and pulling out a pair of pajamas. She changed into them before slipping into the covers of the queen bed. Rogue turned out the light and as she lay there in the linens she felt a sudden wave of emotion hit her. Her eyes began to fill with tears and she started to cry. She was letting out stuffed down tears that had been in the well of deep emotion. Even though her pillow absorbed her tears she cried for all the time she wasted trying to fight to keep him interested in wanting to be with her. Most of the time, she’d failed because he was chasing Jean or his past. Rogue made a decision, she was done, and it was over. No more fighting for a relationship that really was never there to begin with. If they wanted to remain civil and get along, that was fine. The trust was gone. Maybe a friendship could grow, in time? It finally dawned to her that she didn’t matter to the man or the animal as much as they meant to both parts of her. And for that she began to grieve… A couple hours later Rogue had cried herself to sleep.
From where he sat, Logan watched Rogue go up the staircase and into the first room on the left. His sensitive hearing picked up the bolt sliding in to the slot, the locking mechanism in place. The sound told him that she wanted him to stay out. He sighed. How the hell had he let things get so fucking twisted with her? Sure he could blame Jean, he could blame Scott, and he could blame the animal but, wasn’t he a part of the animal too? In the end, he had to blame himself. He stood, made himself a bed with the sheets, and the pillow on the couch. Logan pulled the quilt off the back of the couch and spread it across his makeshift bed before he pulled his boots off. Then he stretched out between the sheets. While he was trying to relax his sensitive hearing picked up a sound, a sound from upstairs. He looked up to the door to the master bedroom and focused in on the sound. He heard Rogue crying.
Logan felt a stab of guilt like a kick to his abdomen. Every cell in his body told him to go to her, to comfort her, make her feel better but, her lock on the door reminded him that she needed her space. He knew that it wouldn’t keep him out but, she hadn’t come to him for help. He listens and lets it sink in, the damage that the animal caused. There’s no way he can sleep now. A few hours later, the sound stopped and he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to see if she was all right. Logan went up the stairs as quiet as possible and he picked up on a strong scent of salt water. She had been crying a lot… He focused in and heard her breathing slow and even; she had cried herself to sleep. It wasn’t right. Rogue shouldn’t be sad. She should be happy and having a good time, and the sooner he got her back to that, he realized, would make him happy. He went back down to the couch and tried to get some sleep.
During the dark early morning hours, Rogue began to have nightmares. They started out with the attack. She could feel the weight of Logan’s heavy body against hers, his warm breath in her ears, growling. She felt his hand slap her face, not once but twice, injuring both sides of her face. Then the nightmares shifted into some of Logan’s memories of his past that she had received from him kissing her earlier. She felt the white hot heat of the metal going into her body and she started screaming in her mind. Then she was in a plane… She was inside the plane about to jump. A voice from somewhere told her that mutants had to be saved. Then the nightmare shifted into an ocean and she felt like she was drowning. She started screaming again in her mind and she felt better the more she screamed because it was helping her fight back to the surface. She had no idea that those screams had actually found a real voice.
Sometime after four in the morning, suddenly there was a blood curdling scream. Logan’s eyes shot open and he lost control as Wolverine let the claws loose. He scrambled to get up and took two steps at a time as he rushed up the stairs ready for a fight. He busted down the locked door.
“You okay, Rogue?” He said rather roughly.
Then his facial expressions softened when he saw her knees curled up to her chest and her forehead down on her knee caps.
“Yeah, yeah, ah’m fahn,” he smelled her lie and more salt water.
Wolverine calmed down and Logan took control, put away the claws. Logan went to the bed and sat a few inches from her feet.
“You don’t look fine. I’m here if you wanna talk.”
He could hear her trying to slow her panicked state. The salt water scent began to fade. He wanted to touch her somehow to reassure her that it would be okay but, he kept his hands to himself. Logan didn’t want to push her into talking until she was ready but, he was prepared to if she was going to put up walls.
“Ah’m fahn. Ah’m gonna go back ta bed now.”
“Were they mine or yours?” Logan asked knowing that she had experienced someone’s nightmares.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Now, this chapter might blow your minds clean off the chair. I hope you like it... I'm working on chapter 5.
This chapter was brought to you by 10 Lemon Heads, Evanescence, tamisnead, and my incredible imagination.
Thanks in advance for your reviews.
This chapter was brought to you by 10 Lemon Heads, Evanescence, tamisnead, and my incredible imagination.
Thanks in advance for your reviews.
Chapter End Notes:
Is there hope? Tune in to the next chapter and find out...
Let me know whatcha think so far...
Thanks for your time and reviews!
Let me know whatcha think so far...
Thanks for your time and reviews!