“Tell me,” he yelled. “Tell me what happened… I need to know.”
“Ya were drunk.” The three words Logan never wanted to hear from her.
“Go on.”
“Yeah, ya were drunk and havin’ a fuckin’ good tahm with a redhead against a wall behahnd tha bar where we first meht. Ah came up to ya and called ya by name.”
He didn’t remember much of that night but, the redhead’s name.
“Looks to meh lahk ya don’t remembah good ole’ Firecracker, do ya, sugah? Come on, she was up ta heah and had big tits.” Logan flinched as more of his attitude came out of her mouth.
Sure, he had patchy memories of meeting Firecracker; she had been in Laughlin City with him but, he didn’t fully remember her in detail. She had been a good quickie right before he woke up in jail. He tried to keep his cool as she went on…
“Yeah, her. Ya were callin’ her Jean and she kept tellin’ ya her name was somethin’ else. She looked at meh lahk she thought ya were crazy. Ah tried ta stop ya from makin’ an even biggah mistake by knockin’ her up, ya growled, and suddenly hit meh. Ya backhand hurt lahk hell, mah face still hurts from tahm ta tahm.”
Logan was mortified. He must have blacked out the after meeting Firecracker, the animal gotten loose, and had hurt Marie… Rogue badly and deeply. God, what the hell had he been thinking? He had thought he had gotten over Jean by the time he’d gotten to Laughlin City, apparently he hadn’t if he was still fucking her in his mind. The guilt started to build within him.
“Then ya let her go and turned for meh. Ya shook meh lahk a fuckin’ rag doll and hit meh again on mah other cheek, just as hard. Ya were yellin’ at meh, wantin’ ta know what business of mahne was it who ya fucked and what did ah care; ah had Bobby the Ice Prick ta run home ta.”
He felt like letting her take all of his healing energy to repair the damage the animal inside him had caused. If he could do anything to heal her pain he would. He started to move towards her to fix things.
“Ah, ah, ah, not so fast, bub,” she warned as she cocked the gun and set it back across her lap. “Ah guess it was mah fault fer carin’ so much about ya enough ta be yer friend. Ah came ta fahnd mah best friend in tha first place, mah best friend in the entire world, ta let ya know that tha cure failed fer meh, and that ah had broken up with Bobby after ah caught him cheatin’ on meh with Kitty. So no, ah didn’t have the Ice Prick ta run home to.” He could feel the pain in her voice shoot straight through his chest. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take of her recounting.
“No, it was my fault Marie… I had no right to hit you.” He couldn’t let her take the blame.
“Ho, no mister, ya don’t git ta use mah name. It’s Rogue. Jubes and Kitty cared fer meh fer a few days ta let mah vision get back ta normal. Ah couldn’t walk on mah own. Jubes helped meh cover mosta this up with make-up. They begged meh ta call the cops and press charges. Ah couldn’t take any more of their beggin’. So ah lied and told ‘em ah did, ah called them and told them ta use an elephant tranquilizer on ya. Ah couldn’t take the risk of ya resistin’ arrest and guttin’ the cops, now could ah. But it wasn’t meh. Firecracker called the coppers. She pressed the charges and once we got ta the jail, they said that the charges didn’t stick because she wasn’t the injured party and they wanted to release ya. Ah talked them inta keepin’ ya a few days to sober up.”
Ah so Rogue wasn’t the one that had him arrested for assault and battery. Right then he couldn’t blame her… He deserved it.
“So, why didn’t you file your own?”
Logan tried to search her face for any crack in her walls she had built so that he could get a foot hold in before she would be able to repair them. If he could find a crack in a wall and work it to his advantage, maybe he might be able to get her to forgive him. It had worked somewhat in the past for him.
“Ah… Ah wanted ta see ya one last tahm before ah say good bah forevah.”
He could see there was a crack started. He watched her soften a little, like her follow through was weakening. He moved closer to her about three feet but, he still left her the ten foot wide berth she bade him to stay away from her.
“What do you mean, forever?”
“Are ya hard of hearin’? Ah meant, ah wanted ta see ya one last tahm before ya go away, nevah ta be seen bah mah eyes, again. Ya swore ya’d protect me… What a bang up job, Logan. As ya can see, ah’m protectin’ mahself now. Ah nevah wanna see ya again, Logan.”
‘And if ya believe that, ah’ve got ocean front property in Arizona...’ Rogue thought.
She had to protect herself and convince him to go away. She had to dig in and hurt him just as much as he hurt her to drive him away. The animal would get the message and run but, would the man inside get the same message? Physically she couldn’t beat him up because of his skeletal enhancements but, she could wound his heart emotionally.
“An don’t even think ‘bout comin’ any closah on this property, bub. Ah know how ta use this thang,” she said as she puffed her last bit of her cigarette and held up the gun. “Don’t think ah cain’t see ya tryin’ ta sneak closah, Logan. Just stop.”
Rogue looked up at Logan once again, this time she noticed he looked defeated. She hated to crush him, but it was better for both their sakes if she broke it off between them but, she wasn’t expecting his next move...
“I’m sorry.”
“What?” She asked not quite believing what he’d just said.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what more I can say for the pain I’ve caused us both.”
She waited a few minutes as she considered his apology. She couldn’t accept because the trust she once had in him was gone.
“Ah can’t accept Logan, it still hurts too much,” she said and looked down at the wood planks of the porch.
“Will you, in time?”
“Maybe but, raht now, ah just cain’t. Ah cain’t trust ya raht now.”
It just killed her not to be able to acquiesce his apology and make all the pain go away.
Logan nodded in acceptance. He understood that she couldn’t trust him; he couldn’t trust himself right then either. She’d spoken and given him a fraction of some hope in the fact that maybe in time she could forgive him. Maybe if he could just get her to let him in, he could show her just how sorry he was but, it wasn’t to be considering her attitude. He looked at her hard, one last time before he turned around, and went to his truck. The Wolverine inside wouldn’t let him beg. His pride was somewhat still intact but, Logan metaphorically had his tail between his legs as he climbed into the truck. He put on his seatbelt and remembered the first time Rogue tried to make him use it. He didn’t need it but he’d worn one since, when he remembered, just for her. He started up the truck and looked up at the porch where Rogue sat. She sat there as he put the transmission in gear. He turned the wheel and began to leave. Something began to eat away at him.
As he looked out the driver’s side rear view mirror, he saw her get up and go inside. That something ate faster at him. He screeched to a halt and put the truck in park. He threw open the door and got out of the truck. He slammed the door and began a dead run to the front door. Once there, he took the steps two at a time. Then he stopped, breathing harder, and took a minute to inhale deeply, exhale before he knocked on the door. Any sacrifice he thought would be worth it in the end. He just couldn’t lose her for good, she was more important to him than he ever before realized, in that moment. He waited patiently and then he heard the locks opening…
“Logan, what do ya want,” Rogue said, obviously surprised that he was there.
He took another step forward pushing his way in the door and at that point he didn’t care if she hated him for the rest of her life. She had to know…
“I couldn’t leave without doing this…”
Suddenly, Rogue found herself being kissed, and hard. She was trapped in his arms as she tried to fight him off, but he was too strong and she began to feel her mutation begin to pull on him.
‘Oh no, no please,’ she begged in her mind.
Instantly, she got a flood of a lot of things, but the main current was his feelings and a few memories. As he weakened she managed to push him off of her.
“Damn you, Logan,” she yelled at him as he fell backwards to the wood of the porch.
Then she had a moment of clarity as she felt what he had tried to send her. He was truly sorry for what he had done, he sent her feelings of comfort, and the memory of the promise he’d made her on the train just before Magneto tore it apart. He showed her that he loved her. As she looked at his unconscious form on the porch she knelt down saddened.
“Damn you, Logan,” she whispered softly as tears began to form in her eyes.
Rogue stood and backed up. She closed the door and left him on the porch like some dog. Her mind was in such turmoil. Could she give up her best friend for good or let him back into her life and risk getting hurt again. She felt that he didn’t deserve to be her friend right then. She didn’t know if she could ever let him back in, already mad that he’d kissed her on purpose without her permission, and that he’d forced himself on her. She didn’t know if she could ever forgive him for that. Rogue went and sat down on the couch in the living room with another beer. On the other hand he’d taken such a risk doing what he just did and somewhere in the back of his brain he did love her. Logan wasn’t a man of many words. And it was obvious to her that the animal part of him took over for a flash to give the man guts enough to show her how the human side of him felt. Down deep, Rogue realized she loved him too but she couldn’t let those feelings rule her actions right then. Tears began to fall down her face; she couldn’t even ‘like’ him at that moment. After she finished the beer, she went to the only bedroom and crawled in under the quilt. Sleep found her quickly.
Logan found himself in the blackness of his subconscious facing the Wolverine.
‘What the hell did you do?’
‘I took over, Bub. She had to know how you were feeling.’
‘She’s going to hate ‘me’ now you jack ass.’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘I do and I’ll tell you another thing, she’s going to hate ‘me’ for forcing myself on her.’
‘I don’t care. I had to sacrifice your ass to keep you from losing her for good.’
‘Might still lose her, you dick.’
‘Yes, that’s a risk we’ll have to take but, now she knows ‘you’ love her.’
‘Shit, I really wish you hadn’t hurt her like that. There had to be a better way.’
‘Not in my book, bub, I had an objective I had to complete. Mission accomplished.’
‘Now only time will tell if it was successful or not.’
‘I can live with that.’
‘What if I can’t?’
‘Oh come on, grow a pair will ya. I’ll get ‘us’ through this.’
‘Have you considered you may have fucked it up all to hell?’
‘If I have, you’ve got my word that we’ll go find a cage circuit to work it out of ‘us’.’
‘I just can’t believe you hit her. I promised to protect her…’
‘Bub, I was getting ‘us’ over Jean, high on alcohol, and I needed a good fuck. She interrupted that and I got mad.’
‘Don’t you dare do it again, got me? I promised to protect her once and you ruined that. Now I have to prove to her that she can trust me again, and I intend to promise her again. This time I intend to keep that promise, damn it.’
‘Okay, whatever you say, bub.’
‘No! Not whatever. She’s too important to me to lose.’
‘Right and that’s why I took it upon myself to help your ass out before she left and we’d never see her again, or have you forgotten she’s got a part of us inside her. She could lose us like, ‘that,’ if she really wanted to.’
‘Thanks for the reminder.’
‘You’re welcome.’
The next morning, Rogue woke up and went to the kitchenette in the clothing she wore the night before, to make some coffee. Her head began to pound the minute she got up and some coffee seemed like the best remedy. She sat down at the kitchen table nearby and began to think about what had happened the night before. She took a few sips of her coffee and sighed. Then suddenly Rogue realized that she’d left Logan on the front porch mat last night. She got up and scrambled to the front door. She opened the door and there, still on the porch mat was Logan’s unconscious form. She sharply inhaled at the surprise and then released it.
“Oh shit, Logan.”
Rogue knelt down and she stroked his hair with her gloved hand, trying to rouse him.
“Logan, wake up. Come on, it’s tahm ta git up.”
He wasn’t moving. She didn’t think she’d been in contact with him long enough last night for him to still be out. Something else had gone wrong. She went to the bedroom on the second floor, slipped on a pair of clean opera gloves, and changed her clothing before she went back to Logan. Then she rolled him flat on his back and began to pull him inside of the cabin. Pulling on some of her training she’d managed to get him on the couch in front of the fireplace. She put a pillow under his head and covered him in the quilt from the couch. Quickly, Rogue set about building a fire. She wondered if he might have gotten too cold outside. She started to mentally kick herself for leaving him outside all night. She just couldn’t let him inside last night. Then after the fire was blazing hot, she went and got another quilt off the rack in the bedroom. She draped it over Logan and sat by his side on the floor. She just knew he wasn’t dead; he couldn’t be dead, because he had his healing factor.
Just to keep herself from too much worrying, she pressed two fingers to his neck and indeed found a pulse. It was very slow but there. Rogue promised herself to call for help if he didn’t wake up by day’s end. Time began to tick by and she began to get more agitated. Why wasn’t he waking up? She got up from his side and began to pace. At first in front of the fire and then she began to pace around the room.
‘Come on, wake up Logan. Wake up, so ah can chew ya out,’ she thought, ‘fer doin’ somethin’ so stupid.”
Almost the whole day later, 11:33 p.m., Logan slowly started to come into consciousness and the first thing he heard was floor boards creaking. Someone was making that noise. It sounded like pacing. Where was he? He smelled Rogue. Rogue. Rogue was pacing. Must wake up. He opened an eye slowly. She was out of eye shot. He slowly he opened the other eye and groaned. He felt like shit but, he knew he was in one piece. Suddenly, Rogue was there by his side, on the floor, while he was still horizontal.
“Logan?”
“Hey.”
“Hey,” she said softly.
“How long have I been out?”
“It’s almost midnaht.”
“Shit.”
“Ya know ah should chew ya out fer what ya did.”
“I know, I deserve it.”
“But… Ah can’t. Ah am still bustin’ mad at the seams but, that will take more tahm to heal. Ah’m more mad at mahself fer leavin’ ya outsahd last naht.”
“I know. I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have done what I did last night. I wasn’t myself.”
“Ah know. It will take some tahm but, ah sort of forgive ya, now that ah know how ya feel.”
“How I feel? About what?”
“You, the Wolverine, me, us.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m really sorry darlin’, about that night and for hitting you. I never meant to hurt you, Rogue... Marie,” he dared use her name to make it more personal, to show he really meant it.
“Ah know. Somewhere deep down, ah knew ya weren’t yourself that naht but, ah refused ta see it.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Wow, made it this far... Hope you like it. Questions and comments greatly appreciated below. Thanks!
Logan gets a rude awakening...
Logan gets a rude awakening...
Chapter End Notes:
Well? How'd I do? Did it blow your mind? I hope you liked it. It blew my mind writing it... So much so that it blew my mind into another chapter...
But first, let me know whatcha think here.
But first, let me know whatcha think here.