You know how hard it is to think straight right after you woke up? That short moment when you’re not absolutely sure if things happening around you are just a dream, or something real? Not a nice feeling. Took me nearly a minute before I realized it was really Marie, standing at the foot of my bed, hands crossed over her chest. She looked all ready to gut me.
“Morning?” My careful greeting didn’t get an answer. Instead she started tapping her arms with her fingers.
“What’s up?” I sat up.
“Well, I don’t really know. You tell me. I always thought you were my friend. I guess last day was too much for even you.” What the fuck was she talking about?
“You were always the one person I could trust not to flinch when I needed a hug. When I needed to touch somebody. To be close to somebody. Was that all a big fat lie? Or can’t you take that your little kid grew up?” This was getting really confusing.
“My skin wasn’t an issue. At least that’s what you said. Every time. Was it a big fucking lie every time? Were you secretly afraid every time we touched? Wishing you was with somebody else? Somebody with less lethal skin?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Suddenly she threw something on my bed, and I bolted up and away from it. Handful of green darts jutted from my bedspread. Okay. I guess they were not what she wanted.
“Your skin wasn’t an issue. It isn’t an issue. It’ll never be an issue to me.” And that’s a fucking truth. She should know that. What ever gave her an idea that I had some problems with… Oh. I left those darts to her room. On her night stand. Didn’t leave a note. I fucking thought I wouldn’t need to. I was too tired to scribble down a novel about what and why. Looks like I should have done it anyway. And how the hell she manages to make me feel so guilty every time I screw up something? She tells me to jump and I jump. No questions asked. Why can’t she take things I do for a face value? For what they are really meant for?
“You yourself said that you wanted to get rid of your mutation. Those darts are your chance to do it. I don’t fucking care if your skin drains. Actually I prefer it that way… Have you taken a shot already?” Please. Say no. She didn’t say a thing, but shook her head. Good. This was going to hurt, but I had to shut my mouth. I had to shut her mouth, before one of us said something we both regretted. I yanked her against me and kissed her.
In retrospect that wasn’t probably the wisest possible move to make. When I woke up from the coma week later, Marie nearly put me back under again, and Ororo threatened to kick my ass to the curb for harassing a student. She only threatened. She would have done it if we weren’t already understaffed. I didn’t blame her. Technically Marie was still my student for few weeks more. She never asked that transfer after all.
“Hi.” Christ! Marie nearly gave me a heart attack! I wasn’t expecting anybody to be in my room, but there she was. And she had been staying there for quite some time. Long enough for her scent to rub in to every possible surface.
“Hi.” What did she want? She had left me to med lab about half an hour ago.
“Is that what you really think about me? About us?” She asked.
“If you picked up something from my head, I guess it’s pretty safe to assume that’s how I think.” This was interesting. I didn’t have a clue how I thought about us. If I even thought about us. Maybe she could shed some light in that matter? She looked like she was about to cry again, but then she got it under wraps.
“I’m sorry that I have been such a bitch. I had no idea…” Her voice trailed off. Come on! Not fair to leave me hanging like this! What I was supposed to say? You’re forgiven?
“Umm… It’s okay…” Fuck. She was gone before I had the chance to fish out more information. Quick dash, door opening and closing behind her. It’s okay? What the fuck was the matter with me? Why did I turn to a stuttering idiot every time I had to say something important?
Wednesday came again. Ever since she bought an apartment from the city these days had been doomed to end badly. Either we fought or didn’t go to kitchen at all after nine pm. And I was starting to get tired of that pattern. It was better. Once I realized it wasn’t those long nights that were so important to me, but her company, it was easier to stay in my room. Just the TV and me. But there’s only so much you can watch it before it gets boring.
I was on my way out. Maybe go and shoot some pool, have a couple of beers. Maybe get laid. Started thinking about when was the last time I got any. Couldn’t even remember the last time. Then I heard Marie’s voice from the kitchen. Couldn’t hurt to check up on her. See that everything was okay. When I walked closer, I heard another voice. Male. Whispering something to her. I could smell sulphur and beeswax. Kurt. I could smell salt too. She was crying. I walked in. she didn’t notice me, but Kurt did. As soon as he saw me, he bared his teeth and hissed to me. Then he bamfed, and took her with him.
I didn’t get laid that night. Didn’t shoot pool. But I got drunk. Very, very drunk. Bartender was very sympathetic. And a good listener. Didn’t even bat an eye when I told him I was a mutie. Only shrugged his shoulders when I told him about Marie. About how lost I was when it came to her.
“Life is a bitch, and then you die,” was his opinion about my situation. Wrong.
Life is a bitch. And I don’t even have a way out of it.
Sun was rising when I staggered back home. I was still drunk, but sober enough to realize I shouldn’t drive, so I had left my bike… Scott’s bike, back to that roadhouse. First time in years I could honestly say I was drunk.
Kurt was sitting in the kitchen when I walked in. Two mugs of coffee in front of him.
“Sit,” he said and pointed a chair opposite him. I was feeling childish.
“No. I’m going to bed.”
“Sitzen Sie, bitte!”
“Jawohl, mein Fuhrer...“ Childish. I told you already. And then he was on me. Sudden black blur, and I was dangling upside down high above the mansion’s front yard. Kurt was standing on the edge of the roof, holding me from my ankles.
“Only thing separating you from a wet puddle down there is my promise to Rogue. I promised not to hurt you. Don’t make me forget that promise…” I couldn’t help it. I started to laugh. It had to be some secondary mutation we weren’t aware of. How else you could explain that a tiny slip of a girl had us all wrapped around her little finger? Another bamf, and we were sitting in the kitchen. Kurt pushed the other coffee to me, and I took it.
“She doesn’t know what to think about anymore. She’s confused.” No shit, Sherlock? And I wasn’t?
“She isn’t the only one. Ever since she got her mutation back, things have gone straight to hell between us. I thought we were friends, but…”
“Do you really think friendship is all she’s after for?” And doesn’t anybody fucking let me finish my sentences anymore?
“I don’t know what she’s after for! She doesn’t fucking talk to me anymore! How the fuck I’m supposed to know what she thinks? I’m not a fucking telepath!”
“You’re a smart guy. Why don’t you figure it out…” Kurt smirked and disappeared, leaving a small cloud of sulphur floating around. Fucking lousy Wednesday. Fucking lousy Thursday.
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