Author's Chapter Notes:
Summary: Rogue's life has become pretty complicated after Alkali Lake. Logan's gone, Christmas is coming, and her relationship with her friends consists mostly of notes left in strange and unlikely places. Ororo gets the brilliant idea to teach the kids the Joy of the Envelope, and now a total stranger knows more about her than anyone else. Told through letters, emails, and notes from Secret Societies, like in Feeling Sorry For Celia I've been working on this story since I was 15--about 7 years ago. I recently was re-inspired and started working on it again, and figured it was about time to stop lurking and share it on here.

The format is based on the book Feeling Sorry For Celia by Jaclyn Moriarty. It's a great book that I'd definitely recommend. If you get confused, just assume that the letters from secret societies and The Cold Hard Truth Association, etc (they'll be in italics, unless I really messed up the formatting!) are figments of Rogue's imagination.

Thanks for reading!

Rogue,

Relax. Everything is going to be okay. Look how far you've already come! You've made it all the way across the ocean to this remote part of Scotland. You haven't been caught, arrested, or molested in any way.

Try not to think about what's ahead of you. Look at the view outside, as you bounce along this narrow dirt road, weaving in and out of mountains. No, don't focus on the fact that you're driving on the wrong side of the road, or that this cab driver looks like an escaped mental patient! Look at the lakes! Look at those trees! Look-anywhere but that fuzzy, lumpy shape on the ground! What is that, anyway?

You still have ages to figure out how to get inside this top secret research facility. Eons before you have to decide if you can sacrifice yourself to save the people you love. Forever until-

Oh, wait. You're here.

The Take A Deep Breath and Calm Down Society


Rogue,

Never in a hundred million years are you going to be able to do this. You're not smart enough. You're not brave enough. You're not any of the million things a body needs to be in order to successfully execute an operation of this magnitude.

We'll be watching from the sidelines.

Don't expect us to help when things go completely, horrifically wrong, though.

THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION


Well, just because getting past security was that simple doesn't mean the rest of this will be. You still have to find the lab that houses the antidote...

Oh. Who would have thought the signs would be that obviously labeled?

Well, you still have to get into the actual lab, and without a pass, it's going to be...

Huh. Excuse us while we check our notes.

THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION


Rogue,

We have a bad feeling about this. Something is very, very suspicious about this situation. It's a little too easy. Neutralizing those security guards at the gate? Even YOU managed to do that without a problem. Stealing those passes, not to mention the uniforms to get you past the front desk? While definitely the sort of thing we look for in our society members, we certainly didn't expect it of you, Rogue. Something must be up.

Look around you. What do you see? Several pasty, nervous-looking scientists in white coats. A couple of security guards with nightsticks. A potted bonzai tree.

Wait. Hold up. Stop. Halt.

Reassess.

It's actually a ficus tree.

Crisis averted.

The Society of Amateur Detectives


Okay, Rogue,

You're in the refrigerated room where they keep the samples. Every sample is labeled with a number, a letter, and a coloured dot. There are over a hundred of them.

Red is for Legacy

But M is for MacTaggart.

Which one is it? Figure it out.

The Society of Mutants Who Can't Be Superheroes (But Could If They Just Tried)


Wait. Why does one of these vials have your name on it?

The Secret Association of All That Is Secret And Mysterious.


Do you hear that? Someone is coming.

It might be a good idea to grab what you can. Perhaps find some syringes? Find the emergency exit, and RUN?

Sensible Suggestions at Your Service, Ltd.


Smooth move, Rogue.

No, really. Completely freaking out like that, dropping everything on the floor, and then pushing John behind that garbage can? It was brilliant.

Especially because that noise you heard was just Logan's Blackberry turning on in your pocket.

We're so amused, Rogue. This couldn't be going better.

Sincerely,

The Society of People Who are Going to Get Themselves Killed (and most likely others, too!)


To: Rogue (Xaviers School)

From: Jubilation Lee (Xaviers School)

Rogue,

WHAT THE EFF IS GOING ON? THE LAST THING WE HEARD YOU WERE BETTER AND NOW THE MANSION HAS LITERALLY GONE BANANAS. SO BANANAS, IN FACT, THAT I AM NOW USING THE WORD BANANA'S 300% MORE OFTEN.

Rogue, we were in Math class when Scott got a phone call, and I'm not even kidding you, his face went completely white. We thought he was going to pass out.

HE ALREADY WASN'T LOOKING SO HOT. THE WHOLE WEEK HE'S BEEN BACK, HE HASN'T BEEN SLEEPING.

Bobby said he walked by his room the other night at 3:00 and he was still on the phone.

NO ONE WILL TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON.

But we've figured some stuff out.

LIKE WE SAID, WE KNOW YOU'RE BETTER, BUT JOHN'S NOT.

And something's wrong with Logan?

AND THE PROFESSOR DOESN'T WANT EITHER OF YOU TO KNOW THAT THERE MIGHT BE AN ANTIDOTE IN SCOTLAND.

Although we can't figure out why. We didn't call you, because in general we trust the Professor to know what's best.

BUT HE'S BEEN ACTING A LITTLE BANANAS, TOO.

And Pete said that if he was sick and there was an antidote, he'd want to know about it, no matter what the Professor said.

RIGHT NOW, EVERYONE IS HOLED UP IN THE PROFESSORS OFFICE.

Classes were canceled for the rest of the day.

EVEN THOUGH WITH ORORO AND HANK GONE, WE'VE BEEN RUNNING ON A LIMITED SCHEDULE ANYWAY.

Oh wow. Bobby's just come in and told us the Professor wants to see us. He thinks that we might actually get to go on a mission.

I'M SO ANXIOUS AND TOTALLY EXCITED!

As excited as we are to finally go on a mission, we really hope it has nothing at all to do with you.

OR IF IT DOES, IT WILL BE A SIMPLE MATTER OF RESCUING YOU FROM THE CLUTCHES OF AN ATTRACTIVE BAND OF MERRY MEN.

Please be okay, please, please, please be okay.

PLEASE?

Love,

Kitty and Jubilee.


To: Rogue (Xaviers School)

From: Logan (Xaviers School)

Rogue,

Last year, you asked me to send you a postcard. I told you that words weren't really my thing, and I know you were disappointed, even though you tried to hide it. I didn't understand it then, but I think I do now. Words are important to you. Hell, you're always writing those letters, and reading those big books about vampires and shit. I may be no good at this mushy, overwrought, letter writing business, but if there's one thing you've taught me, it's that skill is not a pre-requisite for action.

I just laughed a little, thinking that you probably wouldn't like the sound of that. You know what I mean. You've got guts, kid, and I admire that.

The least I can do is try and get this down on paper.

You are no doubt blaming yourself endlessly for getting me sick. I'm not going to try and convince you otherwise, 'cause if anyone understands a thing or two about self-loathing, it's me. But I hope you'll give me a little credit, and realize that I knew the risk I was taking when I touched you the other day.

I've never tried to put this into words before, so bear with me. Something happened to the both of us last year. A scrawny kid climbed into my truck and my life veered so far off course I'm not even sure I could find that old course on a map. I'm not even just talking about the obvious—the leather uniform, living in a mansion kind of life we're both living now. I'm talking about the ridiculous irony that I used to be able to go weeks without speaking to a single human, and today I'm proud to call that scrawny kid my best friend.

You've never asked me what happened in those two days that made me decide to risk my life for you, though I know you well enough to guess that you've wondered. I almost don't want to quantify it—I don't feel like there are words adequate enough to express how I feel without diminishing it, somehow.

I could say that in a way you're my salvation. I read in a book once that loving someone was like being told you never had to die. That it won't save you, but it will save your sanity. Now, I've been told I'll never die, and I can tell you it's no recipe for sanity. Caring about you is a different story.

You saw what I was capable of, and you decided to trust me anyway. It was an incredibly moronic thing to do, and something in me couldn't stand that you were so goddamn vulnerable that trusting me was the best option you had. I almost didn't have a choice but to somehow live up to that trust.

It was never about guilt. In some ways it was about responsibility, but it was never about guilt.

You need to know that I could save your life a thousand times before I could even begin to give you back what you've given to me. You gave me a life, Marie. You gave me something to live for.

I hate that I hurt you. I know from experience that not much I can say on this topic will make you feel better. I could lie, but unfortunately by now you'll know that my thoughts on the matter haven't exactly been…platonic, as of late. I wish I could have prevented you from seeing that.

Kid, there's just something about you that makes me want to be a better person. I don't know if it's the absolute faith you put in me, or something that's innate in you. You make me want to be the kind of person you seem so convinced I am.

And I've come to the conclusion that that guy wouldn't take advantage of an eighteen year old. Even a willing one. And especially not one he considers his best friend.

I know this is scattered, but so are my thoughts. I'll try to end on this note: I hope you know that if you ever need anything, I'll go out of my way to give it to you. So if you need me to leave you alone, or fuck off for a while, you let me know. I hate seeing you hurt, especially if I'm the one who doing it.

Logan

P.S: Have you seen my Blackberry? I'm borrowing Hank's right now-haven't seen mine since the other night.


To: Rogue (Xaviers School)

From: Keltie Mathews (Westchester High)

Rogue,

You've got to be fucking kidding me. You are not going halfway across the world to kill yourself. You just aren't. You're too smart for that.

Tell me you're too smart for that?

You do realize that going halfway around the world to kill yourself (even if it is for a noble cause) isn't actually different from killing yourself at home, right? The end result is the same.

Rogue, I'm freaking out. Please answer this e-mail. I'm going to call Logan right now and tell him everything.

Unless you e-mail me right back and tell me this was all a joke.

You have five minutes.

Keltie


To: Rogue (Xaviers School)

From: Keltie (Westchester High)

I mean it Rogue! I'm going to call him. Then I'm calling your Professor.

Keltie


To: Rogue (Xaviers School)

From: Logan (Xaviers School)

If you want to live to see your 19th birthday, you'll turn on this phone right fucking now.

Logan

To: Rogue (Xaviers School)

From: Charles Xavier (Xaviers School)

Rogue,

Please reconsider what you are about to do. I don't think you understand the seriousness of the situation you are walking into.

I realize I have not been completely upfront with you, and for that I apologize, but my dear, I have my reasons and I wish that you could trust me enough to recognize that.

Please let us know you are safe. We will find some other way out of this.

Professor Xavier


INCIDENT REPORT

Name: Andrew Lowson

Position: Surveillance Technician: Level 2

Supervisor: Dr. Moira MacTaggart

Date of Incident: February 7th

Approximate Time: 13:10

Nature of Incident: (check all that apply)

[X]Health and Safety

[X]Personal Injury

[X]Contamination

[X]]Security Breach

[X] Property Damage

[X] Fire

[X] Information Leak

Were the authorities called?

[X]Police

[X]Fire

[X]Ambulance

[]Excalibur

Reason: Excalibur on assignment to FOH headquarters

Describe incident in as much detail as possible:
Security breach in lower levels. Subjects attempting to procure Legacy strain. Conflict ensued. Gas line was cut and an explosion followed. Subjects were apprehended and are being dealt with by local and international authorities.

That's all anyone's told me, anyway. Moira, you know more than I do, so I hope this description is acceptable.

Please attach any supporting documents and turn into your Acting Head of Security.


Surveillance Transcript

Camera 26. Interior hallway Laboratory 5. Monday, February 7th, 12:47 PM

Two subjects, one male, one female. Skittish. Enter the hall through laboratory 5 door.

Female: Doors are locked. I don't think anyone even knows we're here.

Male: Good

Female: But that's weird, isn't it? This is supposed to be a top secret facility. We practically strolled right in.

Male: Lets not look a gift horse in the mouth, okay?

F: What does that expression even mean?

M: I don't know. I heard Logan say it once.

F: Do you have the syringe?

M: Yeah, it's here. You know, when this is all over, and he's better, you should tell him how you feel.

F: Logan?

M: No, your gift horse. Yes, Logan!

F: Been there, done that.

M: Really? When?

F: One guess.

M: The night you came back drunk as a skunk?

F: Yeah

M: What happened?

F: Is this really the time?

M: You know, I can't say there's going to be a better one.

F: What do you think happened? He called me 'kid', I threw up, and we both pretended it didn't happen. Pretty standard Logan behaviour.

M: Pretty standard Rogue behaviour, too.

F: Shut up!

M: You just need to wait him out. He loves you, don't worry.

F: Don't worry? John, you're holdin' a syringe filled with a toxic bioweapon. I think we're past "don't worry".

M: Good.

F: So...what now?

M: I don't know. I feel like I should say something profound.

F: You don't have to do this.

J: I'm not letting you do it. Got another plan?

F: No. Well...no. I don't know. Maybe we should call Hank, or someone. There's got to be someone else who can do this.

M: You want someone else to die for us?

F: I don't want anyone to die!

M: If I wasn't standing here with you, what would you do? Look at me, Rogue. What would you do? A lot more people are going to die if I don't do this.

F: I...

M: Don't cry.

F: I can't help it. This doesn't feel real. I feel like it should be done in the heat of the moment, with explosions and the building fallin' all around us, not me and you standin' in this piece of shit hallway debating the minutiae of my non-love life!

M: It does seem pretty anti-climactic. But you know, doing it here or in the heat of the moment doesn't make it less real. It's just more like the movies that way.

F: Okay.

M: Don't do that.

F: What?

M: Don't look at me like that. You're making it harder for me to get up the nerve. I'm not going to hug you or anything, so forget it.

F: It's okay. I know you love me.

M: Whatever you say, Ro.D. Well, here goes nothing...

F: Wait!

M: You're procrastinating.

F: Yeah, I am. But think about it. There are like, six guards out there. You take this, and you die. How am I supposed to get you out of here?

M: Leave me here.

F: What? No! How am I supposed to get your body out of here with no one noticing? Especially cause I'm gonna be all sniffly and stuff.

M: Sniffly? Really?

F: Fine, inconsolable with grief, are you happy?

M: Are you really going to be that upset?

F: Do you see my face? Obviously! Where have you been?

M: Off being an evil minion?

F: Yeah, well, we all have our awkward phases. Come on.

M: Wait.

F: Now you're procrastinating.

M: No, do you hear that?

F: What?

M: It's your phone.

F: My-what? What do I do? It's Scott, what do I do?

M:...Answer it?

F: ...Hello?...Jeez, Scott, stop yelling. What's that? Are we at the Muir Island Genetic Research Center, stealing a lethal antidote to the Legacy Virus? Absolutely not.

M: Uh-oh.

F: We are...on holiday. Needed to get away from the doom and gloom, you know? Get a little sun...No, really. We're on the beach as I-What? Mystique?

M: What is it? What's he saying?

F: Stop hitting me! Can you say that again, Scott? Scott?

M: What happened?

F: It got disconnected. He said that Mystique is here. He said we need to get out.

M: What does that mean? Why would Mystique be here?

F: I don't-Oh my God, John! The virus! The different strains-they're going to release it!

M: Why would Magneto want to do that? It doesn't make any sense. Unless...

F: Unless it's been modified to infect humans.

M: Dammit. Why would MacTizzle do that?

F: She wouldn't. But one of her research assistants might. The lab must be compromised. There are probably moles everywhere.

M: Compromised? Moles? You've been watching too much Alias. So now Mystique's coming to get the modified strain?

F: We have to do something.

M: No, we don't. I'm going to take the antidote, and you're going to get the hell out of here.

F: Okay.

M: Finally! Now let's-

F: Right after we destroy the other strains.

M: Can you ever do anything the easy way?

END VIDEO


DAMAGE ASSESSMENT

LABORATORY FIVE

Description of Physical Damage: Crumbled walls, charred equipment, extensive scattered debris. All samples lost.

Other damage: Computers and hard drives melted; information located in the main frame computers accessed and erased from within facility.

Source of damage: Broken gas line. Appears to have been tampered with.

Is restoration likely? No

Injuries? Raven Darkholme, AKA Mystique suffered 2nd degree burns and extensive bruising. Cause of the burns was the explosion but bruises look like defensive wounds.

Her companions, a man and woman who cannot be identified, suffered 3rd degree burns and more serious contusions, also defensive. Currently in a comatose state at the county hospital. Condition is critical

Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for waiting so long for the update! I angsted over a particular part, until finally I realized that sometimes done is better than perfect. I hope you enjoy regardless!
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