-*-*-*-
My head pounds. Another headache in less than a week. I’ve been in bed most of the day but it still hasn’t gone. They started just over a month ago, new years day to be exact. I thought it was a hangover at first, a really bad hangover. But it came back a few weeks later and now they’re becoming more frequent, more intense. Now when I get these headaches I can barely walk, they make me dizzy and disorientated. I can’t stand light or noise so I usually spend most days like this in bed. I didn’t tell Logan at first, I didn’t want him to worry about me, but when he found out he made me go to see someone about them. I went to a doctor outside of the school, not wanting to make anyone else worry about me, but he couldn’t find anything wrong or give me any definite explanation as to what they were, his conclusion was they‘re migraines that are triggered by certain food, drink or lights or sounds. He gave me some painkillers but they don’t work.
Then one day, I thought I felt something, an old familiar feeling. My mutation. Just for a second, a split second. I’ve only ever felt my mutation twice and both times were just a matter of seconds. The first time I thought I was just being paranoid, but the second time it happened I knew it was real. I haven’t told Logan about it, I don’t want to worry him any more.
It’s nearly 3pm now, I really should get up. I sit up slowly, careful not to make myself dizzy. I’m glad I have they day off from teaching. I now teach two classes of English and history a week unsupervised, the other two I teach with Ororo under her watchful gaze. Today I need to mark the papers from yesterdays test on the history of mutant rights. Although it sounds boring it’s quite interesting. Logan is already down in the danger room. I sometimes join him on Wednesdays just to get some practise. Although I don’t have my powers any more I’m still good at hand to hand combat, but today I really don’t feel up to it. In fact I feel like I’m going to be sick.
I make my way to the bathroom, grabbing anything I can to steady myself on the way. My vision is hazy, distorted. I push the door open just as my legs give way leaving me on my hands and knees. I want Logan. I’m scared. It’s never been this bad before…
***
I barely hear my name being called, the bight lights shining above making my head pound. The strong sterile smell hurts my nostrils. I slowly open my eyes, my vision still blurred. I blink letting my focus adjust. Machines and monitors with names that I can’t pronounce are on the other side of the white room. Hank is standing next to me with a clip board in his hand. I can barely make out the smile on his face.
“Rogue, how are you feeling?” he asks softly studying my face.
“What happened to me?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper as I sit up, my headache almost gone now.
“Ororo found you passed out in your room Rogue. Now I assure you there is nothing to worry about with the sickness, it is a common phase and should pass with time but the fainting-”
“Phase?” I ask. What does he mean phase?
He looks at me confused “You don’t know?”
“No Hank I don‘t know, now would you please just tell me what is going on.” I ask impatiently.
“I took some blood samples, ran some tests. You’re pregnant, Rogue.” he tells me slowly.
Pregnant?? How could I be pregnant and not know? I haven’t missed a period or anything like that. I thought women knew when they were…And…
“But how? I thought it was near impossible for two mutants to you know….have a kid. Everyone knows Jean and Scott have been trying for years.”
“Well, yes it’s true that it is difficult for two mutants to conceive but in your case I guess that er, you’re…how can I put it…highly fertile.”
My cheeks go red slightly at his comment “You’re definitely sure?”
“One hundred percent.”
I don’t know if I want to smile or cry. Logan and I haven’t even got as far as discussing children. I’m not ready to have a baby yet, I’m too young. Sure I want to be a mother some day, I just never imagined it would be now. How will Logan react? Will he be happy? I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel right now.
“The bad news is,” Hank sighs “your mutation is coming back.”
And with that the smile that was growing is smashed. “Back? How can it be back?”
“Well, you see, although the cure has had a high success rate it’s still not one hundred percent accurate. In about twenty five percent of cases the mutation can come back for a short while, particularly if the body is under stress as a sort of defence mechanism, before disappearing completely. In other cases where the mutation is strong, the cure isn’t strong enough to completely transform the DNA and stop the mutation. It’s only a temporary fix.”
“So which is it?”
“At the moment your mutation is flickering on and off. The shock is making it worse, more frequent at the moment but, well, it’s too early to say what will happen to you and baby...I’m afraid that it is highly likely that your mutation will return as your pregnancy goes on.”
“What about the baby? Will it be alright?” I ask quietly looking up at Hank, my eyes filling up with tears. I’ll really never be able to hold my child?
“I’m sure even if your mutation comes back as it was before, the baby should be immune but we’ll have to keep an eye on the little one as this is considered a high risk pregnancy. I‘ll need to see you again, but I think it will be better when you’re more relaxed. You can go now, try to get some rest. I’ll let you know if I have any more news.” He says softly, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Come on, I’ll take you back to your room.”
We walk in silence side by side down the corridor of the lower levels of the school and take the elevator. I’d usually take the stairs, healthy option, but Hank insisted I didn’t exasperate myself.
“Please don’t tell anyone about this, I want to tell Logan myself.” I tell him as I open the door to mine and Logan’s room.
He nods, smiles kindly understanding my wishes. “Don’t worry, I won’t. Now get some rest.”
I shut the door and lean against it taking some deep calming breaths. I can feel my skin starting to tingle again, going on and off for a few seconds. I try to stop it but I can’t, I don’t know how to. What am I going to do? How can I tell Logan he won’t be able to touch me again soon? How am I going to tell him I’m having his child?
I quickly walk over to the chest of draws on my side of the bed. I pull out a pair of gloves, my favourite black silky ones that Logan bought me for my birthday a couple of years ago. They’re the only pair I kept. I fumble with them, pull them on quickly. My skin has stopped buzzing now but I don’t want to risk hurting anyone, especially Logan.
Tears begin to form in my eyes as I stare down at my gloved hands, they burn my cheeks as the fall silently. This is the last thing I imagined. I don’t know what’s worse; not taking the cure at all or having it but only for a short while?
I reach down and place my hands on my stomach. I can’t believe there really is a baby in there, another life that I’m now responsible for. Sure I’m nervous and shocked, but I know I’ll love this child more than anything in the world, love them, protect them…What if Hank made a mistake, got the results wrong? I need to take a test myself, just to make sure.
I sneak out of my room and down the corridor to Jean and Scott’s room. Jean is bound to have some home pregnancy tests in her room somewhere. I open the door carefully and quickly make my way to their bathroom. Their room is clean, spotless just as I imagined it would be. White sheets, cream walls. Plain, boring, clinical. I open the cabinet above the sink in their equally sterile bathroom, nothing. I then spot the cupboard under the sink. Buried amongst the masses of cleaning products are what I’m looking for. I grab one of the many boxes and stuff it into my pocket, hopefully Jean won’t notice it missing.
I put everything back as I found it and quickly head back to my room. Just as I’m turning my door handle, the elevator door opens and Scott steps out. I give him a quick smile and shut the door. That was a close one. I make my way to the bathroom, ripping the packet open as I go. I’ve never done one of these before so quickly read the instructions then follow them.
The five minute wait seems to drag on forever. I pace up and down waiting for the time to pass, in the end I leave the bathroom unable to stay in there waiting. As I walk out, I spot a red envelope on the bed. I didn’t notice it here before. Then I remember what day it is, valentines day. I open it, inside is a white card with a red heart in the middle. I smile wondering to myself as I read the note inside “Marie, meet me outside by the fountain 6pm xxx”
I wonder what he as planned, but my mind is too busy to even begin to think about the ideas that are going on in Logan’s head.
I place the card down on my bedside table and check the clock 4:27pm. I go back to the bathroom, my five minutes almost up. I stare down at the piece of plastic that is resting on the side of the sink. I take a deep breath and quickly snatch it up with a gloved hand. Next to the little results window is a results key: “pregnant ‘+’” and “Not pregnant ‘-’”.
I move my thumb out of the way...
“+”
Pregnant.
I knew it would say I was, but I had to know, I had to see for myself. I stare down at the plastic in my hand…
What now?
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