Chapter 4 Broken Reflections and Reintroductions
I pull into a bar, nowhere in particular to remember. I have to take a break for a while, knock back a few. The bartender is young, not that long out of high school for all I can tell. Her hair is long and pulled up, but it still hits almost to her waist. It's dark like Marie's. She works really fast, must have been slinging beers for a while, keeps conversation to a minimum, except when someone wants another. And even then I don't think she looks with more than glance. The tight denim skirt probably keeps a few guys hanging around for more than a little eye candy. Her t-shirt is just as skimpy and thin enough that I can see a tattoo on her shoulder. Hearts and someone else's name, a mistake she will regret forty years from now, I bet. But she keeps smiling, and going about her business. The sun is getting low and the night hasn't even really started for this place. I look to my left and see two older guys. They smell of oil and grease, still wearing workers jumpsuits, mechanics maybe, shooting the shit before heading home to wives. I really don't know, but that's the picture they paint. The three at the other end weren't much different, different uniform, but I could say the same for them. All of us as old as dirt in her eyes as she gives us what we want with a smile for crappy tips, and in a town like this, I can see her still here, years from now, life walking all over her face as it passes her by.
Marie was no different. It didn't dawn on my until now. I'm not sure how long she had been faking it for her friends, for everyone else. I don't even know how that feels. She never had to do that for me. She could tell me anything, she didn't feel like she couldn't cry in front of me. She had a mutation that kept her separated from anyone else. She thought the answer was the cure, I know she lied when she said it wasn't for Bobby, but a kid trying to control her mutation for a simple kiss doesn't know who she's really doing it for. What was it like for her after returning with the cure, she was not at Alcatraz with us. She didn't see the anger, the choice to fight against our own. All those kids grew up after living through that, I wonder if they made Marie pay for not being there. And when it came back, I bet she felt just as trapped as she did the first time. After having the taste of freedom, losing it all felt like dying. Disappearing into her room, being alone, her way of being forgotten. How am I supposed to find someone who wants to disappear? How will I convince her to come home? She is a women who may be living on her own terms, not a girl struggling to find where she fits. I may not convince her that the school, the mansion is her home. It's never truly been mine. It would be hypocritical to drag her back to some place that only brings out the hurt in her. I need to know she's ok. I need to do something I really don't want to do, I'm going to have to kowtow to the Professor to give me direction, if he can find it. This is about Marie, not about the Wolverine.
I drove through the night and make it to the grounds about mid day. Students have come back and there's that underlying chatter I can hear throughout the house. It's something that doesn't go away until lights out, and then for whatever reason, it feels too quiet. I head directly to the Professors office, no one else is around to tell me otherwise.
My hand is on the knob,
"Logan, I am teaching a class I would prefer to not have interrupted. Please bide you time elsewhere for the moment. I will call you when I am free."
I turn first, as if he is behind me, then remembered he could do that. Dammit! Professor. A little warning would be nice, my last memory of you is dying in a thousand pieces, doing your telepathic mind shit is a bit much for the first howdy-do.
Fine, I'll head to the danger room to see if Colossus is running any training programs. It's been a while since I've been down to the lower levels. Nothing seems to change, steels walls, endless turns, within seconds, I'm back at the observation deck watching kids get plastered by street gangs, Colossus has his work cut out for himself. Someone else was also down there, teaching. He had good form, like he's been around fighting for a while. I will have to see if he's up sparring later. I haven't had a decent partner for a long time, simulations in the danger room don't add up to the real thing.
I don't interrupt, it's not my place. I begin to wonder what world these kids will have to grow up in. The mutant registration act keeps being threatened time after time, Alcatraz didn't help much. They seem so young, faces of babies learning to control their abilities, maybe even use them for an upper hand in a fight. After a while I couldn't even get in the cage, to many questions, nights walking out empty handed, and I could have won them all.
I head to the kitchen to raid the fridge of whatever is good. I need to remember to stash a 6 pack somewhere-
"I am available now if you have something to discuss, I'll be in my office."
"Thanks Chuck," I say to no one.
The halls are full the kids, the new ones are terrified just to look at me, and right they should. A few seem to know who I am, and nod my way. This time I make it to the door and hesitate. I just want to-
"It's open", from the other side. I knew it, he was waiting and probably in my head already, checking my mood, maybe. I'm not sure how to react, how will I know it's really—
"You do not need to worry, Logan." I push the wooden door open, holding my breath, not really sure why. He is standing, actually leaning slightly on the corner of his desk. His face is the same, or different slightly, not sure how. He stands about the height of Scooter, taller than I would have ever thought he could be.
"Sit down Logan, please. Yes it is me, without the wheels this time."
Is that a joke? I smiled at the idea, I guess baldy will have to do for a new nickname. I sit across from his desk, and he sits in his chair. The desk is clear this time, no distractions, just how he had years before.
"I know why you are here." A hesitant smile crosses his face, he finds my eyes and locks on them. "I know Rogue left us some time ago, without leaving a reason or any preparations to her new living situation." A pause, like I'm supposed to fill in the gaps. " You know that once the children have fulfilled their educational requirements, we do help them either continue into college, stay to assist the school, or move on at their own pace." As if I didn't know this already.
"It is not a standard procedure to leave the X-men team as Rogue chose to, but she had no obligation to stay. We are thankful for her time given to the team, but it was her right to move on."
" Can you find her..?"
"Logan, I understand you have taken it upon yourself to relocate her."
"She left after a fight with Jubilee, she hadn't been happy here for a long time. She could be any-"
"You believe she may be in danger," calm, to calm for a statement like that.
"I don't know, I think…. I don't know what to think. She could be doing things to hurt herself, she could have been found by Magneto's old group, she could be strapped to a table in a lab somewhere,"
"She could also be finding what she is capable of, on her own. I understand everyone's fearing for her safety. Society has given us little reason to think otherwise. But your fear is routed much more deeply, on a personal level, isn't it?"
Do I have it written all over my face? Is it that obvious? Is the Wolverine going soft, can't I still be a hard ass, and show concern for someone I have known for seven years?
"I respect your care and concern for Rogue, the two of you have shared many experiences like no other for many years here. I do also understand you had left not long after the funeral for Jean. You have been away from the team and the mansion for that length of time?"
Saying yes would only admit that I deserted everyone, even when they were at their most vulnerable. Saying anything other then yes, would be lying and the professor would see right through anything I could tell him.
"I am not looking to place blame, Logan. I know what you did for Jean, I do not think I would have had the courage to be in your place at that moment. And for that, I am sorry I was not here after, to help you through any animosity you may have held."
I couldn't look at him anymore, I looked beyond him, towards the window, kids running, flying is more like it. He died, and he's apologizing for not being here. I don't know what goes on in that head of his. The Professor dying and them returning, it all feels as if the middle never happened, but we are missing a few big pieces to make it whole again.
"I would very much be grateful if you would join our staff. Self defense of course, but maybe a History class. The team is also needing of your assistance."
There's the guilt and the nudge I was waiting for. I leave my silence to fill the air, I knew he was going to try to suck me back in. I bet he can also feel that he's pushing my buttons just a bit to much. Boundaries, Chuck!
"Have you had a moment to meet Remy LeBeau? He has joined the staff and the team as well. A gifted man. I can leave you to think about your decision for as long as you like. You know you always have a place in this home, which ever you may choose."
I'm not done yet, "What about Rogue?"
"I thought I made myself clear, Logan. She has decided to leave us, maybe even if only for the time being. You made the decision to break contact with her long before that even happened. I will not satisfy your wanting to locate her purely out of miscommunication."
"You selfish bastard….."
"Logan, control yourself. We are done for now." We stare at each other for a long pause, I break it, as I leave, slam the door, I don't care who hears it either.
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Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for making it this far. More to come....