I met Ro by the coffee pot in the morning, she was drinking tea and smearing jam over toast. She had gotten the rest of the team up and around the table. So breakfast and a meeting, great, which means I can get on the road faster. Kids weren't running around yet, so there weren't any closed doors. Kitty was walking over two bowls of cereal to a chair already filled by Bobby, cute really cute. Jubilee kept watching me, from her chair. She had nothing in front of her, but I could hear her stomach give her away, she was hungry and nervous, she deserved to be. These were supposed to be her friends, if they really were, I wouldn't be in this mess.
"Jubes" Ro started, "What did you find? Could you tell anything from what was left from her things?"
"Well, not much. Her desk had just her books, and a few notes from classes. She took her laptop, and her cell phone. Most of her clothes are gone…"
I had to interrupt "Did anyone try calling her, you guys knew how to get a hold of me easy enough."
"Yeaaaah," with lots of sass, I think I pushed a button I didn't know Jubilee had. "I first night she didn't come back, I called a few times, and it rang like crazy. But if you try it now, it only goes to voice mail. She probably turned it off. I've tried e-mailing her a few times, and nothing, she was addicted to her e-mail. I put an auto response on one so, I will know if and when she reads it."
Clever, Jubilee's using that mind of hers for good this time. Give me a trail and I can follow, but this may actually be useful later on.
"Aren't we jumping to conclusions a bit fast, I mean she is an adult. Like you said before, maybe she just needs space." Bobby had to open his mouth didn't he. I felt a growl rumbling in my chest, my eyes darted his way, throwing the daggers I actually wanted to impale him to the bone with. I put my cigar in my mouth, I wanted to light it so bad, but house rules, no dice. Ro glanced my way as if to interrupt me before I could start chewing that boy a new asshole he deserved.
"You are part of the reason she out there right now. All of you should be ashamed with yourselves. You were her friends, or so I thought. Did anyone talk to her when the cure wore off, did anyone even notice? Two of you shared a room with her, didn't you, you could have seen something was wrong." I could have kept going, but the root of my anger was not going to give me any leads.
"She was waiting for you!." Kitty cut right to the chase. Silence, I don't think anyone dared to breathe after that statement . "She would stare out her window to the drive way for hours sometimes, -waiting for you. Especially after the nights she would wake up screaming. She never wanted to talk about those either. We never talked about the bigger stuff because she only used to talk about those things- with you!." She kept going. Kitty was almost in tears, but she didn't try to hide them. "We all knew when it came back, but we didn't want to make a big deal about. I knew it hurt her, but she walled herself off. We all knew what it meant for to not have control of it. You weren't here, so you can't blame anybody." Bobby put his arm around her to either stop her, or cover her from me. He had instinct to smother a flame better than anybody, no pun intended.
Colossus finally joined the party from the levels below, already had a good sweat going for his morning workout. He sat down next to Jubilee, barely fitting in the chair, dwarfing her in comparison. A gentle nudge of his leg against hers gave an indication that they might be together, Jubilee gained a little confidence and straighten against her seat. I suddenly had it in my head that everyone was pairing off into couples, coming together maybe out of convenience, or proximity. Rogue had no one, even if being together was superficial, acting out the motions of an affair, she didn't have anyone.
"How did she leave, did she just walk out the door, does she have one of the cars?" I had to get somewhere with the how's. The whys can't really be filled in right now anyway, that's really only for her to answer, when she is ready, if she ever is.
"She left on foot, all vehicles are accounted for, last time she was seen was late in the afternoon 5 days ago. She did leave some of her personal items here, so she can't be held down by much." Colossus had all the details in anticipation, like he could have mounted a team for the same reason. He was always a great team player, never looking for glory, just solid execution.
"Had she talked about going anywhere, maybe to see her parents?"
"Not her parents, Storm. She pretty much cut them out of her lives, like they did her. " Rogue must have told Jubes how when her mutation started and what her parents did to her. I didn't think she would talk about that with anyone but me, when a new student came to the mansion in a situation like hers, it would bring out the anger she still held for her parents.
"So, as of right now, we know she's running from here, angry for whatever reason, and probably doing everything to keep us from finding her." Bobby summed it up pretty good, were we taking too much time out of his day?
Ororo was getting pissed that no one saw the fear that this could lead to. "You all know what happened to Rogue in the past, she was a target, and could still be. If all the others cures failed, there may be a list a mile long of mutants hating everything we stand for, with her being out there, she makes herself a target again, whether she thinks she is or not." Storm put it in to perspective for anyone who found our little chat unnecessary. She went on … "We've all seen what still exists, what gets done to mutants that get captured, guinea pigs for the unthinkable. I think it's best we wait for her to make the first move. She knows how to keep herself safe, at least for now. "
"How is that going to help? We can't just sit with are thumbs up are asses waiting for the phone to ring…" I can't sit here and listen to this, I didn't get called back here to wait and see.
"But if we do try to find her, do you think she will happy to come back, or will you be the one to tie her down and force her to stay." Ro's voice was unwavering. She had a point, and I hate to admit that it was true. She stared at me, our eyes locking. I think I knew what she wanted to say. She hadn't told the others yet about Chuck coming back to the mansion. I knew that meant cerebro might be able to locate her. I would let her share the news of the professor, but now is not the time.
"I gotta get away…" I had to get out, I was going to blow if we kept talking about scenarios. Instinct was forcing me to trace where she had been.
I grabbed the bike and started toward the train station. I don't think she would have started out there, she would think we would look there, because we found her their last time. But soon enough, I was the lobby, trying to find a hint of her scent. Five days wouldn't leave much behind, and that was true when I was leaving. I started hitting diners. Rogue liked a burger and fries, and her distinctive streak would make her memorable to waitresses. It was a simple start, but it got me thinking. By nightfall, I came up with nothing, headed back to the mansion to get my head together. I had to focus, and the best idea that came to me was hitting the road, at least until Chuck could use cerebro to locate her, if he still could.
The sun was creeping up, I already had my pack tied to my bike when Ro came by.
"So how long, which way?" she asked.
"North, maybe Boston or out that way. Kurt's from that way right? I figure somewhere she can cover up and not look out of the ordinary, and then if it gets later, head a bit more south when the cold hits." I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice. I had no clue, I'm the one that runs, not her. Would she listen to the wolverine in her head?
"Okay," a long pause, she never has to find the right words, so I guess there is very little to say. "I will call you the minute Charles returns. I will explain everything to him."
I swung my leg around and saw a shadow creep from the door to the garage. Jubilee still in her pajamas, clinging to the frame. I could smell the salty tears, fear rolling off of her. She cared for Rogue, or she wouldn't be standing there. Our eyes met, and she turned away, but I think she understood I wasn't angry anymore.
"I can have the Blackbird anywhere, anytime. Just call," Ro headed back towards the door, not watching me leave.
I turned on the engine, letting the gravel fly behind me. This was a turning point for me. If I returned without her, my mission would be a failure. I do not fail, I am invincible. If I came back with Marie in a body bag, I would have failed Marie. I was supposed to protect her, even if that means from herself. So I bit down hard on the reality that I may be gone for quite a while.
Days rolled into weeks. Bars, and cheap motel rooms. North turned out to be a waste of time. Heading south felt better, I don't know why. I didn't hit the loner truck stops. She would have been to memorable, and if she was laying low, places a little more populated would have served her well. But I also know Marie to think she wouldn't run to bigger cities, to many people, too much possible contact. They would be too crowded to keep her distance. Smaller towns fit the situation.
I got lucky at a gas station about a month after I left. Half way between the mansion and D.C., a gas station cashier thought she saw someone with a streak of white hair, younger. She thought she remembered a rusted out car, but she couldn't remember if she had somebody with her. I did not dare to press for more, I think I scared her bit, and information turns into misinformation really quick. But it did answer a few things. Marie was alive, she had a car. It rules out hitching rides with god only knows who, sleeping in alleys. I had comfort in that.
The phone rang, I was hope like all hell it was going to be something news.
"Logan, how are things going?"
"Well, not all bad, she's been seen and alive. "
"Good, I know that's not you were hoping for, but it's something right?"
"I guess. You promised you 'd call when the professor was back?"
"Oh yes. He's here and doing well. It's like he never left. The rest of the team are elated, Hank is up from Washington for the weekend. Would you like to come back? He knows and would like to help."
"Does he think he can use cerebro to find her?"
"He wants to speak to you first before doing anything else for Rogue."
"What kind of answer is that? It's simple, isn't it? Or does he not want to? "
"You need to speak to him yourself."
I want to launch this damn phone across a lake, how can he be so selfish, so righteous? We all played apart, giving her reason to run away. We should all be trying to find her, but I'm out here alone, chasing after a ghost for all it's worth, and the one thing that could make it so easy, is now not an option because we need to talk about it! Talking doesn't get anybody anywhere, just hurt. Angry. Alone. It's never worked before. I could be one block away from her, right now, and I need to go 400 miles back to discuss whatever it is on his mind right now. The more I think about, the professor plays his minions, doesn't he. Why won't he dig deeper in my mind, I have a lifetime locked up, that I want so much to at least understand. My Marie is out there running from her own demons, lost to everything, and he wants talk about it! Why does he have to hold all the cards, he did the same to Jean, he knew what she had in her, he locked it up without giving her a choice, giving her a chance to tame it. I know he blames me for letting her get away. It wasn't my fault. "You hear me Chuck! I WON'T LET YOU DO THIS TO ME!"Like that was going to do anything, I am on a road high on either side with corn and winter wheat. No one to hear me for miles.
I need to fight, a cage and some stupid drunk shit for brains to pulverize. I need to make somebody feel as hollow as I feel, I need somebody to feel pain, pain is something I know how to handle. Pain reminds you you're alive, pain brings adrenaline, adrenaline keeps you fighting. The difference between pain and hurt is pain you enter into it, understand it is coming, and fight on in spite of it. Hurt comes from words, promises not kept, needing someone to understand and being alone, and I hurt her. Kitty was right, no one else is to blame but me. Four people died for Marie, Scott, Jean, the Professor , and me. I might have well as been dead to her. I left her alone, I didn't try to control the animal, I used it as an excuse to leave. I needed to run, I needed to be away, from the memories of Jean, of what I had to do, even Scott. He was the closest thing I had to a friend, we had each other's backs. I was selfish, she was getting under my skin, I didn't know what to do. I only remember being alone. I only know how to be alone. I could travel with everything I own, nothing to keep me held down. Why did it have to be her? Fuck, she was only sixteen, I didn't have to let her into my truck, "I DIDN"T HAVE TO LET INTO MY FUCKING LIFE, MARIE!"
Is it my turn to be the one waiting? The next time I see Chuck, I may knock the telepathic right back out of whatever body he is living in.
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