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CHAPTER THREE: DONCHA WISH YOUR BOYFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE ME?

Remy loved it when Logan visited.

Because sure, the homme drank him outta house and home, and yes, every time he dropped by LeBeau spent the next six months trying to keep the various Guilds from teaming up and going Medieval on his growly, ancient ass. And yes, come to think of it, trouble seemed to follow the Wolverine around like the stink o’ beer on a barfly-

But to counter all that, there was the fact that where Logan went, the honeys always followed. And followed and followed and then followed.

And then followed and followed some more.

White-haired weather witches, scarlet-clad ninjas, even the awesome beauty that was the She-Hulk- Every one of them knew his boy there. And every one of them had tried their best to get poor Logan on his back and halfway to Happy Land by the time he’d ordered a Molson: Sometimes they didn’t even offer to buy him a drink first. Remy never had no trouble getting himself some action- He was Remy LeBeau, for heaven’s sake- But there was Action and there was Wolverine Action. Which was like the difference between a high school basketball team and the Goddamn NFL. Action was a threesome with two gorgeous Tulane College students looking to have a good time at Mardi Gras-

Whereas Wolverine Action involved an orgy with a demon princess, her goat sacrifice and her sexually adventurous body-guards, Buddy and Jasper.

Remy grinned at the thought.

All of which brought him to the girl beside Logan. The tiny, curvy, platinum-streaked goddess who’d stalked through the doors of his club like she owned it and was proceeding towards the bar in a similar fashion. Muttering to the Wolverine to put the red-neck scalpels away and talk to her like she was a lady, since he was sure as Hell acting the part of one. Logan retorting that he’d never even seen her fucking I-Pod so how could he remind her to take it on a road trip? And was that an excuse for stealing his last cigar? The girl’s perfect lips were set in a pout at his words, her little arms crossing over her chest like that was the only thing keeping her from thumping His Hairiness and the fact that she’d even contemplate that showed Remy that this one was gonna be one to watch- In fact, he could watch her all day. Watch her bright brown eyes and creamy, porcelain skin. Watch that sweet mouth and gorgeous rack and- Man, was it hot in here? She sashayed through the bar, all sass and grace in her movements, Logan growling behind her- Gambit had never seen him looking so…whipped, and the sight tickled him no end- while a tiny, pretty Asian girl trailed in their wake. Blowing a massive bubble-gum bubble and snickering to herself as if she were watching her parents bickering. Which considering how young the belle femme looked was a pretty creepy thought. Logan and the brunette didn’t even seem to register Remy was there, both too interested in their game of Did Too!/Did not! To really notice him while the Asian girl shrugged her shoulders and gave him a “What Can Ya Do?” look-

Remy cleared his throat then.

Holding out his hand in greeting, making sure he gave the two girls an obvious glad eye just to test the waters regarding who was with who. Because if he was lucky they might be a couple, and oh what fun that would be! Logan and the Platinum Goddess stopped arguing, finally noticing him: The brunette’s gaze dismissive, the little Asian’s frankly appraising- And hot. Gambit shot the Asian chick a wink, reaching out and kissing her knuckles lightly- “Enchantee,” he murmured, “Jubilee, babe,” she murmured back- before he turned his attention to his old friend and the other mighty fine woman he had on his arm.

The woman who was now glaring at him as if he were pond scum.

Attractive pond scum, but pond scum nonetheless.

He swore he could hear Wolverine grinding his teeth at the sight.

“Logan, homme,” he began then, face mock innocent, “How you doing? And why is it Ah always see you with such beautiful women, hein?” When Logan didn’t respond (he was too busy clenching manfully) Remy shot the brunette a dashing smile, reaching out and brushing a kiss along her knuckles though she stiffened at his touch. A blush on her cheek, quickly pulling her hand away like she’d been burned. Logan gave him a surly look and Gambit’s grin widened- Hey, the man who had goat sex with a demon princess does not get to look that disapproving, dammit- before stepping bluntly in front of the petite. The gesture territorial, everything about it screaming Mine and Don’t You Fucking Forget It, Bub as only Logan knew how. Behind him the Asian chick rolled her eyes again- “Don’t take it personal, sweetie,” she called, “they’re like this with everyone,”- before hopping up on the bar like she owned the place and reaching into storage to pull out a lemon slice. Offering one to Remy, her expression still appraising and coy. Gambit shook his head- his sense of self preservation was tenuous at the best of times and his friend was clearly smitten enough with the Platinum Goddess to make stirring the shit with him amusing-

So he turned his gaze back onto the brunette.

Held out his hand again and offered it to her with mock shyness, staring at her flirtatiously through his bangs. Logan growled as she took it of her own accord this time and his grin widened some more. His thumb tracing a pattern against her fingers. “Mr. Remy LeBeau at your service,” he murmured. “And you are..?”

“Armed.” She seemed flustered and it sounded like it had just popped out. The Asian chick snorted with laughter at the aggressive response and even Logan grinned. Remy however took it in stride.

“Is that a common name where you from?” he asked courteously instead. “Because Ah gotta say, it don’t suit you, chere-”

Her temper flared again and his grin widened. No wonder Logan liked her: They were so damn alike. “Ah don’t know,” she muttered, pulling her hand away, “Ain’t Dumb Ass a real unusual name? And yet here ya are.” She crossed her arms. “And don’t call me chere,” she added irritably.

“Ah never said mah name was Dumb Ass, chere,” he grinned. Her eyes narrowed vengefully. “And Ah doubt a woman as beautiful as you is really called Armed.” She blinked, expression softening as the blush returned and Remy shot Logan a See How Good Ah Am? grin. The feral looked thunderously unimpressed with this development.

Oh yeah, Remy thought, Ah fucking rock.

“Mah name’s Rogue,” she told him softly then, the ghost of a smile now playing on her lips. She looked almost shy, unused to compliments. But if she ran with Logan, that didn‘t surprise him: After all, it’s hard to see a pretty girl with your head that far up your adamantium ass. “You’re Remy, right?” she murmured. “Remy LeBeau?”

“Guilty as charged.” He shot the feral a cynical look. “You been telling stories about me, Logan?”

“Only the worst kind.”

“Good.” Remy darted behind his bar, pulled out a bottle of bourbon. “Woman knows what to expect.” And he waggled his eyebrows at Rogue, pretending not to notice that his friend’s claws were now shivering underneath his skin. Reminding himself that it was unlikely Logan would actually impale him- Though unlikely ain’t the same as impossible, he knew. “Now what can Ah do for y’all today?” he continued smoothly. Pouring four shots and setting them before his guests. “You lookin’ for a game, homme?”

Wolverine shook his head. “Nah, we’re looking for a place to stay. Friend’s down here getting married, we promised we’d come but we don‘t wanna intrude on the happy couple, ya know?” He said that last part to his feet, well aware Gambit would usually tease him about doing something so girly, but LeBeau decided to leave it. He wanted to come outta this in one piece then he’d do best centring his efforts on one humiliation at a time. “We thought Jubes would be here to brief you,” Logan continued dryly, “But it seems she got distracted-”

Jubilee grinned wickedly. “Identical twins,” she informed him. “Both studying for the priesthood. How could I resist showing ’em what they were giving up for God?”

“Aw, that would be a sin, chere,” Remy told her. “But staying here, it be no problem. There’s plenty o’ room. Got a lovely, sweet bedroom next door t’me, Rogue.” And he grinned flirtatiously at her once again, enjoying the way his expression made Logan’s eyes do a funny little dance of fury- Pretending to ignore the snikt that echoed through the bar like a thunder-clap even as Logan went into Growly over-drive. He shot a look at Jubilee and the girl grinned, clearly enjoying the spectacle-

Oh yeah, he thought, this was gonna be a Helluva lot of fun.

But then he took another look at Rogue and decided he’d take his chances, come what may.

Logan bared his teeth at the sight.