When the professor sent Storm and Remy to pick us up, I was certain that the silence between Logan and I was deafening. The quiet scared me. The speechlessness was scarring. Wordlessly, I walked onto the Jet, dodging the glare from Storm. The last time I saw her was when I had left Logan’s room. She had obviously been avoiding me since then.
I stared out the window at the passing clouds, three seats away from Logan who I knew was looking at me from the corner of my eye. It was foolish of me to worry for just a moment about Logan; the indestructible man. Unbreakable, resilient, unstoppable Logan. He has lost everything he has ever known time and time again, yet he still is open. While I, who have lost nothing can’t even let him in.
I’m just a foolish girl, a brainless girl who at one point believed in love. But somehow, in the crossfire of running from everything and leaving hopes behind, that belief had been lost. How had I changed from that sorry seventeen year old that Logan found in the bar?
I had Jean in me.
I was waiting for the cure, waiting in the long line up of mutants who hated themselves for being who they were. I was waiting for the hope to become someone better. Or perhaps I was waiting for someone to stop me. But no one tried. I had neared the front of the line, looked around for Bobby to stop me. Bobby to tell me I didn’t have to change for him. Instead no one came. And I left alone. No one tried to stop me.
Not even Logan. Not that I blame him. He had been torn up about Jean. And that was probably why, when he saw me standing on what was left of the Golden Gate Bridge, he had taken my hand and dragged me towards her. “Just weaken her a bit, and she’ll calm down.” He had kept saying over and over again. I knew he was out of it. I could feel it in my mind. He was lacking sleep, running on pure adrenaline and fear of losing Jean again.
When we had reached her, every part of me felt torn, like my skin had been chewed off. I fell to the ground in front of them, vaguely aware that Logan was trying to coax the real Jean back. I didn’t believe it was possible. Before I heard her voice. I was drifting in and out of consciousness. And I looked up at Logan, standing in front of her begging for her to come back. I dragged myself closer to them, pulled off my glove, and latched one hand onto her bare leg. I felt the power soaring into me, but somehow the Phoenix remained upright. “You would die for them?” I heard her hiss while she drained into me.
Logan’s face was terrified, and heartbreaking as he shook his head, his eyes filling with tears. “Not for them.” He had yelped brokenly. “For you.” I watched Jean surface in the body I was clutching. The body that would soon be empty of its power. But I couldn’t let go. I couldn’t make myself. There was too much to leave, too much to handle.
Tears streamed down Jean’s face. “Kill me.” She whimpered. Logan’s claws stabbed through her chest, and she died in his arms, a peaceful smile on her face. What Logan doesn’t know, is that he wasn’t the one who killed her.
I was.
*
When we arrived at the mansion I knew why I had a problem with Logan wanting anything to do with me. It was because I had far more Jean in me than he believed. And I couldn’t help but believe that was what he was attracted to. The part of me that was her. She was loyal and noble. The only reason I noticed that I had her traits in me at all was because when I thought of Scott, my views on him had completely changed. That. And the Phoenix side; savage, animalistic and short tempered. I had become all of them.
Sleeping with Logan may not have even been my decision. That may be what worries me the most. The Wolverine in my head chuckled at the thought.
{Don’t be stupid girlie.} He told me. {You know you wanted it.}
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry this took me so long!
Chapter End Notes:
Comment!