"Do you wanna know, how I feel about you
Do you wanna know,
Do you wanna know, if I'm able to forget
There are times, I wish we'd never met
I'm sorry, it's just too late
To get it all back, get back what we had
I'm sorry, it's just not right.
We both know it wasn't meant to be like
this at all"
Sorry - Lene Marlin
I walked to work this morning. I didn't feel like taking the car. I wanted to feel the wind in my hair and the sun on my face. Needed my mind to be clear.
When I walked into the class, my legs were immediately hugged by the children. I smiled down at them and ruffled their hair. No matter what I went through, they always managed to make me smile. The first thing that I did when I mastered my control was taking a job at the kindergarten nearby my apartment. I loved children. When my mutation surfaced, my greatest fear was that I would never be able to touch the soft skin of a child. My child.
Melanie and Kelly, my co-workers and friends, smiled from the other side of the classroom as the children surrounded me and led me to the comfortable couch in the back. I laughed. Since the children found out I was going to be a mommy, they wanted to listen to the baby every morning when I came in. It was our little morning ritual. Wendie even bought the kids a stethoscope so they could listen to the baby’s heartbeat.
“You lay down, Miss Marie and I will get the doctor,” Caroline announced. The oldest of the group at almost four years old. Very straightforward but also very kind and honest.
I lay down and Kristen gave me a pillow so I could get comfortable. I smiled when she timidly stretched out a little hand towards the small swell of my belly. She was fascinated by it. All the children were.
It got a little awkward when Shannon asked us very innocently where babies came from. Hannah and I looked at each other and blushed furiously. How do you explain this to a child without sounding like a pervert? Wendie saved us by telling Shannon her painting wasn’t finished yet and like the three-year-old she was, she immediately forgot her question. Wendie was the oldest of us five and already mother of two older kids. Whenever we had a question or needed advice, we usually turned to her.
Tammy, who was the doctor today, walked over to me. She was wearing a white jacket, which was too large for her and had a pair of fake glasses on her nose. She looked adorable and I saw Melanie quickly getting out her camera.
“Morning, Miss Marie!” Tammy greeted me cheerfully.
“Good morning, doctor,” I answered. They loved it when I played along and called them doctor. Tammy beamed.
“Let’s have a look at the baby,” Tammy lifted my shirt up and bared my belly. She softly patted my belly.
“Nurse, babylistener!” Tammy commanded.
Evelyn stepped forward and gave her the stethoscope. Tammy put the one earpiece in her ear and Summer put the other one in her ear so they were sharing the stethoscope. Moving very carefully, Tammy placed the end on my belly and listened. Within a few seconds, both the girls were beaming as they listened to the baby’s heartbeat.
I knew what the sound was like. The beating that was mostly in sync with my own. I bought a stethoscope of my own so I could listen to the baby before I went to sleep. That was my little ritual.
Tammy took the stethoscope off and proudly announced to the rest of the class that the baby said his name was Sammy and he only liked ice-cream. Hannah and Kelly burst out in laughter while I lay grinning on the couch.
Tammy was the joker of the class. She always made me laugh. I sat up and turned to Tammy.
“I think what the baby meant was that he would like to go to the playground. Who wants to go with us?” I asked the rest of the group.
All the kids cheered and twenty minutes later, we were on our way to the park. I was in the front, holding hands with Amara and Caroline who was telling me she knew every flower and to prove it, she started naming them.
I wasn’t aware of the tall, dark man that followed us.
After a long day of work, I was glad to be home. I pictured a nice warm bath and perhaps read a little. Go to bed early and sleep in the next day. Tomorrow was a Saturday anyway. It never happened.
I knew who was standing at my front door before I even opened it. And I was right. He barely looked up when I opened the door. His hands on his pockets, he kept staring at a point on the floor between my bare feet and his shoes. I took one look at him and walked into the kitchen, leaving the door open for him to close as he followed me. I knelt before the cupboard under the sink and was just deciding what alcohol I should give him when he suddenly spoke.
"Let's go out tonight."
Briefly, I wondered if I had heard correctly. He stood motionless in the doorframe, staring at the floor, avoiding my eyes.
"Where?"
"I don't know. Someplace nice. Grab a bite to eat. You in?"
He said it all to me without meeting my gaze. I sighed. He came to me tonight for comfort and I didn't want to let him down. On the other hand, I hadn't slept the night before and was really tired. But then again, I didn't have any
food in my fridge.
He was now looking at me. Not really at me. Someplace right beside my face. He didn't meet my eyes. I gave in.
"Sure."
His gaze flickered to me and then back to the floor.
"I'll drive."
That said, he walked out. I got my keys and followed him, closing the door behind me.
He took me to a little grill restaurant downtown. We didn't speak a word in the way there. I didn’t mind. I got to nap a little. The restaurant was nice. Not exactly Logan's kind of restaurant but nice anyway. We were seated near the window and I was able to gaze outside, watching cars pass us by. And then the waitress came to take our orders.
"Hiya Logan. I was wondering when you would show up again," she said in a chipper voice. Logan visibly shrinked a little.
"Hi, Debbie," he grunted. She seemed satisfied by that.
"What can I get you?" she continued in that same chipper voice. She was starting to give me a headache.
"Spareribs and fries," Logan ordered in a gruff voice. She didn't even flinch, I had to give her that.
"What about you, sweetcake?" Sweetcake? We haven't even been properly introduced and she's already giving me nicknames?
"I'll have the same," I answered, wanting to get her away as fast as possible.
"Give her extra fries." I stared at Logan. "You're too skinny. You need to eat."
I merely shrugged.
"Alrighty!" Alrighty? Oh Lord. "What about drinks? We have Ice Tea, Coke, Wine-"
"Beer. And a Coke for her," Logan quickly interrupted her.
"Great. Do you need anything else?" Yes. For you to leave.
Logan shaked his head and Debbie bobbed out of sight. And hearing. Thank God. I rubbed my temples, trying to ease my headache. Neither of us said anything. I watched the cars driving by and Logan stared at the menu, even though he already ordered.
"Saw you at the park today." I turned my gaze to Logan. "With the kids? This morning?"
So Hannah was right. He had been there.
"That was you?" He nodded. "Kelly thought you were some pervert spying on the kids."
"Nope. was me."
I nodded and silence fell over out table once again. And not the nice and quite silences but the uncomfortable silences that make you desperate to say something stupid. Like what colour underwear you're wearing. I was almost happy when the blonde waitress from earlier came with our orders. Until I heard her voice.
"Here you go. Spareribs with fries and some extra for you, honey," She said with a something that probably resembled a smile but it was more like she was just showing me her teeth. She gave us our drinks.
"Need anything else? Ketchup, mayo?"
"No mayo. Nothing," Logan said quickly.
"Alrighty! Enjoy your meal and if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me!" She showed her teeth again and walked away.
It wasn't until I had my plate in front of me that I realised how hungry I was. I ate everything, even the extra fries Logan ordered for me. Neither of us spoke during dinner. I didn't mind. I was too tired to care and still recovering from Blondie's voice. I was staring outside again, absentmindedly chewing on some left over fries when Logan stood up and announced, he was going to take a leak. I was still on my first drink but Logan already had five beers and counting.
The minute Logan was out of sight, Blondie popped up at our table.
"Did you enjoy your dinner?" Headache.
I smiled and carefully nodded.
"I'll take it Logan's gonna pay?"
I nodded again.
"I figured. He's such a great guy."
I wondered if Logan knew her. And with knowing her, I meant if his dick had been inside her pussy. I forgot her name again. I checked Blondie’s nametag. Debbie. Her name as fake as her boobs. And her hair. And probably her teeth as well.
"He used to come here all the time with his girlfriend. Such a sweet couple."
I froze. Debbie didn't notice and kept on babbling.
"He was such a gentlemen around her. Holding the door open for her, feeding her and always holding her hand.”
She kept on babbling but I blocked out her voice. Logan had taken Jean here. Regularly, according to Debbie. Her voice drifted away. She was more like background music now.
I should’ve known. I was willing to bet we were sitting at the same table they used to sit. That I sat in the same seat she used to sit. I could feel how this night was changing and I didn’t like the way it went. But I had no choice. I had to be there for Logan. Like I always had been. I felt older then I really was.
I noticed my background music had stopped and I knew the reason. Logan was back. Standing behind me chair, I could feel his eyes drilling small holes in my head. I didn’t look at him. I just kept staring out the window.
“I think someone’s calling for you, Debbie. You should go,” Logan nearly growled. I didn’t knew if she took the hint or not but at least she disappeared. I didn’t look at him when he sat back down. I just kept staring out the window.
“Marie?”
I threw a small smile in his direction, avoiding to look at him.
“Let’s just go home. I’m tired.”
Logan merely nodded and threw some bills on the table. I opened the door myself and walked to his truck. He followed. I climbed into his truck and turned my face to the window, too tired to stay awake for the short drive and not willing to start the awkward conversation that would surely come. He didn’t make any indications that he wanted to talk and I silently thanked him for that.
The drive back home was over before I knew it and soon we were standing inside my apartment. I took out two bottles of whiskey for him and put them on the kitchen table.
“I’m gonna change. Back in a sec. Help yourself.”
He hadn’t moved from his place in the doorway. I didn’t know if he heard me or not but decided with his hearing, he must have. He was staring at me but I ignored him. I took out the blankets and pillow I always used and laid them on the couch. I knew where I was sleeping tonight.
I walked into my bedroom and put on my comfortable grey sweats. I was about to put on my shirt when I suddenly felt him behind me. I could feel the heat radiating off his body, warming my bare back. His hands lay heavy on my shoulders and his face was pressed in my neck. He slid his hands down my arms and breathed in deeply. He twirled me around. His eyes were closed. I knew what to do. I closed mine.
His hand gripped the back of my head, holding me in place and the other hand cupped my lace-covered breast. His thumb flicked over my nipple. He pushed me softly on the bed and crawled on top of me. My arms lay by my side. I didn't move.
He pushed the straps of my bra off my shoulder, baring my breasts. His mouth moved from my neck to the swell of my left breast, leaving a slightly wet trail. My breasts were tender, my body preparing itself for the milk our baby would drink. But I didn't feel anything. When his tongue circled my nipple, I didn't push my chest into his face. I just lay still.
He had never been like this before. Not that I could compare or anything. I had only been fucked once. Because that's what it had been. Logan fucked me that night. He didn't make love to, he didn't have sex with me. We fucked. It wasn't about sweet whispers, gently caresses and candlelight. It was about needs. His need to be satiated. His need to be comforted in the only way he knew.
But somehow this was different from that night. Instead of getting right down to business, he took his time. Tasting my skin, playing with my breasts, sucking on my nipple. I should have been feeling good. Isn't this how it was supposed to be? But I didn't. My mind was blank. I didn't feel anything.
He must have noticed because his mouth left my breast. His shirt brushed my nipples as he moved over to me. I knew he was now right above me but I couldn't open my eyes. Knowing if I did, his fantasy would be destroyed when he saw brown eyes instead of green eyes. His breath was warm on my face, his body heavy on mine.
"Marie?"
He whispered. I shook my head. I didn't understand. This wasn't what he wanted. Why couldn't he just get it over with and roll over so I could sleep on my couch?
"Marie."
He whispered my name again. I slowly opened my eyes. I didn't look at him. Instead, I choose to look at his hairline. His hair was too long, I noticed. Some strands of his hair were nearly touching my face.
"Marie."
I lowered my eyes and met his gaze. He was frowning. Was I doing something wrong? I didn't understand. His hazel eyes bored into mine before he lowered his head and brushed his lips against mine. I froze. That was the moment I knew I had to get away. I raised my arms and tried to push him off me but Logan saw it as an act of passion and with a moan, he pried my lips open and pushed his tongue inside.
I bit his tongue. Hard. With a muffled curse, Logan pushed himself up on his arms.
"What the fuck?" My arms finally free, I used them to push him of me and he tumbled on the floor.
"Marie..."
"Get out."
"Marie, I-"
"Get out! NOW!"
“Just let me-”
“I don’t care what you have to say. I want you out of my room now! GO!”
Logan looked at me from his place on the ground. His face full of hurt and pain. I didn’t care. I just wanted him out of my room. If I could see myself, I would probably laugh. My breasts were bare, I didn’t feel the need to cover them up. Small bump peeking out from above the waistband of my sweats. Yelling at the gruff man sitting on the floor. But I didn’t laugh.
Slowly, he stood up and with a last look at me, closed the door of my bedroom behind me. I stormed into the bathroom and looked at the furious woman in the mirror that resembled me. I didn’t feel like crying. I was just angry. I took off my small amount of make-up and put on my shirt. I slipped into bed and pulled the covers over me. I didn’t know where Logan would sleep tonight. I knew he hadn’t been home since Jean died but I doubted he would return now. He was probably on his way to a bar right now. He could sleep on the floor of that bar, for all I cared. Those were my last thoughts before my dreams claimed me.
Logan slept on the couch that night.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Lyrics are from the song "Sorry" by Lene Marlin.
I spoil you too much, I'm doing daily updates now!
This is a really long chapter and quite exhausting for me to write. I hope it all came out the way I wanted.
I got attacked by another bunny while I was in the shower yesterday. (What is it with bunnies and showers?) The result was this really long chapter.
Backbone Bunny makes an cameo at the end of the chapter. Then Angst Bunny locked him in his cage and threw the key away.
Let me know what you think and how to continue. Please review!!
I spoil you too much, I'm doing daily updates now!
This is a really long chapter and quite exhausting for me to write. I hope it all came out the way I wanted.
I got attacked by another bunny while I was in the shower yesterday. (What is it with bunnies and showers?) The result was this really long chapter.
Backbone Bunny makes an cameo at the end of the chapter. Then Angst Bunny locked him in his cage and threw the key away.
Let me know what you think and how to continue. Please review!!
Chapter End Notes:
There are various guest performanes by people who reviewed. See if you can find them all! I tried to put in as much people as possible.
Let me know if you want your name removed.
What the kids did with Marie has actually happened to me. I just had to write it, it was too cute to ignore.
Apologies to everyone who's named Debbie. It's nothing personal.
I'll try and see if I can get another chapter up this weekend but don't know if that will happen.
Let me know if you want your name removed.
What the kids did with Marie has actually happened to me. I just had to write it, it was too cute to ignore.
Apologies to everyone who's named Debbie. It's nothing personal.
I'll try and see if I can get another chapter up this weekend but don't know if that will happen.