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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry I took so long to update!
I had a crazy week! Next chapter will be up this week. Promise!
Hugs and kisses to my wonderful Beta Alana!
I hope this chapter clears up some things. Next chapter will explain more and If things still aren't clear, do tell and I'll try to explain them!
Lyrics are from the song "Decode" by Paramore.
"The truth is hiding in your eyes
And its hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood,
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are
If you're a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out on my own"
Decode - Paramore


I wasn't able to go to sleep after Logan left. I couldn't stay in that room, so I moved to Jubes' room, but every time I closed my eyes I could see his eyes, full of confusion and shock. His back swallowed by the trees.

I stared at the ceiling of Jubes' room. I tried to analyse what happened earlier. I remembered his murmering. What was he talking about? Or against whom? Was he talking to me or did he think he was talking to Jean?

"I'm sorry, Jeannie. I never meant to hurt you. It just happened. I'm sorry, Jeannie. Please, forgive me. I'm sorry."

It was Jean's name he said. No doubt about that. His nickname for Jean had always been a stab in my back. She belonged to another man. A man who loved her dearly. Who loved her more then anything in the whole wide world, and she equally loved him back. Until he was gone and she needed someone else whose world evolved around her. And that person had been Logan.

And why would he refuse? She had been the object of his affection since he met her. She was the woman where I was the child. I couldn't compare to her. He finally had what he was after and then she was taken away from him. I was the substitute for him when she was gone. Did he come to me tonight for comfort? Just like he did the night she died?

But tonight was different from that night. While I was giving him comfort, he was giving me pleasure. Unlike the night our son was conceived. Where the only pleasure was the one he was receiving. I didn't even orgasm. It was almost funny. I lost my virginity that night and I didn't even orgasm!

A giggle started in my stomach and for a minute, I was laughing. My laughter bounced off the walls into the darkness of the room. Suddenly frustrated, I threw the covers away and stood up. I couldn't stay here any longer. The scent of sex was heavy in the empty room and made me feel trapped. Silently, I walked out of the room and went downstairs. Maybe some tea would help me.

The lights in the kitchen were on, and for a moment hope flared in my chest, mixed with fear. I took a deep breath and stepped into the kitchen. Hank and Ororo were sitting at the counter, steaming mugs in front of them, hands intwined, foreheads touching. Quitely whispering with each other. They looked up as soon as I walked in and I felt like an intruder. I was about to step out of the kitchen when Hank called me.

"Rogue?"

I turned around again and let a small smile touch my lips. Hank and Ororo smiled back and eased away from each other a little, but their hands remained entwined. Ororo poured me a cup of tea and set it on the counter for me. I murmered a quick "thanks" and reached for the cup. I gripped it with firm hands, trying to let the tea warm my whole body, instead of just my hands.

"What happened? On the mission?"

I had to know. Because what happened on the mission, obviously had quite the impact on Logan. Hank and Ororo shot each other a quick look, obviously not expecting the question. My gaze darted between the two of them. Finally, Ororo sighed and looked at me.

"We came across the Brotherhood during the mission. Apparently they heard about Scott and Jean's death and thought we wouldn't show. Logan was assigned to deal with Sabretooth, but instead he ran into Mystique."

Mystique was there? With Logan? I could almost guess what happened next. She had changed into Jean and Logan had been unable to fight her.

"She changed into Jean."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I was right. Jean had always been his weakness.

"What happened next?"

Ororo firmly gripped Hank's hand and he saw it as a sigh to take over from his fiancée.

"He just stopped fighting as soon as he saw her. He let her beat the hell out of him. None of us were able to help him. We were all having our own problems. I lost sight of him, but when it was all over Mystique was dead and Logan wasn't any better."

By now, I was holding my cup so tightly, I was afraid it would break. It was now clear to me. Logan had to kill Mystique while she was still disguised as Jean. He had watched himself kill the love of his life. His murmering suddenly made sense to me. He was apologising to Jean for killing her. Even if it hadn't really been her.

I set my cup on the counter and looked outside to the woods were Logan had disappeared. He came to me after the mission for comfort. For proof that he was still alive. For proof that he hadn't really killed her. Only to find her gone and me in his bed. But what happened tonight was different from all those other times. He wasn't just thinking about his own pleasure but also about mine. He had responded to me where before, he didn't. He had ackowledged it was me, not her. He had looked into my eyes.

I didn't understand. And the only person who could make me understand was out there. Once again, all alone. I opened the kitchen doors and walked towards the forest, towards Logan.
Chapter End Notes:
Read, Rate & Review!
Also, I'm looking for a story in which Logan goes to Rogue for a one-night stand, she says it's ok, he sleeps with her again, Rogue says Emma Frost likes him, he should sleep with her, Logan sleeps with Emma, realises he's in love with Rogue and goes to her again. If anyone knows what story it is, please let me know. I've been looking for it for ages!!
Thanks again!
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