Matter: To Change Or Not To Change
(And)
Alchemy: Fair Exchange
Light dapples on the carpet, the corner of the bed. I run my fingers up and down Marie's back, lazily, memorizing the contours of her spine. She is asleep now, curled up on my chest, innocent but completely debauched. A beautiful combination.
I'm not tired, not at all. Just...supremely relaxed. Satisfied.
Watching Marie, I feel an intense, engulfing pride. I feel like throwing back my head and roaring -- but she would wake up, and it would be difficult to explain. I can do anything. I could kick a mountain into a pile of dust. I could skip across the Great Pyramids. And there's something else, a compulsion to possess and protect. It's such a- such a unique feeling. If I had a year to read all those fancy books in the library, maybe I could describe it to you. As it is, I only have one word in my vocabulary that comes close....warm.
She's got freckles on her lower back. They must have always been there, because I can't imagine Marie standing topless lately in the sun. Her nipples are more pink than brown and when she sleeps her lips twitch, as if laughing in her dreams.
I'll always remember her like this.
At least, for as long as I live.
But right now I can just lay here, take her in. No reason to get up any time soon. No reason at all. The smell of sex hangs in the air, the only perfume I like, coating everything like a thin blanket. Marie has a smear of pinkish blood on her thighs, and The Wolverine urges me to lick it off. I'll settle on a shower with her.
Yeah. Yeah, that'll be fun.
So many things I want to try with her. My mind entertains itself with a flurry of suggestions. I want to taste her. Yeah, that's gotta- that's gotta be on top of the list. I want her upright. I want her from behind. Against the shower tiles. Yeah. Against the wall. On the carpet. Outside...
I'm so unfathomably happy. Excited, like a young child. I can't wait. I can't wait.
But I don't shift, don't wake her. Keep tickling her back. Up. And down. Up. And down. Let her rest.
My body says it's about ten o'clock when Marie stirs. She blinks, rapidly, and then her eyes drift shyly up to mine.
"Hey, beautiful." I smile.
She grins with delight. "Hey." So happy. Marie stretches, making drowsy sounds of pleasure. But I do not miss that flinch, slight as it may have been.
"You hurt?"
Marie shakes her head quickly. "No. Just...sore. A little bit."
Her blush is adorable.
I roll over, kiss the tip of her nose. "A little bit?"
She giggles. It's not the hyena-squeak I've come to associate with most teenagers. Who'd have thought I could enjoy girlish laughter.
But the sounds Marie makes turn serious, and even better, when I slide my hand between her legs.
"Reckon I could do something about that." I tell her, gently the kneading the muscles of her thigh and moving up, up. She licks her lower lip.
Oh yeah.
******* {Logan} *******
Just like that, my whole body goes tense.
******* {Logan} ********
I wince. Chuck's little Brain-Com hurts.
******* {Logan, I need to speak with you. Immediately.} *******
His voice is cold, and hard. Shit.
Marie's rubbing my arms, trying to get my attention. Her lips move; she's saying something- but somebody has turned down the volume.
***** {Right now, Logan. I must insist.} ******
Oh shit.
I push my self away from Marie and sit up; she does the same, puzzled and confused.
"Logan?"
My foot gets caught in the covers. I untangle the sheets, maintaining a litany of curses in my head. I tug on random items of clothing, from my drawers and the floor. Their cleanliness is uncertain.
"Logan, what is it? What's wrong?"
I turn back to the pretty brunette in my bed, awkward.
"I've...ah...gotta go talk to the Professor, Kid." After a second's hesitation, I brush a kiss across her cheek.
I shut the door behind me on Marie and her bewildered eyes, ignoring the uneasy sensation in my chest.
"I am surprised...."
I've never seen the Professor angry. Even now, his voice remains level; his skin stays the same unflushed white. It's impressive. But it would be lunacy, stupid lunacy to call this man calm.
"....highly disappointed in your actions."
Xavier bites off each carefully-scripted declaration, as if struggling to contain himself. His eyes are narrow and there's a charged undercurrent to each word- apparent to even non mutants.
"Bought to my attention..."
And there's this scent, almost frantic.
"...must understand, this behavior is unacceptable."
I have the feeling Ol' Chuck's greatest worry is losing control over a member of his X-team.
"...no restrictions on your activities in your free time, outside this mansion..."
Jean sits in the corner, one leg crossed primly over the other. Strange look on her face- both gloating and wrathful. But she doesn't add much to the conversation, merely sits nodding her agreement with Xavier.
"...but that policy of blindness does not extend itself within this school."
We make a strange triangle, the three of us. I am separated from them by a desk and a wall of contempt.
"I thought you had more control."
I sit in that chair, responding little and talking even less.
"I understand you may have certain...urges, but there are boundaries you simply cannot cross. Rogue is a child. she may look like an adult, act like an adult, feel like and adult, but She. Is. A. Child. Rogue may be too fond of you to say no, too immature to fend off advances from a person she holds in such high regard. But that doesn't give anyone leave to abuse that respect. I know you care about her, Logan. I know that you would never....knowingly...harm her."
The inflections Xavier places on that word is not accidental, or mistakable. And his voice hitches, becomes intentionally uncertain about my desire to hurt Marie.
"So you know this cannot go any further. It must end now. Think of Rogue. She is happy here. She has a future. A - a sexual relationship now could jeopardize her education, her confidence, her well being now and in future relationships. You don't want that."
He's - he's right. I don't want that.
"You absolutely must restrain yourself, Logan. Be the honorable man I know you to be. Now, I am not asking for your resignation-"
"Professor," interrupts Jean, for the first time. "Please excuse me, but I disagree. We cannot allow Wolverine to remain at this school, in the presence of so many vulnerable young girls."
"This is an exceptional case, Jean. I do not believe the other children are in danger. If they were, I-"
"But Professor!" Jean leans forward imploringly, serious. "Is it worth the risk? i mean, we've always known he does not have the same moral code as normal individuals-"
Xavier clenches his jaw, and I understand. If he were the only telepath in this place, I would not be sitting her now. Not this morning, at least. Chuck is happy to ignore...indiscretions, for the sake of peace.
His team. His fucking team.
"I trust that Logan-," he begins.
"But-but Professor! That's just it. He cannot be trusted. Not with people. Not with girls. Not with children. He is a rap-"
"Jean!" Xavier snaps, warningly.
I am clenching the arms of the chair. Splinters in my palms; I'll pick them out later. I'm furious, and something else.
No mirror necessary to know I have gone pale.
Chuck and Jean stare at each other, words I cannot hear passing between them. Her lips are a thin line.
"Now, will you excuse us?", Xavier requests/orders. And the doctor stands, storms out of the office in a sophisticated, perfumed rage.
The mahogany door closes and Xavier looks at me. Suddenly his manner is confiding, tolerant. Father-And-Son-Just-Between-Us-Guys.
"You don't have to leave," he coaxes. "You can keep your room here, your position. Rogue will be fine. It's the best thing for her. You see that? We'll just...we'll take her out of your training class, alright? Rearrange her schedule, so you two never have to run into each other. Remove temptation, hmmm? I can do it."
I'll always be tempted by her.
I leave Xavier's office feeling dazed. My heartbeat is not quite normal and my surroundings seem too bright. My boots thump against the rugs, although I am walking quietly. In the front hall, I pause. There's only one end to this. There's only ever been one.
I think about Marie. I wonder if she's still in my room. I look at the exit, and think about taking off and never coming back. About not saying anything to anyone. But I know I can't do that. Not yet. I can't leave unprepared this time, with only the shirt on my back. I won't. But I do walk out those doors. Errands to run.
"How can I help you, Sir?"
"I'd like one of those."
"Those? Alright, sir, which one would you like?"
"That...ah...that one."
"Are you certain?"
"Yes. I am."
"An excellent choice, Sir. I'll get it ready. Would you like it now?"
"Yeah."
"And how will you be paying?"
"Cash."
An hour later, I pull up that paved driveway in the pickup, the new trailer. They've got the same shitty paint job as my last ones, but a little bigger. From the back I unload Summer's bike, for the last time, and push it into the garage. I consider stealing it, but not seriously.
It was never mine.
With an intake of breath, and a quick check of my resolve, I head inside. I'll be on my way soon, back on the road I'm used to, after I collect the few things that belong to me.
"Yo- yo Wolvie!!"
Son of a bitch. At the bottom of the staircase I turn. I am not in the mood to deal with Yellow today.
But Jubilee appears all the same, popping a truly enormous bubble of gum. Yellow spandex and a Greenday t-shirt. For God's sake.
"Excuse me?", I bite out. Jubilee has earned a black belt in Irritating, and she never hesitates to show it off. Especially when I'm around.
"Sorry. Mr. Logan Sir."
"What do you want, Jubilee?"
She twirls a stand of her hair. "Rogue's lookin for ya."
Oh.
"Where is she?"
"In her Den Of Solitude, la bedroom de Rogue-y."
I swallow, nod a curt thanks, and proceed up the stairs.
I take my time, counting the steps, noting swirls in the wooden boards that look like eyes. My heart is fluttering and I'm sweating. I need a shower. I'm worried, nervous. How will she react? Will she take it badly? What will she say? What will she do? I don't want to hurt her. I never wanted to hurt her.
Gotta remember that.
Second floor. Mostly empty; the majority of students are downstairs. I missed my class, of course. But I'm sure Chuck took care of it. Funny, I'll actually miss teaching. I'll miss my students. They were starting to get good, or at least lose some of that abominable suckiness.
My legs feel weighted- more so than usual- as I walk down the hall. Last door. Steel myself. Knock.
I don't wait for the handle to turn, or a voice to say Come In.
She's leaving the bathroom. Wet hair, fresh clothes. Marie smells clean and floral and so- so *mine* that it's hard to focus. But I have to. I have to.
A happy, relieved smile. Just for me. Just like last night. Pink cheeks, a special glow impossible to replicate. Girl-Now-Woman.
Oh, god. God.
"He-ey." I stick by the door, hands shoved deep in my pockets. Perhaps something about this stance is familiar, tips her off, because Marie keeps space between us. She stands by her desk. I can see it's against her will. The girl's half-trembling with the compulsion to come hug me.
"Logan." How can she say my name like it's a blessing? "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, Kid. I'm okay." It's awkward, standing so formally apart from each other. I ache for her.
"Did you get in trouble with the Professor?"
Jesus. I can do this. Just- just do it. Say it.
"Kid, I'm...I'm leaving. I have to go."
Marie freezes, staring at me. Wide eyes, uncomprehending, like I've just slapped her. Kicked her. Shot her. I watch her cheeks lose color, like they've been drained.
I clear my throat, steady myself. I can do this. I can do this.
"I'd like my tags back, please."
It's like watching a vase shattering, though Marie barely moves. It's all behind her eyes. Her lips are trembling uncontrollably, and she's shaking and she's hurt and I'm hurting too and I know I know I know I know.
I pull my hand out of my pocket, pull out the satiny block.
Offer it to her. A small, green, box.
"You can...ah...have this instead. If you want."
And Marie is looking at that box, looking at that silver band inside and she's crying now and she's crying hard. But she's smiling and nodding and saying yes, yes, yes and she's in my arms and - and-
And there was only ever one end to this.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Whew! I wasn't sure that I'd finish this story by today, because I was struggling with one scene all week. But this story is finally complete,and I can check the "Yes" box. Ten chapters! It's the longest fiction I've written so far, and I don't believe I'll add an epilouge. Ten is a nice, round number. This chapter is shorter than I expected, but I'm reasonably satisfied with it. For the last time, enjoy. ;)
Chapter End Notes:
I'd like to thank, once again, all you beautiful reviewers. I wouldn't go so far as to say this story absolutely wouldn't have been written without you. That isen't true, but I'd probably been stuck on the fourth chapter right now. There is definately something special about people who take the time to give feedback. Thank you. You have made these weeks of writing very enjoying, even when I was fighting past Writer's Block. And I would love to hear your thoughts on the end of this story. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
The End. :)
The End. :)