The morning flew by. In the last 6 hours Rogue had gone to get coffee, had a sit down breakfast in a diner, went and got a pedicure, bought herself some new clothes, got Draven a Batman action figure and some new pjs, and now she was browsing around at the Super Wal-mart in town.
Lazily she walked up and down the isles trying to think of things that she needed. She stopped in the make-up section. It had been a while since she wore anything other than cover-up to make the dark circles under her eyes disappear. Maybe a little eye-liner, some eyeshadow...ooh perhaps a lip gloss or two... Shit.
"Ah really gotta think 'bout datin' again." She muttered under her breath, a lot louder than intended.
A woman who looked like she was in her mid 30's was toward the end of the isle, looking at compacts. She looked up. "I beg your pardon? Were you talking to me?"
Rogue flushed in embarrassment. "No no... just trying to convince myself that Ah needta start dating again..."
The lady smiled. "I had to give myself a pep-talk when I had to get back out there to look for Mr. Right. Hell I'm still looking for him. I have tried for the last year and have only gone out on about 10 dates. It's hard when you're a mom trying to pay child support and take care of yourself."
Rogue nodded in agreement. "Mah son is 3. Ah'm a single mothah. The fathah left meh about 4 years ago an' Ah ain't heard from 'im since. Ah highly doubt he even knew he left meh pregnant."
The woman held her hand up to her mouth in disbelief. "Oh hunny, I'm sorry to hear that...My name is Barbara by the way." She walked over and extended her hand to her.
Rogue took it eagerly, her skin under complete control. "Mah name's Marie." It slid out. It was just so easy. The only people who knew her real name was her family, everyone she left behind when she became the Rogue, and of course...Logan..
"It's nice to meet you Marie." Marie. It sounded so nice coming from someone who didn't know anything about her. She didn't feel the need to hide who she really was. Rogue was such an alias that came with all of the discrimination; all of the burden of being a mutant.
"Nice t' meetcha too Barbara." A genuine smile flashed over her face as she removed her hand from that of her new acquaintance.
"Do you live in the area?" Polite conversation just transitioned easily into getting into a little more personal.
"Yeah, actually Ah live about 15 minutes away. In Wes'chester." Marie's attention was brought to the woman's attire. Something casual, navy blue jogging pants and a pale blue blouse. the look complimented her own sense of casual Sunday shopping. She made note of her own clothing: Faded well worn jeans, a black tank top and one of Logan's old green flannels that was unbuttoned. Well, Barbara may be dressed more acceptably than herself, but comfort on a Sunday like this was key.
"Oh, I've been there before. The scenery is great."
"Yeah, it's pretty beautiful." Marie turned and started looking at different shades of eye-shadow. Maybe she could get a nice shade of green to match her eyes... People always told her she looked smashing in green. Was it because she was just pale enough? Along with her dark hair and her brilliant green eyes how could the gal not look good in such a great color?
"What are your plans for tonight?" Barbara asked the question out of the blue. Perhaps it was more polite conversation.
"Oh ah wasn't doin' nothin' special. Mah friends said they'd look after mah son fer meh all day so Ah could get some things done and so ah could go out." She took her cell phone out of her pocket and glanced at the time. 1:27pm. "Ah still got about 7 hours of free babysittin' time t' do whatevah ah need t' do. Been shoppin since 'bout 7:30 this mornin' an' ah'm really just here t' waste a little time and get a few things while I have the chance."
Barbara nodded in understanding. "Well... I don't do this very often, but because we have similar life situations, I was thinking that maybe tonight you would like to join my friends and I for a drink tonight? We were just gunna go grab a martini or something and chat. Hoping to meet a decent guy or two. We'd love it if you came to chat!"
The sudden invitation threw Marie off guard, but hey it's not like you meet women in similar predicaments. Especially not when you get cooped up in a mansion with several hundred mutant students and a child to raise. Shit. When was the last time that she even went out to a bar for a drink? Let loose? Damn. Today had been the most relaxed that she had been in over a year! Like any other single mother who's working, she deserved a life too right?
"Ya know what Sugah, Ah'mma take ya up on that offah. Ah could use a few drinks to end my relaxation day." Marie grinned.
Barbara's face brightened up and her eyes gleamed the same amount of enthusiasm. Lemme give you my cell phone number and we'll discuss the details later tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15 minutes later, Marie had purchased her items and was driving home. Her thoughts started to get away from her...
~Ya know, Ah ain't had sex since the last time that Logan stormed out and then Ah found out Ah was pregnant. That fuckin' sucks. Ah can barely remember what it feels like. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Ah need ta quit mah whining and go out an' do somethin 'bout it. There is no reason for Logan ta return. He has nothin' here anymore. In his eyes, Ah wasn't a worth while reason fer him staying, so why the hell would Ah be worth comin' back fer? Maybe Ah'm not worth it.~
Tears start to develop in her eyes, but she held them back. She was tired of crying.
~Ya bein' ridiculous Marie. Ya worth crossin at least 6 oceans for. You're a Mommy. Everything Draven has. Ya are the world to another human being who relies on you for survival, for guidance; if that isn't worth nothin' than Ah dunno what is.~
She thought about her energetic son and a smile couldn't help but spread across her lips. There was no doubt in anyone at the Mansion that the Rogue loved her son more than anything else in the world. There would be no limit to the protection that boy had. Not only does he have a mother who is willing to die for him and do anything within her power to save him, but he has hundreds of mutants that would help him in an instant if he was in trouble. It's always been comforting to know that she wasn't alone with Draven. She may feel emotionally alone because she is a single-mother, but physically there are tons of people around willing to help her.
~Fer the last 4 years Ah've been waiting. No, Ah've been hoping...that he would just come back randomly and everything would fall into place. We'd be like we used ta be. In love. And he would fall in love with his son and we can be a happy family, just being together an' lovin' each other. Well Marie, it's been 4 long God Damn years. It's time to move on. Even if he was to come back in a year or so... why wouldcha take him back? Ah may love him, but Ah ain't a damn doormat that he can choose to step on an' off whenevah he wishes. Ah still have a little dignity left.~
"From this day forward, no more hope. No more wishin' fer him t' come back and be the gentle misunderstood man Ah use' ta believed he was. Ah'm gunna start goin' out an' finding Draven a real father. Someone who can love my son and Ah without having the urge to abandon us. Ah deserve that. Yeah Ah do." Her words echoed through the vehicle. They were full of enthusiasm and a passionate yearning to move forward with her life. Just as she finished saying 'Ah do', ironically enough she started pulling into the lengthy gravel driveway to Xavier's school for the gifted, entirely oblivious for the scene that awaited her inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After parking in the garage, she took the shopping bags upstairs. After such a relaxing day, she just wanted to get into the shower undetected. The mansion was alive with kids downstairs playing games in their rec room, watching Tv, or in general them teasing each other. It was the usual ruckus to be found on a Sunday afternoon. Wanting to avoid the brunt of it all, Marie took the backstairs that lead almost directly to the teacher's wing. All she had to do was take the elevator on the side 2 floors up afterward and *BAM* she would be home free and 25 feet from her door.
The only sounds were the slight rustling of the bags she was carrying. Quickly and with cautiousness she opened the door and silently closed it behind her. Breathing a sigh of relief when the room was empty she walked over to the bed and dropped the packages. Shrugging out of the clothing she wore all day, her legs brought her to the bathroom in her white bra and black panties. There was a song that she had stuck in her head that she was dying to hear again. It played on a radio station a year or so ago and Rogue could't help but go out and buy the album the next time she went to town.
It may have been sorta small but it did what she wanted it to do. She opened the hatch, saw the CD and closed it again, impatiently pressing play and searching for her song. Out of habit she put in on repeat. The gentle riffs poured from the speakers. A sense of relaxation hit her in waves that almost instantly made her sleepy. Turning up a volume a few decibels, the relaxed Rogue walked over to the bed and started taking everything she bought out of the bags. The items she bought for Draven she put on the end of the bed, so that when he walked in, he would instantly see them. After she met Barbara, she made her way over to the women's underwear section and picked out a few sexy thongs and a couple of colorful lace booty-shorts.
"Wear one tonight?... Don't mind if Ah do." She muttered to herself before she turned her actions on automatic and concentrated on the song by Black Label Society, her voice carrying on with it.
Living, fighting, obsessing
Just as long as I can share it all with you
Yesterday, today, tomorrow, come rain, come shine
Hell and back, the beginning in between till' the end of time
All that shines turns to rust
All that stands in time turns to dust
A twisted smile came on her lips as a brightened feeling of understanding washed over her. That was exactly how she had felt about Logan. She hadn't cared about all the negatives about his personality. All of his drinking, smoking, womanizing, the rage that ate him from the inside out; all of it. She hadn't given a damn. She just wanted to be with him. And the bitter truth of all of it was that every shining thing she loved about him recently died within her. All the emotions. All the pain and pleasure she had received from their relationship was dead. Rusted over. The shiniest metal in the world oxidized, never to be polished again at her realization that he was never coming back. Acceptance was all that she had, the acceptance that it was over and that she had her little boy as a reminder of what she thought love was once. Pfft. Love. You never walk out on those you love. Deep caring and infatuation as a naive teenager.
Real love was shining in her son's eyes every single time he uttered the word "Mama." Real love was knowing that she was the universe to her child. Mother is God in child's eyes. If there was anything that she should have hope for, it would be that her son would always love her.
Any feelings of hope that she had for Logan to come back died this morning. It had taken her 4 long years to realize that she was better than that. That she could move on from Logan. He had probably moved on a long time ago. The concept of Logan with other women always hurt her deeply, cut her at her very core, but now she felt numb. Even the word 'Logan' in her head had become numb. It was a sick indifference that she had known was coming. Now that it was here, it was a relief. Marie would rather feel devoid of any emotion than live through all of the pain of the last 4 years being alone all over again.
She laughed to herself weakly and twisted her arms behind her back, undoing the little metal clasps of her bra. It fell to the floor with a soft 'thump' on the dark tile of the bathroom. Bending over she slipped out of her panties and kicked them over to her bra. Ritualistically she pulled back the see-through glass door to the shower, turned on the water nozzle and adjusted the temperature to her liking. The glorious liquid cascaded onto the drain loudly, the song continuing on over the sound of the rushing water. Her delicate fingers pulled up the metal tab from the faucet and the water bursted out of the shower-head. The sight of it was intensely inviting.
One foot raised as she stepped into the bathtub, deliciously warm water poured over her left shoulder as the other foot followed suit. One quick motion of her body and the water ran over her head. Marie instinctively closed her eyes and began to relish in the liquid heat that seeped into her skin and warmed her to the bone. You never really appreciate the simple things in life until life throws you a curve-ball. If something so simple as warm running water could make a girl's day complete, who the hell needs a man?
After a few minutes of luxuriously drenching herself in the water, she finally gave in and grabbed her bottle of shampoo. Pouring a huge palmful into her hand she started lathering her long hair with the cleansing product. Over the last 4 years her hair had grown almost a foot and a half and was nearly to her butt even after she had cut it a few times. It was still magnificently thick despite how much hair she sheds when she brushed it or when she showers. Once more she had dipped her head beneath the shower-head, to wash away the last 24 hours of grime and tiredness from her hair. Once all the suds were gone she reached for her new favorite conditioner. Draven had giggled hysterically 6 months ago the first time she had gotten out of the shower with her hair smelling like ripe peaches. He had grabbed her wet hair and declared, "Mommy smells yummy!" and proceeded to stick her wet hair into his mouth. Rogue laughed in the shower at the memory and slathered her hair in the conditioner. As she reached for her neutral scented shower gel and the loofah, she started to sing the lyrics of the song again despite the fact that this was it's 3rd time playing.
"As above, so below
But you ain't no fool and honey, I'm damn sure that you know
Yesterday, today, tomorrow, come rain, come shine
Hell and back, the beginning in between till' the end of time..."
Washing her body slowly, her hands running over almost every self-visible surface, she continued to sing, without a care in the world, putting her vocals to the test.
"All that shines turns to rust
All that stands in time turns to dust"
The song gently descended into its ending once again and she had began the process of rinsing her entire body to rid herself of all the body wash and conditioner bubbles. Being fully successful in her act, Marie shut off the water and pushed down the metal piece to release it's excess directly into the drain. She opened the fogged up shower door allowing steam to escape, grabbed a medium sized towel, rubbed her face to absorb unwanted water droplets, carefully stepped from the shower onto the black rug in front of the toilet, whipped her hair forward and girlishly wrapped her wet hair up in the towel she was holding. When she straightened her back again, not only was she still dripping wet but she had what looked like an over-sized turban on her head. Without another thought she turned away from the door and leaned into the shower to turn the water on again to give the tub a good rinse-down and to collect her hair from the drain.
Out of habit, she had left the bathroom door cracked open so that she could shower and yet still hear Draven if he needed her in the middle of the night. Very rarely did he ever need anything and even if he did, he knew better than to barge into the bathroom while mommy was in the shower. If he wanted something her little man would normally get out of bed and say 'Mama?' through the door. Old habits are hard to kill.
When she finished rinsing the tub out she turned the water off again and turned back around to throw her lost hairs into the trashcan on the other side of the toilet, the last thing she expected was to see a very impatient, mildly pissed off, mildly aroused, and mildly drunk Logan staring at her exposed body from the now fully open doorway. Turban and all.
~If only the father was as polite and considerate as mah son.~
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know I know, I have been a very naughty girl who has had a serious case of "Fucked up life syndrome" and an even more serious case of Writer's block. I'm sorry if I have lost the patience of my readers... but I have a feeling that since you guys are always supportive, that you would forgive me. I will definitely be writing up a storm in a few months during the summer. I PROMISE.
Ermmm... right Chapter notes...
In order to get the fill effect of the song she listens to.. look it up on youtube it's a wonderful song. And the tone is perfect.
~~ (Rogue's thoughts.)
Enjoy guys :)
Ermmm... right Chapter notes...
In order to get the fill effect of the song she listens to.. look it up on youtube it's a wonderful song. And the tone is perfect.
~~ (Rogue's thoughts.)
Enjoy guys :)
Chapter End Notes:
I hope you all liked it :D PLEASE Give me feedback!