It takes 10 minutes to calm my baby boy down. I have my arms around him as I sit on the window seat. His head laying on my left breast with his thumb in his mouth. In the glimmering moon light he looks more like his father than I have ever realized. Dark brown almost black hair. He has Logan's chin, nose and eyebrows. My green eyes and soft white skin. Draven even has his father's temper.
The other night he was tired more than usual. I had taken him to the zoo and he missed his morning nap. After a long day of fun and teaching him about the different kinds of animals there were he just about threw a fit at bedtime. Jubilee took him upstairs for me so I could make a cup of tea and Draven just about ripped a chunk out of her hair. hearing Jube's cries of distress I ran to the staircase and picked up my son. I apologized to her and took him to our room. He was thrashing around violently and crying at the top of his lungs so getting him in there as quickly as I did was not an easy thing to accomplish.
"Draven James! Calm down Sugah... ya gunna hurt yaself!" The name came out sterner than I hoped but my voice eventually softened. His cries went down several decibels. The tears didn't stop though.
I set him sitting up on my bed so I could grab his Pajamas. I turn my back on him and go to the dresser, pulling out a little back T-shirt, a clean pair of underwear and dark green pants.
"Mama...Mammmma!" I turn around to see the tracks of tears on his pink little face.
"What's wrong baby? Mama knows ya tired. Ah'ma get ya int' ya pjs!"
Playtime. That boy loves playtime. I walk over to the bed and take off his little shoes. His white socks to tempting not to touch. My fingers start tickling his feet and he giggles through the sobs. I tickle his tummy and he falls backward on the bed in almost hysterics. His laughter has always been the sweet music to my ears. I bend over him and kiss his tear stained cheek before blowing a little raspberry on it. I continue trying to distract him from his bad mood as I undress him and put his clothes on.
He's only been potty trained for a year and a half. That was another hellish thing to go through but she was thankful for it being over. "Ya gotta go potty? Go potty!"
He silently crawls off of the bed and walks over to the bathroom, stopping at the miniature toilet. After doing his business he returns with his hands raised to me.
"Didcha wash ya hands?"
"Nope." He says with a devious little smile.
"Ah see. How 'bout if Mommy helps?"
"Okay Mommy."
Back into the bathroom he goes and I follow him. Lifting him onto the sink I put his hands under the faucet and push the top to the soap down, it magically turns into foam. He loves that and laughs. The tears are gone. His face is back to soft white. We wash his hands and I reach for the toothbrush and he shakes his head.
"No." He says stubbornly and crosses his little arms over his chest. God he's so much like his father.
"Draven." I raise an eyebrow and look at him as if he has no other option. After a 3 minute stand-off he gave in and brushed his teeth.
I tucked him into his little bed.
"There ya go hunny. Snug as a bug in a rug." I make a funny face and he laughs again. "I love you baby."
He yawns and runs a little hand over his mouth before answering. "I lub you too Mommy." It melts my heart every single time. I stand up and kiss his forehead.
Now I sit on the window seat, my son sleeping soundly on top of me. I take him back to the bed, cover him with his soft blankets and kiss his forehead again. He moves around and settles on his right side.
I love him with all that I am. I would instantly give my life for him. And Logan doesn't even know he has a son.
Tears that I have been holding back for weeks rise and I crawl, clothes and all, into what was once our bed. Silently they roll down my cheeks. This was so unfair. Why should she be the only one caring for him? Logan should know that he has a boy... one that is so very much like him. He should be able to have as much love for their child as she does. Draven needs a father. Sure the Professor, Hank, Kurt, and Scott are always willing to be around. They are father figures to him. But he needs his father. His real one.
I need his father. My tears are coming so fast that I have to clutch the pillow tightly to my mouth to stop myself from sobbing out loud. I'm doing this alone. I am alone. Yes, I may have help from my family here in the mansion. But emotionally I am alone. Physically at night I am alone.
I wish you were here. It hurts so much to see someone who is so much like you grow a little more everyday and not have you here to share in the experience. I love you Logan. Why won't you come back?? I'm here... I'm always going to be here...
As exhaustion finally consumes me, my face is still covered in tears and as is my pillow, I start to mutter to myself. "Please come back to me Logan... Ah love ya... Please come back..."
Darkness consumes me.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Marie and her Motherly skills :)
Chapter End Notes:
Better than the last?