He wasn’t the most reliable person in the world, but he had lost too much in this last battle, caused too much pain to others and to himself to further ignore the ache in his heart. He really had loved Jean. He could have coped with her having chosen Scott over him, somehow that is. After all she would still be alive, would be here with him, telling him that in the end the good guy would take the girl home. That fateful day he just wanted to save her, protect the one he cared for. But he failed miserably. Not only he failed at the attempt to save Jean, HE was the one to end her existence with his own claws. In his mind her beautiful face appeared pleading with him to end her misery.
Shaking his head to clear it from the heartbreaking memory, he brought his car to a halt in front of a cheap motel adjoining a bar.
After the funeral he had left the mansion, saying just a quick goodbye to Rogue and took off with Cyclops’s bike. He was too shaken up and heartbroken back then to talk to the other girl he cherished and cared for.
But time went by, healing his scared heart little by little, just his guilt welled up more within him with every passing day. His mind shifted from the depressing memories of Jean more and more to thoughts about the girl he would have given willingly his life for. Guilt nagged at his very soul, not the guilt about taking Jean’s life – this one would never leave and added some more nightmares – no, it was his guilt of leaving Rogue behind in all of that mess.
Two months had past till he couldn’t bear it any longer and returned to the mansion. A part of him wondered if she had taken the cure and would lie in the arms of Bobby– somehow he didn’t like the idea, though he wanted Rogue to be happy. A part wanted to talk to her, making sure she was alright. And another part simply missed her. It was then that he had learned about Rogue’s abrupt leave only two weeks after his own. She had indeed taken the cure, but instead of encircling her with his bare arms that IceCube betrayed her with one of his kind. Storm helped the Professor to get used to his new body at that time and the school and the kids were her second priority. So the gossips didn’t stay behind Rogue’s back for too long and she was faced with rejection by her own kind – her former kind.
Logan was furious at first, wanting to pierce his claws through the boy, who had broken his Rogue’s heart and didn’t protect her from accuses of the other children. But he knew better than to kill someone else. “Shit!” He cursed. After all he had promised Rogue to take care of her. And he wasn’t there for her back then when she had needed him. But as said before he wasn’t the good guy or someone to rely on – since making social bonds had just added new scars to his already injured soul. Running away, being independent was his way of life, but somehow it wasn’t when it came to Rogue.
His visit to the mansion didn’t take more than a few hours. With Rogue gone the large house didn’t feel like home anymore. So he left once more with a picture from her school file in his jacket and began to ask his way from the train station in Westchester.
He was angry with himself for leaving Rogue and shortly clenched his fists when he stepped into a dark bar that night. His hopes to find her were almost reduced to nothing after a month long search and just out of habit he showed her picture to the bartender while ordering a beer.
But to Logan’s surprise the man behind the counter didn’t shake his head. Instead he inquired: “Whadya want from ‘er? You ain’t a cop? Knew the kid would bring problems!” Startled Wolverine felt impatience build up inside his body. “Cop? Do I look like a fuckin’ cop?!” he snorted disbelieving then the last sentence dawned on him. “You know her? Where is she?” He demanded his claws almost ripping through the flesh of his knuckles.
A moment past till the other man turned around and called “Marie!” to the room that was a small kitchen and also a storage room.
“Ah’m on mah way, Barry!”
His heartbeat sped up when Logan heard the sweet voice of his Marie, though it wasn’t that sweet at all. It sounded annoyed, stressed and somewhat tired. But that didn’t matter at the moment.
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Carefully Rogue carried three bottles of booze in her arms, when she entered the main-room of the bar and came to a sudden halt the moment her eyes fell on the tall dark haired man leaning on the counter. Her breath caught in her throat and their hazel eyes locked. Time seemed to run in slow motion as she placed the bottles on the wooden counter and rushed over to the man in the worn leather jacket. She barely heard her boss. “This guy was askin’ for you. You know him?”
The answer on this question was a tight embrace of the young woman and the older man. “Logan.” Was the first Rogue whispered while he held her close and stroked her bare back of the neck and her naked arms with his ungloved hands. “Ah thought Ah’d never see ya again!” Somehow she managed to hold back the tears of joy that threatened to well up in her bright eyes.
Before breaking away a little Logan placed a kiss of relief on the top of her head. “Promised to return, kid. Just you were the one who weren’t at home when I returned.” A light tingle of anger rang in his voice.
First she wanted to avoid his glance, but found herself unable to break the eye contact with her secret love. “Ah’m sorry, Logan. Ah just…. Ah just couldn’t bear it any longer. Their disapproving glares and all the whispering beh-.”
“I know. I’m sorry, kid, I wasn’t there for you.” Carefully he tugged her white strain of hair behind her ear. “It will be fine now.” He promised, not letting go of her bare skin knowing how much she had yearned for the simple sensation of someone touching her.
The bartender took in the scene before him as did the few bikers in the bar. “Marie, is he your boyfriend, or what?” Noting the age-difference of the couple.
The pair finally broke their tight hug facing the other man while Logan slung his arm around her shoulders. “No.” The young woman looked startled for a moment. “He is just a friend.”
“Whatever…. Fetch a beer for your friend.”
Rogue left his side to obey her boss’s order, but her wrist was caught by Logan’s strong grip. His dark glance roamed the smoky room with its already drunken customers before meeting up with the bartender’s eyes. “She’s nineteen.” He simply stated. Rogue’s eyes widened and her bright smile faded.
The other man cursed under his breath. “She said she was twenty-one.” Then he faced Logan with a serious expression. “Hey, pal I don’t wanna have trouble! Just take ‘er and go!”
“That’s just what I’m gonna do.” Wolverine tightened his grip on the now angry and struggling Rogue pulling her towards the exit.
“Stop it, Logan! Let go off me!” Rogue tried to open his hand in vain. “May Ah at least fetch mah jacket?!” Suddenly he stopped in his tracks and turned around facing her. He mustered the young woman’s face, noting her tightened chin and her piercing glance. “Hurry!”
When they finally left the bar Rogue boiled inwardly. “Thanks, Logan. It was really hart to find a job in this town! Whatcha thinking?! Ya show off out of nowhere and turn my life upside-down!” She was furious with him.
“Your life?! You deserve much better than to work in such a fucked up place!” He yelled back looking hard down on her.
The starring contest went on for several moments until the girl finally sighed. “Whatcha doing here anyway, Logan?”
The tensed atmosphere lightened up a little, a small smile crept onto the mutant’s features. “Was lookin’ for you.” Carefully he pushed the white hair strain back behind her ear. “I missed you.”
“Ah missed ya, too.” Smiling back Rogue placed her hand on his chest. “In truth, Ah intended to go back to Canada, to where we first met.” She paused a moment. “Ah wanted to look for ya.”
This confession warmed his hurting heart, but then an uncomfortable thought crossed his mind. “Hitchhikin’ is a really stupid way to travel for a woman. You don’t have your powers anymore! God, I don’t wanna imagine what could have happened!” Now he was yelling at her again.
But she defended her ground, crossing her arms before her chest. “Ah know that! Ah’m not stupid!” What did he think she was?! Still a little girl?! “THIS job should give me enough money to take the bus to the north!” Immediately she noticed the relief in his eyes. She couldn’t be angry on him for long; after all he was worried about her. “What are ya planning now?”
“Dunno. Taking you with me on my trip. If you like?”
“Really? Ya would take me with ya?” Rogue hugged Wolverine tightly laughing happily. “Ya know Ah always wanted to travel, see different cities!”
“I missed that smile of yours.” He grinned down on the brunette. And that scent of you. He added in his mind taking a deep breath.