With the soft click of her door, Rogue closed it and pressed her back against the door. Her chin lifted to the ceiling and her eyes closed. Sighing loudly she started muttering to herself.
"Ya can d' this Sugah. Marie, ya can get through today... even if ya heart gets shattered."
In order to try to shake her fears away she shook her head violently as she pushed herself away from the door. Exhausted, she kicked her shoes off and pulled back the covers of her bed. Within moments she had snuggled herself into the covers while not even bothering to put on more comfortable clothes. Her eyes flashed to the digital clock on her nightstand. 8:57pm. Not as late as she thought it was.
[Ah can't deal with this now. Ah'll wait until tomorrah t' come up with a plan-."]
{Sleep well Darlin'.}
[Thanks Logan.]
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A graveyard could be a beautiful thing as you watch the sunset rise. The light seems to glean on the top of every single headstone. The headstones being the only reminder that the dead had to the living. Rogue was gracefully walking through the rows, looking over each phrase carved into each one of them. A sadness that she had never felt before settled into her bones as she saw a familiar headstone. One that had dead flowers in a vase next to it. 'Ororo Monroe'. She couldn't stop herself from reading the phrase outloud.
"Such a beautiful life, sucked away."
The next was Hank McCoy's.
"Drained of everything meaningful."
Another. Jubilation Lee.
"Diminished youth."
As she continued to walk down the lengthy plot line she saw another friend's headstone. And another. And another. All of the descriptions in reference to some sort of absorption of their life force. The last one in the long row of graves was the one that shattered her the most.
" 'Logan'. Loved by the woman. Died at the hands of the Rogue."
Her heart was metaphorically ripped from her as she fell to the ground. Not Logan. No. It wasn't possible. How could she be the one to have killed the man that she had always desperately loved? It couldn't be true. It just couldn't. Her tears spilled heavily down her cheeks as she stroked the letters L-O-G-A-N. Heartbreak couldn't possibly get worse.
Suddenly she was standing in a peaceful meadow. Marie was surrounded by flowers of all different types. A light breeze blew; it lifted tendrils of her hair and she closed her eyes to relish in how good it felt. Until the realization that she was alone kicked in.
"Where is everyone?"
She looked around. Not a soul was anywhere within screaming distance of her. A loud noise crashed within her head. It sounded as if someone had thrown something excessively heavy into a wooden table. Several voices were talking.
"How could you do that to me Rogue?" Jubes' voice was something just below a scream.
"Chere... Why Chere? Wasn't Remy nice t' you?"
Bobby's voice was filled with anger. "Was it because I couldn't stand to be with someone like you? Is that why you killed me???"
"You know what Rogue? You never should have come to the mansion. You were nothing but a pathetic teenager who ended up taking the lives of innocent people. You don't deserve to be a mutant." 'Ro's words stung as though she had whipped her with a metal chain.
"AH DID THE BEST AH COULD! AH DIDN'T MEAN IT! AH'M SORREH!"
Logan's rough tone was enough to make her die. "Sorry doesn't give our lives back Kid. Nothing ever will."
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Marie woke up. Her body was shaking, her eyes letting tears of despair and sorrow wash over her face, she had broken into a cold sweat. There could have been nothing more that she could ever want to do than to run to Logan's room across the lengthy hallway, enter his room, crawl into bed and cry to him... but she didn't feel welcome in there anymore. She didn't belong there. Hell she no longer belonged in the mansion. She wasn't a mutant anymore. So what the fuck was she doing there?
Sure she had no home to run to. Little to no money. No family who accepted who she was. And now no real friends. But the one thing she did have was her drive and independence. There was one final option. She needed to get out of the Institute. Nothing and no one was keeping her there, except for maybe Logan.
Logan changed. Since she had come back from getting the cure the only time that she had any contact with him was on the roof. The look in his eye told her that he was a changed man. Nothing would ever be the same in his eyes as long as his precious Jean was no longer in his life. Marie knew she could never fill Jean's perfect shoes. She would never get the place in his head that she always wanted. And now she knew that there was nothing left to do but accept that.
Rogue flung her sheets away from her body and quickly got out of bed. Her shoes were on her feet in no time and she was grabbing a suitcase from under her bed to remove all of the things that she held dear to her from her room. Certain favorite items of clothes and scarfs, a few books, a small jewelery box that used to be her mother's, an extra stock on necessities and a few gifts that she had acquired in the last 3 years. She had zipped the suitcase shut and grabbed her lengthy green coat to put it on. When she was about to turn away from the room that she had lived in for the end of her teen years. Next to her bed, on the wall, was a small framed photo that was taken over a year ago. Her and Logan were in the Blackbird, it was the first time that she had gotten to suit up in the X-gear. He had tossed a camera to Kurt and pulled her close so that she could have a memento to cherish. Slowly she picked it up and took the picture from the frame. In doing so, she hadn't realized he wrote on the back of the photo when he framed it.
'I'm always gunna be there for you Kid. No matter what. -Logan"
Tears formed around her eyes as she flipped it over. Her fingers gently stroked the picture, right over Logan's handsome face.
[Ah'm so sorry Logan. Ah can't let you be here for meh.]
She tucked the photo into the breast pocket inside her coat and pulled out a pad of paper from the bedside table. Grabbing a pen she started to jot down a quick note. One that was meant for one person and one person only.
Marie, finally ready to go, picked up her duffel bag (Which hadn't been unpacked yet from arriving this morning), threw it over her shoulder, grabbed the handle to the suitcase and silently made her exit from her room. She didn't dare to look back at the room. The last thing Marie needed was another emotional string to realize that she was still attached to.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The light slam of her truck's door and an engine starting was the last sign of Rogue being at the mansion. In her heart, she knew that she was leaving for good and she would never come back.
Her last thoughts as she left the garage were of the note that she had left in the picture frame that held the picture of her and Logan.
'Logan, I wanted to thank you for everything that you have done for me. The things you taught me will stay with me every single day, for the rest of my life. I'm sorry to say that although we tried very hard, it's just not going to be enough. I no longer belong in the mutant world. You will forever be in my heart. -Marie'
The parting words for the man who held her heart in his hands, never hurt more than when they were replayed over and over again in her head.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
These chapters are going to get better, I promise.
~* -Memories/flashbacks
[] -Marie's thoughts.
** Logan's thoughts
{} -The Logan in Marie's head.
~* -Memories/flashbacks
[] -Marie's thoughts.
** Logan's thoughts
{} -The Logan in Marie's head.