Chapter 8
Mare sat huddled into the wall trying to vanish into it, trying her best to be invisible. If only she had a useful mutation that could make her vanish or like that girl in her class...Kitty yeah that was her name, now her mutation was useful. She could walk through walls, doors...anything really.
And what do I get. I get to suck people dry just by touching them.
She had been half way through her morning maths class with Storm when she had the eerie sensation of someone being in her head. It wasn't Logan – who had been complaining about how boring the subject was.
"Its times like this that make cage fighting look damn appealing", he had commented dryly while she was trying her best to concentrate.
It had not been David who had seemed to have vanished thanks to the presence of the two stronger mutants.
And it was not Erik who had been picking apart Ororo's teaching techniques and formulae. Marie actually found the whole thing pretty amusing which made concentrating even harder.
"You may laugh my girl but she is ruining your mind," he had snapped in mock annoyance and Marie had nearly burst out laughing when an image of him jumping up and down in a childish fit of annoyance and pulling at his hair had flitted through her mind.
"I resent that", his voice had brushed through her mind but held a hint of amusement even though he was laughing at his own expense – something that she could not imagine the real Magneto doing in a hundred years.
It had been during this exchange that she had felt the slight shift within her mind, only a second before the professor's voice had filled her senses.
Funny, until Logan and Erik I would never have known if someone else was in my head or not.
"Rogue could you please come to my office, Ororo already knows,"
Her gaze had immediately jumped from her notes to her teacher who had smiled faintly and nodded her head. Not wasting any time she had quickly packed her work away and left the room – receiving more than one curious glance from the other students.
Marie knew that they thought she was strange. Viewing her as somewhat of an oddity since she hardly spoke or interacted with anyone other than the teachers and Logan. She couldn't help it. Even at home she had not been much of an outgoing person and then when her mutation had manifested itself she had shelled herself up - protecting herself as best she could. And now she had the added strain of what was going on within her mind. Though both Logan and Erik were getting better at staying quiet she still had the constant buzzing of memories that weren't hers within her mind. It was almost as though her brain was trying to file them away and in order to do so had to play through them all to put them in the right category. Because of this she could not stand loud noises or much chatter only just managing to make it through her classes. If Logan did not come to her to help her sleep she had no doubt she would be crazy by now.
Three weeks.
It had been three weeks since the first night that she had sobbed all over him and now he slept in her room every night.
She blushed at the thought. She had a fair idea of what the many female students thought of their new self-defence teacher - having overheard more than one discussion on the subject - and was more than aware that if any of them ever found out that she spent every night in his arms she would gain herself a lot of enemies (either that or a lot of friends).
She shook her head at the idea though the blush continued to stain her pale cheeks a deep red colour. If they ever did find out, none of them would realize just how much she would give to be able to sleep the whole night through by herself. She hated being a hindrance to the man who had already helped her so much. Not to mention it made her feel like a three year old.
After the night he had spent with her when he had been released from the infirmary she had tried her best to avoid him. He had left her room pretty early and she had had plenty of time to think over what had happened and she was mortified by the whole thing. She was so glad that he had been nowhere in sight when she and Scott had gone to breakfast that morning. Her hopes of avoiding him had been short lived however as he had strode into her line of sight just after she had made herself comfortable at an abandoned table while Scott and Ororo got their breakfast – there was another two people whose lives she had disrupted.
And so had begun a terrible day of trying to avoid the one person in whose company she felt at ease and...Safe.
She had gone to her classes and stayed silent as always - the teachers knowing better than to try and draw her out. She did the work assigned – with a little help from Erik who loved the chance to exercise his thinking abilities, and then she would leave. She sat silently at dinner and she sat silently through study time.
When she had gone to bed that night she had finally thought she would be able to sleep properly, thinking that maybe the worry she had felt over Logan had been the cause of her sleepless nights. She was wrong. She had known a few minutes of blissful rest when her mind had filled with green lights and barbed wires. Men bearing guns and needles. Gas chambers and metal, liquid filled tanks. She cried out in terror as needles broke through her skin and her lungs filled with water...or was it something else.
Marie had bolted awake, tears and sweat running down her face, the images still fresh in her mind and she had darted straight for her bedroom door and across the hall to the bathroom. A shadow had registered in her mind as she shut the door but she paid it no attention. She was sick repeatedly and all the while helpless sobs tore through her body.
It wasn't fair! She had slept fine the night before when Logan had been with her. Why couldn't she sleep now when she needed it?
She leaned her head against the cool side of the bath and breathed, still crying violently as she gulped air into her lungs.
"Shh baby you are all right. They are only nightmare, nothing else," Logan soothed in her head.
Since when do you call me baby? She asked him tiredly, her mental voice not registering quite so many of her sobs, though it was still strained with effort and sleep.
Logan gave the impression of being shy which did not really sit right with his appearance.
"Well you are so small and well...mm...breakable looking...yeah that's it. So 'baby' seems to fit darlin'," he replied by way of an explanation stuttering and tripping over his words.
Marie could only nod at his rushed explanation as she stood shakily up from her bent position and she started the tap, running warm water into the sink, sighing deeply.
She stared at her reflection in the mirror above the sink. Her hair was a mess, her face was drawn, and her eyes were bloodshot and swollen.
I look terrible.
"Personally I like the bed head look," Logan's cheeky remark filled her mind and she felt a blush begin to spread up her face from her neck. She knew that he was only trying to make her feel better but she could not stop her reaction to his words.
"Leave the child alone, she does not need your comments," Erik's calm and mature tone washed though her mind, reminding her a little of the calming effect her grandfather had had upon her.
"What, it's cute," Logan chirped in before going silent.
"Are you all right Anna," he asked her gently and she felt as though someone had put their arm around her – supporting her.
"Anna? Listen here Mr, her name is Marie or Rogue to you," Logan snarled at the other man.
"Actually neither. You don't get to call her anything," he added, shouting angrily at the older man.
"No Logan. I don't mind, honestly," she told him quickly splashing her face with water, it wasn't often that anyone called her that and she liked the idea of the two in her head being able to call her by names very few in the outside world did.
Logan continued to grumble moodily to himself as she quickly dried her face and made her way back to her bedroom. She closed the door quietly and sat back on her bed.
She knew a few seconds of peace before the images began to assault her mind again and she felt both Logan and Erik begin to worry within her mind as her panic grew.
"Darlin' calm down. Breathe deeply you are going to have a panic attack if you don't,"
"Child try to think of something else,"
Nothing worked. No matter how hard she tried to push the dark and terrifying memories of the two men away from her mind they would not budge but only seemed to strengthen in force.
She felt her breathing begin to get out of control and felt her throat close as she struggled for breath. She clutched at her stomach, trying to hold herself together as the feeling of flying apart filled her. She tried to drag air into her lungs but nothing was happening. The men in her head were still trying to help her calm down but nothing they were saying was helping.
Then she felt strong hands grip her shoulders and she opened her eyes to look into the face of a very worried looking Logan. A very solid, real looking Logan.
"Finally, he took his own sweet time in getting here..." Logan and Erik continued to insult the real him within her head and Marie thought it was strange that he had started to refer to himself as another person.
She gripped at his arms; he was her lifeline grounding her when she needed it. And she needed it right now.
"Lo...Lo...Lo...gan," she managed to gasp in between erratic breaths feeling guilty for dragging him from his room but glad that he was with her all the same.
"Marie calm down. Just breath darlin' OK," he told her, his concern coming through thick in his voice.
"This guy is a genius. Idiot! What do you think she is trying to do? How about you try some useful advice," Marie caught bits of speech through her panicking mind from her mental Logan.
"Well he is you and you are not too bright..." Erik replied and the conversation drifted away as she tried her best to drag more air into her struggling lungs.
As she felt her heart beat slow down and her breathing became steadier she released the death like grip she had had on Logan's arms.
I've gone and disturbed him again. Why can't I make it through one day without putting someone's life on hold? I made it for eight months alone for goodness sake and now I can't even make it one night. I'm pathetic.
"That's it sweetheart, you're doin' good," Logan's voice washed over her making her feel safe and secure.
Sweetheart...Mum used to call me that.
She finally made the effort and released his arm completely feeling stupid and a hindrance. She noticed that he was wearing a long sleeved shirt and was thankful for this. She did have her gloves on but it made her feel a lot more secure when others were covered as well as herself.
"I'm sorry Logan. Did I wake you up?" she asked him quietly feeling nervous and silly. Why couldn't she just sleep normally like every other teenager in the mansion? She fixed her gaze on her lap, twisting her fingers together, not wanting to see the look of annoyance that would undoubtedly fill Logan's eyes.
"Nah, I was awake anyway," the flippant and carefree manner of his answer was not the answer Marie had been expecting and she could not help but smile slightly.
At least I didn't wake him up.
"I thought that after last night I would be able to sleep," she explained and she quickly stole a glance at him only to look quickly away again when she saw his own eyes resting intently upon her.
"I wouldn't have tried otherwise," she finished lamely her voice loosing strength.
Good going Marie. Like he cares. Stupid girl.
She got no reply and an uncomfortable silence filled the room, But she didn't care he was here and the madness within her mind was starting to still, not entirely but enough for her to be able to focus on other things apart from the nightmare images. Erik and Logan were still arguing about something but that was really no big change.
"...'sweetheart' what right have you to – Wait. What is that supposed to mean?"
"Yeah we don't always fight,"
Suuurre you don't, Marie decided to go along with them, if they didn't mind the weird thing they had going on then who was she to interfere.
She had gotten so caught up with the voices in her mind that she did not notice that Logan had moved until he got of the bed to leave.
No. No. No. No. He can't go. He has to stay. He has to stay with me longer.
Without even thinking she lurched forward and grabbed his arm with her hand trying to keep him with her. His gaze darted to her and realizing what she had done she released him as quickly as she had grabbed him.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
"Sorry," she mumbled quickly looking down at her lap again.
Of course he doesn't want to stay. The last thing he wants to deal with is a teenager who is falling apart. I hardly even gave him a chance when he gave me a ride. And now I am forcing myself into his life. This is not good.
"Marie, why don't you just ask him? He won't be mad," her mental Logan reassured her, pausing in the middle of a rant to Erik.
How do you know? She asked him childishly, feeling that she had already mortified herself enough for one day.
"Darlin' he stayed last night didn't he. And you are kiddin' aren't ya? He's me," Marie was never one for violence but she really wanted to wipe the smug look right of her mental Logan's imagined face.
Well here goes nothing.
"Just...just don't go...please," her voice came out small and quiet as she tried to hold herself together. She was desperate. His presence somehow made her mind calmer almost like normal and she needed that feeling right now.
She felt her heart leap in her chest when he gave her a heart stopping smile and sat back beside her, taking her hand in his own. She was amazed at how large his hands were in comparison to her own.
"I'll stay as long as you need me, kid," his words filled her soul with light and happiness and she could not help but smile at him as she felt the panic of him leaving her drain from her body.
Once the euphoria of him staying with her faded away the awkwardness of the situation registered in her mind.
What to do, what to do?
She concentrated on their joined hands while trying her best not to blush – she had heard some of the girls talking about him that day and knew that any of them would jump at the chance to be in her place.
Marie began to trace the bones in the hand that she was now cradling in her own. No stranger would ever know what was lying beneath the surface of his skin. The memory of the hidden blades going through her chest flitted through her mind as she continued to move her fingers gently and slowly over his.
"You know that you are the only one that asked,"
What?
She raised her head from her study of his hand and focused on his face.
"Asked what?" she smiled at him, he had spent last night with her and now he was sitting with her and though she had nearly killed him with her touch – twice – he hadn't once flinched away from her.
"If they hurt or not,"
Oh that. Well they looked sore.
"Well it seemed like a logical question," she told him quietly not knowing if her asking him that had been a good thing or a bad thing. She had only been in his truck for a matter of minutes and had been trying to act with a confidence that she did not have. That included being cheeky.
They spoke for sometime of everything and nothing, shifting at some point until both of their backs were against the wall. Marie ended up resting her head on his shoulder not feeling any shyness at all and she fell asleep listening to his deep voice and steady breathing while still tracing his hands.
Marie had hoped against hope that she would not be an annoyance any longer to him after that night but it did not happen. The following two nights she was woken by the strength of her nightmares and Logan came to her in both cases. She found that she could only sleep through the whole night – well...in most cases anyway, when he was with her. She found that she was liking it as well which was surely a very dangerous thing. Logan was a loner. He would get the itch to leave eventually and then all she would be left with would be nightmares.
She hated needing to rely on people. She hated being needy. She hated being in the way. She hated not being able to pay those people back who helped her. But she loved the safety that falling asleep in Logan's arms gave her.
It was not until one night during the second week when Logan had began to moan in his sleep, waking her up, that she had been able to become of use.
She had felt his grip on her waist tighten and could feel his heart beat thumping violently against her back and his usually deep, heavy breathing became quick and panicked.
She did not know what to do. The last time this had happened she had been stabbed and had nearly killed him. But then she had not gone to him until he was pretty far into his nightmares. She turned around in his arms until she was facing him and edged up the bed until she was half laying, half sitting against the wall and her shoulder was at his head. With his arms still wrapped tightly around her it had not been too difficult for her to draw his head to her shoulder.
"Don't you even think about it darlin'," her mental Logan warned her, anger and worry lacing every word as it brushed at her mind, "Just get away from him, he might hurt you,"
Erik no doubt already knew that there was no point in arguing with her so he settled for threatening to turn Logan into a human puppet again if he hurt her. Marie thought the whole thing was weird since in the flesh Erik had killed her in his machine.
She tried to tune out the bickering pair in her head and she began to thread her fingers through the real Logan's hair, trying to soothe him in the same way her mother had when she was little.
His restless movements began to stop before they had even had the chance to begin and the sounds of distress coming from his throat died down.
"You're fine Logan, it's only a dream," she crooned knowing nothing else to say. She knew that it was not only a dream but his life that he was reliving and the past definitely had a way of ruining your future.
"Marie," he panted, his voice alarmed but still thick with sleep.
She smiled at him and nodded her head. He was the only one who knew her name in the whole mansion and she loved it when he called her by her given name.
"Hey sugar, the one and only," she whispered trying to sound light and flippant though it was the last thing that she felt like. She wanted to scream at the injustice of it all.
There was no conversation between them that night. He had put his hand on her waist and gently turned her around until she was in the position she had been in before. She closed her eyes and sighed in contentment as she cuddled against him, gripping the hand that was wrapped securely around her waist. She began to trace his hands again with her fingers and she felt him chuckle slightly as his chest moved.
"Thank you, Marie," he whispered hoarsely and she felt him press a light kiss to the top of her head her hair protecting him from her skin.
"Any time Logan," she told him snuggling deeper into his embrace.
Yes everything had been going fine.
Logan would come to her room when everyone else was asleep and he would stay with her until as late in the morning as he could, often leaving for his own room at about five – in a building full of people some of whom were ridiculously early riser it was better to be safe than sorry. It was not that they were ashamed of what was happening but it seemed to be a part of their unspoken arrangement. Marie knew that their relationship would be frowned upon but she knew that she would not be able to survive without him. Maybe at some point in the future. But not now. Not yet. He was her rock. With him she could have about six hours of undisturbed sleep a night – depending on when the last person went to bed. Some nights she still had nightmare despite the fact that he was there and he would just hold her as she cried into his chest. On nights like these sleep was usually impossible and so they began to ask each other questions.
Logan's very first question had been to tell him anything. He had not specified what; just that she was to tell him anything. So she said the first thing that came to her mind.
"I hate onions," she had blushed so hard that she thought she was going to set the bed on fire like that Pyro boy in her classes. She could feel Logan's laughter vibrating through her body as his chest began to rumble.
"Well at least I know not to order that on a pizza," he laughed tightening his hold on her – though she still held his hand with her own.
"You sure do," she answered lightly deciding to go along with him and try to forget all her problems. And so the night continued. Marie found that because of his lack of memory her questions were limited but it did not stop her.
So they continued to ask each other questions most nights whenever a nightmare woke either of them up and sleep became impossible.
There was nothing wrong with what either of them had done. Logan had never made her feel uncomfortable or tried to take advantage of her and yet here she was trying to block out the noise coming from the argument that was dealing with that very idea.
The noise coming from the two men and the others in the room was assaulting her senses and then when Erik and Logan began to make their opinions known she thoughts she was going to go mad. She slammed her hands over her ears and tried to make herself as small as she could.
Why can't they just leave us alone? She screamed in her mind. They had been doing nothing wrong. Only sleeping and talking, nothing questionable or bad.
The conversation inside her head continued and all the while she pressed her hands tighter and tighter over her ears. There was too much noise. Too many voices. She delved deeper into the conversation taking place within her mind trying to get as far away from the shouting as she could.
She felt something land on her knee and looked. It was a hand.
The noise filling the room had stopped.
"Come on sweetheart you need to talk to me,"
Logan...
Marie looked up slowly and saw him crouched in front of her, his eyes filled with worry.
Logan...
"That's it baby," he whispered to her and Marie recognised the endearment as one that her mental Logan used.
She reached out a shaky gloved hand and traced his face gently. She ran her fingers along his forehead and down his cheek. She knew that she confused him whenever she did this – which was usually every morning – but she was reassuring herself that he was well and whole. She was tracing the very places where his face had opened up when she had taken his mutation.
"Logan," she sighed – why was talking so hard so suddenly? "It's too loud, too many voices,"
I sound like such a baby but my mind is on fire, she thought desperately but she knew that Logan would look after her. That had been the one thing that he had proved over the past weeks. He was always there for her.
"I know baby, I'm sorry. We'll all be quieter now," he told her softly and his words cooled her mind.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, she repeated over and over in her mind as all noise in the room stopped and only the sound of breathing could be heard.
"That's it baby, just breath, no one will talk until you are ready," Logan soothed within her mind as she fell into the open arms of the Logan in front of her, shuddering against his chest as she tried to concentrate on keeping herself together.
"I'm sorry Logan," she spoke into his chest, his arms holding her to him and rocking her slowly on the floor. For a minute there was only the two of them just as it had been every night for the past three weeks.
"I didn't mean to cause you trouble," she finished, closing her eyes and resting her head against his shoulder.
She could feel his gloved hands stroking through her hair and did not want to have to give this up. He was the first person to show no fear of her since her mutation appeared and she did not want to lose him. But she also did not want to get him into trouble or make things difficult for him.
"You didn't Marie," he whispered above her head.
"He's right there Marie, it is other people and their problems that have caused all the trouble. They're not willing to try and understand and so jump to conclusions that they have no right to," Logan announced within her mind as he all but growled it at her.
"As much as I hate to agree with him, he is correct child, and if he did not help you sleep at night you would become very ill. If these do-gooders cannot recognise this for what it is then it is them that are at fault, not you,"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Logan sat propped up against the wall watching Marie sleeping peacefully within his arms as he thought about what had happened in the professor's office.
He had to admit that Scott did have a point with his argument and if Logan was any other man he would probably have need to be concerned. But he was not. And the very thought that someone had even considered that he would take advantage of Marie in anyway had been enough to spark his anger. He had tried to keep it together and speak as steadily and quietly as he could – knowing how loud noises effected Marie – but it had became impossible as Scott continued to hint at all kinds of things with his dripping words. Logan actually felt proud of the fact that he had left the guy in one piece because the way they he was going he was blatantly asking to lose a limb.
When he had seen Marie curled against the wall, her hands pressed against her ears his heart had nearly broken and his anger had evaporated.
The vacant expression in her eyes when she lifted her head from her knees had worried him. He had seen her like this on some nights when her nightmares had been worse than usual and she had told him that it was when the guys in her head were trying to calm her down and get her to come out of her head. He hated it. And though their bodies were close he felt as though she was as far away as she could be. At a place where he could not reach her until she wished to come back to him.
Hope had filled him when her small hand had came towards his face just as she always did when she woke up every morning. He blocked out the four people watching them and concentrated entirely on the broken girl before him.
She had finally came back to him and the glazed look had cleared from her eyes.
When she fell into his arms he did what he did every night when she woke from a dream and held her close and tightly, rocking her in his arms. He did not care if there were others in the room.
Let them watch and see what conclusion they jump to this time, he thought savagely a part of his mind thinking that Xavier would more than likely have heard him.
When he heard Marie's muffled apology into his chest his anger had flared to life once again. He had wanted to help her...no, needed to help her. In little under a month she had became his life – damn it did any of them think that he would get himself stuck teaching kids if he didn't have a really good reason - and he would do anything in his power to help her and if that included going through this then so be it.
Once Marie had calmed down enough they had both climbed to their feet and Marie had tucked herself into his side in a public display of affection that neither of them had shown before, always keeping their daily contact to a minimum. He wrapped his arm around her and held her close, knowing that if he didn't she would think that he didn't want her. She put her small hand over his own that was resting on her hip. She was still far too thin for it to be healthy.
He read the faces of the people watching them. They all appeared to be in shock.
He could also smell the pungent scent of jealousy coming Jean and his gaze had swung to her.
What does she have to be jealous over? She's engaged! Sure I flirted a little but come on...
It was then that he realized that tough he had found the red headed doctor very attractive the wolverine within him had not really made a connection with the woman. No, only with Marie. Never before had he felt this connection before.
He had seen Charles throw him a curious glance and had quickly cleared his thoughts trying to concentrate on the matter at hand.
Everyone was quiet and if he hadn't been able to smell the anger coming from Scott and a little from Ororo he would have thought what had passed before had never happened.
They had talked for some time and had reached an agreement much to Scott's annoyance. Logan could tell that the others in the room were not too happy about the decision that was reached but there was nothing that any of them could do about it. This was Marie's benefit so they could all stuff their morals and fine principles up their -
"Logan..."
His thoughts were cut off when Marie shifted against him burying herself deeper into his side and wrapping her arm around him tighter. He stroked her hair softly.
"Shh I'm here darlin' everything is fine," he crooned gently trying to lull her back into a peaceful sleep before she woke fully.
"Don't leave me..." she cried softly clutching at his shirt and screwing it up between her fingers.
"Don't let them, please," she continued and Logan felt his heart break for the second time that day. She was dreaming about what had happened in Xavier's office.
"I'm not going anywhere darlin'," he whispered shifting down the bed and wrapping his arms around her securely while she curled into his chest, sighing in relief.
"I'm not going anywhere baby,"
The Wolverine & Rogue Fanfiction Archive
Barely Legal Since 2000
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi. Sorry its been so long since I last updated.
Chapter End Notes:
Hope you enjoyed. Please let me know what you think. I will try and get the next chapter up ASAP
:)
:)